TO: Col. John Sheppard
FROM: Dr. Carson Beckett
RE: Infirmary Discharge Summary
DISCHARGE DIAGNOSES (ICD-9-CM):
Retrovirus, unspecified (079.50)
Unspecified transient organic mental disorder (293.9)
Metabolic encephalopathy (348.31)
Dermatitis due to other specified substances taken internally (693.8)
Contact with or exposure to unspecified communicable disease (V01.9)
Unspecified viral vaccine, adverse effects (E949.6)
INFIRMARY LENGTH OF STAY: 24 days
DISCHARGE HOSPITAL COURSE: The patient is a human male in his mid-thirties with a past medical history significant for Iratus-bug bite, medically-induced cardiac arrest, and multiple exposures to ionizing radiation, who presents with multi-system organ failure following exposure to an experimental retrovirus. The patient was exposed during an altercation with a young female Wraith who had self-administered the agent. Initial symptoms of the viral infection included rapid wound healing, increased speed and strength, sexual disinhibition, and a carbuncle-like skin eruption. Analyses of blood specimens revealed an exponential increase in viral particles over the first few hours; this was accompanied by a rapidly progressive rash and altered mental status. Therapy with generic viral inhibitors was initiated, and appeared to temporarily slow the cognitive decline. However, as the patient's condition continued to deteriorate, the decision was made to use another experimental therapy (Iratus-bug larval stem cells) to eradicate the original infection and reverse the subsequent morphological changes. The first attempt to obtain the stem cells was unsuccessful, and in the interim the patient became paranoid and aggressive. He was sedated to the point of coma until it was noted that he was expressing bug pheromones in his sweat. As a last resort, the patient was allowed to wake and undertake a second mission to collect Iratus-bug eggs. This time, the egg collection was successful and an appropriate genetic therapy was created. Although the clinical response to treatment was slow at first, the physical and mental changes reversed themselves over a period of several weeks.
The remainder of the patient's stay was largely unremarkable, with the notable exception of his newly-enhanced ability to annoy the hell out of the Chief Medical Officer. After the first week, the patient felt well enough to get out of bed and ambulate around the infirmary. He then displayed a remarkable talent for getting in the way of staff attempting to perform routine tasks. Subsequent days were filled with whining, complaining, and requests to "get out of this prison."
On multiple occasions the patient (bloody idiot!) did in fact attempt to leave the infirmary against the orders of the Chief Medical Officer. He enlisted the aid of several others, including the Chief Scientist and two of the engineering staff (Rodney, Radek, and Eldon, who have all been suitably chastised). When these attempts were unsuccessful, the patient resorted to sitting on his bed, playing a guitar that had been smuggled in to him, and singing prison songs. The quality of the vocals will be left to another communication, but suffice to say that the rendition of Folsom Prison Blues did not go well.
After 14 days a program of infirmary furloughs was initiated, to preserve the sanity of both the patient and the CMO.
DISCHARGE MEDICATIONS: None
DISCHARGE TO: Anywhere but here.
DISCHARGE CONDITION: In one piece... for now.
DISCHARGE DIET: Would you please eat something? Anything! You're a bloody scarecrow!
1.) Avoid strenuous activity like sparring with Teyla. (Besides, I think she's still a wee bit upset with you.)
2.) Get flowers or something for Elizabeth. I know she said she forgives you for trying to kill her, but it's good to be on the safe side.
3.) Avoid the Wraith until further notice.
4.) You will see Dr. Heightmeyer. No arguments.
5.) I'd like to see you back for a check-up in two days. But feel free to call me any time, day or night, if you have any worrisome symptoms. You can be infuriating at times, but you don't have to suffer in silence, son.