March Flashfic
Written by: shoomy2003
Written for: seaouryou
Pairings: Kouga/Kikyo and Kouga/Inuyasha/Kagome
Rating: R for rather silly commentary and cursing.
N.B. This is a rather strange fic. It follows the manga carefully, but Kouga is desperately OOC on purpose. All other characters are IC (to an extent). Also, I'm sorry if it doesn't live up to your standards seaouryou. I tried to make you care :Douses you in Care Bear Stare:

Spoiler: If you're not up on the current manga, or at least on chapters 440-444, then you might be a bit confused.

Disclaimer: I do not own Inuyasha. Hell, I can barely own my own stuff… friggen college loans…

She fell without grace, her head leading the way with her body streaming after.

Kouga watched as Mouryoumaru flew away simultaneously as the woman fell from the landslide of rocks he had created when bursting from the mountain side, and was torn on what to do.


He chose to go after the woman.

Kouga watched her fall and thud to the ground, knowing that he would never make it to her on time. He was surprised at how much he wanted to save her.

Vaguely, as he bolted down the crumbling mountain, he heard a young man's voice cry out, "Kikyo-sama!"

The rocks were skittering down the mountain in a symphony of clicks and clacks as he skid to a stop before the body.

"I didn't make it on time," Kouga mused aloud as he stared at the woman lying at the bottom of the mountain. Strangely enough, there was no scent of blood on her even though she had fallen from such a great height.

The young man he had heard cry out the woman's name—Kikyo-sama—ran down the mountain, the rocks skittering after him as he said the woman's name over and over again in a strangled voice.

The woman stirred and opened her eyes. Kouga was honestly surprised to see her turn herself over and begin to pick herself up from the rocky ground.

The woman's name and the strange events before him made a little light bulb go off inside of his head and Kouga reached an epiphany.

So this is the revived corpse… of course she wouldn't have died from that fall.

Kikyo leveled a hard glare at Kouga where she still half-lay, and Kouga looked uninterested back at her.

Briefly, for a moment, Kouga wondered why people saw Kagome in her.

"You were after Mouryoumaru, weren't you?" she asked, her glare unflinching.

Kouga stared at her. "Of course. You were too, right?"

"Well, don't. Leave Mouryoumaru to me."

Kouga looked at her incredulously. "What?"

Suddenly, without warning, Kouga found himself to be at the receiving end of an arrow tip.

The boy cried out her name—is that all he could say?—and Kouga demanded, "What on earth do you think you are doing?"

Kikyo didn't respond, but rather pulled herself up into a standing position for better aim.

Kouga smirked indulgently. "So, you're just as dangerous a woman as I've heard. Kind of turns me on."

Kikyo frowned and the boy beside her blanched in disgust. "Your shards. Give them to me."

"Now what kind of crazy are you talking now?" Kouga asked, putting his hands on his hips in an attempt to allure her away from the topic at hand by having her focus on his wolfly physique.

Kikyo glared daggers. "You know that your shards are controlled by Midoriko's will. Your legs freeze up at the most inopportune of moments and will invariably lead you to imminent death. Midoriko's soul and my soul are one in the same, so by handing them over to me—"

"Whoa whoa whoa, hold the crazy train. I thought that your soul and Kagome's soul are the same. Now there is a third person in this soul thing?"

Kikyo gave Kouga a pointed look and continued on. "By making your legs freeze up, Midoriko is trying to give Naraku your shards, which will surely cost your life in the process. In the end, I will purify them all and end Naraku's life. It's the only way."

Kouga laughed heartily. Kikyo glowered and pulled the string of her arrow tighter.

Kouga smiled darkly. "Well aren't you a cock-sure bitch."

"I'm trying to save your life you idiot! Give me your shards or die by Midoriko's will at Naraku's hand!" Kikyo cried out, her face contorted in anger.

Kouga smiled, his eyes narrowed. "So what? I give you my shards and run off? Bitch, please. Don't make me laugh. I'm not amused by your 'holier-than-thou' attitude. I'm going to kill Naraku, not you. So back off and don't steal my thunder."

Kikyo released the arrow in a blinding pitch of light, and as Kouga dodged it all he could think was, Fucking can't believe she took a shot at me! Boner!

Kikyo ground her teeth in anger as she saw Kouga standing cockily with his arms crossed over his chest.

"Missed me?" he asked, his smile toothy and feral.

Kikyo stamped her foot in anger, a strangled cry coming from her throat. "Give me your shards!"

Kouga sniffed the air. "Well, I'm off to get Mouryoumaru."

Turning, he smirked and winked. "See-ya, Kikyo!"

Kikyo watched as he churned a tornado of dirt and rock from seemingly no where and left her and Kohaku standing amid the rubble from the landslide Mouryoumaru had caused.

As Kouga neared the area where he felt the turbulence in the force, he found Inuyasha battling Mouryoumaru on the opposite side of the mountain that he had just been on with Kikyo.

"What in the hell! Dog-breath, what makes you think you can tear a new one into Mouryoumaru when you can barely fight me?"

Inuyasha dodged a potentially life-ending moment from Mouryoumaru's large clawed hand as he expertly yelled back, "Keh! Shut the fuck up and get out of here!"

Kouga puffed his chest and laughed out, "You've got to be kidding me. You think you can take on Mouryoumaru alone? Two dicks are better than one, especially in Kagome!"

On the sidelines, Kagome frowned slightly while contemplating what that would truly feel like.

Inuyasha growled out, "YOU PERVERT!" as he dodged another potentially life-ending swing from Mouryoumaru.

Kouga grinned and jumped into battle, crying out, "GORAISHI!1one1"

To his utter amazement, and quickly deflated ego, it had absolutely no effect on Mouryoumaru's tentacles of doom.

"Shit fuck shit!" Kouga cried, jumping out of the way before he got injured from a crushing blow by Mouryoumaru's tentacle. "Why didn't it work?"

While Inuyasha stood in utter amazement, Kouga cried out, "Inuyasha, hit here!"

They double teamed Mouryoumaru with the Goraishi and Dragonscaled Tetsusaiga and it made absolutely no mark. Mouryoumaru was rock hard.

Then out of no where, Inuyasha popped Kouga in the mouth with a vicious upper-cut while simultaneously yelling, "Shit! Get out of here Kouga!"

As Kouga caught himself on the ground ("Ow, ow ow ow ow ow"), he glared up at Inuyasha while simultaneously maneuvering away from a near-death tentacle blow. "What in the flying fuck was that for?"

Inuyasha found himself in the loving tentacles of Mouryoumaru doom instead of Kouga. "It's a trap, you idiot! He wants your shards!"

Mouryoumaru laughed maniacally, and since he had absorbed Naraku, he inherited Naraku's laugh. "KUKUKUKKUKU!"

"You little bitch!" Kouga yelled at Mouryoumaru, and as he propelled forward he felt all sensation in his legs freeze up and he had another epiphany of the day.

My legs… Midoriko's will locked my legs up!

A sudden image of Kikyo saying in a nasally annoying voice while sticking her tongue out at him, "I told you sooooo" filled his mind and he became enraged. Before he could direct his anger at Kikyo, however, Mouryoumaru took advantage of his immobility and seized him in his tentacles of doom.

"KOUGA!" Inuyasha cried.

All went black.

When Kouga awoke, he found himself staring at the wooden beams of a thatched roof. His blue eyes slid to his left where he saw Kagome sitting patiently beside him, smiling gently.

"Hey. You gave us quite the scare back there," she said softly while smoothing back some of his hair.

Kouga frowned slightly as her touch relaxed him. "What do you mean?"

Kagome shook her head a little and smiled sadly. "We thought you were a goner. If it weren't for the Divine Intervention you'd be dead right now. Mouryoumaru suddenly became Naraku and then you were absorbed by Naraku… I shot a sacred arrow to save you and it seemed to trigger the Divine Intervention…"

Kagome then fell into a fit of tears. Kouga sat up slightly his hand finding its way to her knee in comfort. "What… what's wrong?"

"Be-Because of me, you lost your one-time protection! Now if Midoriko's will freezes your legs, you have nothing to help you!" Kagome wailed, making Kouga wish he had Inuyasha's ears for once so that he could lay them down to lessen the noise.

Kouga sighed dramatically. "Well, if you really want to there's something you can do to make it up to me."

Kagome's tear-filled eyes looked at Kouga expectantly. "Really?"

"You can have sex with me right here, right now."

Kagome's tears suddenly ceased. "Huh?"

Kouga smiled gently. "I realize that you might be saving it for the moment where you become my mate, but really now, I almost died and I seriously don't want to go out a virgin."

Kagome seemed to ponder this for a moment. Then the tears filled her eyes again. Kouga sighed, waiting to hear why she was crying again.

"Bu-but what about Inuyasha?"

Kouga shrugged. "He can come too. He doesn't deserve to die a virgin either."

"WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT YOU WIMPY WOLF!" Inuyasha yelled, suddenly bursting into the small hut.

"We were talking about the potential of her paying me back for using up my one-time protection from those wolf guys. I figure this is the only way to fairly repay me," Kouga shrugged while smiling ferally in Kagome's direction.

"What the shit is he talking about, Kagome?" Inuyasha asked, turning to her finally.

Kagome's eyes were wide and her cheeks were flushed. She suddenly remembered hearing that little snippit from Kouga on the mountainside when he first showed up to beat Mouryoumaru… and really, neither of them deserved to die without knowing what it was like to be with a woman… and you know what, she didn't want to die like that either.


Inuyasha leaned back in fear of the dreaded sit. "Uhh, yeah?"

"Let's fuck."

Kouga pumped a fist in the air and yelled, "HELLS YES!"

Inuyasha promptly fainted. Later, he got his turn. And all was well. That is, until they met some rabid porcupine-type animals and had to fight for their lives.

The end. Or is it?