A/N: Yeah, wow. Been a while. First off, should probably thank Sin Maxwell And Co. Since she gave me a basic plot to continue this. Once real life struck, and then school, and once I was done editing, I completely forgot what I was doing with this. She gave me a great idea though, even though I know for positive it wasn't what I started out with.
Anyway, I'm trying to update three stories kinda regularly now. This one, Manipulation is Key, My Phobia, and Communication Changes. Those are my main priorities at the mo. So, I apologize if you guys read something else I write that you want updated but isn't listed.
Also, I need a beta for a new fic I've been working on. It's currently 14k in, and I've never seen the plot before, so it's bound to be interesting, especially for you psycho-analyzers out there. I take Harry and Tom on a real trip. Harry, literally, but that's a whole other story. If you're interested even slightly though, PM/E-mail me and I'll send you a summary to see whether or not you want to at least partially commit.
Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter. –Drowns-
It took a week before Harry came to terms with things. Throughout the week, he'd blame outside forces on what he'd done. That it was for the best, that others would have died. That Tom would have been hurt. That they could have died. It couldn't have been prevented.
They were all lies, though, and Harry knew it. That's why they didn't work.
He knew he was driving Tom mad with his emotions. The man really was trying to comfort him, though. A man unused to emotions didn't know where Harry was coming from, however. Harry knew it was finally getting to the point Tom was losing his nerve when the man began to take on Voldemort's personality in his ire before closing up and fleeing the room.
Then he wouldn't talk to Harry for hours, sometimes days.
He had guilt, and he had fear. He didn't know which was worse. He didn't want to fear Tom, and he didn't want to be guilty for something that was in effect inherently a good thing. Though the act was evil by nature, the outcome was beneficial to everyone.
He knew Dumbledore and Grindelwald were in the wrong. He knew what he'd done would have been wrong under normal circumstances. With war, though: it is forbidden to kill, therefore all murders are punished unless they are in large numbers and to the sound of trumpets.
Or so one of the greatest minds had described. Harry figured he'd build off the shoulders of giants though. So taking a deep breath as he made his way from his bed to the bathroom, he felt everything fall away. Disillusionment, almost; it wasn't wrong, it wasn't right. It was just there, in the past and unchangeable. It was time to continue.
Things weren't settled, there were still people out there; things that needed to be settled and said. He smiled at his reflection before deciding what he was going to do for the day.
He hadn't seen Drazen for awhile, he decided it was time to pay his friend a visit.
Hopefully, things would start looking up with the two old men out of the way. Things could be worked out; the government could be reformed, now that Grindelwald wasn't playing things from behind the scenes.
Tom could achieve what he wanted, and so could Voldemort. Things would get better, he knew they would; he could see his friends again, and things would settle. They had too; war couldn't continue forever, at least, Harry knew he couldn't handle it forever.
Did someone ever tell someone else that you did something you didn't? And the person they told believed them?
Well, Voldemort was about to kill someone at the moment. One of the Vampires that had fought alongside Drazen had told his Sire the Dark Lord had tricked him into serving. That he didn't have a choice in the matter, and he would have died if he hadn't complied.
::Liar,:: he hissed as Harry walked into his study.
::You don't have to tell me, how do you think I feel? Drazen's practically my blood brother and I have to stand by as he's executed for treason.::
::They're executing him? For choosing a side in the war, preposterous!:: the crimson eyed man hissed, seething.
::He didn't do anything, none of them did, it was all that bloody rat's fault. He told their Sire that they were committing to us and that they were getting information for us. I wanted to knock the bleeding head off of the messenger who told me.::
::I digress, we're not finished with that spell,::
::Don't do that,:: Harry commanded, flushed.
::Why, Harry, does it send things south for this coming storm?::
::You bloody well know what it does, stop teasing me dammit!::
::Fine, but yesss, the spell was placed on you by me all those years ago when I was on the verge. I remember my thoughts being that even if you defeated me, your power would be locked away, and only I had the key. That someone more powerful would come and kill you.::
::I love you too,:: Harry interrupted sarcastically.
::This isn't about love, Harry:: Tom almost purred, if possible, in the snake language, ::you were my enemy, if I couldn't kill you, then I wanted someone else to at least be able to. Although, now, I suppose it is about love.:: The man hissed, spitting the word out as if it was venom, as he pulled Harry into his lap, a Cheshire grin forming on his face.
Harry squeaked at the movement, flailing his arms before they were both grabbed and held in his lap, his muscles straining. He moved his head to the side when Voldemort tried to kiss him.
::I'm not letting you kiss and or touch me until Drazen is freed.::
::That's an awful proposition,::
Harry stuck his tongue out at him, ::I don't care, I want my friend free.::
::Friend?:: Voldemort hissed jealously, even though he knew the truth, he wanted to mess with Harry some more.
The younger man pouted, rubbing his fingers against Tom's hand as they held his. He nuzzled his face into the man's neck.
"I only have you," he murmured in English, "I promise," he placed hot open mouthed kisses on the man's neck, creating a large, dark, hickey.
"You're a deviant," Harry said vehemently, scowling.
Tom only chuckled, lacing one hand with one of Harry's, "That I am, but you love me anyway."
"Maybe," Harry agreed sulking.
"Not even maybe,"
"No, that's reality,"
"What's stuck up your arse?" Tom asked nastily.
"Would you like something shoved up there? It can be arranged."
"Thanks, but no," Harry hissed, pulling at the hand Voldemort held.
The older man pushed him forward, twisting it behind his back, "Are you positive? I think you may just be a bit shy."
"No what?" Voldemort hissed as he shoved the younger to the ground, pushing himself against Harry's arse.
Harry only managed a whisper in response, jealousy, anger, annoyance, but most of all hurt assaulting him. He pulled at his hands frantically; Voldemort's holding them down to the floor, the older man's weight scaring him more than anything. This was real…this was the side he was afraid of…this is what happened when Tom couldn't handle things. He would pull out and allow his role of Voldemort to take over.
The personality where he didn't need a conscious, where he didn't need emotions…that was what scared Harry more than anything…more than anything in the world.
"Tom…please stop…you know…I'm bad at this. We're both bad at this…don't ruin it…we were doing so well. I'm scared of you when you're like this…please," he let out a heavy sob, falling sluggishly against the floor as he let his own tears fall.
He didn't think it was going to stop, but the feelings slowly receded and then he felt an all consuming horror strike him and his heart clenched.
"Harry…" his voice was weak and it cracked slightly. Tom's hands let go of Harry's as if he'd been burned and Harry slowly turned over, looking into Tom's eyes. His arms reached up, and laced around Tom's neck, pulling the man down towards him as tears feel from Tom's eyes. The older man brought a hand to his face in wonder, and slight disgust, to feel the…tears.
Harry continued to cry, mimicking Tom as he buried his face in the man's neck.
"Harry," Tom murmured roughly, as if the name alone could describe the feelings he couldn't.
"You stopped, Tom, and in the end, that's all that matters."
"I hurt you..." he said softly, a slight hysteria and fear entering his voice.
"I deserve much more than a scare, Tom, I hurt you…I'm the one that should be sorry. I like you, Tom, I really do. If you died, I'd probably be changed, but right now…I just need to settle into things. All right?"
Tom nodded and rubbed his face against Harry's softly. "Harry…I wish I could take it away,"
"I don't," Harry said simply.
"Why not?" Tom demanded.
"Things like this help us, not hinder, even though it was scary; they help us understand each other. I know you, almost inside and out. I know when you switch from Tom to Voldemort, and I know why. This is just something that would have happened, and now that it did I'm glad it's over. I've always had a fear of it, Tom, I know what you're capable of, and I don't hate you, and I don't want you to feel guilty. I just know reality, I know possibility. I'm a pessimist…its how I deal with life; I expect the worst so I'm not surprised if it happens.
"That may be the worst possible way to look at life, but I really don't care. Its how I've survived for so long…except for that suicide attempt that was me failing to stay alive. I honestly couldn't handle it anymore." Harry stopped when Tom buried his face in his neck again and took a deep breath.
"I hope I'm not your next reason to try again,"
"You won't be," Harry said confidently. "It wasn't something I could control. By nature I wouldn't do that, it was provoked. Kind of like I'd had the Imperious cast on me."
"Well, then I'm glad you can resist my Imperious." Tom murmured, trying to lighten the mood. "You're friend, he's being held in the vampire's citadel. There's really nothing we can do to save him, not stealth wise. There's always storming the castle, but I don't believe that would be wise at this point in time. I believe we can only wait and hope he can escape on his own, knowing he has shelter here."
"What if he can't escape?"
"Don't wander in what-if's, Harry, have faith in your friend. He seems to have a solid head on his shoulders."
"You don't like him,"
"No, but I like you, and scarcely understand your need for friendship and family. To keep you happy, I will help them stay safe."
Harry smiled brightly before he poked Tom in the chest playfully. "I'm sick of being crushed between you and a hard place, please move." He spoke with a small accent, trying to keep a straight face as Tom looked down at him with a raised eyebrow. Harry felt amusement fill the room and a grin split his face as he began to laugh.
Tom stood, though, before pulling the younger man up with him. "Please, when you feel the need to make a scene, do it in front of your mirror. Get some practice in before you try that again. It was awful."
Harry only rolled his eyes before sticking his tongue out, "I'm going to see Remus and Sirius."
"Yup, and you better have something when I get back! You're a Dark Lord, make use of it!" Harry shot off playfully before practically running out of the room. Tom's amusement still coursing through his veins.
It was such an odd emotion to feel from someone as Dark as Tom. Usually, when he felt emotions like Happiness, Amusement, Euphoria; they were dim and almost content because the person was so accustom to feeling them.
Tom, he was very different. He was the exact opposite, when he was wallowing in his emotions. In his Darkness, and self-hatred and anger; there was contentment there. Happiness, Amusement, they were so different coming from Tom, so…pure. They made him feel giddy and high. The emotion was unadulterated and complete, not dimmed by overuse or misconception.
He smiled as he made his way to the floo, his cheeks flushed a brilliant shade of rogue as he made his way to Sirius' home, knowing Remus, Severus, Regulus and Sirius would be there. Especially, because of the vibes he'd been getting off Remus when around Regulus, and vice versa. He didn't really want to know how Sirius would actually react, but he could tell that Sirius was very content with how things were going now. Especially, because he knew his family was becoming safer by the day, and that they were all happy.