Disclaimer: I don't own Lost or any character although I wish I would own Sawyer.

Spoiler: Up to What Kate did.

R: The story contains a brief sexual content.

Jack and Kate were standing near the caves. Kate knew this conversation had to happen sooner or later. She was just hoping for later. Well, here they were, talking about the kiss.

"Why did you kiss me, Kate?" Jack asked her. "You kissed me and then you ran away, leaving me there all confused."

"I know. And I am sorry. It was wrong that I ran away, Jack. I know that now but then I was confused, too. I was thinking about … my past and I got upset and couldn't concentrate and then I kisses you and I didn't know what to do, so I ran. I am sorry." Kate tried to explain. It was hard.

Something moved behind Jack. He didn't notice it but she did. She saw someone turn around and walk away. She couldn't see who it was. Whoever it was, he or she probably walked in on them talking and didn't want to intrude so he/she walked away.

But then she looked to the ground. There was a book. Immediately she knew who had been there the moment before. It was Sawyer. And he heard them. Oh, no… she didn't want him to hear about the kiss that way. She wanted to tell him herself.

She had to go look for him. But first she had to clear things up with Jack.

"Kate! Earth to Kate!" Jack said to gain her attention. He got it.


"Kate, you just dropped this bombshell on me and then ran. I didn't know what I was suppose to think or what I was suppose to do. How I was suppose to explain the kiss?" Jack wanted an explanation and he deserved it, he really did.

He was such a nice guy. And she knew he felt something for her. At first she was hoping she could feel the same for him. But she couldn't. He was a great friend but nothing more. She didn't know if she made the right decision but she decided with her heart. The person she was interested in more than just a friend was Sawyer. They had always understood each other. Sure, they had their ups and downs but there was also this bond between them, the "connection" as Sawyer tends to call it. She became aware that something more was going on between then was the night before he went on the raft. His words hurt her then but she understood why he had said them. And when he came back from the raft and almost died, she knew that her place was beside him.

"Jack, as I said before, when I kissed you I was confused. Something happened with my father and I was upset because of it. I don't want to talk about it now, but what I need you to know is that when I kissed you I just wanted to feel safe and protected. I kissed you because I wanted, once again, run away from my problems. But it didn't work. And I regretted it. I am sorry, I really am," God is this hard. "I only used you and I don't want to do that. I like you, I really do but there can never be more between us. We are friends, Jack. And I hope we will stay that."

She waited for his reaction.

He was confused.

Then he nodded.

"Yeah, Kate. I just, I just need some time now." Ha walked away. She understood him. It was hard for him. She didn't want it to be but that was the only way. She hoped he would get over it soon.

But now she had another problem to solve. Sawyer.

She started running in the direction where he disappeared. She didn't know where to go. Where would he go? The waterfall! She started running in the direction of the waterfall and saw him. He didn't reach the waterfall yet. She called after him.


He turned around. For a second she could see how hurt he was. Damn. It wasn't her intention to hurt him. But the mask was back on.

"Hey there, Freckles. Wanted to have some fun and came to me?" he asked.

She saw that he tried to sound normal. To all the others he would, but she saw behind the wall.

"I know you heard me." Kate said.

"Heard you what?"

"Heard me and Jack talk about the kiss. I saw you."

"Well, damn yeah. I heard you and your boyfriend. So what? I behaved and walked away. What more do you want?" he said with his voice raised.

"Don't get so bitchy. I just wanted to explain." She tried.

"Freckles, you don't have to explain anything. Just go back to your doc." He turned away and started walking.

Oh my God, he misunderstood. He though she wanted to explain that he likes Jack and not him. Man, was this guy stubborn.

"Sawyer, wait. Let me explain. I.."

"I don't want to hear it. So save it!"

"God, Sawyer must you be so stubborn. Can you not shut up for once and just listen. You think you know everything, do you? You stubborn ass!" she screamed.

"Kate, can't you understand that I just don't wont to hear how you are all lovey-dovey with the good old doc. I just don't want to hear it."


"No, no buts."

"You bastard. I don't know how you can act like this? You don't even know what I am trying to say. You are so arrogant and self-centered you don't even see what is in front of you."

"Oh, yeah. And what is that? What is in front of me, the arrogant ass, huh?" he was getting closer.

"I tried to say that I care about you." She whispered.

"Well, I don't need your pity. Go and care about someone else. And don't ever pity me!"

"Yeah, cause poor old Sawyer would not allow that someone would actually care for him. He must punish himself and live in misery. But when some actually tries to come close to you, your build up this wall. You know what?"

"What? What?"

"You pity yourself!" She knew she was taking a risk but she just had to do it.

"I do not pity myself. Do you know anything about my life, do you?"

"I know…"

"You know nothing. You think you do but you don't. When I was 8, my father came home and shot my mother and then sat on my bed on shot himself, too. I was under that bed. I saw everything. For my whole life I had been searching for the real Sawyer. I hate him and I hate what I had become. And before we got on this plane, someone told me about the whereabouts about the real Sawyer. I came to Australia, found him and shot him. But before he died, he told me I shot the wrong guy! So don't tell me you know. Cause you don't. You don't know how it feels, how it hurts."

And she didn't. She thought she knew what happened but she didn't. But she knew how it feels when it hurts. They were so similar. And he actually opened up to her, really opened up.

"Well, you are right. I didn't know all that. But I have a clue how it must fell."


"I killed my own father, Sawyer. And it was no accident. I always thought my real father was the one who was with my mom when I was little. But then Wayne came and the father who I thought was mine left us. Wayne beat my mother. He was drinking and he was aggressive. But I didn't do it because of that. When I found out a couple of years ago that he was my biological father I waited for him on the steps in front of the house. He came home, drunk as hell. I put him to bed and then I turned the house on fire. With him in it!"

They were both upset and like a sign it a thunder struck and it started to rain. Heavily.

He came near and he pushed her against a tree and kissed her. He put all the pain and hurt in that kiss. She put all the guilt in it. But in a couple of moment all that disappeared and only the passion was left.

She broke the kiss, took his hand and they went to the waterfall.

"Now, listen. Don't say anything until I finish. Ok?" Kate looked deep into his eyes.

"Well? Sawyer?"

"You said I am not suppose to say anything and you want me to say something?" he smirked at her. She smiled.

"When you came back and I didn't know whether you would survive or not, I was terrified. Terrified that I would lose you." She had tears in her eyes. "Remember the day when you woke up?"

He just nodded.

"Well, it was a hell of a day. I didn't sleep a lot when you were "sick" and I thought I saw Wayne in you. I was confused and upset. I left you alone in the hatch. I also left the computer and I was on duty. Jack came after me and we had a fight. Suddenly I couldn't take it anymore and I kissed him. I wanted to feel better. I wanted to feel save and ok. But I didn't. So I broke the kiss and ran. I couldn't face him then. Because I realized that the person who I can be safe and happy with isn't Jack. It is you." She waited for his reaction.

"What? I can talk now?"

He hit him on the shoulder. And smiled.

"Well, why didn't you say that right away?" He smiled, leaned close and kissed her. This kiss was gentler than the first one. Sawyer answered her question and explanation with this kiss. She understood it.

"So that mean I can boast with you in front of the doc?"

"Sawyer!" she smacked him again.

Jack was on hatch duty with Locke. They were arguing about something and didn't see Sawyer coming in to take a shower.

Sawyer went into the bathroom. He was happy. He knew he could get any woman he wants but he didn't think that about Kate. She was different. She had a lot of baggage. Just like him. She had a temper. Just like him. She was passionate and gentle at the same time. She could also be dangerous. She could do what it takes.

He took off his shirt. You could still see the mark of the gunshot on his shoulder but it didn't hurt anymore. He took off the rest of his clothes  and got in the shower. He turned the water on. It felt good to feel the warm water on his skin. Hell, to him at that moment everything felt good.

Kate chose him. He couldn't believe it. All the time he thought she was in love with Jack-ass. But it seems like she wasn't. He smiled.

Kate stepped into the bathroom. She saw that Sawyer was taking a shower but he didn't see her. She took her clothes off and opened the door of the shower.

"What…ohh." First Sawyer thought that someone else came but when he saw her, stark naked, he took her hand and pushed her towards him. She closed the door behind them.

God, she was beautiful. Her body was perfect, her breasts nice and round, her stomach flat.

She was just looking at him. His body was magnificent. She had seen him before but now it felt different. Because he was hers.

He kissed her, at first gently but with each moment the kiss was becoming more passionate. He started moving his hands over her naked body.

"I want you," she mumbled and looked him straight in his eyes.

"And I want you," his voice was hoarse. In a moment his lips were already on hers.

Jack heard some noises in the bathroom and went to check it out. He opened the door and heard…well, a couple making some certain noises. He quickly closed the door and went back to Locke.

"Is someone is there?" Locke asked him.

"Hmm, yeah, a couple is taking a shower." Jack said a little bit embarrassed.

"Oh, I see." Locke smiled and Jack sat down.

Half an hour later the bathroom door opened and both Jack and Locke looked in that direction. Sawyer came out, dressed only in his jeans. He didn't see neither Jack nor Locke.

"Oh, I could have known it was him. Who else …" Jack said and thought about Kate. Hopefully she won't ever find out cause he knew it would hurt her.

But a moment later they heard more noises. Both Locke and Jack wonder who the "lucky" girl was.

"Sawyer, you forgot your shirt!" Kate shouted after him. Sawyer turned around and she ran to him, with his shirt in her hands.

He took the shirt and kissed her.

"Want to take a walk or do you want to go back into the shower?" Sawyer smiled at her.

"The second option is very tempting but I'll go with the walk … for now." She smiled and took his hand and they left the hatch.

Jack couldn't believe his eyes. It was Kate who was with Sawyer in there. He was just staring in front of him.

Locke wasn't really that surprised. But he saw that Jack was shocked. Well, he will have to get over it and move on, because it was obvious that the thing between Sawyer and Kate wasn't just a fling. It was much, much more.

The end