A/N: I'm so incredibly sorry that I couldn't update! No more excuses, it was because I was lazy or that I was at camp! Sorry!
Disclaimer: You should be glad I don't own it.
Lucius wouldn't get over this for years. In fact, Zenny wouldn't either. The last stunt was terribly cruel and horribly low, but Zenny anticipated her next trick—one which would have him shedding tears and her laughing hysterically.
"I can't believe it…I simply can't believe that my—my roots have shown…It's simply impossible…I can't comprehend…anything," Lucius mumbled to himself.
So far, all Lucius could do day in and day out was sit in his study, huddled in a corner, and mumble to himself. He was even building a fort of books around himself day by day so that he could sulk in private. The house elves were beginning to miss their old master—mostly because they had to do a lot to get food through the mass of books that served as Not-So-Blondie's castle—but even so, they missed him…kind of.
"You'd think you'd get used to not being able to comprehend most things," Zenny mocked.
Zenny, being the House Elf from Hell that she was, sat at the foot of the castle and made fun of the things that Lucius said—not that Lucius could hear most of the things she said, he was stuck in his own little world of cultivating mushrooms in damp corners. And he would recall strange events of his life. Even when sulking, Lucius managed to be conceited.
"I didn't like Uncle Alfred's old hair cut. The railings are made of mahogany. My pacifier was cute. My teeth were perfect. My room was in Witch Weekly for being the most royal looking toddler's bedroom."
One day Narcissa came. She made everything better.
"Dearest, you're going to have to buck up and face the world! You are Malfoy and therefore you should stop sulking and doing filthy Mud-blood things like—ARE YOU CULTIVATING MUSHROOMS!"
Narcissa nearly fainted.
Instead she continued berating her husband.
"Ma'am I really don't think this is solving anything!" Zenny screamed in the direction of her mistress.
Narcissa was throwing a tantrum in the study aimed towards her husband. For one, she was sick of his absence into Lalaland and his stupid moroseness. Two, he wasn't making any money sitting on his terribly handsome butt, sulking. Three, he was cultivating mushrooms. She couldn't have him growing fungus in her immaculate mansion. That simply wouldn't do. So Narcissa did the only thing she remembered how to do when she was faced with somebody who refused to do something for her. She threw a tantrum. Quite a violent too.
"Lucius get off of your ass and return to your original state as the patriarch of the Malfoy Manor!"
"But…my hair…my adored blonde locks…they're…they're…" Lucius bring himself to say the truth about his beloved hair.
"I don't give a damn!" Narcissa bellowed. Her hair, which was originally in a tight bun, was now strewn all around her head. Her proper, business woman blouse was all askew and her eyeliner was beginning to run. She was an angry woman on a rampage.
"Ma'am, may I suggest dying his hair back to normal," Zenny said in a bored tone. The Malfoy's really weren't the brightest people.
Narcissa made a disgusted look at the house-elf and took out her wand. Lucius, who was peeking out from behind a corner of his tower shook with nervousness. He hadn't heard what Zenny said and thought his wife was going to kill him.
"Lucius get over here so I can fix this stupid mess," Narcissa said impatiently. It was like she was calling a whimpering dog to her heel.
"No! I won't let you! You can't do it to me!" Lucius yelled like a highland warrior. He sprang out of his tower armed with a bundle of mushrooms wrapped in his robes.
"Just hold still! I'll fix this stupid mess—and stop swinging around those bloody mushrooms!" Narcissa was an impatient person and therefore was prepared for a struggle. Though she didn't know why there was a struggle.
"No, no, no! You can't catch me! You can't do it! You will not—" Lucius was suddenly frozen as a Petrificus Totalus hit him in the arse. Lucius shook violently. He was like a Mexican Jumping Bean. He hopped around the room while Narcissa looked on. She was positively seething, but she bottled it up. Now wasn't the time for yelling and screaming. Her husband was a raving lunatic. She'd do something later. Narcissa cast the spell on his hair and stormed out of the room
Lucius on the other hand was still a raving lunatic and thought he was dead. As soon as his wife had placed the spell on his hair he thought it was the killing curse and went into a series of motions of dying once the Petrificus was lifted from him. Once, he was thoroughly satisfied with his death he lay still…thinking he was dead.
Wow…death feels almost the same as life…that's weird…maybe I'm a ghost…
Lucius opened one eye and screamed.
Zenny was standing over him grinning like a madman.
I must be a ghost…then if I'm a ghost…I can walk through walls…
Lucius was thinking of all the possibilities…he could scare his evil house elf to death…by being a ghost…he was dead, what could he lose now…
Zenny stared at the idiot before her. She knew exactly what he was thinking. The idiot thought he was dead and was going to do some stupid stunt to prove to her that he was a ghost. She saw all the motions of theatrical dying and somehow knew he would do this…being the idiot that he was.
"Oooooh! I'm the ghost of Lucius Malfoy!" Lucius paraded around like a ghost even though he couldn't float—he thought that, as a ghost, he had to mature through the levels of ghosthood.
"I must fetch my caaaaane!" Lucius said in a ghostly, stereotypical voice.
This is perfect I'll go fetch my ghost cane and by doing so I'll go through a wall and scare the little Hell raising monkey! Lucius was so devious. And stupid.
Zenny's mind clicked back into place at the mention of the snake cane…he might not want to get it back now.
Lucius was happy with his new plan and prepared himself. As a ghost he had no need to worry…he'd seen this happen all the time! This was easy for a ghost! And with that Lucius ran through the wall. Yes…ran through the wall.
"Ooooow! That hurt! This ghost thing is weird!" Lucius yelled in pain.
He did run through the wall, but not without lots of plaster and bricks going with him. Malfoy Manor was an incredibly old and ancient pureblood realm—though with that ancient ancestry came some delicate fixtures. One of which was broken by the latest patriarch of the prestigious Malfoy family.
"Master, you're not dead!" Zenny yelled. She ran up and jumped on him in fake glee. She couldn't wait till he saw his "cane."
"Ah, I knew that...I was just kidding," Lucius said slowly. He was pretty damn confused.
"Fetch my cane Zenny," Lucius said as he stared off in the distance.
Okay so I'm not dead…which means I'm living…I think...
Zenny came running to Lucius with a large foreign object being dragged behind her.
"Where's my cane?"