by Gunman

Disclaimer: I own nothing.


Ritsuko stepped into the large dark office of one Gendo Ikari. The Supreme Commander of NERV had called for her once again. And she knew it wasn't for an update on the Evangelions.

"Good evening, doctor." the grim man said.

"Good evening, commander." the blond replied.

"You look very..."

Nervous? Reviled? Apprehensive? She thought off-handedly

"Beautiful, tonight."

That caught Ritsuko's attention. Never in all the years she had known the man had he ever given her such a compliment.

Is this a new tactic? Some game to keep me off my guard? Something is definitely wrong.

"Please, come closer."

Now he's saying 'please'? What the hell is this? She thought as she complied and came up, stopping not a yard before his desk.

Gendo rose from his chair and moved around the desk to stand before the woman. Suddenly she knew something was wrong. Normally when she met with Gendo she felt the hairs on the back of her neck stand up. Now, for some reason, she felt... excitement? Her instincts were telling her what her eyes and ears were failing to register.

She turned towards the man as he smiled at her.

But something was wrong with the smile. It wasn't domineering or cruel or sadistic. It was... happy?

And that's when Gendo did something that both horrified and delighted her.

He took off his beard.

She stared in utter astonishment as the beard and sideburns were peeled off like the skin of a banana. It was followed by his red-lensed glasses, then the fake nose, the bright white gloves, his right hand now devoid of Adam, and his jacket.

He dropped all of the disguise by the side of the desk, out of Ritsuko's line of vision. He lifted his head to reveal his eyes.

She gasped. The eyes she had once stared into held no life, no compassion, no joy. In short, no love.

These eyes were different. They sparkled brightly with all those things, including a desire she had always wanted to see, yet never had.

These weren't the eyes of Gendo Ikari. They were the eyes of...

"Shinji?" she gasped.

"I hope you're not disappointed, Ritsuko-chan." the younger Ikari smiled.

Ritsuko raised her hand and gently touched the right side of his face, feeling his strong handsome feature. He couldn't be older than twenty years, only a couple inches taller than her, with a profile that any woman would have died to look at, and she was touching him!

"How? I mean... when did... I don't..." Ritsuko started to ramble.

Shinji placed his own hand over hers as it was still on his face, cutting her rambling.

"It's not important, my love." he smiled at her, which warmed her heart.

My love? She mentally gasped, her heart beating faster as he leaned in and pressed his lips against hers. Oh my god! His lips are so soft, and warm. My body feelings like it's on fire, and this is just him kissing me!

"Did you like that?" he whispered huskily as soon as he broke the kiss.

"Yes. I want more." she panted heavily, barely keeping conscious thought.

"As you wish." he said as he kissed her again, his left hand behind her head, his right arm wrapped around her and pulling her flush against his own body.

Just from this simple action, Ritsuko could feel the muscles on Shinji's arms. Not lean but not bulky. Firm and well-defined.

There were no words for the elation that Ritsuko felt now.

Shinji maneuvered Ritsuko around pressing her against the desk as he inserted his tongue into her mouth. She moaned happily as she wrestled with him, both inside and out. No one, not even Gendo had ever given her such intense and pleasurable sensations.

Shinji broke their liplock and started kissing down her neck to the spot between her neck and shoulder blade. She moaned softly at his touch.

He paused briefly and brought his lips up to her ear.

"I want to see you, Rits-chan. May I?"

The blond was breathing heavy at all this.

The kiss, the firm embrace, the whispered request. It was all driving her crazy.

"Yes, Shinji. I want to see you too." she whispered back.

"Ladies first." he said, gently kissing her on the cheek.

She smiled. Even Gendo had never called her a lady. Yes, she was definitely liking this Ikari better.

Her clothes fell from her body as if on their own. Shinji just stared in awe at the blond scientist.

"You're so beautiful, Ritsuko." Shinji smiled as he stepped up and embraced the black silk bra and panty clad woman. "I never knew NERV's chief scientist was such a stunner."

She blushed again as she fell into his embrace, her head and hands resting on his chest. I feel so safe, so warm. So... happy.

Shinji heard her sigh. "Are you alright, Ritsuko-chan?" he asked as he held her closer.

"I'm just... happy. I've never been happy."

"You've had a bad life, my love. I want to make it better for you."

"You already have, Shinji-kun."

He continued to hold her, rubbing her back gently to soothe her nerves. Bit by bit Ritsuko felt all her bad memories, all her worries and strife, slowly slip away. After several minutes, she pulled back and removed the rest of her clothing.

"Am I still beautiful?" she asked nervously as she leaned against the desk, her figure exposed to him.

"You never ceased to be." he said without hesitation.

She blushed. "You're turn, Shinji-kun. Please."

"Anything for you." Shinji said as he slowly peeled away his own clothing until he too was stark naked as the woman herself.

Shinji heard her gasp, not in shock, but in surprise/delight. She gazed upon the strapping young man before her. Lean but not scrawny, athletic but overly so. Every muscle clearly defined and all his gifts more than she ever could have expected. This was definitely NOT Gendo's son.

"My god!" she gasped.

"What's wrong?" he asked, worried she saw something on him she didn't like.

"When did you get that body?" she asked with a fierce blush.

"I wanted to be... presentable... for you." he answered.

I think I'm getting the better deal here. She thought with a smile. "I'll make sure your effort wasn't wasted, Shinji-kun."

Shinji pulled Ritsuko into another firm embrace and kissed her passionately, her own arms wrapped around his neck. She stopped after a full minute and started to slid down his body. He stopped her as her face was level with his chest. She looked up and met his eyes.

"No. I want to pleasure you." Shinji whispered as he gently lifted her back to her feet.

What followed was something Ritsuko would never forget. Time became meaningless as passion swirled around the blond scientist, waves of rapture crashing into her shores with an intensity and repetition she had never thought possible. His hands and mouth moved over her body, finding every hot spot and pleasure center she had. Some she didn't know she possessed.

She screamed, writhing beneath the hungry young man, their heartbeats in synch, their lovemaking totally one-sided as he pleasured her in ways Gendo would never have considered before.

He was gentle, firm but caring, attentive to her needs and with energy she had never known him to possess. He touched her in places she had thought long forgotten, reawakening feelings she hadn't felt in years. Every aspect that was her as a woman was resurrected through this simple, but much needed, endeavor.

In the afterglow of their intimacy, Shinji held the woman tightly in his arms.

The same feelings of safety and warmth offered by his embrace filled her as never before.

"I love you, Ritsuko. With all my heart." he whispered to her, cementing her feelings on the subject. "But it's time for you to wake up."



"...up?" the blond scientist gasped as she quickly sat up. She looked around, recognizing she was no longer in the Commanders office, but in her apartment, in her own bed.


A tear fell from her eye as she realized that it had all been a dream.

At least this time I finished it. At least this time... he said he loved me.

She started crying into her hands.

At first her dreams had been fixed on Gendo, then slowly, bit by bit, piece by piece, the image had changed from Gendo to Fuyutsuki. She had great respect for the older man, wondering if she had actual feelings for someone old enough to be her own father. Eventually the image of the sub-commander changed to that of Kaji. She had once thought of him as her ideal man. Handsome, in a Han Solo sort of way, which complemented his roguish ways. But despite his boyish, flamboyant attitude, he was quite the catch.

But eventually, his image had faded, until they had achieved what her own mind calculated to be a 20-year old Shinji Ikari.

His honesty, compassion, selflessness, hidden strength and just his overall innocence and handsome appearance came out on top in Ritsuko's mind.

He was her dream guy.

The sadness of it was that's all he was.

Suddenly, the phone next to her bed rang. She picked it up and answered.

"Dr Akagi speaking." she answered in a nearly lifeless tone.

(Dr Akagi? Are you alright?) the voice on the other end sounded.

Her eyes shot wide open as she recognized the voice.


(Yes, Dr Akagi.) the 14-year old boy pilot asked.

She smiled. "What are... I thought I told you to call me Ritsuko." she said, catching herself.

(Sorry, Ritsuko-san.) he apologized as she had become accustomed to. (I just...)

"Just what, Shinji?"

(I don't know. I just... felt something was wrong. I picked up my cellphone and dialed the first number that came into my head. Yours.)

"You were concerned about me?" the asked, slightly confused.

(Yes.) he said simply. (Shouldn't friends be concerned about one another?)

Her heart lifted at that simple but honest admission.

(Are you? Alright, I mean?) he asked again.

"I am now, Shinji. Can, uh... can we just... talk, for a while?" she asked.

(Sure.) he replied. (So, how was your day?)

Getting better every second. she smiled, another tear, a happy one this time, trailing down her face as the pair continued to talk.

Yes, her dream guy may not exist, but at least she'd have a friend in this boy whom she knew would be there for her. No matter what.


Author's Notes:

Having already done a Shinji/Ritsuko fic, labeled 'Bruises' where the pair got together, I wanted to do another one, since it is an underused subject.

However, I wanted something a little different, so I decided to make Ritsuko dream of someone who would have been her ideal lover/boyfriend until it eventually ended up with Shinji, though in a slightly different way.

The whole dream sequence was done to express Ritsuko's deepest and darkest desires of loneliness, and the only way she would have been happy was for her to end up with someone who could actually give her the things she wanted.

(I know that sounds abstract and excerpted, but bare in mind that this is my story. So there!)

I'm not sure I captured it though. I like Ritsuko in a lot of ways, and thought I'd do another one where she at least garnered some happiness from this whole thing.

Anyway, please Read and Review (extensively!)