Phinnie here :D!!! HAH! FINALLY A NEW 10TH CHAPTER. : D 1337 yaaaah? Muhahhaah. Sorry. I've run off for a year and I'm back writing shtuff. :D Hopefully I can get this chapter quite long.

I know I know that it feels as if the relationship between Syaoran and Sakura is going quite slowly. It's not actually. Because it has already started. Because this story is not about a girl and a boy falling in love in an instant, its about a boy and girl caring and supporting each other, and gradually falling in love after many years and years pass. And the years have already passed so we have to look back at them don't we heheheh. :D But it feels good that you guys wish for them to get together fast. Although technically they're already sort of together hehehehe.

And plus, you can tell how much he's open to her now. They are close enough to tease each other, to worry about each other and to help each other out.

oh things to add things to add.. I've made a few changes in my story, and you guys have to go re-read the end of chapter 9 since I changed it lawls.

Also a few changes in the story,

- Sakura is known as a "cursed child" (please go re-read it fast :( it'll be more help for me if I don't have to explain it)
- Mr Li loathes Sakura as she was most people's blame to her mother's death.
- There are many secrets in the story that not even the actual characters themselves know about: but they will be brought up as the story progresses.

There is other important stuff that hasn't been covered yet. For example: the relationship between Mr Li, Nadeshiko and Yelan.

I was going to write replies back to all the nice reviewers who are very very nice: but yeah, I'll do it next chapter since there is utterly too much to write and so little time!

To All reviewers (Especially the ones who sent me PMs) : I previously wrote a lot on this part of my chapter, but now that I read it, it sounds like a whole lot of excuses in my part, I don't deserve to say anything : ( I'm sorry for not updating for so long, and thank you for supporting me ;: -hearts- honto honto honto daisuki desu T-T

Ive read all of the reviews : D every single one of them. But I'll just write comments to the latest ones hahah sorry –heart-

Musette Fujiwara – oh wowowoww thank you for the countless amounts of reviews and support and opinions! HOW DO YOU DO? Hahahah

SailorCSH – hahaha thank you for re-reading! I did ask everyone to but I thought no one would (ive changed so much on the story !) and I'm not really exactly sure if step-brother and step-sister relationships are common, but yes, in fiction there are very many lots. (I used to have a crush on my cousin. Strange huh?) Oh and I didn't notice my chapter 4 was deleted until you told me, Thank you!

HushedFury – Thank you! I've been studying hard. This year is the most important, but I'll start writing anyways. Practice for English XDDDD

As always, CCS does not belong to me, nor Komomo. Although we wish very much so.

on with the story

... SPACE WASTING.


Chapter 10: Haven


His face got nearer and nearer; close enough that I could not move a muscle, close enough to hear his own heart racing in level with mine.

In shock, all I could do was stare. My body and mind were not in tune: My brain was panicking; it was screaming 'WHA WHA WHAAAT!!!' ….but my body kept as still as a statue.

I stood there gawking.

His face got closer and closer… and closer… I could feel his body heat. Abnormal body heat. His body was alarmingly warm… no, actually… it seemed as if it was downright steaming! Was it my imagination being in such a situation? Was it the temperature of the stuffy room? Or was his body radiating so much heat that I could just imagine him melting like a piece of chocolate in the microwave?

His cold dazed eyes were spiritless and bottomless; it seemed as if he could not see direction, no figure. Despite this, his body temperature, whether from my own franticness… seemed to be severely heating up… and I mean severely. His face continued to get closer and closer…Until….

………..Until his body completely collapsed heavily onto my shoulder, his burning fever scarring my skin.

"Syaoran are you okay…?... Syaoran?? SYAORAN!!!!"

There was no reply.


A teacher and a student ran into the room, clearly due to Sakura's outburst; and with one look at a collapsed Syaoran and a panicking Sakura, the teacher calmly and in undoubted seriousness informed the latter prefect-student to call an ambulance.
"CALL AN AMBULANCE! A STUDENT HAS COLLASPED."

The crowding, the Oh,my,god,What,happened's and the blur of colours droned into the background as Sakura's mind blanked with vacant fear.


(Syaoran's POV)

I woke.

The birds were not singing a crappy song, the sun was not blazing and the annoying kids were not taking their noisy dogs for a walk. .. There was not a single sound at all.

…. Yet, I still had a huge headache.

In my groggily state, my senses could only hear the faint beating of my heart, see the white blur of my surroundings and feel the intractable pain that seemed to haunt the back of my skull: as if an invisible hammer was hammering a nail to the walls of my brains.

As I heavily forced my eyes wider, the blurry vision secured into a white background- My surroundings were completely white. My first thought was: 'Have I died?'

I could feel the coolness of the white sheets under my fingers and when my senses had briefly secured, I could smell the lingering scent of my surroundings. I tried to calm my hammering mind. This familiar and sickening smell… smelt of a hospital.

… Why the hell am I at a hospital?

I couldn't remember anything. All I could remember was the disturbingly-infected-looking scrambled eggs that I ate that morning.

I tried to get up.

It was near impossible, my body was completely contradicting to my brain's orders. It seemed as if my body weight has had increased by a ton or replaced by a truck of lead. For a few minutes, I had forgotten how to walk.

Is this what they call paralysis?

I opened my eyes wider to get a more focused vision of my surroundings, I looked about; I saw no-one. My hearing however, had secured; I could hear a light breathing. I lazily looked slightly to the right. There, on the side of my bed, a little Sakura was fast asleep with her arms on the bed that I lay, and her head pillowed in her thin arms (like an angel ..). I stood there staring.

How…cute.

I weakly moved my hand over to her hair, clenching my fist slightly; I grabbed an amount of her natural honey-brown hair. She really had nice hair, very soft. She always smelt the same everyday, a flowery scent, something foreign, something special. After a few moments, Sakura's head twitched a little. I removed my hand right away.

(Sakura POV)

The rustling of the bed awoke me. Did Syaoran wake up? "Sya…roooon…?" I called his name in a croaky groggily voice. In reply, the blurry figure in my eyesight grunted back.

Syaoran was awake.

As if lightening had suddenly struck my brain with surging energy-. My eyes widened instantly and I bolted up and screamed. "SYAORAN!!!!"

Syaoran stared blankly at the That's-right-I-totally-just-screamed-your-name Sakura. (Probably too tired to bother asking or reacting to my scream) I blushed- I am so embarrassing, Even I wouldn't want to be with someone like me…

"Sya-Sya-Syaoran you've woken! Um Uh Eh I'll-I'll go call the doctors" I muttered as I shuffled left and right, wondering where the door was; my just-woken-up sanity was still a little wonky. I looked over at Syaoran, checking his comfort levels; our eyes matched. As usual, his petrifying eyes bore through mine. It always felt that way… Every time our eyes matched, it always felt as if I could not breathe for a couple of seconds, as if I was drowning in his gaze.

I could not help thinking about how close Syaoran was to me last afternoon, quite flustered; I turned my heel towards the door to look for a nurse.

Three nurses came into the room to take care of his medicine and temperature. I walked out of the room and through the hospital corridors, looking for a drink machine. I really needed some water right now; I had been next to Syaoran for the whole day yesterday, worried sick and eventually falling asleep at his side.

As I walked about, thoughts and memories zoomed rapidly into my mind altogether, like a bunch of hungry tigers caged away from the food. As I had not had time to think about anything else properly except for Syaoran's health since yesterday.

I was deep in thought.

Hospital corridors are good places to think, as everything is white and the floor is so clean that you don't have to worry about stepping on a piece of gum…

(Yes, I totally was deep in thought about stepping on gum.)

Okay seriously: Syaoran had a fever of over 40 degrees: A dangerously burning temperature. How did he put up with such a temperature with a cold poker face through the whole day? It really was incredulous…in a sort of, sad way. Was his pride to stay strong, cold enough to keep him surviving amongst such high temperatures, and for that long?

Yesterday, As Syaoran was wheeled into the ambulance; I had thought I had gone insane. I felt as if the world was crashing down on me. It felt as if the pieces of the skies were crumbling into sharp shards of glass, taunting to take Syaoran away. The expression on Syaoran's face as he lost conscience… an expression of extreme pain and suffocation, it really…broke my heart.

My fear for him was so intense, so desperate. The very thought of him in extreme pain, blew a time bomb in my mind.

When, had Syaoran become such an important person of my life? When had he become someone so precious? Well… I had always thought Syaoran as my worst enemy and the spawn of Satan himself… yet, why does my fingers tremble with fear, and why does my heart ache in the very thought of Syaoran hurt? Since when, had he been such a big part of my world… and my heart…?

I could not let Syaoran leave me.

Was I afraid… just like then, losing someone special to me?


Syaoran POV

After all the medications and the rest of the annoying "Mister-Li-Please-Take-care-of-your-body-and-inform-if-you-are-unwell"s from the nurses….

Sakura sneaked in.

Thank God, Sakura, Please save me and scare these people away with your clumsiness. They are pissing me off. I want to kick them but I can't make a fuss since I have to make a good impression for my name, and you don't since something like you don't matter in society anyways.

I stared hard at Sakura hard enough with my very-well-known hypnotic eyes, hopefully expecting her to read my mind.

She looked flustered when she met my (super hypnotic) eyesight, but as if she had understood, she politely asked the nurse for the tray of hospital food, that one of the nurses had been holding. The nurses murmured a few things to Sakura, who answered as "I understand, I will." and all of them silently (and thankfully no doubt) left the room.

Sakura and I were then alone, staring at the tray; she did not move a muscle. "Well…? Are you going to make me starve?" I ushered her in exhaustion. Sakura went red.

She meekly took one step forward and stopped, her face flushed again. I could feel a vein popping in the back of my (already) painful skull. It felt as if my blood pressure tunneled downwards, my mood faltered. I stared expressionlessly at her. "By the time you get here, I would already be a corpse, starved to death in a hospital. It'll be in the papers, and this place will stop having patients due to rumours of it being an unfair hospital that killed a patient because one dumb helper refused to provide any food. Hurry up dumbass, I want to eat the food, not you idiot. I'm not in the mood right now… so get here." I said all this quickly, in a tired toneless voice, dripping with sarcasm. (My headache did not help.)

'For someone who slept so very comfortably next to me, seems to have a very big problem with my presence now.'

As if my words had calmed her, Sakura quickly moved beside my bed, well, after nearly tripping over herself on the flat ground (how is that possible?!) and nearly letting go of the tray (which she didn't). She placed the tray in front of me and sat there staring at her hands.

I stared wryly at my food. How disgusting it looked.

Hospital food was never good. Cheap commoner food.

I picked up the spoon with my brittle phalanges, my forearm ached and my fingers started to shake, until my muscles betrayed me. My spoon fell with a resounding 'CLANG'. Surprised, Sakura jumped a little and quickly looked up, and stared at my hand with her large curious eyes. Then, she slowly smiled; a strange smile that seemed more thankful than sympathetic. She suddenly grabbed my fingers and gently laid them down.

I feel like a loser.

I glanced at Sakura's beaming face.

Or not.

Sakura picked up the spoon, and scooped up a bit of the steaming soup, she blew the steam off the soup (as it was too hot anyways.) and laying a hand under the spoon, reached up to my mouth and said "Syaoran Say Ahhhh" I swear, I thought I saw stars in her cheerful eyes.

I raised an eyebrow; I was too tired to react. Was feeding me that joyful? Somehow… this situation seemed very familiar to me, as if it had happened before. Nevertheless, I awkwardly opened my mouth, and drank the soup down. For some reason, it was very tasty…

I glanced sideways at Sakura; her large green eyes intently goggled back at me, as if expecting an answer. "Well… Gimme more." I answered.

I felt more like a loser, but it seemed to have made her incredibly happy as she broke up the bread and dipped the bread into the soup and hung it in front of my mouth. (Sakura also knows that I like it when bread is dipped into soup.)

After more of her Let's-feed-syaoran-game, she carefully sat still again and looked at her hands once more.

"… Ne Syaoran, ano…. Do you remember? I .. don't think you do, but, but I do!!... Errr. Yeah… Remember, when we were younger… you were sick with a fever before, and I fed you like this…" she trailed off and went very red.

Has Sakura gotten my fever? Why the hell does she keep turning red?! It's annoying and it's starting to worry me.

I could tell she really wanted to say something. You see, Sakura has a habit of saying "ne Syaoran, ano…" in the start of a sentence every time she had something she wanted to say. (It's a Japanese thing apparently)

I grunted in reply.


(4 years ago… Right after the "rain incident" in chapter 6, Syaoran POV)

I woke.

The rays of sunshine were creeping through the gaps between the curtains, creating straight lines of light, striping across my face; I forced my eyes to open.

I hate mornings.

Where am I?

I scrunched my eyes together, I tried to secure my vision, but the world was spinning and my eyes stayed stiff. All I could see was the bed I was lying on, and my body.

... This was not my bed. My bed was not so tiny, not made of cheap rusty wood… and certainly did not have such cheap commoner sheets.

When my vision had briefly secured, I looked around. This was definitely not my room. The surroundings were bleak and messy. Books and random cloths (that I don't even want to specify how dirty they looked) were spilled across the floor.

The door opened. Someone was coming this way. I could hear the light footsteps… left right left right… So light, like a feather. Who was it? And What did it want from me?

My vision was blurry. All I could see was a blurry image of a … small girl. She was walking closer towards the bed. I closed my eyes again and pretended to be asleep.

Suddenly, I felt something incredibly cool surged on top of my forehead. My eyes opened instantly and my body jumped a little, Taken back from the sudden icey-cold white cloth that was placed on my head. Was this person trying to poison me?

I raised my fist for self defense, and drastically faced towards my opponent. …but All I saw were two huge green eyes looking surprised back at me.

"Oh you're awake!" a familiar voice ringed into my ears.

Sakura?

Suddenly all the memories of last night flashed back at me, the rain, the umbrella, the shouting and those warm hands. Sakura's hands.

What had happened after that rain? I remember walking through the rain holding her hand… and the rest was blank.

"Syao.. Syaoran, do you remember? You blacked out in front of the backdoor. So I carried you here. I'm sorry I was going to take you to your room but housekeeper-san was in the corridors and and and you didn't, I mean you don't want them to know right?"

I gave a tired half-nod, trying to avoid eye-contact. I could not stand my pride being crushed. What if she was laughing inside, because of what she saw yesterday? I looked at her hands. She was holding something. Something that smelt good. On her hands was a tray with a bowl of hot soup, a glass of water and a piece of bread.

"Oh, and its Sunday today, so everyone thinks your still asleep in your bed. They're all out too. I'm sorry… my room is so shabby isn't it? But but the bed is really really clean, like really really really clean I promise. Really."

The amount of "really"s was making me nervous. Was this bed really clean?!

"You need to eat something before you have any medicine. Or you'll have a big big stomach ache. And that won't be very nice." Sakura smiled.

I did not answer; I lied there staring at her. Suddenly I felt my face get hotter and hotter. This fever was very strange. All the heat in my body seemed to have gathered onto my face. I felt sick.

Sakura sat next to me, the tray on her lap.

Why was she not asking me anything about yesterday? Surely she'd have something to blackmail me about after seeing me so useless yesterday night…

"Syaoran"

Oh, here it comes.

I glared at her. "..what?" I curtly replied, ready for any accusations.

She said, a little taken back from my sudden-energy. "Sya…Syaoran you'll have to sit up a little, you'll choke if you eat when you're lying down.."

I stood there confused and then surprised; it was completely not what I was ready for. I reluctantly sat up.

With her right hand she reached into her pocket. "I also bought these. They're medicine I got from the local pharmacy. Sorry, I ran out of my money so I used a little of the grocery cash.. I hope that's okay… what should I say to Mrs HouseKeeper-san… Do you think she'll be mad?... Oh nooo I think she'll be mad…"


Sakura continued to mutter and talk to herself in a superbly inhuman speed. I watched her quite clueless of what to do. My stomach rumbled.

As if her senses returned, she yelped and remembered the food. "Aiya!" She picked up the spoon.

"Ehhh the soup is way too hot." Sakura scooped a bit of the soup, and blew away the steam coming out of the spoon of soup. I do not remember the last time anyone had ever done that. Syaoran say "AHHH". I stared at her blankly. Was this woman crazy? I do not AHH.

Nevertheless, as if she had somehow controlled my body, my mouth automatically opened with a sullen "Ah.".

Sakura was surprised and she smiled again. This time a twice bigger smile.

.and my face got twice hotter.

This fever had made me a little crazy too.

One hand holding the spoon, the other under the spoon, she lifted the soup up to my lips. I drank in the warm soup. It was delicious. I had eaten so many different kinds of sophisticated and rich soups in my past. But this soup, this simple creamy soup was the best soup I had ever had. The warmest and most comforting.

"Sorry Syaoran, I couldn't find any good ingredients, so I just bought some Campbell soup from the local store and this bread is from my breakfast. I wanted to make something without being suspicious. I felt like a secret agent!"

She giggled, but those sympathetic eyes still stuck. I did not understand. Why was she saying sorry when she had given me her breakfast, risked herself to buy me medicine and cooked me the most tastiest soup I've ever had? Why did I even care?

I do not know.

Yet those eyes, those eyes I hated so much, seemed so big and… and green. Mesmerizing? What a gross word, but that was all I could think about.

"This bread is sort of stale and hard. It was cold when I came back so I reheated it in the oven, but it turned even harder!! But but but it tastes really really good if you put hard bread into soup. Like really really really good. So… Ummm.." Sakura's eyes moved side to side.

She ripped the bread into two, and then into fourths, and then into small eighths. I did not really feel like chewing anything but Sakura seemed so into-it, I just waited. Finally she dipped the bread into the soup and lifted the bread near my mouth. She looked at me expectantly. Once again her eyes automatically made my mouth open wide. She put the piece of hard bread into my mouth, but as she did, a little bit of her finger touched my lips.

I did not know what happened but it felt as if the world temperature had globally increased by a huge amount. (OH NOES, GLOBAL WARMING oDo!!!.) My heart was beating incredibly fast. What was wrong with me??

Aside from that, the bread was absolutely delicious. It was amazing how such an old and rusty-like bread could turn out so… happy.

She looked very happy. "How is it? It's good right?"

I grunted in reply. She really was very happy.

After the meal was finished, she opened the packets of medicine. By this time, my energy had restored and she quietly stood up and with the tray in hand she walked towards the door. She had left a glass of water and the medicine in the small lamp-table next to me.

Down Down Down the medicine went… my mouth to my throat, and the sickening feeling of cold cold water rushing down my intestines. She came back. This time with a basin of cold ice water and a separate small wet towel, ice shimmering and gushing as they hit the side of the basin. Click Clack Clack. She placed it next to the bed, on the floor. She dipped the towel into the water. Closh Closh Closh, and squeezed the excess water out of the towel. Ushering me to lie down, she put the towel onto my face starting from my cheeks and upwards towards my forehead and eyelids.. "My mom used to do this for me when I was younger. It always felt good when you had a fever." Sakura said quietly.

It felt good.

My heart pounded. It kept pounding. My face felt hotter, yet cooler from the towel. But as my heart raced, my face felt so much more hotter. It made me dizzy.

I looked out the window.

A rainbow.

The rain was gone. And after the rain there was only peace. The birds were singing again, I do not like birds who sing, but for this one moment, I forgave them.

After I had enough energy to return to my room, I felt it, her scent. Her scent lingered around my body, like a mount of fragranced wax.

It disappeared after a while. The strange feeling, that very feeling of wanting that scent of hers to shimmer around me just a little longer, that feeling of security, once again I could not comprehend.


(Back to the present)

When I had awoken from my daydreaming, my reminiscence of the past, I finally noticed. Whilst Sakura had been scooping spoonfuls of soup towards my mouth, her smile had disappeared, and had been replaced by a thin line. Her eyes, her beautiful eyes stayed glassy, but the happiness was not there, it was replaced with something cold, something unexplainable.

I was very surprised. "Uh.. Uh… W..What's wrong??" I asked her in awkward disclosure.

She said something in a low whisper, a muffled quiet voice, I could not hear what she said . She did not look at me in the eye. I frowned. What has she done now? What was she guilty for? I really wondered, thousands of explanations ran through my head, I rummaged for which one was at truce. "Wha…t?" I asked her, staring at her dumbly.

"I I mean, maybe, what if, my… my existence has always been a curse. My father, my brother, my mother they all had left me. I am a curse. And… and last time and this time, you got sick when you were with me… What if…." She droned quieter and quieter, deep into thoughts.

I did not expect that. Had Sakura been thinking about this the whole time? My health had nothing to do with her. I had been sick from days before, I had just happened to have given up holding it in when Sakura had been in front of me. Probably because Sakura was the only person in the world who I could trust to see me break down.

"What are you saying. Dumbass. Ugly. Idiot. This is my business. Has nothing to do with you. Chizi."

How much had the world compressed onto her, to make her, herself, to believe she was really a curse?

Hearing this, she moved her eyes to match mine, she was surprised. The ends of her mouth twitched, as if aching to smile. She laughed. A melodic laugh it was, as if that the moment a few seconds earlier, was non-existant, had never happened.

But even in her relief, I still saw that small glint in her eyes, that small glint of melancholy that could not be hidden by her laughter.

The hospital room was warm. The hospital bed was comfortable, and the food felt fresh (despite how it looked). But even so, it could not compete with the warmth and security that a small rusty bed and Campbell soup had given me so many years ago. Her scent still lingers.

I was happy.


AHhhh This whole aim of this chapter is sort of a look-in to Syaoran's thoughts. His thoughts made him feel more human. Take note that even though he says it so naturally, so humanly, in the outside he is not saying at all, no expressions, no sadness, no happiness, just nothing.

WELL.

That's that. Probably the longest chapter ive ever done. Nearly 5000 words. : D wholly wow.

Ciao