It Begins

"Of all the other years, this'll be the best prank..." Tanizaki Yukari mumbled to herself. "They won't know what'll hit them." Then she kind of just went into a fit of soft cackling before dissolving into sporadic snoring.

Kurosawa 'Nyamo' Minamo continued to drive, however she was now beginning to sweat profusely. She felt pity towards all of Yukari's students for what today would hold.

So she stepped on the accelerator to speed past a yellow light.

The sooner she gets Yukari to her class, the sooner Nyamo herself would be in the clear. After all, today was the 1st of April and Yukari always had one hell of an April Fools day -and always at someone's expense!

"Stupid P.E. teachers... You'll get what's coming to you..."

Poor Minamo's driving now closely resembled Yukari's, but still fell short by actually obeying the traffic signs instead of just taking them under consideration.


Azumanga Daioh!
Testing April 1st

By Arkhe

Warning list
COPYRIGHT
In Soviet Russia, you own Azumanga Daioh. Here and now, Azumanga Daioh owns you.
INNUENDO
Large helpings of Innuendo
INSUBSTANTIAL SHOUJO-AI
Rampant accusations of homosexuality that amount to nothing in the long run.
OSAKA'S DUB ACCENT (LITE)
I know this would really turn some people off, so I tried using it sparingly.

Please do not take this fic seriously.


Fated Day

"Hmm...?" Mizuhara Koyomi straightened her glasses, surveying the half-empty classroom. "Less than half the class is here? How odd."

"Kinda spooky, ain't it?" A voice hissed from behind, causing the glasses-wearing girl to straighten up in surprise.

"Don't do that, Tomo!" She quickly turned to admonish the person behind her -who she'd assumed to most likely be her violet-haired, hyper-active, childhood friend.

She had been correct, however aforementioned Takino Tomo had a very odd expression. The fixed smile and jaded eyes reminded her of something she could best describe as 'resigned horror', a stark contrast to her classmate's usual jubilant attitude.

"We're all gonna die tah'day..." Another voice softly flitted past Yomi and the brown-haired girl recoiled at that too.

"Geeze! You scared me, Osaka!" The usually level-headed student held a hand over her heart. "Don't you start taking on Tomo's bad habits!"

Taking the time to collect herself, Yomi noticed that despite Kasuga 'Osaka' Ayumu's entrance, none of her two friends were speaking with each other; both appeared to be fine with spacing out. Though this was not usually Tomo's behaviour, it was expected of Osaka.
...But Osaka seemed to be a little more spacier today than all the other days.

When Yomi eventually stilled her beating heart, she'd finally asked, "What are you two going on about?"

At this, both Osaka and Tomo simultaneously turned their heads in an excruciatingly slow manner - so much so infact, that the sound of a creaking door would probably have been appropriate to accompany the movement. More than a little jarred at this, Yomi unconsciously leaned a fraction away.

"Don't you know?" Yomi's friends both spoke in detached unison.

"'Don't you know?', what?" Kagura, the star swim-student asked, as she only caught the tail end of the exchange, being that she only entered the classroom at that moment.

"Hey Kagura," Yomi gestured at the swim-team member to come over. "Can you translate what these knuckle-heads are on about?" The brunette gestured at their odd behaving, mutual friends.

Amused at the thought that her numb-nut sisterhood were always good for a laugh, Kagura grinned and joined the trio after setting her belongings down at her desk. "What's up?"

"That fated day..." Tomo started and Osaka finished the sentence. "Is tah'day!"

"Oh no..." Kagura's eyes at first went wide, but they'd suddenly turned blank and the normally athletic girl slumped over; obviously suffering from the same symptoms her two space-cadet colleagues were currently exhibiting.

"NOT YOU TOO!" Yomi felt like introducing her face to her desk.

-.-

Escape

"Oh no..." One average student; Chihiro gasped. "Today's THAT day!"

Reaching over, the less-popular fodder-character grabbed Kaori's hand in desperation. "Kaorin-chan! We've got to go! The consequence of skipping school can't be worse than staying for today!"

At Kaorin's confusion, Chihiro pointed out the date on her school book.

"You don't mean...?-!" Kaorin's eyes widened in realisation.

It wasn't a surprise that Chihiro was now looking at a suddenly empty seat.

"Kaorin-chan," Chihiro inhaled sharply and was readying to sprint out of school grounds and catch up. "W-wait for m- eh?"

The surprise came when Chihiro found Kaorin tugging at Miss Sakaki's arm and trying to pull the taller girl out of her chair.

"Kaorin-chan...?"

-.-

Though one of her classmates was attempting to pull her out of her chair, Miss Sakaki didn't seem to be nonplussed about it, nor even remotely affected by the great strain Kaorin was appearing to exert.

"What are you doing?" Sakaki asked in a worried manner, though outside interpretation would have agreed she sounded gruff.

"We've got to get out of here!" Kaorin shrieked. "Today's the 1st of April!"

And just like that, everyone in class went still and there was the faint sound of crickets. All eyes turned to the exits of the classroom and much like a multi-limbed organism, rather than a panicked stricken class, they all rushed for the doors in an orderly manner...

...only to stop as one opened and a certain individual stepped inside.

"Oho!" Ms Yukari slapped a finger to her cheek. "Now, now! Though you're all as excited as I am, you've all got to remain calm and return to your seats!"

"She's early..." Yomi's hopes died in that instant.

"We're all gonna die!" Osaka's said aloud with a faint smile.

-.-

Entrance

"Good morning, everyone!" Everyone in class (or what little of the class) actually sank in their seats at the prospect. Their teacher had come in early on all days... Happy, carefree and... she pirouetted into class.

"Now that's the way to start a day!" Yukari stated with a gleam in her teeth. "We've got sunshine, a wonderful and beautiful teacher, a room full of victi-" She paused as her eyes scanned her audience and she corrected herself. "-a room half-filled with victims and..."

A stack of papers hit her desk.

"An absolutely terrific test!"

At the teacher's exclamation, the class groaned.

"And not just any test," The instructor waggled a finger. "It's a Yukari-brand test! I'll have you all facing important questions of your lives afterwards!"

Someone threw up.

-.-

Questions? Yomi?

On reading the first question, Yomi scrunched up her face in confusion.
On the second question, she lifted an eyebrow in suspicion.
On the third, in an incredible feat on its own, she paled considerably whilst blushing.

YUKARI'S TEST!

NOTE: Keep in mind that though this is a multiple choice test, you may choose more than one answer.

Question #01
Do you prefer;
a) Tuna?
b) Beef?
c) Chicken?

Question #02
How do you eat ice-cream?
a) Lick
b) Suck
c) Nibble

Question #03
So, about carpet...
a) It's well kept and regularly maintained.
b) Don't really notice.
c) Got rid of it for a nice clean surface!

Taking a brief once-over of the room, Yomi noted some of her classmates had perplexed expressions on their faces. Few had made possible connotations about what the questions may mean -which was evident by their tomato-red expressions. And an even smaller group of students (meaning less than a handful), were refusing to even put their pen to paper (though Osaka belonged in that last group, she didn't put her pen to paper because she'd fallen asleep).

Yomi decided on following the lead set by the smallest faction. After all, if she didn't answer a question along with them, then she could get out of Yukari's plans unscathed.

"Anyone who does not answer questions, will join the absent people in Mr Kimura's substitute P.E. Class tomorrow!"

Yukari's declaration suddenly sent a frantic humming of dashing pens on paper.

"So much for getting out of it unscathed," Yomi grumbled sourly, as she circled 'a' for all three questions.

-.-

Questions? Chiyo?

As with her track-record for all school activities (aside from sports), Chiyo should be doing well with this test as well. However, being too young at an age to understand to look underneath the questions and find their real meanings, all the innuendo flew right over her head.

"Hotdogs...?" She tapped the pencil to her chin. "I can't fit a whole one in my mouth and I don't think I ever can."

But it didn't stop her from answering honestly and diligently and making a progress (of-sorts) on her test.

-.-

Questions? Kagura?

Kagura seemed to be faring fine. However, this one question had her going for quite a while.

Question #27
In sports, how do you like your odds?
a) One on one. Like fencing.
b) A few people in good competition. Like swimming.
c) A team on team effort; the more the merrier! Like Baseball.
d) You against the world, cause you'll take everything everyone can dish out. Like being the lone survivor in Dodgeball.

"Though my favourite is swimming, I guess I do like all sports." She mumbled to herself and circled all the answers. It's really too bad that once the question mentioned sport, she'd forgotten about the underlying meanings.

Question #28
How do you prefer your teams?
a) Single Gender.
b) Mixed.

"Definitely mixed." Kagura smirked. "I'll give everyone a good licking."

Then the next question had her eyes widen and she couldn't stop the grin from her face as she circled all three answers.

Question #29
Concerning sports, you love the feeling of:..
a) Being on top -you're always in the lead since it's always about you!
b) Getting as much mileage out of the other team as possible -you sleep better at night knowing they felt that one!
c) Glistening sweat and sore muscles afterwards -cause you know it's proof how great and how long of a game it was!

-.-

Questions? Osaka?

Osaka had been drifting in and out of consciousness, so it was a miracle she'd gotten as far as she did.

Question #43
Do you lick the rim of a bottle?
a) Yes
b) No

"'Lick the rim?'" Osaka hummed quietly. "Isn't that like a rim-job?"

She circled 'a'.

-.-

Questions? Sakaki?

Question #91
Do you like animals?
a) Yes
b) No

Sakaki did not think twice and circled 'a'.

Question #92
Do you really like animals?
a) Yes
b) No

Again, Sakaki didn't give a second thought, as she circled 'a' again.

Question #93
No really. Do you really like animals. Like THAT?
a) Yes
b) No

A brief daydream of a field of cats had Sakaki still circle 'a' for this question too.

Yukari observed all this as the tall girl did so with a certain blush over her face. A bead of sweat trickled its way down the teacher's forehead.

Question #94
Please use the following space to list the animals you prefer.

-.-

Questions? Kaorin?

Question #232
The reason you look up to your idol is;
a) They have shoes you admire.
b) They have shoes you (like to?) think you could fill someday.
c) They have pants you want to be in.

"What to choose?" Kaorin mumbled worryingly, chewing at the tip of her pencil.

She'd considered the question both in a literal and a non-literal fashion and finally went on to circle the answer that appealed to her and paused...

"Do I really feel that way...?"

...only to erase her answer and choose another. Only to erase that one too -though in a more vicious manner.

It quickly became a cycle of choosing and erasing, choosing and erasing, time and time again. With so much erasing, the question had nearly become illegible, the paper wore thin, and Kaorin appeared to be in the middle of a mental break down.

-.-

Questions? Tomo?

"Man! This test is so easy!" Tomo laughed as she merrily raced through the questions when she'd eventually came to an abrupt stop.

Bonus Question
Do you think that I, Tanizaki Yukari, am a sexy goddess?
Raise your hand if you think so.

A serious expression crossed Tomo's face as she pulled her head up and waited patiently until Yukari locked eyes with her. Then a bright grin adorned the violet-haired student as she put her hand up and put the full use of her right arm to wave exaggeratingly. Yukari paled and started sweating bullets, but nodded her assent in seeing her student's action all the same.

With that out of the way, Tomo leaned back in her chair.

"Man... Soooooo easy!" She yawned loudly and stretched her arms over her head, evidently relaxing in having been the first to complete the test.

An uncomfortable silence drifted over the room as eyes locked on to the placated girl...

Course, she'd get a wider, more disbelieving audience once people eventually got to that final question.

-.-

The Waiting

It wasn't long before Yukari took up the 'tests' and began grading them in earnest, telling her class to take up free study. For the students, it was unnerving to see their teacher giggling every so often. This left time for the students to congregate amongst themselves and hushed questions and whispered conversations started up among the different groups.

"Wonder why the test had numbers up to 250...?" Kagura wondered out loud. "There were less than 30 questions!"

"Bleh, you guys can't fail this one. It was way tooooooo easy." Tomo unhelpfully commented.

"Those were some weird questions, huh?" A new high-pitched voice piped up.

At that invitation, Yomi began to start on her tirade. "Yeah, damn crude and downright f-..." But then paused to reprimand Tomo at the incessant tugging on her sleeve -at least until said girl pointed out just who had joined in the conversation.

"And downright...?" Chiyo tried to helpfully prod her glasses-wearing friend back on track (whilst Tomo snickered at Yomi in the relative safety of being behind the prodigy herself).

"Downright frustrating." Yomi didn't have the heart to finish her sentence as she intended in front of the innocent little girl.

"Is that why you didn't answer all the questions, Miss Mizuhara?" Asked Ms Yukari, who had somehow approached the group without them noticing. Just as Yukari placed Yomi's test on the table, the circle of friends instinctively gave poor Koyomi a wide berth.

"Umm... It's because I wasn't too sure how to answer them..." Yomi replied, a little frazzled. She'd hoped she'd answered enough questions without having to spend tomorrow with Mr Kimura.

"No worries, Yomi!" Tomo popped up from behind and slipped Yomi's paper out from under her hand. "I know you inside out! I got your back covered!"

Much to the glasses-wearing girl's chagrin, her childhood friend was blazing through her unanswered questions and had everything completed in less time then it took for the brunette to process the action to wrench her test away.

"Here you go!" Tomo passed Yomi's paper back to their beloved teacher. "All done!"

"Why, thank you, Tomo!" Yukari accepted the test graciously. "This is the first time you've actually been a help, rather than a hindrance!"

"Hahaha!" Tomo laughed confidently. "Oh, do go on, Yukari!"

Yomi's double-chop trigger-finger itched terribly.

-.-

Judgement

Yukari had finally finished 'correcting' the tests and was now ready to announce her next course of action.

"I'm sure some of you noticed how the test had odd questions," she started, causing most students to nod and others to sweat, " and the reason for this is because I had a psychologist create the test, so that I may look over your psychological profile and discuss it with you privately."

"Before that however, I will announce the highest scoring student..."

Everyone waited patiently. Chances are it would be Chiyo who'd get perfect marks as she had a perfect academic record thus far.

"And it is, Takino Tomo, who scored 101 out of a possible 101 points."

And there was a collective face-fault.

"OH YEAH!" Tomo pumped a clenched fist in the air then immediately turned around and boasted her superiority to her stunned classmates. "Suck on that, losers! All these years of copying homework finally paid off!"

"Yes, yes." Yukari dismissed her student. "While everyone may go take your advice and proverbially suck, I was just about to explain that this score does not affect your curriculum and other grades in any way."

While Tomo cursed up a storm, Yukari excitedley began on individual evaluations.

-.-

Answers. Kaorin.

"The thing with this test..." The Tanizaki educator glanced between Kaorin's test and her own notes. "...is that it can make very accurate predictions concerning not only a person's personality..."

Yukari grinned.

"...but also their current and potential romantic life."

Kaorin gaped before audibly swallowing. She'd been about to voice her concerns, but the excited teacher was quick to beat her to the punch.

"You're in unrequited love." The educator rushed her opening statement melodramatically.

"Eh?-!" Kaorin gasped.

"It's someone you admire..." Yukari circled her student, much alike a shark would circle its prey. "A person you'd put on a pedestal, but since you've worshipped them from afar for so long, your goal for their status had shifted to the person themself!"

Kaorin couldn't help but let her eyes dart towards a certain long-haired classmate.

"You long to be held in that strong but loving embrace..." Yukari cooed from Kaorin's left.

"You want to get lost in those bright, confident eyes..." This time Yukari sang from the student's right.

Then Yukari leaned into Kaorin's ear.

"Oh! Miss Sakaki!" She swooned in a whisper.

"Eeeeeee!" Kaorin nearly jumped out of her seat, her face aflame with embarrassment. "That's-! That's-! That's inappropriate, Ms Yukari! It's not like that!" The smaller girl covered her face with both hands and swiveled her head from side to side.

With Yukari having had her fun at Kaorin's expense, she moved on, leaving the girl to wonder at what her true feelings for a certain lone wolf were.

-.-

"That's ridiculous!" Kaorin attempted to justify to herself. "I don't really feel like that for Miss Sakaki!"

Feeling her resolve strengthening, Kaorin stuck with this particular line of thinking.

"I mean, I admire her because she has great grades -which is a mutual goal to strive to! And she's also the most athletic person there is -especially when compared to the rest of us! Of course, with that figure, she could have anyone she wanted! What with her long, soft hair -which is much nicer than mine or anyone elses', and those big, strong arms -which would protect you, and those deep ocean-blue eyes -that you could stare into foreve-"

Suddenly realising what she was doing, Kaorin stopped in mid-daydream and gripped her hair with both hands in a soundless scream.

Had she look over at that exact moment, she'd have seen her teacher lean into Chihiro's ear and whisper something that would cause her friend to blush and reduce herself to a heap of stammered denials.

-.-

Answers. Sakaki.

Yukari mentally giggled. All the students so far were so easy to read! It had practically become scripted, as most, if not all of the tests were producing the same answers!

"You long to be held in that strong but loving embrace... Oh! Miss Sakaki!"

"What?"

At this unexpectedly plain reply, Yukari had to blink. Then she'd looked over her current evaluation and promptly boggled. Miss Sakaki just stared back at her blankly.

"Oh... Oh Sakaki!" Yukari quickly rifled through her papers to find Sakaki's own test and correct her poorly assumed oversight. "Here we go!"

"According to this, your romantic life will be average. Though..." And the teacher knitted her brows at this, opting to say it in a way that made her squirm the least. "If you experiment, you'll find a phase you'll eventually grow out of."

When Yukari next caught her student's still stoic expression, she assumed she was given permission to move on to another student to torment.

"Eeewww. You think you know a person." The Tanizaki educator mused as she distraughtly ambled away. She did not bother to find the reason why her student listed her preferred animal as 'please turn over'.

Sakaki merely wondered what it was she just missed.

-.-

Answers. Chiyo.

"And the next student is..." Yukari glanced to her stack of papers only to pause and look up with a look of surprise.

"...Chiyo-chan."

Chiyo's large, innocent eyes connected to Yukari's own and the teacher honestly couldn't decide what to do next.

"Ms Yukari?" Chiyo's angelically sweet voice chimed. "Is something the matter?"

"Ssshh!" Yukari hushed her prodigy student. "I'm having an internal conflict of morals versus personal entertainment!"

The youngest member of the class prompty sunk in her seat at the prospect.

It was a few moments later that the eccentric English teacher finally chose how to approach the situation. "Well, I've finally decided how to go about doing this and I'll give it to you straight up; you won't be cute forever."

"What!-?"

"Yeah, you'll fill out to be hot stuff someday and you'll get alot of people attracted to you! Break some hearts for me, okay?" She gave the prodigy a hearty pat on the head...

"Being gay's probably only going to be a phase for you!" The teacher couldn't resist adding over her shoulder.

"Huh?"

-.-

Answers. Osaka.

"Hey, Ms Yukari!" The drowsy girl waved at her teacher, as enthusiastically as she could muster. "How's my sex-life gonna be?"

"Oh?" The brunette teacher raised an eyebrow at that. "You knew what the test was about?"

"Course I did!" Osaka replied with a smile. "Everyone knows midgets and that stuff go hand-in-hand!"

Yukari gave her student a bewildered look. "There wasn't a question about midgets..."

"...There ain't no midgets?" Osaka hung her head, confused. "Then what goes hand-in-hand like that?"

"Aaaaanywaaaaay..." Yukari let that brush with incoherence/dyslexia/dream sequence go. "According to this, you'll have a relatively normal sex-life. Though it doesn't really give an indication to any specifics."

"Oh?"

"Yeah, for all we know, you could either have a healthy relationship with a guy, or could go on a seducing spree with every male and female you meet."

"A seducin' spree...?"

"I dunno. Yours is too open to interpretation. Ciao!"

"Huh. A seducin' spree... " Osaka stared off into space. "Who'da thought I'd be capable of such a thing?" Then a somewhat determined look set in. "Get it tah'gether!"

-.-

Answers. Tomo.

"According to this, as a hyper-active person, your sexuality is determined by what entertains you and to what boundaries you can cross. However, what off-sets this, is that your biggest crush is the one person who you've devoted your life to, and all restrictions in your sexual endeavours will be set between both of you. In all likelihood, your biggest crush is your bestfriend, who happens to also be your childhood friend."

With a satisfied sigh, Yukari stopped to see Tomo's reaction. Said girl had not appeared to be affected in any way and thus irking the educator to no end.

"Why aren't you freaking out?" Yukari placed her hands on her hips. "I outlined you and Mizuhara perfectly."

"Me and Yomi?" Tomo blinked. "I thought you were talking about you and Nyamo! You two have been seeing each other since your highschool days and now you're both teachers in the same school!"

"WHAT!-?"

At this sudden revelation, Yukari brought her hands to her face in a panic.

"Me!-? No way! No! I'd never! You're crazy!"

After a few frantic moments of heated denials, the English teacher eventually gave pause as her oblong-shaped reasoning came full circle.

"Well played, Takino." Yukari nodded in serious and calm approval. "It is an honour to have faced one such as yourself."

"No, the honour is all mine, Yukari-sensei." Tomo replied with a deep bow. "If Interpol doesn't work out for me, I'll strive to be a teacher; just like you!" She added in barely contained excitement, with an accompanying thumbs up.

"You have my blessings," Yukari gave another nod of approval.

"I honestly don't think I could feel any closer to you than if I was already touching you!" Tomo's moist eyes sparkled in devotion to her teacher.

"I'd hug you but you're the only student who thought I was a sexy goddess; so you'll undoubtedly try to cop a feel." Yukari too, fought to hold her own tears back.

"Oh, Yukari!"

"Oh, Tomo!"

"Oh God." Yomi muttered under her breath at the display.

-.-

Answers. Kagura.

"Ah... Well, if it isn't Miss Kagura."

"Err... What've you got for me, teach?" Kagura hesitantly asked, noticing how Yukari's track record of personal evaluations left students looking confused, ashamed and/or utterly bewildered.

"You should go straight to Nyamo," Yukari said up front, "since you're practically following in her footsteps, she can give you tips on how to please men."

"WHAT!-?"

"Yeah, she knows alot about that sort of thing." The teacher added in a sage-like manner, causing Kagura to blush.

-.-

"Oh!" Yukari snapped her fingers, as if remembering something she'd forgotten. "She also knows a thing or two about girls!"

Feeling quite scandalized at that, Kagura was about to defend her swim-coach when Yukari's next choice of words had her stop.

"Course, that'd be awkward for you, considering you're crushing on her and all."

"Wha-what!-? How can you say that?-!" Kagura's stuttered denials were akin to an epileptic fit, but Yukari pressed on as normal, as if they were talking about the weather or something else just as menial.

"What a dilemma..." The teacher shook her head. "I mean, you've been crushing on Sakaki for a while now. Then suddenly that wildcat, Tomo's been growing on you too."

"N-no! I'd never-!"

"Denial! Denial! Denial!" The teacher sang as she danced away.

-.-

Answers. Yomi.

"And finally, Miss Mizuhara." Yukari cleared her throat and beginning before her student could halt her.

"It appears you are both a hard studier and a hard worker, though this takes a toll on how you perceive yourself. However, there's also an underlying feeling that you might be holding a crush on someone, though your insecurity will make this a problem."

"What? Is that it?" Yomi still readied herself for the other shoe to drop.

Yukari's curt nod calmed her student immediately.

"Why's everyone all going crazy then?" The glasses-wearing student asked indicating to the destructive trail Yukari left in her wake.

"Oh, stuff I said about them liking Sakaki, you liking Tomo, the questioning sexuality thing for the majority." Yukari shrugged. "The usual."

"That's the usual!-?" Yomi exclaimed at Yukari's retreat.

Then the whole sentence suddenly sunk in for the brunette student. "...Me liking Tomo!-?"

-.-

Brake for Breaks

Having had her fun, Yukari took her place back at her desk. "So anyway, all of you guys were good sports, so it's a free period for the rest of the lesson." The teacher announced before yawning. "Since I spent all of last night getting this junk together, I'm taking a nap now."

However, before the brunette instructor could fully immerse herself in a comfortable position, her head darted up and she'd added: "If anyone gets the need to do things to someone or themselves, do so quietly or else!"

With her threat out of the way, Yukari surrendered herself to the recess of sleep. Needless to say, free period was spent individually.

-.-

Eventually the school bell chimed, signalling the break. Yukari beamed in satisfaction, gave a wave and was out of everyone's hair (albeit a little too late for the damage had been done).

Lunch began in awkward affair. The student groups gathered like in routine, but because of the uncomfortable air, no one was willing to start a conversation. Leave it to someone who didn't understand what just happened to speak first.

"So I'm gay?" Chiyo asked in a puzzled and slightly worried tone.

"Yukari-sensei's just in one of her moods, so you shouldn't listen to her today, Chiyo-chan." Yomi advised her younger peer.

"So, I'm gay..." Osaka echoed with a wandering lilt.

"And you shouldn't either!" Yomi turned on the wispy girl standing on the opposite side of Chiyo.

The carrot-haired child-highschool student seemed to look thoughtful for the moment, but it soon resolved into an expression of set determination and a bright outlook.

"I am gay!" The prodigy suddenly exclaimed, whilst clapping her hands together for emphasise. This caused everyone else to stop and stare at the child for a long duration.

"We can be gay tah'gether!" Osaka wrapped an arm around her friend's shoulders.

"Err..." Yomi offered, but words failed her at this time. Technically, words failed everyone at this point. It didn't help when Chiyo attached herself around Osaka's waist either, what with a wide smile adorning her cute little face.

"Whoa!" Tomo exclaimed excitedley at the antics of her friends. "It's a true to life pervy highschool story!" The violet-haired girl clenched her fist and shook it forlornly. "If only I had a camera! I'd be rich!"

"Idiot!" Yomi did what everyone was thinking of -she gave the exuberant girl a slap to the back of the head. Whilst one disaster was cradling her sore cranium, Yomi took it upon herself to diffuse the other.

"No, I don't think you're gay." Yomi tried to smile reassuringly at her younger friend. "I mean, you don't like girls, do you?"

"But I do!" Chiyo scrunched her face up as she disentangled herself from Osaka. "I'm happy that I like all of you!"

"You like... all of... us...?" Mizuhara's glasses reflected the sun in a way that made her expression as unreadable as Sakaki's own current visage currently looking like it's been cut from granite.

"Yes!" Chiyo intoned. "I'm happy that I've got such great friends!" Her brilliant smile started to seep away at the odd looks everyone was exchanging. "Gay means happy, right?" The prodigy went on to ask in an unsure manner.

Suddenly catching on to the word's definition that Chiyo hinged on, everyone nodded and verbally agreed with great relief. No one was about to correct Chiyo on what Yukari meant though.

"I guess wealth comes and goes..." Tomo sighed with a longing expression on her face.

Everyone else had to sweat at that.

-.-

"Man... Did you see the guy that ran out crying?" Tomo brought up, once she'd finished her melon roll.

"Yeeeeahhhh..." Kagura also remembered when Yukari spoke with him. "But Yukari pretty much gave us all the same weird speech. I always figured he was kind of..." She left the sentence hanging and everyone filled it in themselves, knowing exactly what she meant.

"I heard Ms Yukari tell him to get back in the closet." Osaka helpfully added her tidbit in between small bites of her lunch. "Cause he wasn't fooling anyone."

"Aaaaaahhh." Everyone but Chiyo chorused. The little girl was unlucky enough to not have a large enough cross-referenced vocabulary for a few years yet (which was probably a good thing for the time being).

-.-

The prickling feeling running down her neck had Tomo realised she was being watched. Looking up right at that moment, she caught the person in the act for the third time since lunch had started.

"Geeze! You've been staring at me alot!" The violet-haired girl stated aloud to her open-voyeur -much to the other's embarrassment. "Is there something on my face?" Both hands came up as she'd scrambled to wipe off whatever was holding such attention.

"N-nothing!" Kagura shied away. An action which Tomo found rather odd, but was unfortunately quick to make the right connection.

"Ooo-oo-oh!" Tomo jumped up and pointed a finger directly at the swimmer. "You want to bone me!"

Everyone else in the group started choking on their remaining lunch. Chiyo had a question mark over her head.

"Wha-what!-?" Kagura coughed up her rice. "N-no! I'd never!"

"Hohoho!" Tomo covered a mouth, while she laughed. "Your mouth says 'no', but your blushing says 'yes'!"

Kagura blushed further and mentally willed herself to be inconspicuous, but Tomo took no heed and moved in and jovially slapped the other girl on the back.

"It's alright!" The loud girl reassured her admirer. "Everyone wants a piece of Tomo!"

The girls rolled their eyes at Tomo's obnoxious observation. The same thing ran through their minds; 'everyone wants a piece of Tomo' alright, but not in the way the wildcat was referring to.

-.-

Lounge It Up

Yukari kicked back in the teacher's lounge, the Cheshire grin plastered on her face had a quite remarkable connection to remind people of the saying; 'the cat that ate the canary'.

"So you finally got it out of your system then?" Nyamo noted her friend's content behaviour.

"Heh! Pretty much!" Yukari chirped. "I got them so good, I'll be feeling great for the next month or so!"

Nyamo's mental sigh of relief had been interrupted when Yukari added. "Look out for your star swim-student though! She's holding a torch!"

Before Nyamo could question her cackling comrade, the bell rang and Nyamo had to ready herself for P.E. and whatever nonsense Yukari instigated on her students.

"Get too close and you might get burned! Eheheheh!"

-.-

The changing in the locker room had been a tense ordeal, as most eyes darted in suspicion to make sure they weren't the ones people were eyeing. Irritatingly, one of the few people unaffected was Tomo; the optimistic girl continued to humm brightly while she changed.

Of course, once Sakaki entered, all eyes were on her.

She picked up on it rather quickly. "What?"

And everyone scrambled to concentrate on their own changing. Kaorin fought very hard to keep her growling to herself.

-.-

The girls lining up to await her instruction had been an odd affair for Nyamo. Few girls could meet her gaze head on as most eyes were glued to the ground. Stranger still, when she caught Kagura's gaze, her swim team student would blush and quickly look in another direction.

Ignoring it at first, she instructed the girls to go about their stretches.
Most did so hesitantly.

It was only when physical contact with some of the girls had them yelp and blush extensively, did Nyamo plant her foot down. "Alright, what did Yukari do?-!"

"She gave us a test!" Tomo lazily paddled by in satisfaction.

"And...?" Nyamo impatiently prodded.

"And I did great!" Tomo laughed. "I was top of the class!"

"The test was about our... err... psychological profile, Ma'am." Chihiro volunteered before Nyamo could drown the violet-haired girl.

"There's got to be more to it than that!" The Phys. Ed. teacher exasperatedly replied, wanting to get to the bottom of this as soon as possible.

"It also involved our thoughts on err..." Yomi hesitated. She motioned her teacher over and told her in a low tone.

"Romantic lives?" Nyamo repeated it aloud, completely in disbelief that such a concept had traumatized everyone. "What's so bad about that?"

Sakaki suddenly became a prominent figure in coveted cornered eyesight. Realising with a start what this could mean, Nyamo turned to Kagura for confirmation. Said girl had immediately blushed and looked away again.

No doubt about it; Kagura had just been looking her up and down.

"YUKARI!"

-.-

Public Apology

"Thanks to some tattle-tale..." Yukari shot dark glares over her fully dressed and seated students. "...I've got to apologise to you brats because Nyamo got her panties in a bunch."

-WHACK!-

"OWWW!" Yukari's hand shot up and rubbed her sore cranium.

"Do it properly!" Scolded Nyamo, who held up her weapon of choice; a rolled-up notebook, as menacingly as she could.

"Okay, okay! Hold on," Yukari submitted.

The brunette teacher closed her eyes and took a deep breath. When next she exhaled, she'd opened her eyes and everyone immediately saw the shift in their teacher's posture. For once, their teacher was... upright, contemplative and serious.

"My actions today were unforgivable," she began earnestly, taking everyone by surprise. "In the coming months, I'd been entirely focused on planning for the biggest prank I'd ever done. Of course, last year's was..." Yukari brushed her fingernails against her dress in modest pride. "...memorable."

Everyone in class winced. Of course it had been. No one could get the blue ink off their hands and faces for the whole day.

"So, imagine when I had to think of something that would be bigger than last years." The teacher continued. "Pulling off something too big would cost too much (which I must say that us teachers don't get paid enough), but I'd still wanted something big... That's when it hit me."

"I realised a lasting impression would be just as, if not better, than a large-scale prank." A favored sigh escaped from Yukari's lips, but she shook it off. "But I guess I didn't think it through and because of this, I'd stretched some friendships and made you guys really uncomfortable with who you associate with."

"And for that, I apologise to each and everyone one of you," Yukari bowed her head, "I'm sorry."

Nyamo gave a nod of approval, her preferred weapon unrolled itself. "Good. I've got to go back to my classes now, so you better behave," She gave a parting reprimand before heading for the exit.

"Snnnnkkttttt..." Once Nyamo closed the door behind her, Yukari couldn't hold back and she convulsed into hysteric laughing.

"Oh geeze!" She held her stomach and wiped a tear away. "Man, I had you guys so bad!"

The class groaned. They weren't really too surprised. It was just like last year too.

"And Nyamo's so going to have a fit when she finds I'd done her test and left an answer to what it means! Hehehehehe!"

And morale deflated even lower.

"On the plus side though..." Yukari gave everyone a thumbs up. "Being the generous person I am, I've decided to boost everyone's marks for Sex Ed!"

The vague siren of an ambulance faded in and out and was quickly soon followed by the bell. Yukari was quick to get the hell out of dodge.

-.-

End

"Next year's nearly here..." The carrot-haired little girl said a little wistfully, as she'd put her things back into her bag tidily. "We'll all part ways after our senior year."

"Yeah, though I can't say I won't miss Yukari's April Fool's days," Yomi scoffed. She certainly was not using her peripherals to glare at a certain blushing swimmer; who wasn't staring between a certain tall, long-haired beauty and a certain hyper-active childhood friend.

"But I'll miss seeing all of you at school." Chiyo sighed. "It feels like there's still so much that needs to be done!"

"Yeah..." Osaka wistfully agreed. "I still have so much boys and gals to seduce."

Everyone turned and stared wide-eyed at Osaka (including the young Mihama, who'd recognised THAT word). The floaty girl merely smiled cheerfully in response to their astonished gaping. "I've got my work cut out for me! I have mah' hands full with you guys as it is!"

Wisely, noone decided to pursue Osaka's line of thought -wherever that may be.

The End


Author's Notes:
Welllllllll... I'll cut to the chase and say why I wrote this fic.
1) I had the idea for this kind of test sitting around for ages. Once I realised April 1st was coming up, I suddenly had a reason for writing it. Hahah, nearly published it too late.(Though it was April 2nd in my time zone!)
2) I guess I wanted to do something other than Naruto for a change.
3) Azumanga Daioh is a beloved series of mine. It's one of my most favourite anime and mangas and I felt I needed to put up something about it. Though I might do a quickie follow up, I doubt I'll do more Azumanga Daioh one-shots. Who knows though? I just might if I get inspired to.
4) I'm a guy.

Well, the ending was weak compared to the rest, so I'll consider doing a follow up of the day after. Not much else to note of this fic, aside from I might be releasing a few short fics of other series' outside Naruto.

Vers. 1.0 (First released April 1st, 2006)
Revi. 1.1 (3rd revision April 2nd, 2006)
Revi. 1.2 (4th revision April 10th, 2006)
Revi. 1.3 (5th revision August 13th, 2006)
Revi. 1.4 (6th revision January 12th, 2007)
Vers. 2.0 (Minor upheaval July 10th, 2007)
Vers. 2.1 (Minor upheaval June 18th, 2009)
Vers. 2.2 (Minor upheaval January 23, 2011) Ffs, ; Stop messing up my formatting.