Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter.
Sorry for the late update!
'September- Part I.'
The Train Ride & Back to Hogwarts:
The train ride was highly eventful and excellent. I started the academic year- okay, well nearly the academic year- by planting a few dungbombs in the Slytherin's compartment where Snivellus- the slimy git and target of nearly all my pranks- was. Added bonus? Lucius Malfoy, the guy I love to hate; his girlfriend and unfortunately my cousin, Narcissa Black; Rudolphus Lestrange, who will definitely die for that nutter Voldemort; his girlfriend and even more unfortunately, my psychotic cousin, Bellatrix Black; and last but definitely not the last on my "Love to Hate" list, my younger brother, darling Regulus, were all there, and kazam!, they all are now stinking like a puddle of vomit combined with some of my mother's cooking (which, for the record, tastes worse than crap and smells like shit).
A sad fact was that Rabastan Lestrange, Rudolphus's brother, managed to escape being stink-bombed, owing to the fact that he was skulking outside the compartment. Oh well. Better luck next time, and anyway, Prongs and Wormtail managed to hex him. Note: The former got yelled at by the love of his life, Lily Evans, later on, after she found out.
Observation: Said love of James' life seems to resent James cursing Slytherins.
Observation 2: Unfortunately, do not think James can be rid of habit. Sorry Evans. Guess you'll have to live with that particular quality in your future boyfriend and husband.
Note to Remus and Peter (for I know you'll read this excellent entry): Yes, Prongsie and Lilykins will get together. Never fear!
Anyway, on to the most interesting part of the train ride.
The Prefects Meeting.
This year's meeting will be marked as the Most Eventful Prefects Meeting Ever In The History of All Prefects Meetings. Why? 'Coz Prongsiekins became Headboy!
I'll wait while the reader recovers from a fainting fit.
Yes, my best friend and fellow prankster James Potter, the James Potter who broke five hundred and seventy five school rules in one day just to see how many rules he could break, became Head Boy.
When I saw his letter and his badge, I fainted, and Prongs was already on the floor by then. It took eleven buckets of water to recover Prongs.
Back to the point; Prongs being Head Boy meant that he'd have to attend the Prefect meeting for once, which also meant cancelling my plans for stink-bombing the Prefects' compartment. Oh well, you can't have everything.
Of course I was extremely nervous, in case my best friend became a goody-two shoes or something like that.
Turns out I shouldn't have worried. Prongs and Wormtail, after all, hexed Rab-ass-tan so badly that he's now pink striped with grey and, and a few other additions.
So anyway, back to the Prefects' Meeting. James walked to the prefects' compartment a little too ahead of time. I mean, come on. Exactly one minute and two seconds before the appointed time is a bit too much right? But anyway, I guess I know why Prongs did so. After all, Lily Evans, object of all Prongs's affections, etc. etc., was definitely the Head Girl. It was so obvious. Turns out that Evans hadn't turned up yet when we (the Marauders) entered the compartment, so Wormtail and I were helping ourselves to a few- okay, okay, the whole bunch of chocolate frogs which were in a bowl and tossing the cards to Moony- he's actually interested in the history of all those dead guys or important guys or whatever- and James was grumbling about the fact that Wormtail and I were hogs. As if! I tried to tell him he was wrong, which was kinda hard considering that I had five chocolate frogs in my mouth, when the compartment door slid open, and The Red Head entered.
Prongs promptly ran a hand through his hair and smiled charmingly. I, however, stuffed another frog in my mouth and greeted Lily:
'Whufsh uf Evansh?', meaning, "what's up Evans?".
Red Head, however, glared at me disgusted, probably due to the fact that I had six chocolate frogs in my mouth, and was attempting to talk without swallowing, according to Remus. Intelligent nut.
SO, anyway, Lilykins told me, Peter and Jamesipoo to beat it (always put the donkey at the end!) because we weren't prefects and all that jazz- according to her anyway.
Here, James fake-coughed a lot of times, and looked pointedly down at his badge.
Evans instantly gasped, before admitting her undying passion for James and rambled in awe, about how clever and handsome he was, and how she had been playing hard to get, before the two engaged in a passionate snog…Not.
Okay, what really happened, was that Lily clapped a hand to her mouth, and stuttered, "P-potter, y-…you're H-head…"
She couldn't even complete that sentence, because the next second she fainted. Peter and I gaped, because come on, who would faint just by finding out that James Potter had become Head Boy? Granted James and I did, but that's different. Remus looked on calmly.
Lily would have hit the floor, if not for James, who, in a very Romeo-ish style, caught her around the waist, in such a way that his face was directly over hers.
'Lily? Lily?' He said in that worried voice which of course proves that he is in complete and total love with her.
Fortunately or unfortunately (for James), Lily regained consciousness and seeing James' face directly over her's was probably not a welcome sight.
'Lily, are you ok-' James was genuinely worried, but he never got to finish his sentence.
'OW! Crap, crap, crap!' James jerked away from Lily, rubbing his shin, which Lily had kicked, hard. I must add that Lily has taken self-defence classes from age ten, and when she kicks, she can kick hard. Believe me- I've learnt the hard way.
Evans managed to regain her balance. James was still whining about his shin. Pansy.
'What did you do that for?' James asked.
Red Head for a strange seemed a bit flustered, but she replied coolly. 'Seeing your face directly above mine is not, repeat not my cup of tea, Potter.'
'Coming back to the subject?' Peter interrupted.
'What was the subject anyway?' Lily and James said at the same time. (Of course James' sentence involved inserting "bloody" before subject, but whatever).
'The subject was Lily reacting to James saying that he was Head Boy.' Remus said.
'Oh yeah, Potter being Head- wait-H-head…' Again Lily didn't complete her sentence, because she fainted again, this time right into James' arms.
Man I'm getting so used to this.
Oh man. It's so good to be back. Back home that is. I mean, my second home. My first home will always be Prongs' house, 'coz there you can wreck everything in sight and not get put in detention- though that might take the fun out of it- and also of course due to Mrs. Potter's delicious food. And she makes it without magic, and without the help of house elves. Can you believe it?
Surprised that I'm staying at my best friend's house? Don't be. See, till fifth year, I stayed in the hell hole. The domain of Dark Arts. The House of Horrors. The Realm of Wretchedness. In simpler words- No. 12, Grimmauld Place, London, or simply- Black House. "Black House". A name given by my dear mother. Who is in fact a psychotic cow whose only aim in life is to screech bloody murder at everyone who is
not a pureblood.
not supportive of Dark Arts.
supportive of the fact that muggleborns have a right to live.
So yeah, she hates more than half of the wizarding population. Well, she was the main reason I ran away to James' house, and yes I know that people out there might raise their eyebrows at my describing my mother as a "psychotic cow" but in fact I'm far too kind in my description; she is in fact, a Dark Arts obsessing, pureblood-loving, mudblood-hating psychotic B-I-T-C-H, and is the main reason why I read the obituaries in the Daily Prophet everyday.
SO back to the subject. What was the subject?
Note to Remus: Here I know my loopy friend will comment on my lack of memory but I will show him! I will remember what I was talking- er, writing about even if it kills me! I will…er…I will turn back a few pages and see what I was actually writing about? Hee, hee.
Oh yeah, I was talking about how great it was to be back, yadda, yadda fudge. Which reminds me: I'd better compliment the house elves on their cooking. They'll usually serve something yum for breakfast that way.
Anyway, old Dumbles- Professor Albus Dumbledore to the prudes out there- started his speech with the four words: Chaos, 'Duffled, Lump and Fuss, and I swear he keeps getting cleverer everyday. Then after we ate- which took a short time, and I'm proud to say I beat Peter at who-can-stuff-the-most-food-in-his-mouth-and-not-get-sick- Dumbly introduced the Heads, and James didn't notice that I'd reworded his badge to "Head Bum". Red Head said a few words, coughspeechcough, and James was blankly nodding, staring at her arse rather than listening. Good boy James, I'm proud of ya.
I hate Moony. I really hate him.
Because he actually kicked me out of bed, and splashed cold water on my face till I threatened to shove my wand up his arse. And he just glared at me, waving his own wand in my face and telling me to get my lazy arse out off bed and into the bathroom before he carried out my threat on me. I'm so depressed. Sniff.
Well, after I finally got ready- the finally according to Moony, only though, 'cause I know I take a remarkably short time in the bathroom. Honestly. Fourty five minutes and three and a half seconds was the very short time, in which I brushed my teeth, and bathed while singing my version of the school song, while Moony yelled at me through the door to hurry up. Sodding prude.
I am writing this in Transfiguration- second class- and McGonagall has been sending me weird looks because she believes I'm taking notes.
Hah. She actually believes that I, the Great Sirius Black who has note taken notes down (I said taken, not passed) since the first class of Transfiguration in first year (My adorably handsome eleven-year old self was bullied by Remus to take down notes) would actually take notes nao.
Moony is glaring at me not-so-subtly, because the nosy prat is reading what I am saying.
Padfoot, I am not a "nosy prat" and never will be. And further more, I'm glaring at you because you've spelt "now" wrong. It's "now" not "nao" you brainless bugger.
Padfoot are you actually taking notes down?
Prongs, I'm proud of you. You've actually taken your eyes off Lily's behind for the amazing amount of five seconds, to pen this down.
Oh. Er, thanks Moony.
Prongs? I was being sarcastic.
Sod off Moony. Prongs I hate you. You actually thought that I would take notes down? Whaddaya take me for? Some kinda prudish arse like Moony?
Mr. Moony would like to point out that "prudish" is not a word and that Mr. Padfoot is exceedingly rude to Mr. Moony.
Mr. Prongs agrees with Mr. Moony and would like to point out that Mr. Padfoot is an ugly git.
Delayed reaction there Padfoot.
Hey Wormtail! So you're joining our note-passing session then?
Well, McGonagall's lecture on the theory of the Conjuring spell is really boring.
Hey! How come YOU guys are writing in MY book?
Any objections Padfoot? My offer of sticking my wand up your arse can still be carried out.
Moony mate! Your language is simple excellent! Carry on passing notes- it really delights me!
Thank you, thank you very much.
You're talking- er, writing like that Prestty guy you were rambling about.
Elvis Presley, Wormtail- Presley.
For a person from a wizarding background, yes. But even spelling wise, PresTTy and PresLEy are-
Mr. Prongs would like to point out that Mr. Moony's lecture on grammar and spelling is a waste of ink and parchment and also that it is boring the other three of us…or them. Whatever.
Mr. Padfoot agrees with Mr. Prongs.
Someone's passed us a note.
Yes. That's right. Maybe its some sexy chick who is awed by my hot and sexy body and wants to snog me sensel-
Black, if you even complete writing that I. Will. Maim. You. Now read the damn note I sent you while I withdraw myself from your little note-passing session, and actually listen to Professor McGonagall.
That was Evans wasn't that? God Prongs I don't know WHAT you see in her.
Probably a tight ass.
Wormtail! When did YOU start talking about female body parts?
Guys, I think you'd better read Lily's note because it is really important.
Yeah, yeah, yeah Moony. Maybe she's finally confessed her undying love for me.
Shut it Prongs. Now what's the Red Head written?
Black, Potter, Pettigrew and Remus,
I would like to write that you're note passing session is highly horrible as you're not paying attention to what Professor McGonagall has to say. Also, said professor has noticed your note passing session and is currently standing next to Black's desk, but that prat, being as prat-tish as he is, has not noticed.
ps: No Potter, I will not go out with you.
Hah! What a joke! Evans will not intimidate me with that stupid gag! Professor McGonagall is actually standing and giving us a totally useless lecture, while she dreams of Dumbledore whom she loves and has a secret affair wit-
'Black, you'd better not complete writing that.' A voice says. I look up, only to see the extremely angry face of my Transfiguration Professor, Minerva McGonagall.