Hi ppl!

I've never done this kind of story before… Well, not Naruto based.

I just recently got into Naruto (sighs, first it was Yu Yu Hakusho, then Kingdom hearts… now this) – and my information about it is a little fuzzy about most characters, so I'm starting out small on this board so make check that some things might be rushed because I've had to squish things together, and since I've never really written a Naruto fic… please excuse me if I get any facts wrong. Heck, I've only looked up character information in Wikipedia and I've only read up to Volume 10 of the manga – I've not seen the anime yet.

This story is AU. It is about Team 7 and their growing consideration towards Kakashi's lateness. Until one day, he gives them a really unbelievable explanation as to why he was late for over an hour, Naruto decides that Kakashi might need a woman in his life to improve on his life… not to mention, any extra credit he might gain if he managed to get Kakashi paired up with a perfect girl. Therefore, Sakura, Naruto and even Sasuke go on a hunt to find a nominee they think might suit him…

This story consists of only four parts. It's Kakashi x ? With slight and unfortunately, very minor SasuSaku and NaruHina because I don't know their personalities very well (gomen….). Just be sure, that there will be hinted pairings of the above mentioned.

PS Watch out for OOC-ness (especially around Sasuke…), and I've also slapped in some OCs because unfortunately, I've not yet encountered Tsunade, or much of other female characters, although they will be mentioned in my fic. And also, watch out for some randomness.

Short story

Idiots in Love

By Fish and Chips

Part 1

The Path where Everything Starts:

The Lamest and Worst Excuse in History Ever?



The blonde haired boy, Uzumaki Naruto, groaned as he kicked some pebbles from his path as he walked down the road of Konoha Village, which was filled with shops, houses and

busy people bustling up and down the streets past him. Kakashi-sensei was out getting groceries today - so in the house, it was only him, and his team mates, Haruno Sakura and that moron Uchiha Sasuke who were left alone on a Saturday morning. He himself was only 12 years old, along with Sakura except from his rival, Sasuke, who was still 12, but definitely much more mature. Why was Naruto so glum today? He was used to be bubbly and popping down to his favourite ramen stand where Iruka-sensei would treat him to ramen - but today, it was totally different.

In the early morning, he had set up a 'diabolical' plan to embarrass Sasuke in front of everyone at the main corridor leading to everyone's rooms - this 'everyone' was just Sakura and him. Naruto had set up a trap rope, once that Sasuke-moron had stepped through it to go to the kitchen where it would be tied around, the door to the kitchen (which had been booby-trapped with a pail filled with freezing icy cold water balanced on top) would open, and the pail would drop, all over an unsuspecting Sasuke's head and chill him right to the bone! Naruto had clasped his hands together and smiled devilishly. However disaster struck as Naruto hid in the bushes to watch Sasuke's demise himself, as Sakura waddled out from her room tiredly, still half asleep. And Sakura, being known to have a H.U.G.E crush on Sasuke ("What's so charming about him?" - Naruto), opened the door before Naruto could stop her and the pail dropped. He hadn't accounted for this to happen, and didn't have a back up plan either... Oh boy, was the poor kid in for it now?

There was a loud splash and a scream. Sasuke sat up in his futon abruptly and looked at the doorway.


There was a slight silence. "NAAAAARRRRUUUUUTTTTOOOOOO!"

As Sakura strangled the wind out of him, Sasuke entered the kitchen, went to the water flask and poured a glass of water out. Before turning to leave, he said: "What are you two doing?"

Sakura immediately let go of a blue-faced Naruto. "Sasuke-kun! He – The – Water – It fell… on me…. Naruto…" She trailed off, and her face began to burn a fierce red.

Sasuke snorted. "Hmph, whatever." And he left.

Sakura was unusually quiet as the water leaked over her cheeks. She looked as if she was crying…. Was she?

"Sakura…?" Naruto began, about to place a hand on her shoulder.

She ignored him, got up and dusted herself off, before running to the doorway. "I don't want to speak to you again, Uzumaki Naruto!"

Well, back to Naruto in the streets - people whispered as he passed by - sure, his face was beaten up and bloodied by a girl – he didn't mean to make her that mad. Not by any girl, but by the love of his life - he sighed. Why were girls so complicated? Why did they have to be so loud and – Naruto rubbed his cheek which has a large red print on it – Why do girls hit so hard? Especially Sakura? Naruto frowned as h thought about her – she's such a masculine girl, with rotten temper and abnormal strength hidden under a cute face and pink locks of hair. Naruto sighed deeply and shoved his hands into his pockets.

He was going to have some ramen with Iruka and enjoy it! Clenching his fists, he marched down, before passing an empty alleyway, where:


He walked past the opening of a dark alleyway - and he stopped. "Wha - ?"

"Over here, little boy."

Naruto gaped at the single green eye in the dark alleyway that stared at him; it was glimmering brightly from the sun. "Me?"

"Yes, you – the unusual-laddie-with-whiskers-on-his-face."

Naruto grimaced.

The voice belonged to a girl. She stepped out into the empty clearing, and Naruto seemed a bit relieved. She didn't look as scary as her voice sounded in the dark back there. "Who're you, lady?" He asked suspiciously.

"Ah, I am a travelling saleswoman, selling merchandise from village to village, might I interest you in some things though? You're a genin from this village, right?" The girl said to him, looking down at him from her shades.

Naruto blinked. She looked... different than other girls. She had no forehead protector – which meant she wasn't a ninja, had a black hat on over long blue hair and was wearing dark shades that covered her emerald eyes and she was wearing…. A long trench coat over her body – which seemed to be in the most unusual shape Naruto had ever seen. She was tall and looked a bit lanky. And what was with those sunglasses? Naruto eyed her curiously and cautiously.

"Well, yeah." He replied.

"Then you'll be interested in these." She unzipped her trench coat and pulled out the flaps – Naruto's eye twitched as he gaped at the inside of her jacket – lining it was thousands of pockets, with scrolls of all shapes and sizes. "How many times have you performed jutsus and got them all messed up, eh, laddie?"

Naruto stared at her awkwardly as she continued ranting.

"Well, now mistakes are rare when you purchase one of these – correction scrolls! They'll bound to monitor your movements, from head to toe, and if you don't understand how to perform a jutsus, use one of these! Each jutsu has their own unique scroll especially for that jutsu. Take it as a 'revision guide'. Eh, results may vary in how you use them."


"Hmm, not interested in Jutsu help scrolls? Well…. How about these? The real scrolls of how to perform jutsus you've never learnt before?"

"Er… are you official?"

"Laddie, course I am. Now, are you gonna buy something or not?" The girl was waving some scrolls in front of his face. "I don't stay here for very long, I am an extremely busy girl and I don't have time to wait."

"Well… how much are they costing for one scroll?"

She gazed at them. "Since they're really, really, really, rare jutsus….. I would say….. about eighty, for each scroll (for I do not know what value the yen in other currency, I'll just stick to numbers, heck, eighty does seem a lot)."

"What!" Naruto exclaimed. "That's – "

"Expensive, yeah I know too, kid. But in the grown up world, money is everything. And that's what I want and thrive for." She clasped her hands together greedily. "I'll give you a bargain, since you look too young to have a job."

Naruto looked down.

"Okay, okay kid. I like you – well, sorta. So I'll give you a little something completely free, as a 'freebie', but don't say it was from me, okay?"

Naruto nodded briefly. The girl protruded out a small scroll and handed it to him. "Just a little scroll, which teaches the jutsu art of - "


Upon hearing his name being called out, Naruto whipped around to see his silver-haired jounin carrying a bag of groceries, the other hand carrying the little orange book, named 'Icha Icha Paradise'. "Kakashi-sensei?" He turned back round, the girl was gone. "Eh? Where'd she go?"

"Yo!" The jounin appeared beside Naruto pleasantly.

"Kakashi-sensei…." Naruto said again, staring off at the tree in the corner, where a wisp of blue hair had just been seen.

"What're you looking at?"

"N-Nothing…" He turned round to his teacher and looked to the side.

"What's that you got?"

"Urh…. " Naruto hesitantly gave it to his sensei, who opened it up as he handed Naruto his grocery bag, the orange book now in his pocket.

Kakashi looked over the contents silently, before his eyebrow furrowed, no longer looking bored, much, and he slammed it shut. "Naruto… where'd you get this?"


Should I tell?

Behind the tree, she was gesturing to Naruto - 'NO!' - madly with her arms waving around, but he had his back to her anyway, so he didn't see. She pushed up her sunglasses and clutched the tree bark. "I'm finished if he does. Trust me to sell something to him." She continued to watch.

"Naruto, answer me."

Naruto scratched the back of his head. "I promised not to tell…." He replied meekly.

"Who did you get this from?"


"If you don't tell me, I'll assume you've stolen it."

"No – I didn't… I got if off someone."

"Well, can you describe the person?"

"Uh…. She was a girl." Naruto replied.

Gee, that's helpful.

"Where'd she go?"

Naruto pointed to the tree. "There."

The girl tensed up when she saw the blonde boy pointing at her direction. "Way to go, blondie!" Now the silver-haired man was also staring at her direction with his single half lidded eye. She shivered and shrank back behind the trunk, as if it could provide her some protection. "He looks scary…. Time for my exit!"

She turned back to leave, and slammed into something on her right. "Ow!" The girl landed on her backside painfully, some of the scrolls fell down from her jacket pockets inside and littered the ground. Rapidly, she got up and began collecting them, but the silver-haired man grabbed her arm and lifted her up, the scrolls fell back to the floor again. She whimpered and tried to shake her thin arm out of his grasp.

"So, wanting to leave and make a clean getaway, did you?" He said, flipping out his orange book. .

The girl gawked at the jounin in front of her, a drop of sweat trickling over her temple as her mouth opened and closed like a fish. "But you were – I could've sworn - !" He smiled under the mask (or so she thought) at her sudden reaction, and she glared at him from under the sunglasses. "Hey, hey! Let me go, I'm just doing my job as a travelling saleswoman!" She unzipped her jacket and lifted out the inside of her jacket, pointing to each of the scrolls furiously.

"Hmph, you may fool Naruto, but you can't fool me. These are all fake." He took a scroll out and whipped it open, and then he turned it over to give her a look at the inadequately written words in black ink. "You've done a poor job getting these copied from the real thing."

She froze and felt her blood turn cold. I'm…. dead…. "N-No, no, they're not fake!" Then she took several steps away from him, hand fumbling clumsily in her pockets; and she took out some black marble shaped orbs that were quite small. "Hah! You'll never catch me! Not when I have these - !" She hissed at him, holding them up threateningly. " - Smoke pellets to help get a clean getaway - hiyyyaaa!"

She threw them on the ground and they exploded, a large ink cloud gathering, Kakashi frowned slightly; he could breathe easily through the mask, but the girl was stuck in a coughing fit. Darn, what had she thrown? It smelt awful and her eyes were watering. The dust cleared, and Kakashi easily caught her – all he did as shoot an arm out and grab a tight hold on her. He stared boredly at her, she didn't seem to realise that her face was all black from the smoke, and the sunglasses made her blend in even more.

"Nani? What are these - ?" She cracked one bloodshot eye open and stared at the leftover pellet in her palm, squinting at the tiny writing on the bottom. "Eee? Stinkbombs? Gaaah! Curse you!" She screamed in agony. "Well, this sucks - Big time."

"You're coming with me to see the Hokage."

"What - ? No, please! NOOOOO!" She wailed. "I know, how about I give you something for free- or I'll give you a discount? Please, let me go, I'm not a fake! I didn't even know they were fake!" Somehow, he didn't believe her at all and he rolled his eye. She continued. "Come on, you must be quite the looker, eh, under that mask, must be wearing it to give women the jibes, right? Then how about – "

"Give it a rest, I'm not interested."

She slumped in his grip and he pulled her out from under the tree. Naruto looked at the girl and his jaw dropped as she shot him a death glare from under the sunglasses. He pretended not to look.

"Naruto, take those back home, will you?" Kakashi instructed as he kept his deathly grip on her arm. "I have some business to take care of."

He nodded briefly, before running off.

They arrived at the Hokage's temple – as they passed the street, the girl still in his grasp. She was embarrassed like mad – he had that book out – and she could see from the title. Icha Icha Paradise, that it was some kind of adult book written by Jiraiya (sp?)– to make matters worse, he was reading it right out in the open, people were staring at them as they passed, and he even 'giggled' to himself sometimes upon reading some kind of humorous part in the book, his face going a bit pink to match. She fumed. The girl tried to look over his shoulder but he always kept her in front of him.

Has he no shame? Reading that kind of book out in public!

She didn't like this at all. The guards allowed them to pass, because this silver-haired man, apparently was in some kind of high rank. She was gestured inside, it was quiet – she gulped and began sweating. The jounin joined her side. Her legs were quaking against each other and she was sweating under her hat copiously. She was a nervous wreck. Kakashi gave her a flannel.


"Wipe your face."

"What are you talking about? I'm perfectly fine."

He used a finger to smudge her cheek, and then showed her it. She gaped at the black soot on his finger, before snatching the flannel off him, before scrubbing at her face. She almost fainted when she saw how black it was when she finished. And to think, I was walking around town with him looking like that…

Eventually, the Hokage entered the room. He eyed her up and down in his seat. "Fukushima Oyoshi?"

The girl looked up. "Hai…?" She squeaked.

"What are your intentions here?" The old man was gazing into his crystal ball, before looking back at her.

She hesitated slightly. "I'm uh… a travelling saleswoman. I sell things."

"I do believe the scrolls you possess are – "

She swallowed hard. "Either stolen or copied…." She replied glumly.

Kakashi glanced at her. Suddenly the stubborn girl he had met earlier had worn down to a quiet little pipsqueak.

"Then you understand about copyrighted material. You must hand them back to where they rightfully belong, in the Ninja Academy."

"Some of them I bought, really!" She piped up. "I want a ransom!"

The Hokage raised an eyebrow.

She unzipped her jacket, letting the fake ones fall down, and she took out four scrolls in front of her. "These are ones I got for a high price. Each scroll…. I am charging a thousand, each – just to be fair."

"Very well," The Hokage said. "Kakashi?"

He looked up. "Yes?"

"You heard the girl."

"Uh….." His eye bulged. "What? I'm paying?"

The girl grinned at him evilly.

Kakashi muttered crossly under his breath, protruding out his wallet, he stuffed the rightful amount of money into her hand; in exchange the four scrolls were dumped carelessly into his arms. She was too busy counting the money, her grin spreading even wider.

"Wow…" She mumbled. "All these money…." All made in one day!

That money was supposed to be used for the next Icha Icha book… Kakashi thought.

She was staring at her money hungrily. She hadn't made such a profit in like… ever! She quickly hid the cash into her clothes, at the chest, and she turned back round, Kakashi was eyeing her unenthusiastically. She cleared her throat at him angrily. He turned away. "Can I go now?" She asked, once Kakashi had looked back to the front.

"No," The Hokage said.

She blinked behind her sunglasses as the Hokage continued.

"Fukushima Oyoshi, you have committed a high offence. You have been charged guilty of theft, illegal possession and plagiarism of copyright material."

Her jaw dropped. "Wha-Wha-WHAT!" Her face was burning red fiercely.

"Because you have no qualification of being a ninja, identification or record in this village, we cannot banish you nor can we carry out any execution, I hereby sentence you to sixty three hours of Community Service."

"YOU CAN'T DO THIS TO ME!" She shrieked uncontrollably. "I'm just a person who gambles! NOOOOOO!"

"Kakashi-san, please escort Fukushima-san outside to the Community centre."

"Hai, Hokage-sama." He turned to the girl. "Come on, Fukushima-san."

"Don't you dare say my name like that, you – you – Oyaji!" She screamed (That's a term meaning 'old man' by the way).

A vein popped in Kakashi's head and he yanked her back outside, she was kicking and yelling her head off. "What is your problem!"

"My problem! In case you didn't hear, oyaji," She spat at him. "I've just been charged to do Community Service for sixty three hours! And I didn't do anything wrong, oyaji!"

"My name is Hatake Kakashi, call me Hatake-san. Show some respect to Jounins, Fukushima-san." He let go of her and she wrenched her hand from his grasp, cradling it to herself. Her lip was trembling as she eyed him warily; he had taken out that stupid book again and was reading it.

She closed her eyes and said in a stubborn manner - "Pffft! I don't care who you are! My name is Oyoshi – I dislike it when people call me Fukushima-san. I prefer to be called Oyo-chan."

"Well, Oyo-san. I will show you your temporary residence." He pulled her back out towards the entrance gates, the guard behind them back at the door was wondering: "What is up with these people?"

"Stop calling me, 'oyaji'."

"Well you sure suit it; you look old, with white hair and stuff, oyaji!" She still pressed onto that word. Kakashi tightened his grip on her and she squealed. "You even sound old, or maybe it's because of that mask you wear – why do you even wear a mask anyway? Have you got such old skin that you're all dehydrated and wrinkly like a dried up prune inside, oyaji?"

She immediately shut up when he gave her the most dangerous and lethal death glare ever from the corner of his eye, and then - "Don't. Call. Me. Oyaji."

He lunged at her.

She screamed and crouched down immediately with her hands over her head. She embraced herself for the worst – who knew what this insane, old pervert was going to do to her?(! ) Immediately, she began to memorise her will and began praying to god. Nothing came. She opened her eye, then the other, and looked up. "Huh?"

There was a low chuckle. "Oyo-san, you didn't think I'd really hurt you, did you?" Kakashi offered her a hand.

She slapped it away and got up herself as Kakashi continued reading his book. "No, I thought you were going to murder me." Then she sniffled as she looks down at the ground quietly.

Kakashi looked away from his book. "Oyo-san?"

She dropped back down on the floor and began to cry, clutching her knees to her chest, howling like a five year old who had tripped up and scraped her knee on the path.

"Oyo-san?" He said timidly. Was she crying? He couldn't see – because her eyes were covered behind thick shades.

"Leave me… -hic-…. alone!" She wailed, suffering from non-stopping hiccupping and dribbling.

There was a slight silence. Yep, she was crying. The stream of water spilling down from under the shades and down her cheeks told him so. Kakashi particularly disliked it when girls cried in front of him.

"Hatake Kakashi!" An angry voice was heard behind them. Kakashi turned round slightly to see his 'eternal rival' – Maitou Gai. He was another jounin, with thick eyebrows and a mushroom-like haircut – and he also had his own team

"Gai?" Kakashi muttered unfocusedly. Honestly, somehow, Kakashi thought that Gai had him on a tracking device.

This 'Gai' guy stopped in front of Oyo - who was bawling her eyes out, he ignored Kakashi and knelt down in front of her. "Ah, my lovely lady, I'm so sorry I hadn't come sooner to protect you from him (he glared at Kakashi), my eternal rival, Hatake-san. What, may I ask, has he done to offend such a beautiful girl like you?" Gai even flashed her the trademark gleaming smile of his, showing his pearly whites and holding a thumbs up when she looked at him strangely.

She wiped her eyes. "Oh my…." Oyo-san was muttering.

Kakashi noticed her reaction. What's wrong with her now…?

She gawked at his eyebrows. She stared at his clothes – this time Gai wasn't wearing his jounin uniform but a Hawaiian print t-shirt for a special occasion. "Those… Those bushman eyebrows….Those tacky clothes – And that blinding smile – Holy cow! You're – "

Gai and Kakashi blinked.

"You're - " She began again, this time, only quieter.

They leaned in to hear what she was going to say.

"You're – "


"You're HAWT!"

The background cracked behind Gai and Kakashi. "Nani?" They both said with a slight sweatdrop – well, Kakashi had one, Gai felt as if he was in heaven.

Oyo-san was grinning like a fool as she wiped her tears. "You're funny! I'm just joking by the way (Kakashi sweat dropped)! It's nothing, really. I just thought Hatake-san was going to molest and kill me – " She pointed to Kakashi who didn't seem to be really interested.

Gai frowned. "Wait till I tell the Hokage about this, Hatake-san! I'll finally unravel how much of a pervert you really are – how you were planning to assault this beautiful lady – "

"There's no need." Kakashi said sleepily. "I already took her to see the Hokage. I'm taking her away."

"Where to…?"

"The Council prison."

The background behind Gai cracked once more. "N-N-Nani!"

"She is to go to the Council Prison to serve her sentence." Kakashi replied, he picked Oyo up, who seemed to have stopped blubbering.

"Is this true?" Gai asked Oyo. She nodded glumly in response at him, scratching her head thoughtfully.

I need to think of an escape plan. But how can I? This Gai man looks a bit weird, but he is still a jounin. Oyaji here with the mask is too strong for me. But maybe I can distract him then make a run for it? Nah, I saw him do that last time, his speed is incredible. I suck and I know it. Bah! Hmm, those books – Oyaji must be a big hentai. Maybe I can seduce him and - yuck, that's just sick. I can't even imagine myself doing that. God, this is lame!

Kakashi realised that Oyo seemed to have zoned out, and so had Gai. There was a long silence.

Damnit. Gai thought. Kakashi's already caught a criminal in the village and yet I haven't. Now the score is 52-51! But this girl – she looks too young to be a criminal. Maybe Kakashi paid her to commit some crime and then he'll catch her and he'll get all the credit and – Gai stopped. Nah, that was too un-like Kakashi.

"Come on, Oyo-san." Kakashi gathered her up once she snapped back to reality and she dusted herself off. "You mustn't bother Gai-kun, he's a very busy man." His closed eye was curled up, indicating that he was smiling under his mask.

Gai glared slightly. Although he knew he was probably over reacting, he didn't like the way how Kakashi had his firm, dirty paws over Oyo's shoulder. "Matte – " Gai started. Although this girl was a supposed to be a 'criminal' he didn't believe it. "What's your name anyway?"

"Fukushima Oyoshi." The girl told him proudly, pointing to herself. Kakashi had already walked away.

"Oyo-chan - " Kakashi began, looking over his shoulder. "The prison isn't going to wait for you, you know."

"Hai, Hatake-san." She measly followed him from behind. Oyo blinked. Since when did she call him Hatake-san? And when did he call her Oyo-chan?

"Hey, Hatake-san, don't forget that today is the Happy Hour at the bar!" Gai called out. "I can challenge you to a sake drinking contest – be there, or be square!"

"Hai, hai." Kakashi muttered, still engrossed with the book.

Oyo watched Kakashi walk further, before turning to Gai. "Well, ja-ne, oyaji."

Gai looked up. Oh, she was addressing to him. And once more, the next background behind Gai crumbled. "O-O-Oyaji!"


After turning an extremely reluctant Oyo-san into the prison guards, who locked her up in a room on the ground floor, Kakashi left the jail. He remembered that he was supposed to be going back to the Hokage to get his team another mission. He sighed and checked the time – it was actually pretty late. He decided to leave he mission for tomorrow. And – oh yeah, today was Happy Hour. Basically, that was when all the Jounins went to the local bar and took a break – which occurred almost every evening – and Kakashi mostly came home in a drunken state afterwards – ne, it was common.

"Yo!" He called cheerfully to the trio who were waiting for him by the park.

"You're late!" Naruto exclaimed. "L.A.T.E!"

"Yes, Naruto, I can spell correctly. Gomen, just ran into a spot of trouble there – there was a -"

"Sensei, what happened to that lady from before?" Naruto interrupted.

"Ah, yes, it turned out she was on the black market. That's another lesson for the three of you. Never buy anything off strangers." Kakashi replied. "And she's ended up in Prison."

Naruto shut up.

"Sakura-chan? Daijoubou desu ka?" Kakashi asked, noticing that Sakura seemed to be extra quiet.

"Nothing," She replied, looking away from Sasuke in the corner, who seemed to be enticed at looking at the floor.

"Can we get on with the mission already?" Sasuke asked impatiently as he got off the bench.

"Sure." He took out the card. "Today, we're going to the market."

And meanwhile…

Ugh…. 63 hours of Community Service? Oyoshi sighed as she checked the clock on the wall. She had only done five to six hours so far in the first day. She sighed again – she bored out of her mind – the cell she was put in was some kind of cold, iron walled box room, the door opposite her had this shutter for the eyes of a guard to peep in, and occasionally, an ANBU guard would come up and check up on her, or give her food from the shutter at the foot of the door. The barred window was the only source of light. Her bed was crammy and rock hard – she looked under the extra thick layer of straw and realised that it was a rock – the straw didn't do a good job in trying to make it comfortable. She had a rock pillow to match and thin covers. It was cold in the cell and the small candle at the corner didn't help warm up the room either. She was lucky she had this room to herself.

This first of Community service included for Oyoshi to pick up litter in the streets along with other inmates for the first three hours - oh, you have no idea how filthy Konoha streets really are - then she had to chop up wood, it wasn't exactly hard labour, but it was something she hadn't done before, so it wasn't surprising that Oyoshi had blistered hands – she had to get them bandaged up – wood chopping had been postponed to another day and Oyoshi was the first to go back into her cell to retire.

The shutters opened, and an ANBU guard looked in, the animal mask freaked her out – with the two dot eyes staring back at her. Oyoshi hid under her covers. "Lights out in ten minutes."

Then she the shutters slammed shut.

Was it that late already?

There really wasn't any difference – because Oyoshi always wore sunglasses, she hadn't noticed how dark it really was. She peeped back up from under he covers a few moments later. Lights were out. The moonlight was now flowing through the barred window. Oyoshi got out from her bed and the sneakily, she fumbled to under her tufts of straw on the bed and pulled out…

A pick axe.


Then, she took out a scroll from under the rock pillow and unravelled it; there was a poorly drawn diagram with a stick figure wearing shades, carrying an axe. Then an arrow going to outside this weird hut picture, into a drawing of a field and the sun, labelled 'freedom'.

And in words as a heading, it said: 'My Plan: I Dig Out'

6 hours later….

Heaving, she dragged the pick axe from her side and up over her head, before bringing it slamming down on the mud in front of her. She wasn't very tired – yet. That long time sitting on the rock bed back in the cell had helped her regain the energy she needed to dig out. The dirt crumbled a little in front of her but there was still a lot more to go. Oyoshi was hungry and her breathing was beginning to get laboured.

She didn't know how long she had been digging, but it had been for a long, long time so she thought, still no sign of freedom. This was such a drag, she had run out of water from her canteen, and if she continued, oxygen would probably be scarce. She held the lamp up – still loads of dirt to go, she was starting to get afraid. What if she couldn't get out and died down here alone - Cold, tired and hungry? Shaking that thought from her head, she wiped the sweat from her forehead and tilted up her sunglasses.

"That's it. I'm going to dig up from here. I don't care if I've even dug out from the prison yard; I just want to see some fresh air."

2 hours later….

Eee? What was this? Not only had Oyoshi been digging up for ages, but instead of digging up flowers and roots, she came across some boarded and hard…. Using the pickaxe, she brought it slamming vertically, and smashed the boards.


Debris and dust flew over her. She coughed, and poked her head up in the hole, making sure she didn't get any splinters. Apparently, she had dug her way into someone's home – it was dark, she removed her sunglasses, yup, it was naturally dark in the house. She crawled out from the hole and breathed in fresh air in bliss.

"Freedom -!" She gasped, exhausted, she lay in a heap as she moved away from the hole, the pickaxe still inside the tunnel – the lamp had gone out. There was no more oxygen in the tunnel.

She heard a slight groan in the doorway, and immediately, Oyoshi scrabbled up and hid behind some kind of cupboard. She peeked out, the front door had opened, and someone was lumbering in – a guy, Oyoshi thought, had stumbled inside and landed on the floor. The hall light flicked on, and Oyoshi could hear a hubbub of slurred voices, some people were laughing and joking.

"Kakashi! You shouldn't bother yourself and wake up tomorrow!" Then the door slammed shut, the light switched off.

Oyoshi thought. Kakashi? Why was that name so familiar? She paled – of course; it's the name of the oyaji who had turned her in! She groaned – and somehow she had ended up digging into his home too. Talk about coincidental. Grumbling, she attempted to jump back into her tunnel and dig further so she'll end up outside, but she heard a loud crash in the hall.

Kakashi had knocked over a vase and was lying face down in water, flowers strewn over his body. Oyoshi tried not to snicker, but she did.

"Hunh… who's there?" Kakashi gathered himself at the corridor, still slouched down, rubbing his aching head.

Oyoshi shut up. "Uh… no-one."

D'oh! She slapped herself mentally. Why'd she say that?

There was a long term of silence. Oyoshi crawled out from the living room, and made her way to the corridor, where the front door was – and also where Kakashi was. "Uh… are you okay?"

He groaned and blearily cracked one eye at her (and the only one uncovered by his mask). It was too dark; Kakashi could only make the silhouette of a figure kneeling in front of him.

He was too drunk and delirious to return to reality for the moment.

"How'd you get in…?"

"Er… front door?" The girl said.

Kakashi nodded, then flopped back, trying to get to sleep.

"Are you going to sleep here? It's too cold – and look at the state of you." She said, not too politely either, but Kakashi heard her.

"Unhhn……" God, his head was killing him! Next time… he would remember not to drink too much with Gai….. He felt himself being lifted up, and into someone's lap. He could smell something weird… it smelt like damp earth… and something else…

"Ugh, gawd you smell awful." The girl said flatly. "And you're pretty warm, too." She was slapping him on the cheek. "Hey, wake up!" He lifted an arm up not too gently to get himself into a more comfortable position, in progress; he slapped something off the girl. It clattered onto the floor. "Hey! Those were expensive!"

Kakashi was now gazing fuzzily at the image in front of him. He could only make out eerily green eyes. A demon…? "Who're...Who're you?" He slurred.

"Ugh…. Ne….. I'm uh…. A…. a…. an unknown stranger."


Great cover up, eh? (PS, note the sarcasm)

"You want some water?" She asked him. Strange. He's completely lost his sense of reality.


"You're boiling up. I think you have the fever."

He grumbled at her, and she left his side – this meant his head hit the ground, not too gently either, as she pushed him off her lap. She remembered the flannel he had given to her earlier.

Well, I can return it to him now.

She had run towards the bathroom, taps were heard being opened, and gushing water was now heard. Now, Kakashi had more of a headache than being drunk. The footsteps were coming back again, and his head was lifted up. The forehead protector was ripped off from his head and then –

"Don't – " He stopped her in the nick of time before she could take off his mask.

"Who cares anyway? And look at how dark it is, idiot. Besides, who'd wanna see your face anyway?" Then he heard her mutter to herself. "You're probably butt ugly anyway."

He was too dizzy and feeling far too nauseous to retort back. This girl… sure was pleasant. He allowed her to pull down the mask, then – "Close your eyes." She warned.

"They're already closed."



Something cold dropped onto his face and he jerked. The girl had slapped a cold, wet flannel over his face. "Are you sure this is right?" He mumbled from under. He felt really, really cold.

"No, but it worked for me last time."

From time to time, this medic girl would take the flannel off his face, re-wet it in extremely cold water and smack it over his face again. By that time, Kakashi had gotten used to it. She hadn't dried it properly of excess water, so the water would trickle down his neck and over his hair, seeping into his ears and everything. Kakashi felt really uncomfortable. He couldn't think properly. He felt really awful – weak and sleepy.

He slowly began to nod off….


"Nani…!" He jerked again.

"Shut up! Don't you fall asleep on me! You smell terrible, I'll be carrying this stench for days, where's your bedroom? This sure is a messy house…"

He gestured to the second door on the right, just opposite them. She began to drag him across the corridor from under the armpits, taking off his shoes and socks, then she kicked open the door – the cloth still stuck over his face, she entered the bedroom. There was a bed there with unmade futon, and she, literally, threw him onto the bed, heck, she didn't care if this was his bedroom, all she cared was that there was a bed in it.

"Well, that's that. You seem to be cooling down now. Don't go heavy drinking again, or there would be no unknown stranger to tuck you into bed. You'll really wear yourself out and die alone in the streets." She was ranting on.

"How nice…." He mumbled. "Matte ah….. Where are… you… going?"

She shrugged and replied, "Freedom?" Then she wandered back to the doorway, and snorted as she looked back at him.

Kakashi just delved into the covers, covering his bottom half of his face.

"He must be really, really, really ugly. I hope God has mercy and help him."

Then she left.


Naruto tapped his foot impatiently. "He's two hours late! Extra late!" Man! Does Kakashi-sensei need to get a life or what? He understood that Kakashi was a very strong man and all, but boy, did he have some issues he had to sit down and work out sometime. Kakashi really needs a woman in his life – and that book he reads doesn't help him either.

"Naruto, shut up!" Sakura moaned at him. "You've said for about twenty times the whole week. Why can't you be more like Sasuke-kun and wait, like me as well? You sound as if you're going to explode. Get used to it now!" Meanwhile, Inner Sakura was thinking: "If Kakashi-sensei doesn't come, I'm going to explode! I can't wait any longer!"

He frowned. "Ne, Sakura-chan, don't you think Kaka-sensei needs some love in his life?"

Sakura stopped, and blinked. "Eh?" Then she straightened. "I don't think Kakashi-sensei has time for love. Besides, he's adored by almost every woman in this village." And Inner Sakura: "Yet, with Kakashi's hentai nature, he scares them more than attracting them."

"Sasuke, you've been quiet for the whole time, what do you think?" Naruto said with a wolfish grin at Sasuke.

Sasuke didn't look at him closed his eyes and continued…. Thinking of something.

Inner Sakura: "Wai! Sasuke-kun is so cool, the way he just ignored Naruto like that – sighs…."

Naruto's thoughts: "Bah, I've seen cows eating grass in fields looking cooler than him."

He threw his arms over his head and closed his eyes. "But don't you guys think that if we hooked him up with a woman, he'd repay us ever so kindly by giving us extra credit and better missions? Maybe he'll become extra early and teach us cooler stuff."

Sakura blinked at him and cocked her head to the side. Is he an idiot? I really don't think Kakashi-sensei would do that…

How to Make a Girl Smile:

Tell her she is beautiful, not hot, fine or sexy.

Hold her hand at any moment even if its just for a second.

Kiss her on the forehead.

Leave her voice messages for her to wake up to.

Always tell her you love her at all times.

When she is upset hold her tight and tell her how much she means to you.

Recognise the small things, they usually mean the most.

Call her sweetie, not baby.

Sing to her no matter how horrible your voice is.

Kiss her in the rain.

If you're in love with her... Tell her….

Sheesh, since when did Icha Icha Paradise talk about these stuff? Kakashi shut his book and looked up at his students, one particular student was seemingly angry. "Gomen."

"You're late again, Kakashi-sensei!" Naruto was tapping his foot impatiently. He really was frustrated, and he wasn't learning anything. They hadn't done anything action packed for A-G-E-S! Naruto was really bored. Their previous mission was just going food-hunting for this elderly couple who couldn't move off their backsides.

"Ah…" Kakashi rubbed the back of his head. "You see, I was out drinking again last night, and then as I blindly returned home, an unknown stranger helped me and tucked me into bed. I woke up to see that I was already late – but in my living room, there was a large hole in it, so I had to call the repair man to fix my floorboards which took a very long time."

The trio stared at him.

"What, you don't believe me?"


Kakashi woke up with a start.




Pakkun was tugging and biting at the end of his covers. "Hey, Kakashi-san. It's about time you woke up."

Kakashi groaned and pulled the covers over him, a wet flannel falling off and landing on Pakkun's head. His head hurt badly. "What a dream."

"Urgh, get this foul-smelling cloth off my head." Pakkun groaned as a familiar looking wet cloth was lying on top of his head, over the forehead protector.

Kakashi blinked, and glanced down at the dog, before lifting it up with his two fingers. It was caked with a bit of dirt, and black marks. Why'd it look so oddly familiar? He got up from his bed, and left the bedroom. "Pakkun?" He called as he entered the living room. "Did you see anyone come in last night while I was away?"

"No, I just arrived here a few minutes ago, why do you ask?"

Kakashi was occupied in looking down the new hole on his living room floor. "I think we had a guest yesterday night…"

End of Flashback, now back to the present….

"You think a giant mole broke into your house?" Naruto said, frowning.

Kakashi rubbed the back of his head. "Well, maybe not a giant mole, but something like that – "

Naruto looked at Sakura, who looked at Sasuke, who was looking at Kakashi.

That excuse…

Was really…..