I had envisioned it perfectly. From the very moment that my cast was removed to this one, I had in my mind how I wanted it to sound. I sat at my desk, a rarity since I met Edward, trying to find a good way to make a record of everything that happened. How could I give light to the malicious stare of the hunter, the chase that we instrumented, the panic that I felt when I was away from Edward, and finally the pain? How could I begin to write it all down? My fingers hovered over the keyboard when I heard a familiar chuckle coming from the other side of the room. I gasped and immediately raised my hands to my clavicle. Edward leaned back on my pillow slowly, listening to my heart with a subtle look of amusement playing on his flawless face. It took a few seconds for my heart to return to its normal pace. "Why do I get the feeling that you are never going to get use to that?" he said staring at me intently.
"I don't think that I will ever get use to anything that you do Edward," I said slightly breathless. I turned off my computer screen with a flourish. There would be plenty of time to write. However, I was always fearful that my time with Edward would come to a sudden end. I ran to him though with some difficulty: my curse of clumsiness. I sighed in relief as I settled down next to him with my head resting on his lifeless chest. His cool hands made slow small circles on my back. I relaxed against him. Taking in his intoxicating scent. I wished that we could stay like this forever. Which brought me back to the present. How much I wished that I could be with him forever. How I wished to be like him? I couldn't stand the thought of him not being in my life.
He sensed my body tensing up and moved my head back with his lips on my forehead. He looked at me inquiringly. It took me a moment to speak. I knew that he couldn't read my mind, which I was grateful for. If he could, he would become instantly angry. "What is it Bella?" he said. His cool lips still pressed against my forehead. His body went rigid; he waited. Seconds went by and he began to growl in frustration. "Bella, you know that you can tell me anything."
"I know." It was all that I could manage. At last, I knew that I couldn't avoid it any longer. I raised myself on one arm. "I want to be with you forever and if you don't change me then I will find some other vampire who will!" I blurted out without taking a breath. I realized that I was gasping for air unable to think of anything else besides the pained expression on his face. He sat up to stare into my eyes fiercely. I noticed his jaw clenching as he struggled to regain his composure. "Bella, don't be absurd!" he shouted. His nostrils flared as he tried to regulate his breathing. I was so taken aback by his reaction that I raised my legs to my chest under the covers. I knew that it was wrong to bother him with this. I knew that he was constantly fighting a battle with himself. And loosing. I knew that he lost every time he allowed himself to be alone with me. He grabbed the small picture frame of my mother and I from the bedside table and crushed it with as much effort as you would a piece of paper. No blood. No pain. He stared at me anxiously. "Don't forget what I am…don't forget what I am capable of. You must never forget that!" he whispered fiercely. I faintly heard Charlie cough in his room down the hall.
"I know Edward, but life means nothing if I cant share it with you…I would die!...You hear me?" I said with as much determination that I could manage. He was so beautifully destructive when angry. How could I upset my angel this way? How could I cause such a perfect face such pain and sadness? Edward slowly raised from the bed, too slow for him, taking me with him. He reached for me, grabbing me roughly in his stone embrace. He rested his chin on the top of my head. Eyes calculating. "I must go away Bella. This has gotten way out of hand." He said. His voice was pained. I shuddered in his arms. "No Edward!" I said sounding unavoidably pitiful. He took this as encouragement. "Well, Bella, stay with me...stay the way you are!"