Title: Twenty Things You Probably Didn't Expect About Sasuke
Author: wingsover aka Cyberwolf
Rating: PG13 – one sort of racy joke, but it's not even that funny or explicit.
Disclaimer/Notes/Whatever: Nitwit! Oddment! Tweak! Also, Kishi owns the universe. Or he should.
Really I've been on more of a NejiTen kick lately, but I rooted out an old SasuTen work I had and decided to post it. Because SasuTen is such an awesome crack!pairing. Also, because the idea of Sasuke having a secret crush amuses me greatly.
1) The first time Sasuke sees Tenten, he is six years old. She was already wielding real shuriken unsupervised, using them to hunt rabbits in the woodsy area right outside the Uchiha complex. Intent on her prey, she doesn't see the smaller child watching her with wide eyes. She is a small, dusty Artemis and Sasuke falls immediately in love.
2) He looks for her at the Academy; when he spots her in the playground during break, he casually investigates – he is the son of the chief of police - until he knows her name, age, and class. He continues to assemble a dossier on her until his is as complete as any at the police headquarters.
3) Sasuke trains to make his father proud; but he practices shuriken-throwing for her. He bothers his older brother for help until Itachi growls and consents.
4) The day Sasuke decides that he will finally introduce himself to her during break, she is out sick. The next day, Itachi murders the clan.
5) Sasuke doesn't think of her for the next six years – except for once, in a daydream that he shakes himself out of immediately. Still, Naruto and Kiba bother him for days about how he "learned to smile like a normal human being?"
6) When Sasuke finally sees Tenten again at the start of the Chuunin exams, he cannot quite bring himself to look her in the eye. Instead he focuses on her teammates. That is why he doesn't see the admiring look she gives him.
7) Sasuke makes sure to obtain the video-record of Tenten's preliminary match against Temari of the Sand. When he sees it, he immediately resolves to finish the match against her brother fast, so he can face her.
8) When Naruto figures out that Sasuke has a crush on Tenten, he laughs himself sick – literally. After he stops throwing up, he throws an arm around Sasuke's shoulders and tells him that he is now one of "us". Sasuke isn't sure why being considered one of the fraternity of the lovelorn is a good thing, but he feels somewhat glad anyway.
9) Naruto decides that he is going to help Sasuke win Tenten. He says it is because he needs to get Sasuke off the market. Sasuke says it is because Naruto takes any chance he can get to make Sasuke suffer. (Actually it is out of friendship.)
10) Intensely attuned to vision, Sasuke has tried several times to sketch Tenten. Naruto discovers his efforts. Sasuke has to promise to teach him a fire jutsu to keep him from showing them to Tenten. He demonstrates by setting fire to a pile of sketches.
11) He keeps one.
12) Team Kakashi and Team Gai decide to have joint training sessions every week. From Naruto's smug smile, Sasuke thinks that this is somehow due to Naruto's efforts. Sasuke almost thanks him aloud.
13) During the first joint session, Sasuke displays the flashy kunai-deflecting trick he learned from Itachi. By the end of the session, Tenten has successfully duplicated the feat. Sasuke manages to congratulate her and look her in the eye. They both feel it was a very successful day.
14) Sasuke sees Neji and Tenten talking together one day, after one of their private training sessions. He sees red – literally. His Sharingan spins furiously for the rest of the night.
15) When they're all together again, Sasuke suggests they watch the videos from the Chuunin exam final rounds. Naruto, Sasuke and Lee make the teachers rewind the part where Naruto defeats Neji over and over again.
16) Sasuke has read one of Kakashi-sensei's Icha Icha Paradise books. The blurb on the jacket said it involved the use of chakra strings.
17) Sasuke foregoes his usual onigiri one day to try out the Chinese food Tenten loves. It's spicier than he likes, but he keeps trying it in order to accustom himself.
18) Tenten gives each member of Team 7 a Tarot card reading. Sasuke memorizes the cards in his reading.
19) By February, Sasuke feels he has grown close enough to Tenten to maybe, one day soon, ask them to train together – as fellow weapons-lovers, of course. (And now Hyuuga won't be the only one who gets to train with her). Maybe next month. Or…the month after that. Maybe on her birthday. Or his.
20) Naruto is getting impatient.
Will Sasuke win the heart of the fair Tenten? How evil is Naruto? What's up with Neji and Tenten? Does Gai privately manufacture those jumpsuits of his or something?
THE WORLD MAY NEVER KNOW.
...dammit, I really shouldn't be working on this.