So I ran.
Oh, what a coward I was. What an incredible coward. The minute our love was put to the test, I betrayed him. Selfishly. Afraid. I berated herself as my body moved forward, away from him, away from Nefertiti and her husband, away from Imhotep, my only real love. As the pyramid collapsed around me, so did the meaning I had striven so mightily to give to my life.
And as I lost my balance, saw myself falling in slow motion into the pit of scarabs, the story of how I got here flashed through me. It came back, in those last few seconds, with bitter irony. And as the insects began to eat away at my flesh, although my body reacted in fear, in my mind I was calm. Here, finally, was peace.
I had known, deep inside me, since I was a tiny child, that I was different from the people around me, that I knew things that other people did not. I had vaguely menacing dreams, visions of hieroglyphics come to life, the symbols moving and churning on the wall, marching, quivering, trying to tell me something. I never understood them, these constant reminders that I was different, that there was something inside of me. I was isolated, afraid of myself.
I never knew when I understood, when I came to realize the truth of my past. But I came to know that my life was guided by a force stronger than myself. As the memories came back to me– bitter memories of my past, my previous life–I understood that I was fated to relive them, begin the cycle again, bring my lost love to life again. I had been Anuk Su Namun, a realization I experienced when I began to read the hieroglyphics in my dreams–suddenly, the dreams I had struggled with for fifteen years began to make sense. I understood their message. And I accepted my fate–her fate. My body was the vessel for this mistress, this Ancient Egyptian woman. By allowing this woman to have her body back, I would no longer dream, no longer fear sleep, no longer feel isolated, alone, no longer have no understanding of myself. If I gave up, allowed this Egyptian woman to possess me, I could have peace.
So I sought out the head of the British Museum, told him my dreams. He understood, wanted to use her, use me, to awaken Imhotep and gain power, control of the world. He wanted it for selfish reasons, but I did it for myself, for peace. I would no longer be a divided self, confused and unaware of the darker side of me, the evil that lurked in my soul, my spirit. All this time she, the Egyptian woman in me, grew stronger and more powerful.
Ever growing was the presence of Anuk Su Namun in myself. The dreams became more vivid. In them I had conversations with people in the past, conversations I began to remember when I woke. These messages from my darker side, from my past were what helped me find Imhotep. My mummy. My lover. The man who resurrected me twice, who would risk the wrath of his Gods for my love. My priest. My confessor. As we grew closer to finding him, I lost more and more of myself. I felt Anuk Su Namun's spirit becoming more powerful. The intensity of the love and the desire was frighteningly strong in this woman. I was losing herself to a dead woman, a women who needed to be reborn, needed to release this incredible intensity.
Finally we found the body, the mummy, my past love. When we finally brought him to life, it was as though the pieces began to fit together. I began to see other parts of my previous life, parts I had not known before. Anuk Su Namun, this other part of me, became even stronger. No, I was not afraid of him–for this I had been born, this was my purpose. Here, in the remains of this man, was my future.
And when Imhotep completed the spell, her soul was returned to my body. I was whole. There were no more strange dreams and I was no longer afraid. I accepted the woman I had been and the woman that I was.
I experienced emotions more intense than any I had ever felt. The violent hate and love that grew inside of me frightened me. The range of emotions–fierce loyalty and love to terrible hatred and vengeance–made me afraid of my own self, as I had never been before. Yet these emotions were an undeniable part of me, more so than anything I had felt before. To be Anuk Su Namun completely was almost a revelation. I no longer repressed my feelings, or felt ashamed of them because I did not understand them. They frightened me, but I welcomed them. They were real. They came from my true past. And for once in my thirty two years I felt complete. The joining. My joining. The fusion of the two parts of my spirit.
Suddenly, I understood why I was so full of anger, of love, of hate, of vengeance, of fierce tenderness. It was then that I remembered everything. The truth of my past life became clear to me. The abstract dreams focused. I remembered life 3,000 years ago as if it were yesterday. I saw the Ancient City of Thebes as it was long ago. Through my joining, I remembered, acutely and with glee, what my life had been–and who my enemies were.
Please review! (My first fanfic ever...be brutal).