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The Life And Times Of Ryan Lupin: Into The Pensieve

There are times in my life when I regret being a child of the 80's and early 90's. weird hair, highlighter socks, adidas track suits, tight jeans and embarrassing music by muggle fools like Kenny Logins. However, no matter how much I regret those days growing up in that kooky generation, no one regretted those years more than Sirius did. Mainly because I would remind him every chance I got, but my god did he ask to be mocked. Oh yes, for Sirius Black, those years were like a hazy nightmare that was all too real, one with vindictive witnesses…..

Episode V: Play That Funky Music White Boy

"Uncle Sirius?" Ryan asked wide eyed, in a disturbed voice.

"Yes Ryan?" Sirius shouted over the thumping music.

"What is this shit?" He probed in an alarmed fashion as he watched Sirius, complete with mullet and shiny tracksuit, dance around the living room as if he were having an epileptic fit.

"This -" Sirius replied grinning broadly as he bopped around the house. "Is New Kids On The Block."

Ryan raised a skeptical eyebrow. "You what now?"

"New Kids On The Block!" Sirius repeated, getting his groove on. "It's a muggle band. Amazing what you pick up traveling the world!"

Ryan thought about this for a moment before replying. "I think you mistook my fear for interest. Is their goal to terrify the innocent?"

"Goal?" Sirius repeated as he head banged to 'The Right Stuff'. "What do you mean?"

"I mean -" Ryan yelled in exasperation, "Is it normal that I'm greatly disturbed by this 'New Kids On The Block'"?

"What? You don't like it?" Sirius asked in surprise.

"I didn't know people your age could move that awkwardly." Ryan said in awe as he tilted his head to get a better viewpoint on Sirius' dancing.

"Hey." Sirius cried slightly offended. "This is how everyone's dancing these days."

"How unfortunate. The multitudes will look back and shudder on these years." Ryan prophesized. "How I wish I had a camera."

"Why?" Sirius asked dangerously.

Ryan smirked. "You have no idea how retarded you look right now."

Sirius snorted. "You're just jealous because I've got the 'right stuff'." he goaded, busting out a move.

"If that's the right stuff this is a very sick nation." Ryan noted.

"Alright, how about some MC Hammer?"

"That a new hamburger? Cause unless its dripping with blood I ain't buying it." Ryan asked in a bored voice.

Sirius smacked his forehead. "You're way out of the loop. I really need to find you some friends your own age."

"Tried that. Ate 'em." Ryan replied with a yawn as he folded his arms and sat down in an arm chair. "How much longer are you planning to awe me with your ungodly ability to move like a drunk squirrel?"

"Oh you'll like this one." Sirius said with a grin. "Check this shit out."

Sirius pulled out his wand and pointed it at the tape player which skipped to the next song, 'Can't touch this.' Seeing Ryan roll his eyes he held out his hand motioning for him to wait for the best part. He took his wand again, pointed them at his pants and with a bang a cloud of smoke appeared around his legs. Ryan squinted awkwardly as the smoke cleared to see the most ridiculous thing he could ever have imagined. Sirius in MC Hammer pants.

"What the hell are they?"

"Cool huh?" Sirius said, checking himself out.

"They're fluorescent pink." Ryan exclaimed with both eyebrows raised.

"I know." Sirius said in an excited whisper.

"Sirius?"

"Yes Ryan?"

"I'm Sorry."

"Sorry for what?"

"This." Ryan said simply as he shot a disarming spell at Sirius, who flew back into the wall behind him, destroying his tape player in the process.

"Ouch!"

"Like I said, I'm sorry." Ryan said with a shrug. "Please tell me that those pants look ridiculous now that you've had your ass kicked?"

Sirius looked down then back at Ryan. "I like them."

Ryan smacked his forehead in exasperation. "I was afraid of this. You're being serious. Tell me white boy, do you ever want to have a girlfriend ever again?"

"Of course." Sirius replied as if that were a ridiculous question.

"Then lose the fluro pants. And for the love of all that is holy never dance in my presence again."

"For once I entirely agree." Remus' violated voice came from behind him. "Sirius, that was truly the most terrifying thing I have ever witnessed, and I think I would like you to apologize now."

Sirius looked up at him in disbelief. "He broke my tape."

"Thank you God." Remus said dropping to his knees and looking up toward the ceiling. "Thank you, thank you."

Sirius scowled at them both before pointing his wand at his pants and transforming them back to normal. "Fine. If you don't appreciate my taste that's your loss. You'll regret this when we look back in ten years time. Oh you'll see…"

"Sirius if you ever dance in my presence again I'll make sure you can never taste again." Ryan said threateningly.

"I'm not that bad!" Sirius protested.

"Not that bad? A nuclear blast isn't as bad as that was." Remus said with a snort.

"Fine, fine. I won't dance."

"Thank you."

"Only cause I hate to make you look bad." he said under his breath.

Both Remus and Ryan rolled their eyes in exhaustion and slowly got up walking away from the scene without making eye contact. As they walked they were left questioning the sanity of their companion.