The Decision (Prolouge)
No one understands. They don't know what it's like. They all watch me with those eyes, full of doubt and wonder, waiting for me to fail. They all judge me, thinking that I don't know, but I do. They all see me as the know-it-all, the goody-goody, the one with all of the answers. They watch and wait for one slip, but at the same time they know that I won't let them down. That I can't. I have the answer to almost any question. I have knowledge of everything but life. That's right... I, Hermione Jane Granger, know-it-all extraordinaire is hiding from life.
I have always been the one with the answer. I answer every question in every class with perfectly faked eagerness. I'm not eager. I wish I was different. I wish that I could just be normal. I wish that I was one of the girls who talked of make-up and clothes, or giggled over boys. I wish that I was one of those girls who had crushes all of the time or who had a boyfriend constantly, but I'm not and I don't think I can be. I don't know if I could stand the look of disappointment on everyone's faces if I let them down. Books are my life. I have no life. I wish that I knew what it was like to have a life apart from school. I wanna have a real adventure. I want to break the rules. I want to meet someone who will make my breath catch and my heart pound. I want to experience everything, but I cannot. I know this, but I can't make myself come to terms with it. I just want once to be able to say sod it all and do what I want for a day. Just being able to be me would be fabulous. The only problem with that is that I have no idea who I really am. I wish I did.
They all watch me with those knowing eyes. They know that I'm trapped, that I'm suffering but no one cares. They continue to push at me to pull me in all directions until I feel I might break. I feel as though I am standing on the very edge of a cliff and I'm faced with a decision. I can either allow them to keep pushing, sending me over the edge, or I can turn and walk away not giving a bloody hell what anyone thinks. I feel that the time for me to make the decision is now, but I don't know if I have the strength. I have started my final year at Hogwarts as Head Girl and I need to decide who I am going to be. I need to set an example. I don't even know what I want to do with my life. True I've read a million and one books on every possible career path but I have yet to find anything that would truly interest me. I wish that I could say I wanna be a proffessor or I want to be a mediwitch, or I want to be an auror, but I cannot say these things, because I do not know what to do with my life. So now I face one of the most important decisions of my life. Be pushed and trampled into submission... or fight back?
A million thoughts are running through my head tonight even though I know I should be sleeping. My mind refuses to allow me peace until this is resolved. It has presented me with the one thing that eludes me, with the one question that I don't know the answer to: Who is Hermione Granger and what does she want to do with her life? So the moment has come... sink or swim? I always knew that I would have to make the decision one day but I didn't think that it would come so soon. Even as a war is waged inside of me I already know the outcome, I know the answer. I am no longer going to pushed into things, I am going to take control of my own life. I am Hermione Granger, know-it-all, bookworm, mudblood no more. I am the new and improved Hermione. I am going to fight back.