Ok, I already posted this once before, but the program ate a bunch of my punctuation (I hate that...) So I'm fixing it and re-posting it! Sorry!

Ok, so I wrote this for a friend who popped a tire on her golf-cart (where we live golf-carts are an actualy mode of transportation) when she swerved in order to avoid hitting some roller-skater or something that crossed right in front of her. This is her story: FMA-ified!

Please review!

I do not own FMA - but I do own a golf-cart:)

Roy Mustang sat in the passenger seat of the car, gloomily looking out of the window – he hated giving reports in person.

"Sigh…"

"Is something the matter, Colonel?" Riza Hawkeye, his right-hand woman, asked him.

"Yeah… I hate giving reports…"

"I'm sorry to hear that, sir," Riza replied, turning her attention back to the matter at hand: driving the grumpy colonel safely to Central City headquarters.

"I don't know… I just wish that something – something exciting would happen once in a while!" Roy whined; his wish was granted all too soon.

Riza was driving the car down a side road when suddenly there was a flash as a person ran right out in front of them –

"Shit!" Riza swore, swerving to avoid hitting the idiot.

"What the – !" Roy shouted, hanging on for dear life.

"POP!"

"Damnit! What the hell was that!" Roy asked as soon as the car had screeched to a halt at the side of the road.

"I believe that was our tire popping, Colonel," Riza told him, smoothing back her hair and regaining her composure. "However, I think the more important question is, who was that standing out in the middle of the road?"

The two of them, clad in their military uniforms, stepped out of the car. They looked around – the person had vanished. Next, Riza checked to see what the damage was to the car: a popped back wheel, and a few scratches, but nothing major. Roy, on the other hand, did a happy jig: "I don't have to go to Central! I don't have to go to Central!" he sang, jumping up and down. Riza was about to admonish him for his foolishness, when –

"WHOOMP!" A blur came pelting out of nowhere (again), and tackled the dancing Roy to the ground.

"OW! Get off of me! Hey!" Roy shouted at the figure pinning him to the ground.

Riza quickly pulled out her gun – she raised it, shouting "Watch out, Col-"

"I WANT GIANT PICKLE!"

"What the hell!" Riza shouted, forgetting all about playing the part of the "in charge and under control" woman.

"EDWARD! GET OFF OF ME!" Roy shouted, having finally figured out what it was that was suffocating him – Edward Elric (who was sitting on his stomach).

"WHO PUT THEIR MARBLE COLLECTION IN MY BURGER!" Ed shouted, jumping off of the colonel.

"WHHHEEEEEEE!" Ed began running around in a circle… in his boxers.

"Fullmetal, sir! Please, for the love of God, put some pants on!" Riza pleaded, tears streaming down her eyes (she had been blinded by the whiteness of Ed's legs): "Or at least a spray-on tan, or something!"

"Edward! What are you doing!" Roy, who was back on his feet by this time, shouted.

"WHHHEEEEEE! ANTONIO!" Ed shouted as he spun.

"Antonio?" Riza asked, confused.

"It's the spicy Italian sausage in his pants – named Antonio! I'll explain later! Right now we have to figure out what in the world is wrong with him!" Roy shouted to Hawkeye.

"WHHHEEEEE! UGGA-BUGGA-BUGGA!" Ed shouted, now running in circles in the opposite direction.

"Sir!" Riza shouted to Roy, "I think he's on crack!"

"Oh, God," Roy said, "that's not good! With a person his size there's no telling what sort of effects it will have on him!"

"You mean his automail, Colonel?"

"No, damnit, I mean because of how short he is! Look at him! He's so small even a little bit of crack could set him off like a firecracker!" Roy shouted at his subordinate.

"Small? SMALL! WHO ARE YOU CALLING SO SMALL THAT THEY'RE THE SIZE OF YOUR I.Q.!"

"Ohhhhhh! Colonel, you just got told!" Riza said, giddy with delight. "Uh, I mean, 'that's not very nice…'"

"Aaaarrgghh! No one says that to Roy Mustang! Fullmetal, get over here so I can kick your ass!" Roy yelled, chasing after Ed who was now sprinting back down the road, singing:

"I LIKE CHICKEN! I LIKE LIVER! MEOW-MIX, MEOW-MIX, PLEASE DELIVER!"

"JUST WAIT UNTIL I GET A HOLD OF YOU, YOU SHRIMP!"

"WHHEEEEEEEE! COLONEL, YOU HAVE A SHRIMP! – IN YOUR PANTS!" Ed screamed at the top of his lungs, continuing to sprint back towards Eastern Headquartes.

"AAAARRRGGGHHHH!" Roy bellowed as he sprinted down after the pint-sized alchemist.

"Uh… Colonel?..."

Poor Riza had been left standing in the middle of the road – the car had a flat tire, and she was scarred for life. "It should be illegal to sing the 'Meow-Mix' song when you're running around in your underwear," Riza thought. She shivered, horrible images racing through her mind.

Several hours later a tow-truck would come for the lieutenant, and the mechanics would find her on the ground, twitching, as semi-naked cracked-out Edwards ran through her head.

Fin.

Hahahahaaa! I crack myself up! Heehee! Please review! Have you had anything crappy yet slighly amusing (in retrsopect) happen to you today? Let me know - I may be able to turn that frown upside down through the powers of "FMA-IZATION!" (impressive-sounding echo in background - rips off shirt and flexes muscles). Haha! Seriously, though, I love doing these "dinky" little one-shots! Haha! Please review! Have a great day! Sorry to the people who reviewed earlier - I really appreciate it! The punctuation thing just bugged me, that's all - I couldn't not re-upload it! ...