A/N. Yippees, my first Haku/Zabuza ficcie! ;) No, they're not paired in THAT way...Just in a father/son relationship. xD
It's sad to see that there isn't a lot of Haku ficcies. Haku is a very coolios character. ;) I love Haku so much...-sighs- He had to die, didn't he? x.x But I still love him, even if he is dead! xD
Anywhos, hope you likey! ;) The first chapter is from Haku's POV. x) Read, enjoy, and review. xD
Chapter 1 - Beautiful Dreams
I'm so happy.
Even feeling life slip away from me, slowly and painfully, I ignored the darkness that threatened to overcome me.
It wasn't the familiar darkness under my eyelids, nor was it the darkness of death.
It was...a darkness of...sorrow...yet...happiness.
I saved you, Zabuza-san.
My teacher, my mentor, my father, my everything.
Zabuza-san, your dreams will not die. Your beautiful dreams which were mine as well, mine to help you fufill.
I did not dream as you did, nor did anyone else did. My dream perhaps seems strange and pathetic, but to me...it was a beautiful dream.
Because...Zabuza-san...I dreamed to fufill your dreams. I dreamed to be your tool. I dreamed to be your Haku.
I wasn't able to dream beautiful dreams like these back when I was a young child. I had been pure and innocent, like snow. Snow...
I have always loved the snow.
When the first snow of winter falls, the soft flakes float silently down in magical whorls of pure white. A thick, pure white blanket of snow spreads about over the earth while it sleeps, its cold warmth arousing illusions of fantasy-like worlds and beautiful dreams.
Nothing is more beautiful; nothing can be more perfect.
The snow reminds me of you, Zabuza-san.
You were always cold, like the snow.
But I know you have feelings too.
Other feelings you wish to hide from the world.
You can not hide them from me, Zabuza-san.
Why do you hide your feelings?
I know it isn't because ninja are supposed to never show emotion.
So why, Zabuza-san?
Whenever I look into your eyes, I always see sadness.
Then I feel sad too.
Why do you always look so sad?
I hate seeing you sad, Zabuza-san.
It makes me angry and sad at myself for making you letting you feel that way.
I want you to be happy...
...And I know that helping you fufill your dreams will make you happy.
That is my dream.
You were always misunderstood.
Like the snow.
But I alone understand you.
No one else.
You take people's lives and do horrible things.
But I understand.
Everyone calls you evil and cruel.
But you are not cruel nor evil.
You do those things because you have your own dreams.
Your sweet, beautiful dreams.
And I dream of helping you fufill your beautiful dreams.
That is my dream.
Why do I dream these dreams?
Because you helped me run away from myself.
Because you helped me find the purpose I was destined to fufill.
Because you showed me that besides cruelty and misery, hope and happiness can be found in this dark world.
Because you are the light to my shadow.
Because you are my Zabuza-san.
Zabuza-san, I was just a child when you came into my life. I was as happy as I could be. My parents were kind and gave me everything I wanted. But...it all changed that horrible day.
Mother and I were a part of an advanced bloodline. Advanced bloodlines were feared during my childhood, and civil wars often erupted. Father discovered my bloodline secret and killed Mother.
That was the most horrible day of my childhood, to be feared and hated just for what I am, and not who I am.
Father tried to kill me too, but I unintentionally killed him and the other villagers. Ever since, I had lived on the bridge. The bridge was my new home. It wasn't truly a home, but it was the only place I had.
I didn't have anyone. Everyone hated me just for being different. I didn't hate them. I just hated myself.
Day by day, month by month, I would live off the scraps of those people who hated me. When I wasn't grabbing desperately at scraps of food, I would sit on the bridge, the place that was and wasn't my home, and watch people pass by, often giving me glances of pity or hatred.
But then...Zabuza-san, you came.
That was the most beautiful day of my childhood, perhaps of my entire life.
You passed by me, but instead of walking on and disregarding me as everyone else did, you stopped and looked at me. Your eyes weren't full of hatred or disgust as I thought they would. They were full of...I can't explain it, but I remember my heart rising with hope as I looked back into your eyes.
"A brat like you isn't wanted by anyone," you had said. But your voice wasn't full of mocking or disgust. "Soon, you will die alone, forgotten, with no one knowing that you died, knowing what your dreams were..."
Your voice wasn't of pity, nor was it of disregard or revolt either. It held a strange feeling I couldn't comrepehend, but made me hopeful and joyous nonetheless.
I remembered smiling back at you, continuing to stare deeply into your eyes, eyes that were exactly like mine. And that is precisely what I told you.
"Your eyes are like mine, mister."
I remembered seeing your eyes widen slightly at my strange words, as if what I said to you was wise. Yes, we had the same eyes. Eyes that longed for another to look at them with longing and faith, making them feel appreciated and needed. I wanted to be needed. And I think you did too, Zabuza-san. Whether it was that you needed someone, or you wanted someone to need you, you and I had the same eyes, Zabuza-san.
"Do you want to be needed?"
My heart throbbed with happiness and hope at your words. Finally, someone among these cruel people in this dark world regarded me as someone. Someone wanted me. Someone needed me.
From that day on, I was yours, Zabuza-san. Your tool.
You were the light to my shadow, and I was the light to your shadow as well. I wanted to be under your shadow, your protective, fatherly shadow, the shadow that was casted by my innocence. And I wanted to be the light to your shadow. I wanted to be yours. I wanted to be your tool. I wanted to be your Haku.
I pushed myself farther just to feel your fatherly touch, a friendly pat on the head or a muscular arm around my small shoulders. I worked harder just to hear your praise. "Well done" or "Good work, Haku" always made my heart pulse with happiness and feel as if I were floating like a piece of snow would drift from the clouds. I honed my skills as best as I could to see the proud and satisfied look in your eyes.
All I ever did was for you.
Your life, your benefits, your dreams, you.
And...this death is for you as well, Zabuza-san.
I strain to open my eyes, to see your victory, to witness your triumph, to look at your face once more.
But I can't.
My skin and heart grows cold, unbelievably cold, like snow itself.
I am dying.
I am truly dying.
But at least my death benefited you, Zabuza-san.
I struggled to smile at that triumpant fact, but it seemed as if the strings that held my smile, like the strings of a puppet, were cut and unstable.
I want to be happy for you, and I am.
I am truly happy.
But I feel this deep fear inside me.
Is it painful?
What is it like?
Would it be like an eternal sleep?
Or would my spirit be able to soar freely through the skies?
Will I go to Heaven?
Or will I go to Hell, where my punishments reside for my crimes?
Would I ever see you again, Zabuza-san?
I don't care. I'm pleased and happy to know that dying for you will help you fufill your beautiful dreams.
Life is slipping away from me, yet I somehow feel stronger inside.
I know you would stay alive, and you'd live on with your beautiful dreams.
Your life would not be anyone's to take.
I would not allow anyone to end your life and your beautiful dreams, no matter what.
Even at the cost of my own life.
I hear a few words from beside me, words that I can not truly hear, and then a sharp blow is delivered to my limp, cold side.
It doesn't really hurt.
I don't care.
Feeling the pain of death and more than that is worth saving and fufilling your dreams, Zabuza-san.
You're worth everything and anything, Zabuza-san.
I hear another voice speak, nearby, but even though the voice sounds highly familiar, I can not quite identify it.
Then...I hear your voice.
I can always recongnize your voice.
What are you saying?
I hear my name.
Did you say my name?
I strain harder to hear your words.
Then I hear them.
"We ninja are tools. I wanted his abilities, not him. I have no regrets."
My heart grows slightly cold, as if a thick layer of snow spread over me.
Of course you wanted my abilities, Zabuza-san.
And I was your tool.
That was also my dream.
To be your tool.
But...why do I feel this way?
Sad and heartbroken?
Did I really think you could ever respect or love me?
Of course not.
I am just your tool.
I was your tool.
I served my purpose.
And I am happy.
I hear that familiar voice again.
It's becoming more familiar as that voice speaks more words.
But I still can't identify it.
I hear deep and heavy pantings, not ones of exhaustion, but ones of...anger?
A choked yell...a choked yell of anger and sadness reaches my ears.
I strain to hear the words more clearly.
"He...He really loved you! He really, really loved you!"
Why are you speaking these words to Zabuza-san?
It is not as if you really care for me, Naruto.
Your words touch me, Naruto-kun. Your words give me the warmth that Zabuza-san alone, but not quite as warm, could send through my heart.
"You really don't think anything of him?"
He does not.
Although I wish for him to think more highly of me, he does not.
I am his tool.
And I am happy to be his tool.
"You really...really don't think anything of him?"
I frown inwardly, since my mouth is already in the form of a frown...
The frown of death...
They sound so desperate and sad, Naruto-kun.
It reminds me of Zabuza-san.
Please don't be sad for me.
Please know that I am happy this way.
Your words are dipped within the timbre of one's voice when they are crying.
Naruto-kun, are you crying for me?
"When a person becomes as strong as you, do they start to think like that...?"
"He sacrificed his life for you!"
"He couldn't even see his own dream!"
That is true.
I did not.
I had no dream of my own.
I had a dream that would fufill Zabuza's beautiful dreams.
That is my dream.
That is my beautiful dream.
Your quiet sobs reach my ears, and I myself want to cry as my heart throbs with the sadness that you bear.
Please don't cry, Naruto-kun.
"Dying as a tool...is just...just...too painful..."
Dying as a tool is not painful.
Not for me.
Dying as a tool...Zabuza-san's tool...is...beautiful.
Beautiful and happy...
All I wanted was to be needed.
And Zabuza-san helped me to help him.
He helped me realize what my purpose truly was.
To be a tool.
I hear your voice once more, Zabuza-san.
It isn't full of disregard and coldness as it had always been.
Your voice sounds...sad...
A droplet of water strikes the ground, its soft whisper echoing silently throughout the air.
Is it raining?
What is happening?
I don't understand.
"Don't say any more."
I don't understand.
You don't truly don't care for my life, do you Zabuza-san?
Your voice is filled with sorrow and pain, yet I can also hear the bitter confusion and frustration in your voice.
Does that mean...that by saving you, I corrupted your heart?
Zabuza-san, you truly do not care for my life.
You may pity me at this moment, but you do not care for me.
I am not worth your feelings, if you have any for me.
I am only a tool through your eyes, Zabuza-san.
But...did saving your life and beautiful dreams affect you?
In any way?
"Haku...Not only did he hurt his heart to fight for me, but he hurt his heart for you guys too. I know. He was...too kind."
"I'm glad we were able to fight you as your final opponents."
So do I.
Naruto, his teammates, and his sensei all taught me a great many things.
Sasuke sacrificed his life to save Naruto. And witnessing his sacrifice, I admired him. I had always wanted to do the same for Zabuza-san.
Of course, Sasuke is not dead. He is just in that death-like trance, the trance Zabuza-san himself had been in when I thrust my needles into his neck.
I had heard that girl cry for Sasuke. What was her name...?
Sakura actually cried for him. Ninja never showed any signs of emotions, but Sakura was not afraid to cry. I felt so horrible and sorry when I heard her loud weeps for Sasuke, but that made me more glad and grateful that I hadn't killed Sasuke.
Of course I couldn't.
Like Zabuza-san said, my heart hurt to save Naruto and his friends, as well as Zabuza-san.
Watching and hearing Sakura cry for Sasuke made me consider that maybe she was like me. Sakura loved Sasuke and would do anything for him. Sakura wouldn't be afraid to cry for Sasuke if something happened to him. I was like that too. But I would never cry, because Zabuza-san would never die. Not as long as I was alive.
I would not be alive for long...
Kakashi was persistent in protecting his students and Mr. Tazuna. He would risk his life for them. I admired him as I did Sasuke. I, like Kakashi, would risk my life for Zabuza-san too.
Naruto was determined to achieve his dream of becoming Hokage. I had never seen anyone try so hard to reach their dream. Dreams are beautiful fantasies...
I wished Naruto and I became friends. But becoming friends with Zabuza-san's enemy...
I don't think Zabuza-san and I are enemies with Naruto and his teammates anymore.
I hear a quiet rip, as if a piece of soft fabric was being torn apart. Then I hear Zabuza-san's voice once more.
"Yes...Kid, it's like you said. Ninja are human too. They might not be able to become a tool without emotions."
Your words are true and wise.
I was your tool.
But I was a tool with emotions, emotions I hid within myself.
"I lose. Kid, give me your knife."
What do you intend to do with Naruto's knife?
You are not doing anything foolish, right?
Of course not.
You're not foolish, Zabuza-san.
But I am still worried.
I strain my ears to hear more. I hear a sharp object - perhaps Naruto-kun's knife - slice repeatedly through the air and screams of agony and pain.
I hear Gato's voice next, although I can not comprehend what he is saying. Then I hear your voice, Zabuza-san, yelling angrily and fiercely, yet I can not identify your words, for life is slowly slipping away as my spirit is gradually being absorbed from my body.
At first, I thought I heard a few grunts and intakes of pain from you, Zabuza-san, but I immediately cleared myself of those thoughts.
You're not in pain, are you Zabuza-san?
Please don't be in pain, Zabuza-san.
It'd hurt you too much, as it would hurt me too.
I love you too much to allow you to hurt.
After an eternity of words and whispers I couldn't comprehend, I heard a soft whisper, a whisper of plea and sadness.
"I want...to see...his face again."
Why do you sound so weak?
Are you feeling this way because of me?
It pains my heart to hear that you are in so much sorrow and dismal.
I feel weak too...
So close to dying...
The reason why you sound so weak and feeble and sad...
...Is it because you're dying too?
Zabuza-san, please don't die...
Live on, as your beautiful dreams shall...
I'm dying because I chose to.
I may take my dream down with me, but that does not mean that you and your dreams will die with me as well.
Is this what...love truly is?
When a person has something important to protect, that is when they can become truly strong.
I became strong for you, for your life, for your dreams, for you.
You became strong to die for me?
I always did know that purity resided within you.
How can people think of you as evil and cruel?
Their opinions do not matter.
Only your life, only your dreams, only you, Zabuza-san.
I love you, Zabuza-san.
And my heart slightly rises with hope, knowing that you love me too.
Do you, Zabuza-san?
Am I merely a tool to you?
Am I your partner?
Am I your son?
What am I?
I know who I am.
I am Haku.
But what am I to you?
I shiver inwardly as I feel a familiar chill drop onto my bare skin. Snow...?
It's snowing at this time of season?
I don't understand.
Why does it snow?
Is it snowing...
...because of us, Zabuza-san?
Does this beautiful snow resemble our beautiful feelings for each other, Zabuza-san?
Does this beautiful snow represent our great sacrifice for each other, Zabuza-san?
Does this beautiful snow mean that we are one, Zabuza-san?
Snow is like me.
As it is like you, Zabuza-san.
Cold. Fragile. Emotionless. Misunderstood. Beautiful.
"Haku...are you crying?"
Am I crying?
I am not so sure.
Is he talking about the snow that drifts from the sky?
Or the real, fresh tears that are shed when one is sad?
I didn't care.
I was crying, whether I wasn't sure of it or not.
I was crying for myself, crying for our loss, crying for our victory, crying for our death, crying for Zabuza-san.
I felt so free...
I had disowned the teachings of shinobi, yet I did not care, for I knew that this man, my teacher, my mentor, my father, my life, my dream was worth everything.
He was worth trying for, he was worth crying for, he was worth dying for...
I hear your weak, feeble voice once more. And I become startled, for your voice echoed right beside me.
I feel the heat of your warm body beside mine from our close range, and I am slightly surprised but pleased that your body still has warmth, even when it is so close to death.
You're dying, Zabuza-san.
Aren't you afraid?
Did you choose to die?
Was it your choice?
Were you willing to die with me and let your beautiful dreams die too?
I love you, Zabuza-san...
...And...you love me too.
Yes...this is what love truly means.
"We've been together all this time. So...I'll die next to you."
You're so close I can smell your scent. It doesn't reek of blood, nor does it reek of earth. It smells nice and fresh, like the spicy and minty yet sweet air of herbs and pines.
I feel your warm breath caress my face as you speak tenderly to me, and I feel as if I'm floating in the air, floating in an endless field of your minty and sweet scent, imprisoned within this field that is tainted with your warmth.
Your gentle and soft yet slightly deep and gruff voice soothes me as I lay here, waiting for Death to take us both. Your voice is like a soft melody of a lullaby that would my parents would sing to me before I went to sleep.
My heart melts as the warmth and love of your words pierce right through the false, icy barrier that had been my heart.
My heart was never cold like snow in your presence, Zabuza-san.
It never would be.
We've been through so much together.
We struggled, we fought, we talked, we smiled, we laughed together.
Those memories...are beautiful.
Just as our dreams are.
...That if you died, you'd die next to me.
Our bodies and spirits will be buried together.
I smile inwardly at that beautiful and pleasant thought.
"If possible..." I hear your sad, soft voice once more. "...I want to go to the same place you're going to..."
I feel your warm, soft hand caress my cold cheek, warming the chill of my skin with the infinite love in your tender touch.
I want to cry, hearing the sadness and longing in your voice, hearing your hopeful, loving words, hearing that you indeed want to be with me forever and beyond.
I want to open my eyes, to see your face again, to reach my hand out and touch you, to wipe away any tears you'll cry.
I'm too weak. My life has almost slipped away. Death is waiting for me, waiting to take my spirit in its embrace, drifting away with me to wherever it would take me - Heaven or Hell.
I don't care.
Wherever Death takes me, Heaven or Hell, I'll be happy.
Because I know I'll be with you, Zabuza-san.
That is my dream.
The beautiful dream I had in this life was to be your tool, your weapon, yours, your Haku.
And now...I have a new dream...that is more beautiful than anything I've dreamed.
To be with you forever...
That is my dream.
My closed eyes begin to fill slightly wet. A drop of snow lands on my eyelash, and as it does, the warm wetness in my eye slithers out from under my eyelid and slowly streaks down my cheek, leaving behind a fresh trail of wet warmth.
A tear of sadness...
A tear of sadness...and happiness...
A tear of sadness...and happiness...and...love...
I love you, Zabuza-san.
A/N. Omgsh...D; Hakuuuu! -bawls at the top of lungs and sobs in dark corner- T.T
Umm...I think this ficcie will be three chapters long. o.o; The next chapter will be about Zabuza's POV as they die. And the last chapter...well, you'll just have to see.
Welll...I'll continue if many people like this ficcie. ;) Cuz there aren't much Haku fans out there...sadly. T.T Please reviewww! x( If not for me, then for Haku? PLEASE? xD