HARVEST MOON: MORONS OF IGNORAMOUS TOWN

A/N: Before you say anything, yes, I know the name is random, but unlike the many chapter titles of my other fanfics, this actually relates to the plot. I've just one thing to say. My other story is not dead, I've just temporarily left it. I might pick it up again in the school holidays (which start on the Thursday, or to people on the other side of the IDL, Wednesday of next week). Enjoy… I hope…

(Chapter Title)

THE KIDS AREN'T ALRIGHT… MENTALLY

It was just a peaceful summer day like any other. Jack was harvesting some crops, Rick was feeding some chickens, Duke was soon to yet again be legally declared mentally insane, thanks to his wife's voice box, and Kai was sitting at his counter, waiting for some customers to come (or at least waiting until he went insane and made some imaginary ones).

There was, however, something new happening today. Mayor Thomas (otherwise known as the "human" tomato) had, by new fancy laws invented by the government, been forced to do a routine check on the intelligence of the youth of Mineral Town.

Although the Mayor had insisted that nothing could possibly have hindered the education of the younger generation, the Minister of Education had pointed out that they had "never actually met the legal requirements of basic education on the island". The Mayor thought he could hardly be blamed for this. I mean, was it really his fault that the money the town had been saving for weeks mysteriously disappeared, coincidently at the same time he bought Rottnest Island? Of course not!

The Red Blob in a top hat slowly moved down the street to the Poultry Farm. He was looking at a sheet he held in his hand, containing all the names of the teens of Mineral Town, and a box next to their names.

Deciding he (or should I say it) should rest his beautiful, beautiful eyes for a second, he looked down to the ground (this took about 30 seconds). He could see a snail on the path. He watched it take over him in about five seconds. "Stupid slugs…" he muttered darkly. He finally reached the old, brown gates enclosing the poultry at the chicken farm.

"Good morning!" he said to Rick, who was standing outside looking at the chickens.

"Oh, good morning!" Rick said happily with a smile.

"Taking a look at the family's hard work eh?" the Mayor asked with a grin.

"Well, I was feeding them actually", Rick replied.

"Don't you usually need chicken feed for that?" the Mayor inquired.

"Chicken…feed?" Rick said, turning his head to the side and staring at the tomato lopsidedly. The Mayor smiled politely and put an F in the box next to Rick's name.

"You haven't seen your sister around, have you?" Rick looked at him blankly for a moment.

"Si…ster?" he said in a daze.

"Oh… you mean Popuri!" he said happily, a grin on his face once more.

"Yes… have you seen her?" the Mayor re-asked.

"She should be inside…" he chirped happily, "or at the beach…" he added darkly. "Umm… I'll check inside first" the Mayor said, rolling his eyes as he turned his head.

As Thomas squeezed through the door, he caught sight of a pink blob bobbing up and down in the corner.

"Hello there Popuri!" he said, hoping for some normal conversation of at least the 4h grade standard to come out of the girl.

"Hi there! Do you like chickens? What a silly question! Everyone loves chickens! You hear me? EVERYONE!" The girl said very fast, a twitch becoming very noticeable in her right eye.

"Umm… hello Popuri. I've got to ask you a few questions, is that all right?" the Mayor said slowly.

"It depends" she said, looking at him slyly. "Have you ever eaten a chicken?" The Mayor decided that this was probably no time for the truth, considering the knife I her hand was glinting at the very end as if it were very, very sharp.

"Of course not dear", he replied. Pigs could be seen from thousands of kilometres away flying over the island.

"Ok then" she said with a cute grin on her face.

"Ok dear, question one: who invented the light bulb?"

"… a chicken?" she answered (although it sounded as if she were asking a question.

"That was Thomas Edison" the Mayor said.

"Ok… how do you spell chrysanthemum?"

"That's an easy one! C-H-I-C-K-E-N!" Thomas stared at the girl.

"How do you spell rose?" he asked hopefully.

"You're going easy on me!" came the reply. "C-H-I-C…" the Mayor cut the girl off.

"How do you spell chicken?" he asked her.

"Umm… er… oh, oh, I know! C…" the Mayor looked at her hopefully.

"Yes dear, continue!" he said.

"…O-W! Chicken!" she said a proud smile on her face. The Mayor looked at her in disbelief.

"Thank you dear, that is quite enough…" he said, writing an F bigger than the box in which it was to be placed.

The Mayor looked down at the sheet again. He already had four boxes marked as Fs. Popuri, Rick, Mary, and Karen. He had automatically marked Mary and Karen as Fs because… well, he new who had REALLY started that rumour about him dancing around naked in the street saying the apocalypse was coming in a hurricane (well, actually, it was true, but he didn't want anyone else to know that, did he?). He wondered where he should go next. He saw the clinic just up ahead. He decided he would go test Elli next, and perhaps pick up some free medicine on the way (well, he WAS the Mayor, and besides, it's not like Ellen REALLY needed that medicine anymore, I mean, she was going to die soon anyway, right?)

"Good morning Elli!" the man said cheerfully to the nurse sitting at the front desk.

" Hi… person…" the nurse said. She was staring straight past the man to the doctor who was filing papers in the corner.

"Umm Elli, would you mind answering a few questions?" Thomas asked.

"Yes… questions…" the girl replied. The man hesitated for a moment, then shuffled through a few papers to find the questions related to health care.

"Question one: if someone has low stamina, should they be given turbojolt or bodigizer?... Elli…Elli!" the girl didn't even make a move. After a while, the Mayor decided that it was a lost cause, and walked away slowly, making an F form on the page next to her name.

A/N: Ok, this is really short, but I had to cut it off here because I'm getting ready for camp… oh yeah, don't expect anything from me for the next three days! Ok, so… good or bad? This will start off with a lower rating than expected, it could probably go for even K, but I'll make it a K+ just to be sure. Until next time,

K M