"Is it on yet?"

"I can't tell… How do you work this thing, anyway? A red something's flashing! What's that mean?"

"It means the sound's on but not the video. Just… There, flick… No, not that one! The other… Just give me that, you jock! God…"

The image flickered and then came to rest on a blue-clad hero. "Now the green thing's flashing."

"Finally!" The villain strolled out in front of the lenses. "Now let's get this thing over with!"

"Hey, kids!" grinned the hero, waving slightly. "I'm Sportacus 10, and a lot of you probably know me as the hero of LazyTown!"

"And I'm Robbie Rotten, the greatest baddie you'll ever see." He was quite a bit less enthusiastic than his rival.

An awkward silence crept over them.

"Robbie?" prodded Sportacus. "Isn't there something you want to tell the folks at home?"

"Oh, right! Kids, don't drink beer for breakfast. Just because Mommy does it doesn't make it okay. I mean, she's stuck as home with you all day! And then the UPS man comes to the door…" He put his hands on his hips, lowering his voice suggestively. "And he says 'What can I do for you?'…"

"Robbie! What he means to say is that although we do many dangerous stunts on LazyTown, all of them are carefully choreographed and are performed with all of the needed safety equipment."

"You mean most of them are…"

"I said I was sorry a thousand times! I didn't know you were in that canon!"

"Would have been too much trouble to ask?"

"Look, can we talk about this later? We're what you call professionals, and we do this for a living. We get paid for it."

"Though 'paid' is a bit of an understatement… But he's right, for a change. We're dedicated actors, just like Boris Karloff. We make sacrifices for our art. Did you know that Karloff was known as the man of a thousand faces? And that he once, for a movie, injected bleach into his own eye?"

Sportacus gave a rather unheroic noise of repulse. "Really?"

"No, not really. But I imagine that the contact lens he had to wear was uncomfortable at times."

"Robbie, that's disgusting!"

"I'm just telling it like it is, Sportadork."

"These are kids!"

"Well, it's time for them to wake up and smell the arsenic-laced coffee! This isn't Disney World, I don't have to be nice to them!"

The hero rolled his eyes. "Anyway… What we're trying to say is, don't try any of the things you see on the show at home."

"Yeah," snickered the villain. "Try them at a friend's house!"

"Robbie! This is Sportacus 10..."

"And Robbie Rotten…"

"Telling you to be safe!"

Another awkward silence elapsed upon them.

"Well… What now?"

"I don't know, I'm free for the rest of the day. I kind of thought this would take longer."

"Me too."

More silence. Sportacus cleared his throat.

"So… Want to go make out?"


To the disappointment of fan girls everywhere, that's where the camera was shut off.