My Salads Your Salads
Hi guys, since Orangepencils is now single. ((As in no stories to write)) Here's a one shot! Actually I have to finish Welcome Back to Reality but I'll do that during Easter Break and get it over with. I originally did this in French, yes Orangepencils writes and speaks and reads French, VERY well and I decided to translate the fic. I was in the mood to do humor. So please read it it's worth the laughs.
One shot, humor.
I was inspired by a line that Inuyasha said to Sesshomaru in manga six. He said: Tes encore venu ici pour nous parlez de tes salades? It means you came here to talk about your salads? So I had a little idea for it…
Disclaimer: Because I am bored and in need to type.
Summary: Sesshomaru comes by to visit Inuyasha and informs him that he has inherited a huge salad field from his deceased father. Just what the hell is he going to do with a salad field when Naraku is on the loose?
My Salads Your Salads
It was another ordinary day for Inuyasha and company. Naraku was still hidden somewhere in the world and the Shikon jewel was as incomplete as ever. The group had nothing better to do so they had all returned to the Edo village. They were lying in the tall grass and looking up at the clouds. Inuyasha was chewing on a piece of grass while Kilala and Shippo were running around in the fields. For once Miroku wasn't trying to be a pervert and Sango was quite pleased.
"So, what do we do today?" Miroku asked his traveling companions. He was starting to find time long and boring.
"I don't know… I'm starting to find that we're missing action around here don't you find? There's no Band of Seven, no demons, NO NOTHING!" Kagome said.
"Yeah… there haven't been any demons to kill recently." Inuyasha said after a while. He more than all the others was starting to be sick and tired of this new dull life.
"Don't complain Inuyasha. For all we know, tomorrow we could leave on some journey for many weeks and we won't come back for a while." Sango told him from her place.
"So? At least we'd have something productive to do." And as if his wish was heard by some magical force, Sesshomaru appeared out of nowhere. There was the productive thing that just appeared.
"What the hell are you doing here Sesshomaru? Did you come here to talk about your salads?" Sesshomaru had a half smile for a fraction of a second.
"That's scary." Shippo murmured to the others. The others were in agreement with him. Seeing Sesshomaru smile wasn't something you saw on a daily basis.
"Correct you are Inuyasha. I did come here to talk about salads." Inuyasha fell to the floor anime style. He was just joking when he had said that.
"What the hell do you mean you came here to talk about salads! It was only an expression for crying out lout!" Inuyasha barked back at him. Sometimes he wondered if his brother didn't take a bit too much Sake with his meal before meeting him.
"You see little brother, before the time that our dear father left this Earth, he had some salad fields." Inuyasha's jaw fell to the floor and the same thing happened to the others. What can a powerful demon like their father do with a bunch of dumb salad fields?
"So? Go and ramble about this to the salads. I don't have time to waste on you today Sesshomaru." Inuyasha really didn't give a damn about some dumb salads.
"Do you think this is a trap Miroku?" Sango asked the monk once she regained her calm.
"I wouldn't be surprised, but you never know with him…"
"Like I was saying, when our dear father passed away, he named me heir of the Western Lands. But he didn't want to leave me all the salad fields. He wanted to leave you half of the fields…"
"Well gee thanks for telling me now you bastard! Now the salads are probably all dead! And if they aren't then they survived by some miracle. How did you want me to take care of these salads if I didn't even know of their existence?"
"I am not that stupid, little brother. I took care of your salad fields up until now. It's father who told me to do so." Now that was the understatement on the century! This conversation was going nowhere, but it was strangely amusing to the point to laugh of it.
"So? What do you want me to do now? You want me to abandon my mission so I could retire in some old salad field and pass the rest of my days watering them? Who do you think I am? Buddha! There's no way in hell! And what about Tetsusaiga? What's it gonna do for me? Help me cut up the salads so I can make healthy sandwiches and balanced meals!" Everyone had to crack a smile at that statement. Kagome sat down next to Shippo and Kilala so she could watch this absurd scene that was playing before their eyes. Miroku and Sango came to join her.
"Inuyasha, you have no choice. You must take care of the salads." Sesshomaru was starting to lose his patience. His patience had a limit and this limit wasn't far from being reached.
"Well, what am I going to do with these dumb salads you tell me?"
"If you decide to come, I will show you what you will do with these dumb salads." The hanyou thought about it for a moment before he nodded and accepted.
So that's how Inuyasha and company left to visit Inuyasha's salad fields wherever they were.
Once they arrived there, the group was quite amazed to see so many green acres of salad belonging to Inuyasha.
"All this belongs to me?" Inuyasha asked his older brother. The elder brother nodded his head. He had to admit that he was very impressed by all this land. All this green land, all these salads. Suddenly, a little purplish figure came out of nowhere. It had strange olive green eyes and little sharp pointy teeth. It had very long hands. It couldn't be taller than a foot and not larger than ten inches. Inuyasha stomped on it and it died immediately.
"And just what the hell is this supposed to be?" He asked when he grabbed another one and squished it between his thumb and index.
"Those are Samyukes." Sesshomaru told him.
"A Sam what?"
"They are little demons that eat salads. There's the utility that Tetsusaiga will have to you. You will be able to rid the fields of the Samyuke's with your sword." Kagome, Shippo, Miroku and Sango laughed even harder. They tried imagining Inuyasha running after a dozen of Samyuke's with Tetsusaiga drawn out ready to strike.
"You're kidding right?"
"Of course not little brother. I took care of these fields for all these years. It's your turn to take care of what is rightfully yours."
"Did you fall on your head or something! There is no way in hell that I am spending the rest of my days taking care of these damn salads! You hear me, I. Am. Not. Doing. It!" Sesshomaru smiled at him. Everyone got frightened for a moment. Sesshomaru smiling… that couldn't be a good sign.
"You don't have much of a choice." And with that the dog demon left without another word.
"So, Inuyasha what will you do with all these wonderful salads?" Miroku told him with a huge smile. He thought this situation was quite amusing.
"What do you think I'm going to do? Sit back here and spend my valuable time killing off those dumb Samyukes and watering the salads?"
"Isn't that what Sesshomaru told you to do?" Sango asked him with a puzzled expression.
"What! Are you crazy! I am going to leave these salads die in peace and with no salads, good riddance! I'll be spared the trouble." The inu-hanyou thought that it was a good idea, but clearly Kagome was against it. She had already taken the decision for him.
"SIT!" The poor man went face forward into the ground.
"You will stay here and you will take care of the salads! If I have to stay here with you then so be it I'll stay! Anyways, we have nothing better to do. Take care of the salads and once Naraku shows sign of life you'll go and beat the tar out of him." Inuyasha knew he couldn't do anything against Kagome. He got up and went to see if he could find some of these Samyuke demons.
"God damn it! There really is someone who doesn't like my face in this low world!" He said as he killed off a dozen of Samyukes that were lurking around. Sango, Miroku, Kagome and Shippo chocked with laughter. It was too funny! But a certain silver haired hanyou didn't think it was funny. He got an idea and he smiled evilly to himself. He would see who would have the last laugh. He turned around to face his friends and gave them his evilest smile. Something about that smile told them this couldn't be good.
"You guys are going to stay?" He asked them. When they nodded their heads, he threw a pale to Kagome who caught it with ease.
"Good then, make yourselves useful. Kagome you'll pull out the weeds, Sango you'll cut up the salads, Miroku you'll harvest the grounds and Shippo you'll make the food." They wanted to protest but Inuyasha simply smiled at them.
"You wanted to force me to stay here; you're going to help me." And that was the understatement of the century.
After three, long and never ending weeks of killing Samyukes, pulling out weeds, watering salads and taking care of them, Inuyasha, Kagome, Shippo, Sango, Miroku and Kilala were sick and tired of it. During this sunny afternoon, Sesshomaru came to pay them a little visit.
"I am going to kill you!" Inuyasha charged at his brother but this last one moved aside to reveal another type of demon that was behind him.
"Who's that?" Inuyasha asked him.
"I present myself milord. I am Takimoto. I am a demon farmer. I take care of fields such as yours. I am here to come to your help milord." Inuyasha's mouth fell to the floor. This demon was going to save his sanity!
"And you're going to spend the rest of the days that I am absent taking care of these fields?" Inuyasha asked him.
"Of course milord." Inuyasha smiled and handed him a watering can.
"Have fun watering the salads." Takimoto took the can and left to water the plants.
"You couldn't have brought him sooner!"
"Of course not little brother, I wanted to see you laboring in these salad fields. It was a very entertaining thing if you ask me. Well then I must go, to the next time Inuyasha." And Sesshomaru left just as he had come.
"Sesshomaru, wait! You ain't gonna leave without a fight! You damn loser! What kind of a man are you!"
And that's how Inuyasha left his salad fields, but he came back every once in a while to check up on them. Because over the last three weeks, he had grown attached to them.
End of the story with no point.
Well that was pretty lame lol! You can find the original story in French in my profile. Please review the pointless story. I still think it's pretty funny! I'll be working on another one-shot and then this weekend it's back to Welcome Back to Reality for me and for the story lol.