I'm such a huge fan of Alias it would probably scare you.

We're talking box sets of every season. T-shirts. Hats. The works.

I'm lucky…my friend's mom worked on the show.

Can you imagine the major freak-fest I had when I found out that Alias was coming back? (Wednesday, April 16, for those of you who don't already know!)

Point is, I've finally decided to try my hand at Alias fanfiction. I've pondered it for quite a while, trust me. But this was the first idea that came to me for a oneshot that I actually liked enough to pursue despite my apparently pending (and recently vanishing) writers block that looms over me. Tis a short, amateur attempt, and I ask you to please keep that in mind as you read and, hopefully, review.

This takes place just after "Before the Flood," but prior to the car accident, and focuses on the abundantly sweet Toaster couple, Jack and Irina.

Please Note: There are song lyrics at the end of this oneshot, mostly because this particular song inspired me to write the fic in the first place. If you have a problem with this, PLEASE PM ME with your concern and I will promptly take the lyrics down. I'd appreciate if you didn't jump the gun and report me. If you are rational, I will be too. Thank you.

Disclaimer: I obviously don't own Alias, or else I wouldn't be so hesitant about my writing for it.

…I take that back. I usually hate pretty much everything I write. I'm living proof of the fact that you are your own harshest critic.

Dedication: To my cousin Trinee, for getting me completely hooked on the series, and who recently got married!

Sometimes Jack Bristow had to wonder if he was crazy to still love Irina.

Not that he would ever admit this small truth to anyone, not even Sydney. There were just some things that were better left unsaid, and this was one of them. He could scarcely fathom this fact himself, and he highly doubted that anyone else could understand if he couldn't.

Why, though?

Why did his obviously untrustworthy emotions always bring him back to the one woman who had destroyed his life…multiple times? Every time Jack began to trust her again, she'd turn the tables on him and betray everything they'd begun to build. Granted, she was an international terrorist and he should know better than to let her fool him over and over again, but there was something about Irina Derevko that slowly but surely deteriorated his defenses. Though he hated to think about it, he almost admired her sly conduct in some twisted way. His means of manipulation had always been more brutal, lacking the grace that Irina so effortlessly added to the art of her lies.

And what an art it was.

She'd fooled him into marriage; eight years of it. She'd tricked him into loving her, caring for her as he had no other. She'd hoaxed him into sharing everything with her…including his role as a CIA agent. She'd done all of this, and he knew it.

Then why had he found himself sinking so willingly back into her quicksand of lies soon after she'd turned herself in?

Because he, like Sydney (although he'd never admit it), had so wanted to believe that Irina Derevko had reformed and truly sought to help their operations.

Irina Derevko.


The words used together were almost laughable. Nevertheless, Jack had filled his mind with the same false delusions that he had warned his daughter against, and it only lead to the inevitable; Irina's betrayal and his heart shattering all over again, despite how carefully he had tried to guard it. Given the chance, Jack had little doubt that his wife would charm her way into a dragon's lair and back out again with the entire contents of its hoard without a scratch on her person.

That is, if fictitious creatures such as dragons existed.

And then there had been the hit on Sydney's life. Of course, that hadn't really been Irina who set up the contract, but at the time Jack wasn't going to give any second thoughts concerning his wife's innocence, or rather what he believed to be a severe lack thereof. But, as per usual, it seemed, he'd been dead wrong about her.

Sometimes Jack Bristow worried about her; about where she was and what she was doing. He often found himself troubled, probably more than he should've been, with the simple question of how had sunk…what was her all time low. He often thought that their false marriage topped the list, but recent events had lead him to believe that perhaps a true caring for the Bristow family she'd left behind ran deep within her being. It was that love, or presumed love, as Jack could never trust his instincts when it came to her, that he thought to be her saving grace; what kept her from becoming truly submersed in the evil that surrounded the havoc she wreaked.

You can sink in your sins, an old associate had once told Jack, and it was this very thing that he feared would happen to his wife.

The last time he'd seen Irina Derevko, she'd bestowed upon him a kiss and a smile. While they could've been and probably were fake, Jack liked to believe them to be real. He liked to believe that she really loved him as much as he loved her, despite all the spying and espionage and betrayal that seemed to get in the way.

But maybe, jut maybe, this was the one thing Jack did not have mistaken.

And now, as Jack sat stiffly on his bed going through the day's mail in the same robotic movements that seemed to dominate his life, he wondered about her. His hands idly flipped through the cluttered stack of papers (he really would have to see about getting his address removed from this…Penny Savers mailing list), and to his surprise, a postcard fell from between two of the larger envelopes in the pile. Furrowing his eyebrows, Jack studied the picture on the front: a moon hanging over the ocean. He flipped the postcard over and there, in a very familiar handwriting, three simple words presented themselves:

"I miss you."

The postcard was unsigned, but it might as well have had a picture of the sender attached for all the anonymity it offered Jack.

Sometimes Jack Bristow had to wonder if he was crazy to still love Irina.

A second glance at the postcard in his right hand told him that he probably was, but she was well worth it.

The dawn is breaking
A light shining through
You're barely waking
And I'm tangled up in you


But I'm open, you're closed
Where I follow, you'll go
I worry I won't see your face
Light up again

Even the best fall down sometimes
Even the wrong words seem to rhyme
Out of the doubt that fills my mind
I somehow find, you and I collide

I'm quiet, you know
You make a first impression
I've found I'm scared to know
I'm always on your mind

Even the best fall down sometimes
Even the stars refuse to shine
Out of the back you fall in time
You somehow find, you and I collide

Don't stop here
I've lost my place
I'm close behind

Even the best fall down sometimes
Even the wrong words seem to rhyme
Out of the doubt that fills your mind
You finally find, you and I collide

You finally find
You and I collide
You finally find
You and I collide

--Collide by Howie Day