Hello peoples! i do not own FMA my god Hiromu Arakawa does. bows to manga...ok forget that! on with the story!


Roy Mustang was leisurely sitting in his office, throwing paper airplanes out of Central Command's letters. Suddenly a knock came at the door.

Roy sighed, "Come in."

Edward Elric and Alphonse strolled in. "Hey Colonel, did ya miss me?" Ed said with a smirk.

"What do you want Fullmetal. I'm very busy as you can tell. I've been answering letters all day," Mustang replied, running his fingers through his jet-black hair.

"Colonel…can you explain sex?" Alphonse asked blushing.

Roy just stared, with a lose of words. Finally he went to his closet and took out a box. "Can't you two ask Havoc though about this?" Roy asked. Actually he'd barely know anything, oh that's right I have a date with his girlfriend this Saturday, Roy thought to himself.

"Dammit Colonel just tell us!" Ed shouted.

"Fine I will teach you boys about the birds and the bees. But if you say anything you die. Got it?"

Ed nodded and took out a notepad as Al sat down in a chair.

"Now this is Barbie," Roy said taking out the doll.

"Bar-bie, okay go on," Ed scribbled on the notepad.

"And this is G.I. Joe. Barbie loves Ken, but she loves Joe more," Roy started coupling up the dolls as the Elric's listened carefully.

An hour later Roy finally finished his explanation. "Any questions now?" he said still holding G.I. Joe and Barbie, as Ed was still jotting down notes.

Alphonse raised his hand blushing, "So where do the babies come out?"

Oh God, Roy thought.

Just then Riza Hawkeye came through the door. "Colonel, did you finish the reports yet?"

"Hawkeye…. do me a favor," Roy said rushing toward the door.

"What Colonel?" she asked.

"Answer Ed and Al's questions about the birds and the bees," he stated running out the door.

"WHAT! COLNOL!" she called to the end of the hall, but alas he was long gone.

"So where do the babies come out Lieutenant?" Al asked her as she reentered the room.

"…They come out of their mothers," she stated bluntly as she cleaned up the dolls from Roy's very informative lesson.

"Hawkeye, seriously answer the question," Ed said looking up from his notes, pushing his hair out of his eyes.

She quickly shot a bullet an inch away from Edward's head. "That's all you need to know boys."

"…Al and I will be leaving now…" Edo-kun said terrified, nudging his brother.

"Nice seeing you Hawkeye," Alphonse said fallowing his brother out the door.

Riza sighed as she gathered Roy's airplane reports. "Dammit Colonel," she muttered to herself over and over again. But she stopped at the window closest to his desk and Roy's usual daydreaming area, and said with a warmer smile, letting her long blonde hair flip down, "Dammit Colonel…"


ooo what does the last line mean? nothing? or everything? but this story was a one shot and it's over! REVIEW PLEASE! gives cute face PWEASE!