Disclaimer: The characters and places in this story belong to JKR, not me. The plot idea belongs at least partially to Madrabbit the Great, but she didn't get around to writing it, so this is in my section.
4/29/09: Good grief, I hadn't looked at this thing in forever. Some minor revisions seemed in order, and I never liked that first paragraph anyway. My grammar was worse then, too.
In the first year, James Potter approached Lily Evans, intending to say, "Hey, do you want to come sit with my friends and me?" What he said was "Hey--" Then he stopped and stared for longer than was strictly comfortable while Lily's new friends giggled. He didn't approach her again for a long time.
In the second year, James approached Lily Evans in potions, fully intending to ask if he could borrow some armadillo bile; all he said was, "Snivellus," and although Sirius and Remus thought this was hilarious, James did not.
In the third year, Sirius dared James to go up the stairs to the girl's dormitory. When the stairs turned into a slide, James slid back down--straight into Lily Evans. He fully intended to say, "I'm really sorry, will you forgive me?" but what he did say was "Roadhog!" Sirius and Remus thought this was hysterically funny; Lily did not.
In the fourth year, sitting in the Library, James tried to say, "You don't know how to spell catastrophe, by any chance, Evans?" However, what emerged was "You don't know how to spell, do you Evans," but by this time no one thought it was funny.
In the fifth year, James was hanging Snape upside down by the ankle while Lily yelled at him to stop. James intended to say, quite humbly, "Yeah, I guess I should, Lily," and then maybe sweetly apologize, but what he said was, "Only if you'll go out with me, Evans!"
Needless to say, this did not go down well.
In the sixth year, while Lily was yelling at James for being a foolish idiot, James tried to say, in a subtly romantic way, "Lily, you make a fool out of me," but what he really said was, "Lily, you're a fool for me." Lily was not amused.
In the seventh year, James walked over to Lily at breakfast one day, fully intending to say, in a cool, collected voice, "Hey, Lily, do you want to go over to Madame Puddifoot's today?" What he said was, "Lily...I was just wondering if...if you might...maybe...want to go to...maybe the Three Broomsticks...with me?" Lily decided that James wasn't quite as bad when he was being humble, and she said yes.
A year or so after they left school, James invited Lily to dinner at a local Muggle restaurant.
When dessert came, James fully intended to say, "Lily Evans, will you marry me?" What he did was fall off his chair, trip over his own feet, and get lint all over his clothes. When he was back on his feet, he looked at Lily and said, "Lily Potter?"
If you thought this was any good,or even worth your time, please review. If you thought it was bad, and you can explain why, let me know.