"Okay, okay – stop! That tickles! Damnit Sirius, would you just tie it – okay okay, just do it – stop it! that tickles!"

"James, you're such a girl, honestly."

"I can't help it! I have ticklish sides."

"Please, I'm barely touching you."

"Damnit Sirius, it can't be that hard to tie it –"

"– but it is hard, I bite my fingernails –"

"– ow! ow! Too tight, too tight Sirius! –"

"– it's supposed to be tight, so you don't wriggle –"

"– I can't believe I let you talk me into this. You and your sick –"

"– it is not sick –"

"– sick, sick, sick fantasies –"

"– it's not sick, James –"

"– like last time! When you gave me a blowjob during mass. Mass, Sirius. Holy! Religious! You're supposed to have, like, epiphanies in church, not orgasms –"

"– well, I had to wash down the host with something –"

"– my come is not sacred! –"

"– was better than the wine, anyway –"

"– the wine's not supposed to be good! It's supposed to be Holy! The Blood of Christ!"

"Well, let's pretend yours was the, uh, I don't know, the milk of Christ or something."

"There… there are no words, Sirius. I hope you like it in Hell."

"Wait. So being sacrilegious about Christ's blood will send me to hell, while sodomizing you won't?"

"– no, that will too, but –"

"– but you like it. Oh, the truth is out Potter. So long as little Jamesy gets his fun, right?"

"Well, yes… no! Damnit Sirius, I hate you –"

"Because I make you question your morals?"

"– and my sexuality –"

"I've seen you give head; you aren't questioning anything."

"– hate you hate you hate you hate you –"

"There, I'm done tying."

"Took you long enough."

"You know, this pillow talk thing is kind of fun. Tell me about the weirdest sex you've had."

"We're not pillow talking! I'm tied to my bed – with Gryffindor ties! School-issued Gryffindor ties! Have you no shame, Sirius?"

"No. Now tell me the weirdest sex you've had."

"I'm sixteen, how weird can sex get?"

"You're no fun."

"Fine, fine… other than that time in Church? Well… I don't know… probably when you gave me that handjob in Professor McGonagall's class… and I still can't believe you did that. She knew, Sirius. She has, I don't know, x-ray vision or something. But she knew!"

"And she didn't stop us – know why that is?"

"Because she… wanted to kill us in private?"

"No, it was because no one can resist James Potter's cock. Least of all me."

"Augh – ah, Sirius – okay, okay, make a decision. You either – ahh – play around with me, or we pillow talk. You can't have it – damn – both ways."

"I'll have it my way, both ways, all ways, Potter. And don't you forget it. Now aren't you going to ask me?"

"Ask you – ah – what?"

"My weirdest sex story."

"What, apart from blowing me in ch-church?"

"Ask me."

"Fine, fine – oh man, Sirius – what's your weirdest sex story?"

"When Regulus sucked me off."

"What – wait! – Regulus!"

"Yes, Regulus."

"That's – augh, Sirius, he's your brother! Your younger brother! "

"No, really? Besides, he blew me. And what's so wrong with it, exactly?"

"He's – you – he – brother"

"Yes, Potter, brother."

"That's – gross!"

"Please, James. There are worse things in this world. Besides, he said he needed the practice."

"Yeah, well, you should have said no."

"C'mon James, you know it turns you on.

"It does not."

"Does too."

"Does – ahh – not."

"Not even a little?"

"Sirius, do that again –"

"What, this?"

"Ye – yes!"

"So, it turns you on then?"


"A little?"

"O-okay… maybe a-a little."

"Only a little?"


"Only a little?"

"…Did he swallow?"

"All of it."

"Damnit Sirius, you're such a tease."

"I was lying, by the way."


"About Regulus."


"Just wanted to prove that you're kinkier than you thought.

"I – you – Sirius!"

"Little by little, your walls come down."

"Damnit Sirius, I'm going to hell, aren't I?"

Sirius grins.