Curtis literally shook in his boots as he approached Ms. Yvonne's cupcake shaped, pink frosted house. What would he do? What would he say? His mind completely drained itself of the Cowntess's advice and leaked into his Jheri-curl. He never should have gone to Peewee's to begin with.
Peewee. Curtis knew that this date would be hard on him. And if Curtis continued to date Ms. Yvonne, well, that would be worse. Peewee never actually told Curtis how he felt about her, but it was obvious. He took full advantage of his temporary invisibility during the magic show, and Curtis wasn't the only one who knew that. No wonder Peewee was officially now the only guy in Puppetland who hadn't gone on a date with Ms. Yvonne.
Curtis looked up and saw Ms. Yvonne standing in front of her house, just as she said. She never looked more beautiful. Her hair was piled up and coated with a fresh layer of Aqua-Net. Her luxuriously large breasts fought to contain themselves within her frothy pink dress. Her mascara and rogue rivaled the precision of Peewee's.
Wait. He wasn't supposed to be thinking about Peewee. This was Cowboy Curtis's night.
"Hi, Cowboy Curtis," Ms. Yvonne sighed in his ear. "Don't I look beautiful?"
Curtis twitched. "Well, gee, Ms. Yvonne..." He struggled to find something to say. "Aren't you the most beautiful woman in Puppetland?"
"Just Puppetland?" she asked.
Curtis felt so nervous he wanted to strangle himself with his own lasso. He looked desperately into Ms. Yvonne's eyes.
"Oh, Curtis," she said, giggling. "I was just kidding." She reached up and brushed an oily ringlet out of the cowboy's eyes. Her hand slowly ran down the jagged contours of his face as she forcefully pressed Curtis against her soft body.
This was much different from the date he had practiced with Peewee. Peewee wouldn't let him touch him, but Ms. Yvonne was grabbing him and kissing him in ways he didn't know people were capable of. He felt confused and slightly sick.
Ms. Yvonne pulled away. "What's wrong, Curtis?"
Curtis was shaking. "I...I don't rightly know, Ms. Yvonne. It's just that with Peewee..."
"Peewee?" she said in disgust. "Why are you bringing him up?"
"It was different with Peewee. He said we shouldn't spoil the date by kissing and all."
Ms. Yvonne threw her head back and laughed. "What does Peewee know about dating? Who's he been going out with—Magic Screen?"
"No, Peewee's been on lots of dates. With, um...Dixie."
"Oh, Curtis." By now Ms. Yvonne was laughing so hard she took a handkerchief out of her purse and dabbed her eyes with it. "Dixie doesn't swing that way and you know it."
"Swing what way?"
"Dixie doesn't go on dates with boys." Ms. Yvonne smiled slyly at Curtis. "But I do, so let's go back to where we were, okay?" She threw herself against him. Her hands moved toward his belt buckle. Curtis jumped back in shock.
"Miss Yvonne, I don't like this," he said, staring at the ground. "I mean, I like you and all, but..."
Ms. Yvonne managed to giggle and seem annoyed at the same time. "Is it Peewee? Do you like him more than me, Curtis?"
"Would you rather go on a date with Peewee?"
Curtis sat down on the ground. This date was horrible. They hadn't even left her front lawn yet. He put his head in his hands. "It's just that me and Peewee were practice-dating today and it wasn't so scary as this. I'm real sorry, Ms. Yvonne."
Ms. Yvonne sat next to him and gave him a hug. "Curtis, it's okay to be confused. Just about everyone in Puppetland is a little...confused. If you'd rather date Peewee, I'll understand."
"I like dating Peewee. But I like dating you, too, Ms. Yvonne," Curtis said. His eyes suddenly widened. "Could I date you both?"
Ms. Yvonne smiled and shook her head. "Curtis, threesomes aren't really as fun as they sound. I don't want anyone getting hurt."
"Peewee and I'll be real careful. Honest."
Ms. Yvonne continued as she took Curtis's hand. "What I mean is, you can go on dates with Peewee, and you can go on dates with me, but I don't want all three of us to go on dates together. You know what I mean?"
"I sure do." Curtis stood up and looked for his hat.
"You don't have to go now, Curtis," Ms. Yvonne said, stroking his chest. "Why don't you come inside and we'll finish the date?"
"Whooo-ee!" Curtis yelped and stamped his cowboy boots. "I mean, I don't know, why don't I?"