Cold Cell

"You've turned into quite the shapely young queen, Demeter." Macavity said.

"Macavity!" Dem shouted.

"What? I was stating the obvious!" Macavity said back.

"Macavity, if I wasn't in this cell right now, you'd be dead!" Bombalurina screamed.

"Oh Bomb, I didn't forget about you. It's just that you've always been shapely. And please, call me Mack!"


"Somebody didn't take her happy pills this morning!"

Macavity had Demeter, Bombalurina, Mistoffelees and Etcetera locked in seperate iron bar cages, impossible to get out of without magic or a key. But Misto couldn't transport ALL of their butts out of there. Only his. And he wasn't about to leave fellow jellicles with Macavity.

"Have you finally sunk this low that you have to put us in cages to compliment us? Please, take those comments, put them in your pink purse, and shove the purse right up your hairy ass!" Etcy shouted.

"Thank you, Etcy!" Dem and Bomb chorused.

"Awwwwww...Etcetera, miss your friends at home?" Macavity teased.

Etcetera glared at him. "Meanie!"

"And Stoff, not so magical now are ya? I'm keeping my eye on you, but you wouldn't dare leave your friends would you?"

Mistoffelees simply shook his head and rolled his eyes.

"You're speechless! How cute!" Macavity said sarcastically.

"What have WE ever done to you?" Bomb asked.

"I can name one thing for each of you off the top off my head. Bomb, you left me. Demeter, you turned into a beautiful young queen and didn't tell me, Etcetera, you are constantly making fun of me, (sneer from Etcy) and Misto, I just don't like you."

"What's not to like?" Misto asked.

"Lots of things. Now, I see Bomb has her hand up. Yes, Bombalurina?" Macavity said, with an EXTREME amount of sarcasm in his voice.

"Eeegh. Why not Mungojerrie? He left you too!" Bomb asked agitatedly.

"Hey, Jerrie's my friend!" Etcy snapped.

"Please Bomba, you're upsetting the child!"

"Answer my question!"

"Alright, alright. It's because he didn't leave me in THAT kind of way. Unless we're BOTH gay."

Bomb giggled.

"STOP TALKING ABOUT JER LIKE THAT!" Etcy screamed at the top of her lungs.

"Oh you stop being so defensive!" Macavity said.

Etcetera turned her back to him.

"Oh come on. You guys are no fun. Bomb and Dem can't take compliments, Etcetera's not being herself, and Misto's moping."

"Well maybe if you left us in peace we'd be fine!" Etcy said, annoyed.

"Why are you so cruel, Macavity?" Misto inquired.

"I'm not quite sure actually. It's just sort of fun, really. But since you spoke, I'll try as best I can to tell you. But don't try anything, pinky swear?

Misto put out his left paw. "Right paw, Misto." Macavity said agitatedly. "You can't trick should know that by now!"

They pinky swore on the heavyside layer. But Misto crossed his fingers. (Yes cats have fingers in my stories) Something Macavity and the other cats failed to notice.

"How's Misto gonna get out of this one?" Bomb asked Etcy.

...Silence from the other side of the room.

"I'm sorry bout the Jer thing, alright? When cats are mad, and locked in a cold cell, sometimes they say things they don't mean. Get it?" Bombalurina said pitifully.

"Whatever." Etcetera replied, rolling her eyes.

"Hem Hem. Now for my life story." Macavity said, and started his tale.

"Oh god. This'll be boring. I think I'll go to bed early tonight."

"NOT a good idea. You haven't done the dance to lose your innocence with Plato yet. And I KNOW what Macavity does." Bomb said. "Wish I didn't." she then added with scorn.

"Will you make sure I don't fall asleep then?" Etcetera asked with a shudder.

"Only if you say you forgive me...WITH feeling."

"Okay. I forgive you."

"Stop interrupting!" Macavity yelled. "Now we're going to have to start all over again, aren't we?"

"NOOOOOOOOO!" Mistoffelees screamed as loud as he could.

"Shaddap. You were listening like a good kitty, and so was Demeter, although she's been awfully quiet tonight. But you'll have to deal with these two rascals interrupting."

Macavity closed his eyes and turned his back to them.

"When I was born, my mother died in birth. Don't know why though. I was the only one that lived. 2 stillborns." Macavity started.

"Wow. Rough life. Already." Etcetera commented.

"I told you to STOP INTERRUPTING!" Macavity yelled. "Anyways, so my father looked at me and said, I'm sorry baby, but I'm going to have to leave you here. I can't keep you. Goodbye, Macavity, he said and waved."

"And you remember all of this how?" Misto asked, incredulous at Macavity's story.

"Misto! Stop being a bad boy! I don't know how I remember alright!" Macavity yelled, yet again.

"Calm down Macavity, so you can find your temper and finish your boooring story." Etcy said.

Macavity took a deep breath. "Ok. As I was saying, my father left me, so I had to fend for myself, protecting me, myself and I against pollicles and alley cats. I became quite the strong cat. I lived under a piece of sheet metal, leaned up against a garbage can. A lot of the alley queens started to like me...quite a bit. I developed a huge ego, and started strutting my stuff. But then, a new cat came into town. YOUR boyfriend." He spat at Bombalurina.

"Tugger?" Etcy asked excitedly.

"The Rum Tum Tugger is nothing but a show off. He came to my part of the alley, took all my queens, bedded them, and left to join the jellicles. I tried to get my queens back, he fights me, and gives me this scar." Macavity's hand moved impulsively to the scar running from just above his left eye to the bottom. "Picks up girls and drops them like flies. He'll never get a mate. I'd just looove to see his egotistical ass booted out of his tribe." Macavity said, half to himself.

Etcetera cocked her head to one side. "You know what? You're right!(for once!). Tugger IS an ass. No real skills, and he's never there when you need him. He doesn't even seem to have real feelings. He wasn't there when Mack here tried to capture Old Deuteronomy with a net half the size of him. I'm gonna go slap him when I get back!"

"Etcy!" Bomb exclaimed.

"Haha! Payback." Etc said, with a glint in her eye.

"Well. Glad I could help you become a Tugger hater." Macavity said cheerfully. "Anyways, so I followed Tugger and saw where the jellicles lived. I came to Old Deuteronomy a day later, where he graciously accepted me into the tribe, but was a little suspicious of two new cats in two consecutive days. But...I-I...left the kittens...alone for a while...they were coping well. And...when I came back...the...pollicles had got them cornered and were already tearing them to shreds. I...couldn't save them. I thought Old Deuteronomy would understand, but nobody did. So I became a loner again." Macavity sighed.

" I thought that only if I could find somebody to love, who would love me back, I would stay being Mr. Nice Guy." Macavity continued. "Bomb, I found you. We loved each other, and I thought we could get a mate binding soon. But you started hearing rumors about me deliberately killing kittens, and left me. You were the last person I ever truly loved. And YOU made me this way." ... "Of course my mother and father leaving me alone as a child was most of the problem, but it sounds better if I blame it on you, Bomb. Great guilt trip if you ask me."

"Wait a sec, did I just say that out loud?"

"I believe you did Macavity. Thanks a lot." Bombalurina said sarcastically.

"Your welcome my dear, now, time to die!"

"How cheesy is that?" Etcy whispered to Misto and Bomb.

Macavity flipped around, claws extended. "What? How? When? Where? Why?"

Macavity was staring at four empty cells. "Misto must've apparated out of his cage while I was telling my story, gotten the keys from the...damn, I left them on the hook...and helped his friends out! How could I have been so stupid?"

Macavity's theory was exactly right.

"They can't have gone THAT far!" I'm going to search for them immediately!" He felt a large, heavy metal object go clunk! on his head, fell to the cold floor, and passed out. "Maybe later..." The last thing he heard was 4 sets of paw steps scurrying away...

Etcy, Bomb, Dem and Misto ran as fast as they could back to the junkyard. (or in Stoff's case, flew as fast as he could.) Misto told them about him tricking Mack, while they were fleeing. As soon as they returned, Misto changed back into Quaxo.

"Phew! That was close! Good job on the finger crossing thing. Thanks Mist-Quaxo." Etcy said, out of breath.

They all hugged and rejoiced, all except Demeter. She was still shaken from the incident, her 2nd with Macavity.