Insecurities

Hello. Fantasysci5 here. This is my very first X Men fan fiction, though don't worry, you are in very capable hands, for I've written many other fan fictions about other things. I love playing around with emotions, insecurities, and angst. I hope you like this. It's a song fic

Okay, before you start to read, I think I should warn you that this is a song fic! Dodges a rotten apple It's not so bad, honest! The song is Martina McBride's song, "Where Would You Be".

SUMMARY: Scott thinks as he tries to sleep, about what he thinks is happening between Jean and Logan, and his insecurities between himself and Jean's relationship. He thinks she may want to be with someone else...(Logan). Song fic-Scott/Jean (with slight mentions of Jean/Logan).

DISCLAIMER: Grrr! I don't own X Men! Darn! Some other people that I don't know do, but not me. I just want to play around with Scott, but I promise, I won't let him blow up anything. I wish I owned Scott though... drool

I also do not own the song lyrics to 'Where Would You Be'. The song and the words belong to Martina McBride, and not me.

UNIVERSE: In the second movie, but slightly AU, as I added a few details that were never there.

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He stared at her through his shield of red, watching as her chest rose up and down as she slept. Moonlight filtered in through the window, and sprinkled on the two bodies on the bed. Watching her, Scott thought about what had happened this afternoon.

"I wonder where your heart is, 'cause it sure don't feel like it's here. Sometimes I think you wish, that I would just disappear. Have I got it all wrong? Have you felt this way long? Are you already gone?"

When she had walked in to go to sleep, she had been distant. He had asked her something, and she had shrugged it off, not really listening. She had immediately tucked herself in, and was asleep before he hit the bed a few seconds later. It wasn't like she had a tiring day. They hadn't really done anything, since it was on Sunday, only sat around and relaxed. They had gone to bed early, since tomorrow was a school day, and she had only said a few words to him today. He had tried to start a conversation many times, but she had just ignored him.

This afternoon, Logan had come back to the school. Scott had watched in the shadows above the stairs, as Jean had welcomed Logan back. He had seen the real hundred watt smile she had given him as he hugged her ever so gently. He had seen the way Logan had leaned in to her as they talked, and how her hand had rested on his upper arm. He burned with Jealousy, careful to hide it from Jean. He had learned a long time ago, that if he wanted to hide his thoughts and emotions from her, all he had to do was concentrate. Not that he ever wanted to. He was sure that something was going on between the two. A few days ago, when Scott and Jean had been cuddling, he swore he had heard her almost say Logan's name. The way she looked at Logan, the way she seemed to light up every time he was in the room, and how she would have the flirting nature she used to have with himself, alerted him to something. He just wasn't sure what.

He blinked, not letting sleep and dreams overcome him. In the day, he was calm and stiff. He didn't let on that he thought that something was up. During the night, though, his insecurities ran free.

"Do you feel lonely, when you're here by my side? Does the sound of freedom, echo in your mind? Do you wish you were by yourself, or that I was someone else? Anyone else."

Her red hair was splayed out on the pillow, her face pointed toward the ceiling, as if she wanted to float away like a phoenix, out of this room. Scott sighed again. That was what he was afraid of.

Every time he tried to fall asleep, he would always dream of Jean leaving him, breaking off the engagement and relationship in one fowl swoop. He was afraid she was bored with him, and was drifting off to his opposite; Logan. Her eyes darted back and forth under her eyelids, and Scott wondered if she was dreaming that it was Logan and his stupid curled up hair laying beside her, and not him.

Scott ran a shaking hand through his chocolate brown hair, as he let his bitter and scared thoughts run freely, taking over his whole mind and thoughts.

"Where would you be, if you weren't here with me? Where would you go, if you were single and free? Who would you love, would it be me? Where would you be?"

Scott wondered if he was to keel over and die in battle, would she morn for him? Or would she hop into bed with Logan the night he died? He wondered if after awhile, she would miss him, and see that Logan is not as nice and loving, and everything she wants, like Scott was.

She looked so peaceful in sleep, like it was her only way to escape this life that had became a prison.

"I don't wanna hold you back. No, I don't wanna slow you down. I don't wanna make you feel, like you are tied up and bound. 'Cause that's not what love's about. If there's no chance we can work it out, tell me now. Oh, tell me tell me now."

Hot tears prickled in his eyes, then after awhile, he let them go free, like he wanted her to be. Tears splashed down under the shades, and ran tracks down his pale cheeks. He loved her, with the whole of his aching heart, and couldn't stand to see her unhappy. If she truly was unhappy, he would let her go. Of the price of his sadness and pain, he would give it all up to see that she was happy. If that meant she had to be with Logan to feel whole and complete, then so be it. Scott would continue to sludge through life, cursing life that had taken his love away, and given him all of the bad turns during life. But he would be happy if that meant she was happy, and at least he had gotten to love her, which was the best gift of all.

"Have I become the enemy? Is it hard to be yourself in my company?"

He cried freely now, not bottling it up inside, as all of his emotions broke loose. His love for her, his hatred for Logan, the sadness of the lost relationship, his confusion of what was happening, the hopelessness of the situation he found himself in. He wondered if she was not acting like herself while she was around him. He hated himself if he was the reason she was not perfectly happy with herself.

Not known to him, Jean had woken up as she sensed his strong feelings, and was now in on what was bothering Scott. She sat up in bed, and reached out her hand for his shoulder. They looked into each other's eyes as the emotions were sorted out. Jean relayed via her strong mind link with him, all of her love for him. "I love you, and no one else. No one and nothing can get in-between us, and I will never stop loving you." Jean said, her words choking up in her throat as she reassured her fiancé. Scott knew then that Logan never did and never will get in the way of true love, and he had no competition, for he had already won.

"Where would you be, if you weren't here with me? Where would you go, if you were single and free? Who would you love, would it be me? Where would you be?"

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Thanks for reading, and I hope you feel you heart swell up for Scott (Who I love ). Any feedback would be greatly appreciated. Tell me you love it, tell me you hate it (with reason, please) tell me you at least read it. I live for feedback. It makes me write more stories about, in this case, X Men, and makes me feel like I have friends out there! Thank you!

This is a story to say sorry to Jean. I love Scott, and my other fan fics about X Men usually bash Jean and Logan. I'm not apologizing to Logan, cause I really do hate him. Trying to steal Jean from Scott:/

But usually Jean is nice, and Scott does love her, so this is to make it up to her from all of the Jean bashing in my other two stories! (Haven't gotten to them yet, and if reviews are nice, I will!)