Disclaimer: Nothing Dark Angel belongs to me, I'm just borrowing and not making any money, so if you want them back they're yours.

Summary : Alec's thoughts as Max speaks to the crowd at Terminal City. (spoilers - probably lots - brief mentions of all sorts of events from the series)

A/Notes: if you think it's there - I'd like to know, if not, let me know how I missed - I'm sure there's room for improvement.

Crazy thoughts

I watched her; she's stirred them all up. It's madness but, you know what, I was drawn in too. I want what she was saying to be true. She raised her hand for solidarity and mine went up too. Idiocy, I gave her a look, she probably wouldn't have noticed, too busy whipping everyone else up to follow her. Heart and mind – she's caught one of them but not the other. In my heart, I want it to be true, in my mind, like I said it's all idiocy.

She was right about Mole's suggestion. Sure we could all take off into the distance but they would hunt us down and the transhumans aren't going to get far are they? No matter what happens to the rest of us, there's no way they'll get by undetected. The X5s and X6s well we already know we can try and get by although I think Max and I have had it after the Jam Pony fiasco. Plastered over all the networks, we're hardly inconspicuous now. Sooner or later, they'd get us all and what kind of life would we have between now and then – running, hiding…

She's right though, we want to be free. I want to be free, I want to be able to get up in the morning, breathe the air without someone hunting me down, without needing to look over my shoulder.

I don't actually believe her of course, but I'll go along with it all. It ain't gonna happen. The police, army, White's people, they're gonna be all over us. We've as much chance of freedom as a pig has of flying. (Mind you, who knows what else Manticore tried to cook up!)

But our only chance of survival is to stick together, to look out for one another. Irrevocably linked, that's what we are, joined by a heritage we would all rather not have had. Without it, we wouldn't be here, hell, without it we wouldn't exist, but we wouldn't wish it on anyone. Looking round at these people, I realise she's right they are the closest thing we'll get to family but does she realise that we hardly know one another. I look round I know her and Joshua and both of those friendships got off to decidedly rocky starts. Fraternisation! Now that was something that Manticore discouraged, well, they did right up until they implemented the Breeding Partner program. And look where that got Gem. I heard what she said to O.C. back at Jam Pony. I wonder who the father was, is he here? What will she do if he turns up? There was obviously no respect for her from him: he fulfilled his mission. I couldn't have done it. For all Max thinks I'm a loser, a selfish bastard, I wouldn't have forced her unless…

And now, in the same situation, I would actually lay my life down for her. Me or her – no question now. I love her. Don't get me wrong, not in a sexual way (although she's hot enough but she's also spoken for), she's my sister – she has put her life on the line for me, she's forgiven me for my sins, she's had my back. Now I've got hers. I'll stick with her through anything. Is that what I've got to come? Will I be willing to lay down my life for any of these people? Hell, when I was a soldier, the idea was I could lay down my life at any time in battle. Mind you, Manticore made sure we were given one mean survival streak – we'd have gone all out to take down the enemy with us, but self-sacrifice for the greater good was not on the agenda.

I looked at Gem's baby. The world changes when you see someone so small, so in need of protection. She's not mine but my heart skipped a beat when I looked at her. She's the hope for a better future, no bar code, no Manticore. But it's not that simple, Terminal City is no place to bring up a kid, there's nothing here, we're fugitives, we're under siege and Max is trying to instil hope for the future in us all.

The amazing part is she's done it. We all felt there was a vestige of hope for the future. I want Max to be right. So we're gonna go all out to make it happen – a future and a brighter one at that. I must be crazy to believe in it.