Derek pulled his Range Rover up to the small trailer in the rain. He was dreading going in. He knew what tonight was, and he'd been anxious about it all week. Tonight, he and Addi were having sex. She'd told him about it early on. She was making a romantic dinner, and lighting candles, and wearing a new negligee she had bought from Victoria's Secret on their trip to the mall. He had refused to help her pick it out. He didn't even want to go in the store, but she dragged him with her. She asked him which one he liked, and he probably said he didn't care and acted like a jerk or something, just to get out of talking about something sexual with her. They were doing okay in all other areas. They talked about the affair, and him leaving, and Meredith. They went to dinner a few nights a week, sometimes movies, sometimes just talked over coffee. They were getting back to normal, all except for the sex part, which for them, was a huge part. In New York, everyone who worked at the hospital had pretty much classified them as sex freaks. They used to be so in love, so crazy about each other that they had to be touching all the time. Now, Derek could barely touch her, ever. It didn't feel right, she didn't feel the same. He was in love with her again, he knew he was, but the idea of intimacy freaked him out. Kisses on the cheek he could do, hugs sometimes, even holding hands. But his body on hers, in hers, no way. The idea that Mark had been there last was too much to bear. And of course, Addison was frustrated with this. She desperately wanted there relationship to work out, and so did he, but she wanted to move forward faster than he could. Half of that frustration was probably sexual frustration, which he could definitely relate to. They were used to sex all the time, and now neither of them had had any in about six months. So, naturally, Addi was mad after the Victoria Secret incident, and he wasn't surprised. Usually if he went lingerie shopping with her, he'd get to pick out a few things he liked, and he'd be exited about them. Hell, usually he would insist on doing her in the dressing room. The Monday after their weekend mall trip, Addison told him about her plans. They were having their 'night' on Friday. So for five days Derek got to stress and worry about the end of the week, kind of like when you schedule a root canal and have to freak out about it until the day comes. It wasn't that he didn't want her, because he did. God, it was Addison, he told himself. Look at her, who wouldn't want her. She was gorgeous and had a great body and he was in love with her. That usually equals a desire to have sex with someone. But there was something holding him back, and as he walked up the path and up the steps to his front door, he just knew he couldn't do this.
He walked in, and as promised, a few candles were lit, and soft music was playing, and Addi was trying to make the meals look nice with garnish or something. And she was dressed in her skimpy little black number. Well, at least she had a flimsy little robe over it. Yeah, he was turned on, but there was something in the back of his mind saying no.
"Hi," she said warmly, smiling at him and reaching to take off his coat. "Wet out there?"
"Yeah, yeah it is," he replied nervously as she unbuttoned the top few buttons of his shirt.
"Yeah, a little."
"For food or me?" she asked coyly, smiling at him and wrapping her arms around his waist. He laughed awkwardly, and she kissed him. At first softly, but then she pressed her body against him and got more aggressive. The image popped into his head. That image.
"Addi, I can't," he said, pushing her away by the shoulders.
"Derek, come on," she said frustrated.
"I'm sorry Add, it's hard."
"Why? Tell me what is making it so hard?"
"You had sex with my best friend, that's what's making it hard." She rolled her eyes at this. Not because she wasn't sorry, but because she had heard that line about two hundred times over the past months. He saw this, and it got him irked at her. "No, you now what, I've come to terms with the fact that our marriage is on the rocks, and it is partly my fault. I've come to terms with the fact that you had an affair. I've come to terms with my falling in love with someone else. What I find impossible to deal with is that… someone else has touched you." He let out a breath. Finally he figured out why he couldn't have sex with her. Because she was his, and she let someone else have her. "You let him kiss you, and be naked with you, and be in you."
Addison flinched. She knew this was coming. The anger is starting to wear off, and now all that's left is heartbreak. How could she have done this? Just looking at him hurt. She backed away from him, and sat down at the table. She had sex with someone else. Why? Sex was their thing. Of course, it was a lot of people's thing, but they were really good at it. They were good sex people. Addison would always listen to her friends complain about their marriages with boring sex, or no sex, or sex once a month. Then she would go home and pounce on Derek and make him promise that would never be them. He would laugh, and willingly oblige, and then shove his hands up her shirt and skillfully unhook her bra with one hand, and then laugh again. But not anymore. He probably doesn't think of sex and her like that anymore. He probably can't even remember how good their sex was because now all he sees is her betrayal. He sees his naked wife under his naked best friend in their bed, in their sheets. He sees him touching her and kissing her and being naked with her, and that's gotta kill.
"I just can't get that image out of my head. I can't forget it, I can't erase it. It makes my chest hurt. My heart wrenches and then my throat tightens, and I just can't. I'm sorry. I want to touch you. I want to touch you so bad, god, of course I do…but every time I think about touching you like that, I think about him touching you like that."
"Derek, I know it's hard. I can't possibly imagine how much it must hurt, but you have to try harder. You have to get past that image. If we're going to make this marriage work, we're going to have to be intimate again. It's us Derek."
He paused, look down at the floor as he leaned against the counter. "Imagine it."
Addison looked confused. "What?"
"Imagine it. Put yourself in my shoes. Picture Meredith and I in bed together. Exactly what I saw between you and Mark. Imagine you walked into this trailer and looked in that bedroom and saw me with her in the bed. I'm kissing her and touching her and our naked bodies are pressed against each other…"
Addison closed her eyes. "Stop."
"No, you think I should just get over it, you put yourself in my position. What would you have done?"
"I told you, stop. I would have said stop. I would have yelled and pulled you off of her, and thrown her out of here. I would have screamed at you for doing all of those things to her when you're only supposed to do them to me. Those arms are mine. Those lips are mine. And I would have been mad, furious. I would have been sad and heartbroken and hopeless. But I would still want you. I would still love you. I'd still be meant for you."
Derek broke their gaze and looked down. That hurt. He didn't see that response coming. He suddenly hated himself. What kind of man was he? She was right. He didn't fight. He saw his best friend screwing the love of his life and he didn't punch him out. He should have thrown him off of her. He should have screamed and yelled and fought. But he didn't. He turned and ran as fast as he could. He left what was his. He left her there, with him, no problem. What a coward, he thought. She would have stayed. She loved him enough to battle betrayal and fight for him. Didn't he love her just as much? Of course, it's Addison. He loved her more than life. Or at least he thought he had.
'What if Mark came here right now?' he thought. 'What would I do? What if he grabbed her and held her because she's so sad?… No, I'd grab her back. I'd deck him and kick him and slap him, maybe even bite him, whatever I had to do to keep her. Cause she's mine. I do want her. I do need her. I do love her. And she probably has no idea cause I gave her up without a fight. That's how I'll get past this. Instead of that image, I'll see me fighting for her.'
Addison was looking down, playing with the tie on her robe. Derek slowly walked over to her, and dropped down on his knees in front of her.
"Addi." She moved her eyes up to him. "You're still meant for me, and I'm still meant for you."
She nodded and smiled slightly, trying to hold back her tears.
He pulled her up and hugged her, as hard as he could. She wrapped her arms around his neck and laid her head on his shoulder. He lifted her about two inches off the ground and walked to the back of the trailer. He put his knees on the bed, and slowly lowered her back until she hit the pillow. He carefully pulled the tie on the robe and pushed it open, showing the lacy black teddy.
"What are you doing?" she asked surprised, and clearly nervous.
"I'm claiming what's mine." He smiled at her, and she smiled back, a tear finally rolling down her cheek. He wiped it away, and grabbed her hands.
"These hands and these fingers are mine; they're only for touching me."
He moved his hands up her arms and lightly grazed her collarbone, then put his hands on her chest.
"This heart, under here, that's mine. It's meant to love me."
She silently watched him, smiles tugging on her lips at each one of his explanations. He moved his hands over her breasts and down her stomach, then further down to the hem of the nightie. He lifted it up to her waistline, and then moved back down to rest between her thighs. He grabbed underneath her knees and spread her legs open a bit, then started tracing the black lace thong she wore. He ran his fingers over the top, and barely underneath the sides. Addison propped up on her elbows to watch him as she felt goose bumps shower her legs. He kissed her there, through her panties. She let out a small gasp as a butterfly flew through her body.
"This is mine," he stated, looking up at her. "No one's allowed in here but me."
She giggled softly and laid back down. "No one," she reinstated.
He kissed and caressed his way back up her toned stomach, over her still covered breasts, and up her neck. He pecked at her cheek, then her ear, and up to her forehead. He slowly moved his lips to hover over hers, and paused.
"These," and he captured them with all the pent up emotion and love and desire for her he had. He sucked and pulled and finally let go when he knew she needed air again. "These lips are mine. They were made to kiss me."
He kissed her again, this time pushing her lips open and darting his tongue into her mouth. God, her mouth felt so good. Her body felt so good. He felt so good. He gave her a few more quick kisses and pulled back, waiting for her to open her eyes.
"Please don't give any of these things away again," he said firmly, but at the same time pleading with her.
"Never," she assured him, running her fingers down the side of his face and then through his hair.
"Good. I'm not a sharer," he said smiling at her, wrapping his arms around her back and holding her head with one hand.
She laughed, and quietly said, "Me neither." She pulled her head off the pillow to kiss him. He deepened the kiss, while moving his hands back to her waist to reach for the nightie and pull it off and over her head. She groaned when they had to break their kiss to allow the fabric to move between them. He smirked, and went right back to her lips, but then was suddenly aware that two of his favorite things were exposed for him. He could never understand how some guys were all about the ass. Not that Addison's ass wasn't hot, but he really loved her chest. It was smooth, and soft, and perfect. He broke his lips away from Addison's, again getting a groan from her, but he didn't care. His head instantly traveled down to her chest as he started kissing and suckling on the super soft skin between her breasts. She inhaled sharply, and he smiled against her. He pulled his hand out from under her and cupped her right breast. His thumb went to her nipple and started slowly brushing over it, back and forth. Instantly, it hardened and stood straight up.
"Look what I did," he said, grinning widely. Addison's eyes had been closed, lost in what he was doing to her. Reluctantly she opened them since he had stopped touching and started talking.
"Congratulations," she replied sarcastically. She just wanted him to keep doing things to her. No one could make her feel like this. Derek had this indescribable power over her, and he knew it.
"I barely touch them and they stand straight up." He kept grinning, staring at his handiwork. "Your nipples love me."
"They don't love you Derek, they don't have emotions. They're nipples." She closed her eyes again, hoping he would soon get over this and start back up.
"They do love me. I'm their favorite person." Before she could rebut that, Derek captured the same nipple in his mouth and gently sucked. Addison instantly arched her bad and pushed her breast further into his mouth. Her eyes closed and her head dug deeper into the pillow. Derek removed his left hand from under her shoulders to toy with her other nipple. She let out a half grunt, half moan and started gyrating her hips against his.
'Oh god', he thought. 'I hate it when she does this. Actually, I love it when she does this but when she does it I don't last long.' He tried to push his hips against hers to keep her on the mattress, but she was still causing friction in their pelvic regions and it was driving him crazy. His mouth left her breast and he kissed his way back up her chest and neck to her lips. Addison grabbed the back of his head, letting his hair run between her fingers. She took control of the kiss, suckling on his bottom lip, knowing it would get him. He pinched the nipple he still had in his left hand, getting her back.
She broke the kiss. Now Derek knew he shouldn't have done that. They always loved to 'get' each other in bed. A pleasurable fight one might call it. He would do something that he knew would turn her on, then she would do something right back to him. They would test how long the other would last before one couldn't take anymore and then they would start going at it like rabbits. The sad thing was Derek almost always lost. There was this spot right below his right ear that Addi always went to. She found this gold mine about a year after they had started dating. He like to call it his 'weak place', she liked to call it 'instant erection.' It was kind of discolored if you looked really close, and a bit rough, either because it was a beauty mark, or he had been born like that, or perhaps because Addison had been kissing it, and biting it, and licking it for like fourteen years now.
And this point, whatever it was called, was exactly where Addison was headed. She kissed up his jaw, quickly suckled his earlobe, and then moved the small distance down to that place. She lightly blew cool air on it and then covered it with her warm lips. Derek let out a harsh breath with his face towards the pillow and tried to control his own hips. He wanted to pull them back, away from her barely covered 'area', but he couldn't. He needed her. He knew it, and now she knew it, because she could feel her handiwork on her through his jeans. To torture him a little more, she darted her tongue out to massage the spot, and opened her legs wider and wrapped them around his waist, pushing herself against him harder.
Derek groaned again. He forgot he still had her left breast in his hand, and he squeezed it… really hard.
"Ouch babe." Addison moved her mouth away from his ear and pushed his hand off of her breast.
"Sorry," he said, grinning sheepishly and moving in to kiss her cheek. He put his hand back on her breast and gently rubbed it. "I'm sorry."
"Lose control there," she said, smiling at the intense reaction she had gotten from him.
"Nope, nope," he shook his head. Even though Derek always lost this fight, he rarely admitted it. "I meant to do that. I thought you liked it rough," he smiled, moving his lips inches from hers.
She smiled too. "I do… but not tonight, k?"
He nodded and quickly kissed her. He knew what she meant. She didn't want sex, she wanted love. She needed to know how much she still meant to him. And that meant starting slow. That meant lots of kissing, and soft touching, and whispering reinforcements in her ear. All things he was more than willing to do. He hadn't gotten to 'make love' in a long time. With Meredith, it was always sex. It was always just pleasure, there was always a finish line.
Derek looked down, just staring at her. How could he have not wanted her? How could he have not fought for her? She's so freaking gorgeous, he thought. Addi moved her eyes from where she was tracing circles on his chest up to his. They stared at each other for a moment or so, letting them both know it was going to be okay now. It wouldn't be easy, it wouldn't always be fun, or happy, but they would be together so it would be okay. Derek let out a breath of relief. Relieved that he was back where he belonged. Relieved she was back where she belonged.
He kissed her. First softly, then more and more hungrily and erotically each time. Addison's hands made their way down his chest to the hem of his shirt. She quickly pulled it up and off, breaking their kiss for only a second. She then returned her hands back to his waistline, lightly trading the skin right above his jeans. She could feel his breath intake sharply, and she knew this spot was ticklish, and also a major turn on. She moved her hands a bit lower and felt him through his jeans. She smiled when he groaned against her lips. He let her massage him through his pants for about thirty seconds, then swiftly reached down and grabbed her hands, pulling them up above her head.
She giggled, which made him smile. He moved his mouth to her lips again and softly said, "You know, if you're just going to tease me, I might as well…" And then he was cut off by her lips on his again. She wriggled her hands free from his grasp and went straight for the button of his jeans, undoing it and pulling down the zipper. She sat up a bit and pulled the pants over his thighs, and when she couldn't reach any further due to him kissing her neck and therefore pushing her back towards the bed, she laid back down and used her foot to push the pants all the way off his feet.
"You're very skilled," he said into her neck.
"I know," she replied nonchalantly, giving him a wink and a smile, then moving her attention back to his boxer briefs that he was threatening to bulge out of. She draped her arms over his back as she pecked at his lips, casually running her fingers over the waistband of the underwear, then using her fingernails to lightly caress his butt. She loved his butt. He may be a rack guy, but she was definitely an ass girl. In New York, he'd always jump when she'd sneak up on him and grab it or pinch it, which was easy to do through scrubs. This touching only got him harder, and he pushed between her legs as far as their underwear would let him. She knew he'd start getting frustrated if she kept teasing him, so she hooked her fingers into the waistband of the briefs and pushed them down. Again, she couldn't get them down all the way. Derek was getting impatient with her, so he stood up at the edge of the bed and pulled them down the rest of the way. While he was up, he reached for her waist and roughly pulled down her thong. When he got to her feet, he stopped himself. He needed to be gentle with her; gentle, and slow, and loving, even if he was ready to ravage her. She wouldn't know how much he loved her if he just pounded her. He pulled the thong the rest of the way off, and kissed Addison's foot. She had kind of a hesitant look on her face, probably because of his quick mood changes. But then he started dropping soft kisses up the inside of her legs, and she was no longer hesitant. She opened up for him, and he nipped at the soft spot where her thighs came together. She jumped a little at this, and he looked up at her and smiled. He gave her a few long kisses there, and then made his back up her stomach. He would have loved to stay down there longer, but he knew she was ready and wouldn't have been able to take much of that. He smiled at how well he knew her. He knew exactly what each little move meant; he knew what order to expect them in. He knew how long he should do one thing before moving on to the next. He always made sure she came first, always. He would hold back as long as he had to. There was never a time they had sex that she didn't come, he made sure of it. He could never understand how boyfriends or husbands could screw their girls and then roll over and be done and not care if they enjoyed it. Maybe that's why his girl liked sex so much.
He kissed the base of her neck and up the side until he reached her lips. He waited for her to open her eyes, and she smiled slightly at him and gave him the nod. He breathed out a heavy "I love you," and entered her. She moaned loudly, and he captured her lips with his. Her hands gripped the back of his biceps, as he was holding her with his arms wrapped under her shoulders. He slowly started to move in and out of her. God, he forgot this feeling. It was the best feeling in the world, right here, with her, kissing her, in her. She pulled his head down closer with one hand and kissed him, probing his mouth with her tongue. He reached one hand down and started lightly grazing the outside of her right thigh with his fingertips. He knew this would send chills through her. And it did. She let out a staggered breath and gripped him tighter. He moved his head down and started showering kisses on her chest and breasts. She arched against him again, pushing herself deeper on to him. 'This is my heaven,' Derek thought. She's right, I am totally meant for her. My body was made for hers.
After about fifteen minutes of this, Derek knew she wanted more. She wanted her release, she wanted to be sent, no not sent, shoved over the edge. He moved them down to the end of the bed so her butt was at the edge and he stood up, still inside her. He trailed his fingers to where they were joined and spread her lips open more. Very lightly, he started rubbing her clit. At this, Addison breathed heavily and reached for his other hand. She always did this. She wanted the pleasure down there, but she still wanted him to be close to her up top, holding her and kissing her, which was almost impossible for him. If he laid on her, he could barely fit his arm between them to caress her other area. He gave her his hand, which he was previously using to balance, and rubbed both of their hands up and down her stomach and the side of her body. She kept pulling, reaching for his arm to get closer. Nope, this wasn't going to work tonight. Tonight she needed the closeness. She needed to be held and kissed and to have his body right against hers. He stopped what he was doing and pulled out of her.
"Okay baby, come here." He pulled her back up to the top of the bed and lay down next to her and gently turned her onto her side, facing away from him. He wrapped an arm underneath her, holding him against her across her chest. He used the other hand to lift her top leg up and entered her again. He kissed her neck and returned his fingers to her clit and whispered in her ear how much he loved her and how much he had missed her. She nodded and held his hand that was across her chest as he started toying with her nipples again, unable to think clearly enough to respond with words. It took only about two minutes for him to know she was getting really close. She started squeezing herself around him, which was enough to make him come, but he held off until she was ready. Her breathing got more and more labored, and she was holding his hand even tighter now. He just kept rubbing and pumping in and out of her, sucking her neck and running their joined hands across her chest and down her abs. Now she was there. She squeezed hard and flexed all the muscles in her legs. She had just started doing this in the past two years or so, when he became more and more absent. Sex was the only time they were really connected, the only time he gave her his full attention. So she would try and put off her orgasm for as long as possible to keep him there, with her, holding her. His heart sunk a little, knowing she still had a small fear he might leave or not care after this. He rubbed her legs and widened them a little, then went back to barely rubbing her clit. He squeezed the hand he held and buried his face in her neck and hair.
"Just let go baby. I love you," he said as he kissed her neck and ear. He could feel she wouldn't be able to stall any longer. "I'm not going anywhere, I promise." It took three more pumps and she convulsed around him.
"Derek," she breathed softly, pleasure flowing over her. She couldn't think or talk. All she wanted was him. She wanted him to keep doing what he was doing, and to stay with her forever. And he did keep doing what he was doing. And she came again, and then again. Derek finally stopped rubbing her and just set his hand on her lower abdomen. He kept pumping her slowly, as he hadn't come yet, but he knew she'd need about a minute to recover before he'd get his. He kissed her neck and her hair and just held her against him. Finally he felt her move and start to pull off of him and turn around. She pushed him onto his back and straddled him, smiling as she leaned down to kiss him roughly on the lips. He laughed, excitedly yet somewhat nervously, and he didn't know why. She was getting into his favorite position, cowgirl. She knew how much he loved it like this. He liked to watch her go up and down on him, and of course, he loved to hold her breasts. She slowly wiggled him back inside of her, and he closed his eyes and grabbed her thighs. Addison smiled at her gorgeous husband, and lightly ran her fingers up his chest. She started moving up and down, a little quickly because she knew he wasn't too far from his release. She squeezed her muscles around him, pulling him inside of her and engulfing as much as she could.
"Oh god," he moaned at her antics. When she does that, he can't think straight. Hell, he can't even think. He was getting really close. He opened his eyes, and sat up halfway, reaching her shoulders and pulling her down with him. She was surprised at this, as he was surprised at himself, because usually he loved to watch her in that position, but tonight he needed to hold her too. He needed kissing when he came.
She was still using her thighs to push on and off of him, and he was grabbing her waist with one hand, and the back of her head with the other. This time, she whispered 'I love you' to him, and kissed him, pushing her tongue into his mouth when he exploded. He pushed into her furiously, kissing her furiously, grabbing her as hard as he could. Everything down there was warm, well hot, and very, um, wet. He finally slowed down and they just lay there, wrapped in each other, sticky and sweaty. Addison kissed Derek's forehead, then his cheek, then his neck, and then laid down on his shoulder.
"Jesus," Derek said, out of breath. "That was incredible."
"Mmm, I know, you were amazing," Addison said, pecking at his collarbone.
"Me? I think it was you, cowgirl." Derek smiled, as he lightly grazed her back with his fingertips.
Addison laughed softly. "I love you."
"I love you too," he said, kissing her forehead, and holding her tighter.