Wow, it only took me three months this time. That sucks. But here it is. Big thanks to Kendel on this one, for the help and the pressure : )
Read, pretty please.
"Baby, oh god," Addison moaned, gripping the pillow so hard her knuckles were turning white. Derek moved above her, kissing her bare back and neck, one hand against the bed stabilizing his body, the other wedged under Addison's body, holding her breast.
"Feel good?" he asked in a husky, labored voice. Addison nodded and mumbled something incoherent; he smiled against her neck, whispering in her ear, "I guess I forgot you liked it so much this way babe," and kissed down her jaw.
She moaned again, to confirm his statement, and pushed her hips against the bed to change the angle a bit. "Jesus," she breathed out when he hit her g-spot once.
His breath grazed across her neck. "Where baby?" he asked as he tried to push against the exact same spot. "Here?" he thought he found it, and he got a breathy little mewl of approval, but then he pulled out and pushed back in and she moaned louder than she had all morning and her body did a little spasm thing, so he smiled and kissed her shoulder, "there."
"Mm," she nodded, her forehead pressed against the pillow as she tried to raise and push her hips against his. He released her breasts and let his hand travel south under her body, finding her clit and lightly pressing on it. She bucked forward against his hand, and he let his fingers rub her in small circles.
Beep, beep, beep!
"Shut up," she moaned. Derek laughed and kissed the back of her neck.
"Hold on." He pulled out of her and swung his legs over the bed to reach the floor, when she grabbed hard at his arm.
"Derek," still panting, "what are you doing? What…" He kissed her lips quickly, and pushed the hair off her forehead.
"I'll be right back." He stood before she could claw at him again, and she grunted loudly, annoyed.
"Are you kidding me Shepherd? You answer a page when I'm almost there?"
Derek padded back from the kitchen. "Sorry sweetie, I have a little girl with massive head trauma, in a coma. I have to answer those."
"Well, since it's a little girl," she reasoned, still out of breath with her face buried in the pillow.
"You'll let me off the hook?" Derek asked, climbing back on top of her and kissing up her spine.
"I'm kinda tired now."
His head snapped up. "Seriously? Or are you just trying to get back at me for answering my page?"
She smirked/snorted into the pillow, and he lightly spanked her. "I wouldn't leave during sex Derek."
Now it was his turn to smirk/snort. "You have babe, lots of times. You love to tease."
"That wasn't a denial of my past actions; that was a warning to you. I'm the girl, I'm allowed to start and stop sex whenever I want."
Derek laugh was muffled into her naked shoulder, and he crept his hand under her body to lightly rest above her clit
"Oh Addiebug, you know if it will only take a few seconds of my rubbing right here, and all that bumping and grinding will start right back up again."
"You think I'll beg?" she tested, but soft, breathy moans replaced conversation when he did in fact start rubbing her right there.
Derek's other hand found her nipples again, and he placed his dick right up against her opening. "You don't have to." He ran his tongue up her neck, and lightly bit her earlobe. "But if I have to beg, I will, since you're the girl and all."
She giggled, and he was right, bumping and grinding ensued.
"Here babe." Addison slid a cup towards Derek, and began to sift through the files at the nurse's station.
Addison shook her head. "Coffee."
"Oh, and this is for not losing patients?"
Addison smiled, kissed behind his ear and whispered, "No, this is for amazing wakeup sex."
"Oh," he said, swallowing coffee, "well it was most definitely my pleasure."
She smiled, and found her chart among the pile that covered the counter.
"See ya babe," she winked and walked away. He watched her, reminding himself to find her at lunch, then turned back to find a couple of his charts.
"Addison!" a voice said loudly from a little ways down the hall. Both Addison and Derek turned to see the man yelling for her. All three of them stood still for a few seconds, as nurses and patients bustled around them.
Derek's mind was a mess. Too many emotions overcame him - anger, hurt, sadness, love, jealousy. That voice haunted him for a few moments. That image that had previously haunted him came rushing back.
Addison had no idea what to do. She knew Derek wouldn't react to this well. Hell, neither would she. But Derek made impulsive decisions. He always let his emotions get the best of him. Even though they'd moved on, agreed to put everything behind them, she knew this would have horrible results. She just stood there, frozen, looking back and forth between Mark and Derek.
Mark made the first move. He walked up to Addison, stopping a mere foot away from her, clearly making her more uncomfortable, and Derek more angry. Addison stepped back a foot.
"Addie, can we talk somewhere?"
"Why did you come here Mark?"
"I want to talk about what happened. You didn't even say goodbye."
Derek's blood was boiling. All he could hear in his head was 'Punch him out! Punch him out!' Derek knew that was his heart talking. His head was saying something else. His head was deceiving him, making him read Addison's look wrong. Addison was shaking her head, silently pleading with Mark to just leave. From Derek's view, she was just standing there, with him, not attempting to move away, not attempting to come to him.
Addison finally looked over to Derek, and he glared back at her. He slammed his chart down, spun on his heels, and stormed off in the other direction.
'Wonderful' Addison thought.
"Mark, you need to leave. I'm not going anywhere with you." Addison turned to start walking the other way, but Mark grabbed her arm.
"No, just go. Please, do everyone a favor and go."
"Tell him Addison." Addison was livid, nervous, stressed, scared, and overcome with pretty much every other negative emotion possible. She shouldn't have followed Derek; she should have just let him be mad. Because then Mark followed her, and that's how they all three ended up in the same break room, and that's how truth telling time began. 'Just be prepared, Addison,' she told herself, 'he's going to leave, just be ready for that. Just expect that.'
"Tell me what?" Derek questioned, the worry and anger evident in his tone and expression. "Tell me what Addison?"
Here goes nothing. "When Mark and I, when you saw us…that wasn't a one night stand. It wasn't a one time thing. We were together, after you left. I stayed with him. I'm so sorry I didn't tell you before."
Derek was speechless. He couldn't find the words to yell. He couldn't find the energy to move his body to run. He couldn't command his brain to tell his fist to punch Mark out. He could do absolutely nothing but stand there, staring at her, and at him.
"You what?" Why did he want to hear it again? It was bad enough the first time.
"Don't talk to me Addison. Don't say anything. I can't believe you. I can't…I can't fucking believe you."
"Derek, just let me explain to you…"
"I don't want to hear it. I don't want to know anything about it. I don't want to look at you right now, especially not standing next to him. I just…I can't." Derek held up his hands and closed his eyes, backing away from them slowly. He finally found the sense to walk out, rounded the corner, and took shelter in the nearest exam room.
"We're working on this Mark. We were doing really well. We're trying to get pregnant."
Mark looked surprised. "And how is that going? Is everything ok with…"
"Everything's fine," she cut him off.
"Are you pregnant?"
"None of your business."
"Then why'd you bring it up?"
"I don't know Mark, just leave. Ok? Please." She sat down at the round table, rubbing her temples.
"When are you going to tell him Addie?"
"Addison…" He sat down too.
"Mark, I'm not going to. Ever. And that's my business, my choice."
"Well, no Addison, it was my baby. It's my business too. I don't care about Derek knowing, but I care about you. I care about what your body goes through, and your health, and your well-being. Ok? So if I want to talk about it with you, I get to."
"Fine Mark, what do you want to know?" She continued to try and be preoccupied, desperately attempting not to get emotional during this conversation.
"How are you? I mean, how were you, after? You barely talked about it with me. I just wish you'd let someone be there for you."
"I was fine. This is my job Mark, I see this everyday. Women lose babies, they give up babies, they have abortions; it's just reality for me."
"As the doctor, Addie. It's reality for you as the doctor, not as the mother."
"Mark..." she warned, closing her eyes in attempt to quell the tears rising up.
"Ok…I'm sorry. I just worry. I don't…" he looked around the room, then back at her. Her eyes were still closed, and she really looked broken sitting there. "Do you regret it?"
Addison stared back at him. "I can't regret it Mark. I can't. I feel horrible, yes, you know how I feel about this subject, but I had to save my marriage. Derek would have never…he would have never given me a chance if I had come here pregnant with your baby. Mark, there was no other option."
"You could have stayed with me. I loved you. I thought, I would have loved you and that baby."
"I know," she nodded slowly, "I know you would have. But that wouldn't have been fair, because I could never have loved you in the same way. And I couldn't just forget about Derek. I can never do that."
"I can be your friend Addie."
Addison looked up, offering the best smile she could.
"I'd like that Mark. Maybe in time."
Derek paced in the break room. Addison leaned against the counter, watching him.
"I can't believe this Addison…I can't fucking believe this. Eight months. Eight months we've been 'rebuilding' our marriage and it's all been a lie. You've been lying to me the whole time. How could you do this? How could you be with me, going to therapy…"
"Derek, you fell in love with Meredith."
"No, you don't get to turn this on me. I get to be mad."
"I'm not telling you not to be mad. Let me talk now. You fell in love with Meredith. You were with her, you talked to her, I'm sure went on dates with her, and whatever else you did together. You 'made love' to her. You were lying the whole time too. You were still married to me, you still had your entire life back in New York. Tell me, how could you do that? How could you be in love with someone and be hugely lying to them at the same time, huh? I'll tell you how – you were desperate. You wanted love from someone so badly. That's what I wanted too Derek. I wanted you to love me again more than anything, and I knew if I told you this you wouldn't. Just like you don't right now. I was wrong, I was wrong to lie. And look, it blew up in my face just like your lying blew up in your face in front of Meredith. I made a mistake, and I'm sorry. I should have told you, I have been lying, and I'm wrong." Addison was calm, surprisingly calm. Derek stared at her for a good thirty seconds, saying nothing, not moving. Then he reacted.
"You're damn right you are," he spat angrily, storming out the door.
Meredith busied herself at the nurse's station, hoping Bailey wouldn't come scoop her up for the colon cancer case in 304, which currently had no intern. No such luck. The Nazi strode towards the desk, planting herself in the chair. Meredith just paused.
Derek slammed his chart down on the counter, and held his head in his hands. Meredith silently thanked Derek.
"Something wrong?" she asked, trying not to sound too interested.
He looked up, and gave her the best smile he could muster.
"Yeah. My marriage is wrong. Very wrong."
Bailey looked up at them.
He gazed at her.
"You have work to be doing, Dr. Grey?" Bailey warned. Meredith nodded, and went back to her chart. "Shepherd?"
"Addison's so…she's just so…I can't get past it Bailey. I just can't get past it. It's impossible for me to not picture it when I see them. It's impossible for me not to hate him, and her, when I see them."
"That's understandable. You walked in on them…that would scar anyone."
He nodded his head, feeling the anger flow from his veins and muscles right out his mouth. "And she just tries to act like it's no big deal, I should just brush it off or something? She was fucking my best friend, she was FUCKING. My. Best. Friend."
Bailey just nodded. She really had no idea how to respond. Meredith listened, but kept her pen moving.
"And all these months now, she's been acting so sweet but she's not, and I somehow let myself forget that. She's not sweet, she fucked my best friend…"
Derek shook his head, and both women watched.
"She, she, I hate her. God, I hate her. We're trying to get pregnant after she went and fucked my best friend. And had a RELATIONSHIP with him. A fucking relationship. In which she probably fucked him all the time. And now she acts like nothing happened and we can just move on and have a goddamn baby."
Both Meredith and Bailey's eyes widened, but Derek ranted on.
"She's so selfish. And she's so…manipulative. I can't…Jesus, I still can't fucking believe her." Bailey got up to get a file from a cabinet.
"What are you going to do?" Meredith asked quietly.
"I don't know." Derek rolled his neck. "I don't know what to do Meredith." He looked over at her. She was so young. "It was so much easier with us, wasn't it?"
She smiled slightly. "I guess it was. But we knew each other for like, two months. That's too short to get problems this big."
"Yeah." He took a deep breath. Bailey walked back over.
Addison stood, back against the wall, and finally let the tears flow. He admitted he couldn't get past it. He said he hated her. He went straight for Meredith. He…she pushed off the wall, wiped her eyes, and headed for the locker room to grab the car keys.
"So what are you going to do about it?" Bailey demanded as she sat back down. "Cause it seems to me you have a choice to make. If you really can't get past this, ever, you're giving up Addison. So think it through. And don't be a jackass."
Derek nodded. Bailey nodded. "Grey, rounds, start in 304." Meredith nodded.
She found him at the nurse's station, once again; surprisingly he wasn't bitching about her to anyone this time. He sat at the desk, filling out a chart, and she walked up to the counter.
"I'm going home Derek."
"Ok, I'm gonna take off too. Let me go grab my stuff."
"To New York. I'm going home to New York."
Derek was first shocked, then disgusted. "I should have known. Back to Mark, huh? He's always been who you've wanted. You're such a bitch Addison. How long were you going to string me along here in Seattle?"
He stood up, his eyes piercing into hers.
"Derek, I'm going to ignore everything you just said because it's all bull, and you know it. I've been in love with you for like fourteen years now, you and only you. If anyone should be questioning feelings here, it should be me questioning yours."
She held her hand up, stopping him. "I fought for you for months and you can't even fight for me for one day. And that's all I needed to know Derek, am I worth fighting for to you? You made the answer so clear when you ran to her immediately. Instead of running for me, you ran away, again."
He walked over to her side of the counter, eyeing her luggage.
"So now you're doing the same. We're just running away from each other."
"I'm not running, I'm leaving. I'm giving up. I'm giving you up. I'm tired of fighting alone."
"Damn it Addison, what the hell have the last few months been then?" He got closer to prove his point. "How was I not trying then? Ok, I screwed up today. You screwed up too. But we've been happy for a while now. You can't say we weren't doing well. We had worked it out, gotten over this. We were fine."
"No Derek, obviously we weren't fine. If you go running at the first sight of trouble, we clearly have none of the things we thought we had again - no trust, no foundation, and conclusively no relationship. Once again, we had sex Derek. That's what we had - lots and lots of sex which masqueraded as love and peace and a good marriage."
"Shut up Addison, you know that's not what it was. You forget that I've been in love with you for fourteen years too, and I know between us it's never just sex. Never."
"Oh now you want to talk about love, huh? Yes, we were making love, weren't we Derek?" Addison derided. He hated her tone. He hated what she was saying. He wanted to hate her. "Well the good news is you're also in love with someone else, a little intern who will be here in Seattle to keep you cozy. You two can 'make love' all you want."
"Do you love me?"
"What?" She hadn't expected that question. She was waiting for another spiteful response.
"Are you in love with me, right now?"
"I have a plane to catch Derek. Right now, I'm in love with that pilot because he's getting me the hell out of here and putting me right back where I belong."
"Please don't give up on us Addison."
"Oh no, you don't get to put this all on me. The fault is not going to be mine for giving up. We both screwed up. But I told Mark to get out, that I wanted nothing to do with him because I love you. However, all you could think to do was run to Meredith. And Miranda Derek, even she's on your side. My only friend in Seattle."
"What? No she's…how do you know…?"
Addison rolled her eyes and pulled the handle out of her suitcase, slung her bag over her shoulder, and started for the door.
"Addison, this is not how we end. I refuse; I refuse to let us be over." He followed her, wishing she'd just stop for a second.
"Derek, it's not worth it anymore."
The automatic doors opened and they stepped out into the brisk Seattle afternoon.
"Addie, yes it is. You're worth it," he reached to grab her arm, but she pulled away, and kept walking towards the curb. "Would you stop for a minute?" He pulled her by the elbow to face him, grabbing tight.
"Derek…" she warned.
"I'm not letting you leave. I'm not letting it end like this," he was getting angry.
"You don't really have a choice," she said lowly, pulling her arm, but he pulled back, pinning her against the side of the building.
"Derek, ow, you're hurting me." Addison closed her eyes and tried to pull herself out of his strong grip.
"Hey," Mark yelled, running up to them.
"Oh you stay the hell away," Derek spat at him, not loosening up on Addison at all.
"Let go of her Derek."
"Yeah, you'd like that wouldn't you. Then you can take her back to New York and fuck her all you want. Isn't that right Addie?"
Derek got inches away from her face, and all he wanted was to kiss her. He had no idea why. He had felt so much anger all day, he thought he hated her again, and now he wanted to kiss her. He wanted to love her. And then another feeling came over him as he studied her face, feeling her chest rise and fall against his. He was nervous; nervous and anxious. He knew she didn't want to kiss him. She wanted to leave, for good. She was done, she was giving up. All of a sudden that seemed final to him. Life without Addison forever – something he knew he could never bear.
"You're such a coward," she whispered to him. "I thought you'd punch him out. I thought you'd go crazy on him because you were so in love with me again."
Derek looked into her eyes desperately. "I am. I am so in love with you."
Addison shook her head. "Get off of me." He'd never seen her eyes like that. She was so foreign to him in that moment. He'd truly let her down. This was the last straw, the last disappointment, the last disloyalty. He couldn't feel any love in her eyes either. Usually when they fought, no matter how ugly it got, he still knew from her eyes that she loved him, but not now.
He knew she wouldn't budge. She was furious, and hurt. He released her, and she moved from him and right past Mark. Derek's heart sunk. It was such a dull pain in the chest, and he took a few deep breaths to try and make it go away, but it didn't. He turned around from the wall to see Addison hailing a cab. Mark had started walking towards her, so Derek ran to catch up. The cab pulled up, and the driver got out to load Addison's bags. She opened the back door and started getting in.
"Addison, I'm coming…" Mark called out to her, desperation in his voice too.
"Don't," she said firmly, holding out a hand to stop an advance from either of them. "Neither of you get on this flight. Don't come after me." And with that, she got in the car and slammed the door. The driver pushed on the gas and they drove away.
Derek and Mark looked at each other, and then walked in separate directions.
Twenty minutes later, Addison arrived at Tacoma International Airport. She boarded Delta Airlines flight 110 and took off for JFK at 1:35 p.m.
One hour later, Mark arrived at the airport, boarded Southwest Airlines flight 2040 and took off for JFK at 2:45 p.m.
Thirty minutes after that, Derek arrived at the same airport, boarded American Airlines flight 3445 and took off for JFK at 3:30 p.m.
Out of the three, only one of them was going to New York to fight.
There you go. Hopefully I'll post the next part soon. Hopefully. Please review : )