Well…sniff I believe we have come to the end. Yes, I have to end this story with this chapter. School's starting, and I'm going to be unbelievably busy. I'd have to leave you all hanging with even longer updating times (which I'm really sorry about). This chapter will be nice and long to make up for that. Thank you all sooooo much for reading and leaving me the lovely reviews. I love you all!

Chapter Eight: Cynicism

After about half an hour of coaxing, the group managed to get Legolas out of the fetal position. Elrohir almost undid that persuasion by continuing a little sooner than they would have hoped.

"Oh, sweetie." Leggy sighed, his arm wrapped around Emyrald, her silky skin warm 2 the touch.

"Whut is it my studmuffin?"

"I just love u sooo much."

"I kno."

"Okay, not that I want her to say it, but who says 'I know' after someone says they love you?" Legolas asked, almost indignant.

"Well, she has shagged countless people since her arrival…" Arwen pointed out bluntly. "Do you honestly expect her to be sincere?"

"…Point taken."

"Do u remember, mellonmyne?" Elrohir paused. "That's an interesting spelling." He blinked and cleared his throat.

"Remember wut?"

"Our engagement. We are to b married once u turn eighteen. It was decided many years ago."

"Never mind that Legolas is thousands of years her senior." Estel muttered.

There was a long silence.

"Oh my VALAR!" Elladan cried, nearly falling out of his chair.

"Can it be?" Elrond gaped. "Is this book making Estel…cynical?"

"Well, like, I'm almost sixte—I mean eighteen. My b-day is like in 2 dayz!"

"Well, we must have a big partay and get u lots of gifts and then we can get married!1"


"Woot?" Celeborn repeated.

So like later that day, Emyrald was dressed and walking in the woods, singing. She heard a cry and ran 2 the source. She found Aragorn cornered by an orc.

"That's random." Glorfindel stated.

Estel was looking pissed. "I do not get cornered!"

Erestor coughed, looking amused. "Apparently you do."

He was protecting an injured Thranny.

"Oh, the indignity…" Thranduil mumbled, his face in his hands.

But ARgorn's weapon had somehow gotten broken and was laying off 2 the side. Thranny had a arrow in his side and teh orc was moving closer 2 them with his sword raised, redy to kill both of them because they were defenseless because thranny had left his bow and arrow and sword back at the castle and aragorn's was, as I said, broke.

"That was a spectacular run-on sentence." Galadriel mused, raising her eyebrows.

Emyrald picked up a huge rock and chucked it at the orc. It was then ded, so Gornie ran over to her—

"Excuse me, 'Gornie'!" Estel choked. "What in the name of all that is good is that!"

An identical evil grin spread over the faces of Elladan and Elrohir. "That, brother, would be your new nickname."

Estel let out a silent scream. He was young, but not too young to know that that nickname would stick with him forever.

"U like totally saved us! I luvv u!"

"Tee hee."

And becuz Thranny wasn't going n e where and Aragron was a sexy rugged stud, they slipped off 4 a little fun in the woods…

"AGGGHHH!" Estel cried. "THAT CAN'T BE GOOD!"

"There is something almost humorous about the mind of a young child being corrupted into knowing exactly what this wench is bloody talking about." Glorfindel sighed. "…Almost."

And then Emyrald went back and gave Thranny some lovin so he would get better sooon.

"So, now her being a brazen hussy gives her healing powers? Who knew?" Galadriel put in mildly.

Anywayz, they decided to have a banquet in honor of Emyrald, becuz she saved 2 lives.

She came in on Aragorn's arm, looking as beyootiful as usual. Her hair had a purplish hue and was up in intricayte braidz. It cascaded down her back like a purple waterfall. The dress she wore was white and hugged her slim body. All the guyz in the place like totally wanted her. Arwen watched on jealously, with her greasy hair and flab.

Arwen dug her nails into the arm of the chair she was occupying. "Why that little…"

Elrond had brought wine for teh occasion.

Several minutes later…

"My love, I think u are drunk." Aragorn said.

"Yes, MY love." Legoals said.

"No, OUR love!" teh twins said.

"You can have her!" Aragorn and Legolas insisted simultaneously.

"No thanks." Elladan and Elrohir chorused back.

"OH, I luv u all!" Emyrald giggled.

"Please no." Elladan whimpered.

"Skip this part!" Haldir exclaimed.

Elrohir began to thumb through the pages, reading a word here and there…so he wouldn't have to be the only one who had to suffer the inhumanity. "Candles…roses… 'panties?'…a whip? Why?...ouch, that had to hurt…oh, apparently not…chocolate sauce?...all night? Really?"


"No need to get so angry, people."

Emyrald fell asleep in the arms of some random Elf.

Her eyes opened slowly and she gasped. She was like back in here own room! The horror!1

Tears filled her gorgeous eyes. "Why, why why! WHY CAN'T I BE WITH THE MULTIPLE PEOPLE I LOVE! WHY WHY WHY!"

Elrohir looked up with a bored expression on his face. "This goes on for several paragraphs. Does anyone have a problem with me skipping it?"


"Didn't think so."

Emyrald stood up tall. "I will survive this. Someday I will get back there."

"No, you won't." came the automatic response from about half the occupants of the room. The other half had been struck dumb with their good luck at having escaped the fate worse than death…being Emyrald's love slave. In other words, Haldir, Glorfindel, Arwen, Galadriel, and Celeborn.

"My lovely loving love of middle erth will bring me back there some day."


A very long pause fell over the group. Elrohir let the book fall from his fingers just as the maid was yet again entering the room. She promptly sprinted back out as a tremendously loud cheer shook the very foundations of the room.

"She gone! She gone!" Elrond crowed as he danced around with Erestor. Elladan had somehow produced a bottle of wine and was pouring a glass for everyone but Estel…who looked like he needed the alcohol the most. Legolas was busy pushing the book into the fireplace with a stick. He then burned the stick as well and looked up with a very relieved expression on his face.

"Thank the Valar." He exhaled.

Celeborn wrapped his arms around Galadriel, as if thanking her for being a normal female. Arwen passed Haldir a glass of wine with a laugh, and the elf downed it rather quickly. Glorfindel clapped a hand on Thranduil's shoulder as a means of comfort.

"It's over," he smiled.

"Yes," Thranduil breathed. "It is."


Elrohir and Elladan blinked back the horrible memories and tried to focus on how good they felt when the story had ended. "You're right, Arwen, that DID happen." Elladan mumbled. "It wasn't just a terrible, horrifying nightmare."

Arwen let out a small laugh. "It might as well have been."

Elrohir, who had been quiet throughout this, finally spoke up. "I think…it may be better to not mention this to Elessar. I doubt his sanity, fragile as it is now, could handle another such trauma."

"Good idea." Arwen nodded.

There was a pause, and they turned to see an innocent-looking Elladan.

"…FINE. Spoil all my fun."

They headed off to get some dinner. As they made their way down the hall, Elladan's voice could be heard.

"I suppose that explains why I feel the urge to call Elessar 'Gornie'…"


Thank you all SO much for reading and reviewing! I'm sorry that this story has to end so soon, but, to be frank, I'm out of time and inspiration. This won't be my last story, but I definitely need to focus on my schoolwork when the time comes.

Thank you all!