Plugs and Outlets
Getting into bed, Arthur Weasley gave a deep sigh of relief. He was dead tired and what he wanted most right now was a good night's sleep. He bent over his wife's side and kissed her on the cheek. "Good night, Molly Dear."
"You know, Arthur, it's so nice to have them all home again." She said, sounding wide awake.
"Umm humm," he replied sleepily.
"The house is so quite while they are all away. It gives me little to do."
"Well, now that Fred and George have graduated, I suppose you'll have lots to do, keeping after them." He had hoped that that would end the conversation and he could get some sleep. He knew how upset Molly was that Fred and George weren't as determined to get 'respectable' jobs as Bill, Charlie, or Percy. No, the twins were dead set on opening that joke shop!
"Yes, I'll keep after them," she said softly. "And I suppose we'll be seeing a great deal of Hermione this summer, too. I'll have to keep after her and Ron."
Not really hearing his wife, Arthur said, "Hermione has never caused trouble. She won't be a bother if she visits."
"No, but she's never been dating our son, either."
This woke him up. "What? She's dating our son?"
Smiling at her husband, Molly said, "Of course she is! Didn't you see how sweet Ron was to her? I even spotted him giving her a little kiss!"
That made him nervous. "Er, Molly dear, how long do you suppose this has been going on?"
"Not long," she yawned. "I asked Harry, and he said it started around Christmas time. And I also noticed that Harry has been paying an awful lot of attention to Ginny lately."
Sitting up in bed, Arthur said, "Hold on. Molly, one kid at a time! Have you talked to Ron?"
"Heaven's no, that's your job dear." She thought about it a minute and said, "You did talk to the other boys didn't you?"
"But what? Then this should be easy for you. And you should savor it, dear. Ron is your last chance to have the 'father/son' chat with."
Nodding and lying back down, Arthur said, "Yes, Molly dear, but you get the honors of speaking to Ginny."
"Agreed." She kissed him and they both fell asleep.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
Standing in front of Ron's closed bedroom door the next day, Arthur paused and quickly went over his speech in his head. He put his hand to the door and knocked lightly. "Ron, you in there?"
His son's voice came from within. "Yeah? You need something?"
"May I come in?"
"Sure…but don't complain about the mess!"
Arthur opened the door to his son's very orange bedroom and glanced around. It was indeed messy, but then, Ron had just gotten back from his fifth year at Hogwarts yesterday and was in the middle of unpacking.
Actually, he wasn't unpacking. He was sitting on his bed reading what appeared to be a letter, and a very lengthy one at that. Ron quickly put it away, as if he didn't want Arthur to see it. "What do you want?" Ron asked.
"Oh…er…just to chat. Mind if I sit down?" He signaled towards the end of the bed.
"Ok…" Ron sounded hesitant.
Arthur gave a quick look at Ron's bedside table and saw a photo of him, Harry, and Hermione taken just after the O.W.L.s had been completed. Ron was holding Hermione's hand in the picture. Arthur felt his head start to bead up with sweat.
"What did you want to talk about, dad?"
Arthur pointed a finger at the photo. "I need to talk to you about this, son?"
Ron looked at the picture, too. "Oh come on! I did my best! I got more O.W.L.s then Fred or George got! I know I didn't do as well Percy, but then I…"
"Oh no! That's not what I meant!" Arthur gave a slight laugh. "Your mother and I are very pleased about that."
"Then what? What did I do?" Ron was very confused.
"Nothing…well I hope you haven't done anything…yet." He looked at his son who was wrinkling his freckled nose at him. "You see, Ron, I need to tell you about plugs and…well…outlets."
"What? Why would I care about…"
"Please, let me finish. Boys are plugs…and well…girls are outlets. Both have the necessary…er…hardware to create eceltricity. The eceltricity can only be created when the plug is inserted into the outlet. And this should be done ONLY WHEN BOTH THE PLUG AND THE OUTLET ARE READY!"
"DAD!" Ron was thunderstruck. "Are you talking about…sex?!?!"
Arthur felt his face flush. "Well…figuratively…yes."
Ron covered his face with his hands. "Ugh…I don't believe this!" He turned to face his father. "Dad, we've already had that."
Stunned, Arthur said, "What?
"You did?" He was shocked at how open his son was being.
"Sure, we all did. It's mandatory for all fifth year students."
"Mandatory? Since when are all students required to have sex?"
"Not sex, dad…sex education." Ron raised his eyebrows at his dad.
"Oh…of course." Arthur felt a bit foolish. "Education is the key to safety."
"You didn't think that….Hermione…and I…"
"Well, son, I was hoping that you would be responsible and wait for a while, but I can't force you. And speaking of forcing…make sure you never force a plug into an outlet. You may end up with bent prongs."
Ron starred at his father. "What?"
"And sometimes when the plug just won't fit, we can use the lubricaderm spell. Works wonders!"
Eyes wide, Ron said, "Huh?"
"And most importantly, when all the eceltricity is spent and the plug is removed, make sure you don't ignore the outlet. Let the outlet know how wonderful and beautiful it is. We don't want our outlets to feel neglected!"
"DAD! STOP! You don't need to go on…I get it."
Arthur patted his son on the shoulder. "All right. Just remember to be responsible." He stood up and left the room, leaving the door open as he left.
When he reached the bottom of the stairs, he heaved a great sigh of relief. It went well, he thought. The boys had each responded so differently to the speech. Fred and George had laughed at him. Percy had sat very quietly and didn't say a word. Charlie had kept him talking for an hour, asking all sorts of questions. And Bill…well Bill had already experienced it by the time they talked. He shrugged and set off to his shed outback.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
Ron sat motionless on his bed. What had just happened? Had his dad really just compared sex to plugs and outlets? Fred and George popped their heads into his room.
"You wanna play some Quidditch?"
Not even responding to the question, Ron placed his hands on his knees and asked, "Has dad ever had…a talk with you?"
The twins looked at each other. "Dad talks all the time." Fred said.
"No, I mean…a really weird sex talk."
Wide grins spread across the twin's faces. "Oh! You mean the ol' Plug and Outlet talk!" George said.
"Yeah, gave it to us when we started dating," Fred added. He pointed a finger at Ron with sudden amusement, "That's right…you've got yourself an outlet now!"
"Ron and Hermione…making electricity!" George teased.
Ron stood up, "She is not an outlet!"
"Well, she's not a plug!" Fred said.
"Hey, did dad explain that if you stick your finger in an outlet, your hair will stand on end?" George said.
Ron's jaw dropped! He was speechless.
"It's true." Fred agreed.
After a long pause Ron stammered, "So, does that mean that you…have you…"
"It's not polite to plug in and tell about it!" Fred said.
Ron rolled his eyes and headed over to his broom. "I think I will join you for a game."
As they headed down the stairs, George couldn't help but say, "Makes you reevaluate dad's fascination with plugs, doesn't it?"
They went out to the vacant hill and began their game, not aware of the conversation Molly was having with Ginny up in Ginny's room.
"Ginny dear, boys and girls are like Quills and Ink Bottles…."
****Ok…so I have to admit…I had help on this one! My husband (also a big HP fan) and I were talking about all the sex stories on here and we just sort of…came up with this! In fact, the whole Plug/Outlet thing was his idea. We must have laughed out loud for an hour coming up with some of this dialogue. I hope it amused you as much as it did us!