Dearka, God of Love or Torture?


Miriallia is in a big predicament with her network so her beloved Dearka devices a TV show about bringing couples back together! Rated for language

Author's Note:

I have just thought about it last night before I went to sleep…sighs…I Hope you people will find this funny! BTW, I want to acknowledge seedling for helping me out with the title! Thanks a lot!

Disclaimer: I do not own GS, GSD, PBB, or any TV network.

Chapter One: A Very Naughty Start

"Uh…Sir Dearka?" short inquiry of a shy Rey, made the tan-skinned playboy stop in his steps.

He looked back, still holding the big jar of sticko, "Yeah?" he stuck one piece of sticko to his mouth.

"Aren't you going to be fat if you continue eating that thing?" He pointed at the poor food, if only it could melt when Rey pointed at it.

"Oh Rey…" Dearka ate the sticko in one big gulped and he wrapped an arm around the shy boy's shoulders, looking concerned, he said, "Don't imitate Yzak if you don't want to be a slacker."

He was quite confused yet he tried to understand the message that his superior tried to convey to him. He stood straight, dropping the grocery bags, he saluted firmly, "Yes, sir."

"NO!" Dearka cried out as he caught the bags in time while sighing, "Gosh…kids these days…" he shove the thought away. He stood and handed the bags back to Rey, "Don't do that again. These bags contain precious data. Is this clear?"

Rey nodded and gripped the handle of the bags hard.

As Dearka continued his stroll, while eating the stickos inside the big jar, a sound that was similar with the PBB theme was heard, his hand suddenly dropped the big jar of stickos and he did a weird dance.

Rey's eyes shrink in confusion, "Sir, are you alright?"

Yet Dearka continued to dance and he even sang. Dearka snapped his fingers in the upbeat tempo.

Rey laid the bags down and went to his superior, shaking his shoulders hard but it did nothing. Rey had no other choice but to use the sole weakness of his superior. He gathered all of his strength and courage for this one loud shout, "LOOK! THERE IS THE VIVA HOT BABES! BELLY DANCING WHILE STRIPPING!"

Immediately, Dearka stopped dancing the weird dance and singing the weird song and he looked around, "Where are they?"

Rey fell on the street's sidewalk. Commander Joule was right after all.

Once a playboy-always a playboy. A simple thing to remember especially with his superior.


"WHAT!" a surprise Miriallia Haw-Elthman almost fell from the chair she was sitting on as she heard the bad news from her assistant, Lunamaria Hawke.

"What are we going to do now, chief?" she was also terrified and scared of the said threat to their TV network.

Milly bit her fingernails frantically, "I…don't know!" she screamed once again, "How many days did they give us?"

Luna opened her journal notebook and counted the days in its calendar, "We have nine months to pay them back."

Milly sighed, "Nine months? We have all the time to pay them back!"

"You scared us big time, onee-chan!" Meyrin chimed in relief but Luna shook her head violently, "But you don't understand!" she tried to reason out, "We owe them nine billion dollars!"

Milly's whole body felt numb. How can they pay nine billion in nine months? They can't even make one million in a month so how can they pull this through?

"Onee-chan," Meyrin's voice became meek, "Can't we borrow money from the bank?"

Luna sighed heavily, "We can't because we also have loads of unpaid debts in the bank."

All three of them sighed and wanted a robber to rob their office and kill them but that ain't possible.

And as they thought an angel sent from heaven entered a room, it was only the naughty playboy who entered the office.

"Get out!" Milly scowled at him.

Dearka ignored it as usual and touched her forehead, "You aren't sick," he looked at the back of her skirt, "And you don't have it," and he stood straight, "And what is wrong with you people? Why are all of you having this 'Good Friday' look printed on your faces?"

Meyrin cocked her head to the side, rolling her eyes, "Look, we have a big debt worth nine billion that we don't know how we got it and they'll sue us if we don't pay in nine months."

Dearka's eyes suddenly widen and he covered his mouth.

Milly eyed him suspiciously, "Do you have something to confess…honey?"

Dearka slowly made his way out but Yzak blocked his way and pointed an accusing finger at him, "You playboy! Where's the nine billion you borrowed from me?"

Dearka stiffened.

Then, his cell phone rang, the recorded message played and Shinn's voice was heard, "Hey Dearka!" he greeted and continued on, "Thanks for the eighteen billion I asked from you. Stellar badly needed that operation and she's now resting in the hospital. Well…bye now!"

Everyone glared at him.

"DEARKA!" they all shouted at once and only God knows what happened to the poor playboy.


"So I see…" Yzak was already informed of the situation at hand, "So…" he glared at Dearka, "This poor creature beside me must think of a way to save your TV network?"

Milly pinched Dearka's ear hard and twisted it in a 360-degree angle, "Yes, he will or else he will have no future to face…"

Dearka can feel goose bumps on his skin. Boy, he was in deep trouble now.

"Uh…" Dearka raise his hand slightly and everyone shot a glare at him, "I have a suggestion."

Everyone leaned closer to listen to the playboy.

"How about we make something like PBB but the thing is we get a couple that is currently apart and we will bring them back together!"

Everyone exchanged glances and they made a small circle and everyone agreed.

Milly went out of the circle first, "Fine…we accept this plan." She perked up, "So who are the first victims?"

Dearka smirked evilly, "I have just thought of the perfect pair…"


"Heine…Nicol…Rusty…Miguel!" The chairman of PLANT almost fell from his seat when he saw his dead friends near him, "What are you guys here?"

"We're here to get you, stupid!" Rusty said in a laid-back attitude tone.

Athrun shivered, "I-I…have a rosary!" his shaky hands searched for it but nothing came.

"Are you talking about this?" Heine raised an old rosary.

Athrun nodded his head slowly.

"Okay!" he then broke the rosary into pieces.

"NO!" Athrun cried out and he took out his gun and shot Heine.

"OUCH!" he exclaimed, "Dude, didn't you know that the laundry in heaven costs more!"

"Sorry!" Athrun squeaked as quick as a mouse could escape from a mouse trap.

"Anyway," At least Nicol is the sane one in the group of Athrun's ghost friends, "We're here to take you in a secret island."

"Like in survivor?" Athrun asked but Miguel whacked his head, "Stupid! It's like in PBB!"

"What's that?" he asked and again, Miguel whacked his head, "Stupid! Don't you watch have ABS-CBN in your television?"

Athrun shook his head and let out a heavy sigh, "No."

"Fine!" Rusty finally spoke. For a moment there, Athrun thought that Rusty had become mute due to his death and terrible experiences in life, "Let's get you in that island!"

All four boys formed a circle around the poor blue-haired prince, "Hey, this isn't fair!" Athrun protested as Heine and Miguel tied ropes on his feet and hands, "It's four against one!" he again shouted.

He was about to complain but Rusty placed a bar of soap on his mouth, "Ha ha! Who's the smart one now?" he did a little victory dance in his cute chibi form.

"Uh, Rusty." Nicol's voice was trembling.

He gazed at the youngest member of their group, "What is it gay boy?"

"I think Athrun will die because of that soap and we will be double dead because 'you-know-who' will kill us for sure if Athrun ends up dead." He gulped, fearing of the said threat by 'you-know-who'.

Rusty rushed to Athrun and took out the bar of soap inside the poor chairman's mouth. Rusty checked Athrun's pulse and there was still some beat although Athrun has fainted.

"Phew!" he said as he sighed, "For a moment there, I thought he will die."


"Hey dude, are you okay?" Kira asked the tan-skinned boy who had exited the office of their ever-intelligent, forever beautiful, no one can beat my beauty (over her ever-elegant, ever-beautiful, body-as what she has always said), Cagalli Yula Athha, the head representative of Orb.

He shook his head and he plopped down the comfortable visitor's chair.

"Here" Kisaka handed him a bottle of water and he drank it at once.

He cleared his throat, "Thank you." He said and rubbed his ear, "God, does she shout that loud every time she sees a dead person come to life and telling her that she is needed to be in a secret island?"

"Actually, Ahmed-san," Lacus tried to explain something that might freak out Ahmed himself, "It's Cagalli's first time to see a dead person come to life."

Ahmed laughed aloud and he suddenly stopped, it hit him, "I'M DEAD!"

Everyone, meaning Kisaka, Kira and Lacus, nodded their heads.

"Okay." He said and he stood up once more, heading to Cagalli's office. "Hey Athha! If you join the darn game, I heard you get ten billion dollars as the prize!"

"Really?" Cagalli went out of her office, dragging her big travel bag with her, "Take me to that place. Now soldier!"

"Yes ma'am!" then they marched off.

Kira pulled his Hawaiian shirt and his shade.

He sat on the chair that Ahmed sat on before, "Some peace and quite…no cats to chase for three months!"


"Hey Dark!" Lunamaria called out to the tan-skinned playboy.

Dearka came out from the garage, "What is it, Luna?"

She approached him, "I received a message confirmation from our agents that they got Zala and Athha. Now, they are heading to that island."

"Good." He commented and he placed his shades on, "Let the reality show begin!"


"Good morning Orb and to the whole wide world! This is another edition of a reality show that will bring your favorite couples back together! Welcome to Couple Zip-in, Zip-out" he turned to face the other camera man, "This is your host, the one and only, ever-handsome, Dearka Elthman!"

-fake cheers were heard-

"Tonight," he began his speech, "We will witness how we, the staff of this reality show, will bring back your long time favorite couples! Our first victims…er, I mean contestants are…" Dearka turned on the next page of his script and read some lines quietly, "Is the ever-elegant, kicking men's butts, still single and…" Dearka approached Cagalli and asked, "Are you still a V?" and she nodded and he went back to his original place, "Still a virgin, Miss Cagalli Yula Athha!"

"Thank you! Thank you!" Cagalli made flying kisses even though there wasn't any audience and she went to the stage.

"And her partner is the so-called…perfect man?" his tone changed and Dearka became furious, "Who the heck made the damn script?"

"Me! Is there any problem, honey?" Milly asked and little Dearka just nodded his head obediently and continued on with this little speech.

"As I was saying before, "Dearka cleared his throat and gave a nervous cough, "The so-called perfect man! Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome Mister Athrun Zala!"

Athrun went in the stage and bowed timidly before the said audience.

"So this marks the se-I mean the start of the epic journey of the two leaders in this secret island." Dearka finally finished his little speech.


9:00 A.M.

"C-mates, wake up!" commanded by a voice.

"C-mate me…" Cagalli hugged her pillow tighter and nearer to her chest.

"Yeah…"Athrun mumbled, "Shut up Elthman or I'll demote you to the janitorial department…I haven't had much sleep in ages you know…" Athrun adjusted his face to his pillow that seems so soft.

"Ahem," the voice, fine, Dearka, cleared his throat, "Miss Athha, don't you know that Mister Zala can sue you for sexual harassment?"

"Sexual what?" Cagalli rubbed her eyes and slowly opened them, only to find the reason why her pillow seemed to smell of a very expensive cologne, "GET OFF ME, Zala!" she screeched in a high pitch voice.

Athrun fell of the bed, "God, woman…why do you need to kick me out of MY bed?"

"HA HA HA HA! This is MY bed, stupid!" she said sarcastically.

Dearka can't take this anymore, "You morons!" he shouted, "There's only one bed so you guys have to share! So shut the heck up and listen to me!"

Cagalli and Athrun removed their ear plugs, "You finish?" they asked in unison.

Dearka fainted. Oh brother. I think he's the one who will be tortured by this two.


End of Chapter


Author's Note:

Gosh! Good thing I survived the first chapter! People, I accept constructive criticism so just go ahead and if you want some things to happen to Athrun and Cagalli, you can suggest it!