DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN FULLMETAL ALCHEMIST DAMN IT! I DO NOT EVEN OWN MY OWN ASS, THAT BELONGS TO RACHEL… THE LOG BOOKS ARE FROM THAT CHARACTER'S POINT OF VIEW BUT THE REST IS IN THE THIRD PERSON. THIS IS MY FIRST FMA FIC SO BE NICE!

Logbook hellhole Chapter 1

15th March – 18:00

Colonel Roy Mustang, East HQ. LOG IN

Okay, now I'm pissed off. For over three years I've had to put up with Edward Elric getting all the glory when I, the unnoticed and greatly misunderstood, Flame Alchemist have been doing all the hard work! I am Roy Mustang and I will not be silenced any more! I can see that cursed Lieutenant Hawkeye watching me carefully to make sure that I finish my logbook but she has no idea what I'm planning! HA HA this definitely needs to be put into writing. I'd better hurry though; Riza has taken to throwing things at me so that she can take her turn.

10 reasons why I am better than Edward Elric:

1. I am taller than him.

2. I am hotter than him.

3. I am a genius.

4. I am Roy Mustang.

5. I look better in uniform.

6. I have a better Alchemy move than he does. (CLAP SOME MORE YOU WORTHLESS LITTLE SEAL WHILE I CLICK MY FINGERS AND LOOK HOT)

7. I am in possession of all my limbs.

8. Did I mention that he is a short arse?

9. I've had more women than he's had zits.

10. I don't know if anyone noticed but I clearly kicked his ass when he was trying to renew his State Alchemy Certification. If I hadn't of hesitated then that kid would have been toast.

Well that's it in a nutshell I think. That Fullmetal brat doesn't know how good he has it. But when I become Fuhrer, which will be sooner rather than later, apart from making all female officers wear tiny miniskirts, there'll be hell to pay.

Yeah right Roy. You'd better find a wife before you do because the new brigadier-general is on your back like a cigarette in Lieutenant Havoc's mouth.

HUGHES! Get lost, stop writing over my shoulder! Yes I am replying by writing back because I have lost my voice. Patrolling the grounds in the freezing cold and pouring rain for five hours doesn't do wonders for your vocal chords. Now piss off!

Sure Roy, but keep your eyes open. You never know; Hawkeye may be hearing the chime of wedding bells in that pretty little head of hers.

HUGHES! For the love of all things hideous! Now where are my nasal spray and throat lasagnes?

15th May 2006 – 18:55

Colonel Roy Mustang, East HQ. LOG OUT