DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN FULLMETAL ALCHEMIST DAMN IT! I DO NOT EVEN OWN MY OWN ASS, THAT BELONGS TO RACHEL… THE LOG BOOKS ARE FROM THAT CHARACTER'S POINT OF VIEW BUT THE REST IS IN THE THIRD PERSON. THIS IS MY FIRST FMA FIC SO BE NICE!

I AM VERY SORRY THAT IT TOOK ME SO LONG TO UPDATE. I'VE BEEN DOING MY GCSE'S (EVIL EXAMS) AT THE MO AND HAVEN'T HAD TIME. BUT HERE IS THE LAST INSTALMENT OF LOGBOOK HELLHOLE FOR YOUR DELECTATION!

Chapter 7

" AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! LIEUTENANT, WHAT THE HELL IS THIS?"

Deep in the underground cells of the military compound, Lieutenant Colonel Roy Mustang and Fullmetal Alchemist Edward Elric called out in pain as they hung from the ceiling by their ankles via hot metal chains. Riza paced in front of them and smirked as Ed began swinging himself from side to side then whacked his head off the wall and yelled in pain. Riza cleared her throat and answered.

" It's a prank, Colonel. I would have thought that you two were pretty much used to them by now."

Ed groaned and clasped his head with his one remaining hand; Riza had removed his metal arm to prevent him from performing Alchemy.

" Riza, let me down, all the blood is rushing to my head. I feel like a ten tonne weight has been attached to my neck."

" Good. Maybe it'll stretch you out and make you taller."

Ed shrieked and thrashed about, manically trying to free himself from the chains but only succeeding in twisting them around. When he finally stopped, the chain twirled rapidly in the other direction, sending Ed whirring around in a circle until Riza pulled him to a stop.

" I think I'm gonna hurl…"

Riza stepped away as Roy spoke, somewhat calmer than Ed had.

" What is this all about, Riza?"

Riza smiled and replied nastily.

" This is about you and Edward thinking that you can interfere in my love life."

Roy went to come back at her with a witty retort but was cut short as he realised what she said. He and Ed both started stumbling over feeble excuses.

" Riza… this is all a big misunderstanding…"

" We only wanted the best for you…"

" My idea worked though didn't it…"

" I wuv you…"

Riza looked at Ed as he finished speaking. He wore a wide innocent looking grin and puppy dog eyes that glistened with fake tears. Riza walked over, pouted and tapped Ed's cheek with her palm.

" There, there mr chibi-chan. This won't hurt a bit, I promise…"

Fear struck the two mens' faces as Riza laughed to herself and left the cell as Ed clicked to what she had meant and yelled after her.

" DON'T CALL ME SHORTARSE! YOU TRIGGER HAPPY WENCH!"

Riza appeared behind a glass window outside the cell and spoke through a speaker.

" It's a shame you feel that way Edward. Roy, I guess you have Edward to thank for this."

Anger marks sparked on Roy's head and he swung himself to the side to grab Ed around the neck and begin to throttle him as Riza pulled a leaver and the green stink gas from before started to enter the cell from vents scattered around and tiny red insects started to crawl down the chains towards the men hanging from them. Riza left the cells to the sounds of screams and yells of swear words too outrageous to be believed.

Later on, Riza and Jean walked along the peaceful corridors hand in hand, absorbing the silence that hadn't been evident for as long as Riza could remember. Jean sighed and spoke, squeezing Riza's hand gently.

" Did you sort out that 'problem' with Edward and the Colonel?"

" Come on, I'll show you."

She pulled him aside and showed him into one of the hospital wings where Ed and Roy were sitting on two beds covered in millions of tiny red bite spots, with clips on their noses and scowls on their faces. Riza stepped aside and let Jean step into the room. He put his arm around her waist and laughed.

" Gee Edward, I never knew polka dots would suit you so well."

Ed's scowl deepened and his eye twitched. Roy laughed but was silenced as Ed threw a sick bowl at his head. The pair glared at each other and folded their arms stroppily over their chests.

Riza smiled and shuffled closer to Jean.

" Yeah… I don't think they'll be messing around any more."

Roy whimpered as a nurse stuck him roughly with a needle to take a blood sample.

" I liked this place better when it was a Logbook hellhole…"

TAAAAA DAAAAAAAAA! TIS THE END OF THIS FIC! I WON'T BE WRITING ANY FMA STUFF FOR A BIT BUT IF ANY OF YOU ARE INTO YU-GI-OH THEN I'M WRITING A FIC CALLED THE MINI YAMI ADVENTURES. THANKS FOR ALL YOUR REVIEWS; THEY'RE ALL GREATLY APPRECIATED! PEACE, LOVE, AND BEER TO YOU ALL XXXXXXXXXXXX