The idea for this came from and interview I read where Paul McGillion said he wouldl like to do an episode where he and Rodney were trapped somewhere and hopefully there would be lots of witty repartee between them. Well, I'm not sure I can manage the witty repartee, but I can manage the rest.
Disclaimers: I don't own any of the Stargate Atlantis characters, but I hope I've given them a fair representation in this story.
Characters: This will involve all the main characters from Stargate Atlantis, but if you read my last fanfic, you'll probably guess that Carson will have quite a major role to play in this.
Spoilers: As yet, I'm not sure if there will be any references to actual episodes. If there are, I'll warn you in advance.
Carson sighed as he put together the medical supplies he would need. He sometimes wondered if Colonel Sheppard and Dr McKay tossed a coin to see whose turn it would be to get injured on this mission. One or other of them seemed to end up spending time in his Infirmary on a worryingly regular basis.
Carson wasn't sure who was worse. John had an almost pathological hatred of being stuck in the Infirmary and did everything possible to get out of it as soon as he could. While he was there, he made everyone's life as miserable as possible so they would let him out.
Rodney, on the other hand, seemed to be drawn to the Infirmary by his rampant hypochondria. The least, insignificant symptom sent him scurrying to seek medical attention. And once he got there, he would taunt the medical staff about their lack of scientific knowledge, while showing a surprising medical knowledge himself.
This time, Carson's patient was Rodney. The team had been on an information gathering mission to M5Y – 634 when Rodney had managed to slip and fall down a cliff. When John had radioed in, he said he was reluctant to move Rodney until he had been given medical attention. That was why Carson was preparing to go through the dreaded monster of a Stargate yet again.
He heard footsteps approaching, and looked up at the slim figure of Elizabeth Weir.
"Are you ready to go, Carson?" she asked, smiling at her Chief Medical Officer.
"Aye, Elizabeth," he replied. "Ready to go and sort out Rodney yet again."
She smiled in response. "I sometimes think we should have had a questionnaire about how accident-prone expedition members were, before we allowed anyone to come here."
"Aye," Carson agreed, with a smile. "Maybe as part of the medical questionnaire people had to fill in. 'How many times have you visited your doctor due to accidental injury or unknown viral infection in the last 5 years?'. That would have done it."
"Yes," Elizabeth replied. "Anyone who answered more than 500 times would be barred."
"So could we do without Rodney and Colonel Sheppard, then?" Carson asked with a mischievous grin on his face.
"Probably not," Elizabeth said, a touch ruefully. "But don't tell them I said that. Their egos are inflated enough as it is."
"Your secret's safe with me," Carson said, giving her a wink on the way passed.
"Be careful Carson, and bring Rodney home safely," she said, touching his arm as he passed her.
"Don't worry Elizabeth, I'll bring him home."
John was waiting for him when he arrived through the Stargate. Ronon also materialised out of the undergrowth, and silently took his medical supplies from him.
"Thank you, Ronon," Carson said, almost absent-mindedly. "So where has Rodney found trouble this time?"
"He's about a mile or so away," John replied. "We were just scouting around, looking for some signs of ancient civilizations, or something that would indicate this planet had been inhabited by something other than insects." Just as he said that, John slapped his neck, killing one of the mosquito-like insects that seemed to swarm around on the planet.
"And then he just simply disappeared. It was the silence we noticed first," John said, giving Carson an ironic grin. "But, it didn't last for long, and soon Rodney was squealing for help."
"Did anyone check him out?" Carson asked.
"Yes," John confirmed. "Teyla and I went down and checked him out. Ronon stood guard. His leg is busted, though his voice is still working as well as ever."
Carson laughed. "Aye," he replied. "It takes a lot to keep Rodney quiet. Still, it's probably a good sign. If he had been quiet, it could have meant that his body had gone into shock, and then he could be in more trouble."
"His leg is lying at a very strange angle," John continued. "So we didn't want to move him without you having a look at him first. We'd never hear the end of it, if Rodney ended up with a limp because of us."
Ronon snorted. "I offered to pull it straight for him, but he made a whimpering sound. So I guessed he meant no."
"Do you like tormenting Rodney, or does it just come naturally?" Carson asked the Satedan. The big man replied with a wide grin.
They trudged on further eventually coming to a sharp drop. At the bottom, Rodney was lying awkwardly whilst Teyla was trying to make him as comfortable as she good.
"Ah, at last," Rodney said, looking up and seeing Carson. "You've arrived. Well, come down here and do your voodoo magic. I'm sure you can come up with something more imaginative than the man-mountain there."
Carson and Ronon exchanged amused glances.
"I'll do my best, Rodney," Carson said, as he made his way, gingerly, down the cliff.
Just as Carson reached the bottom, John's radio started transmitting. Carson didn't really pay any attention to it. He was busy examining Rodney. He found filtering out all sound when he was examining Rodney was the most effective means to doing a thorough job. Otherwise, he got distracted by his friend's constant comments.
"Carson!" Hearing his name, the doctor tuned in to John's voice.
"Yes, Colonel," he replied.
"That was Atlantis. They need us to go and rescue Lorne and his team, again!"
Carson turned to Teyla and smiled. The rivalry between Sheppard and Lorne was well known and they were both keeping a running tally of how often they'd had to rescue each other.
"Will you and Rodney be okay for about half an hour? Elizabeth said she'd send something through to help you get Rodney back, but they aren't free just yet."
"No problem," Carson replied. "It'll take me that long to stabilise Rodney's leg."
"That's alright for you to say," Rodney retorted. "You're not the one lying here in agony with your leg twisted at a very strange angle. Even my cat can't get her leg to twist like that." He looked mournfully down at his leg.
"Just don't faint, Rodney," John called down to him.
"I don't faint," Rodney replied quickly. "I might fade slightly from the excruciating pain I'm in, but I won't faint."
"I've given you something for the pain, Rodney," Carson said gently. "It should ease soon."
"You did?" Rodney said, a note of amazement in his voice. "When?"
"Just now," Carson responded, smiling. "When you were shouting at Colonel Sheppard."
"Oh, well, then," Rodney replied. "I suppose I'll manage to bear the pain, heroically, until help can be sent."
Ronon snorted, and John threw an amused glance in his direction.
"Glad to hear it, Rodney," John said. "Good luck, Doc."
With that, John, Ronon and Teyla left, leaving Carson to listen to Rodney explaining in great detail, how he didn't actually fall down the cliff – it was more of a controlled slide – that just got slightly out of control!