Been a while, I know, sorry… -_-' I can only write this kinda stuff when it's quiet, and it only is at my house at like the middle of the night…and until lately I couldn't get the pc that late. n.n' Hopefully I'll get back on track with my Oyako fluff…I've been deprived, you know. .
In completely unrelated news, I had my heart-broken today! YAY!
Disclaimer: I own nothing.
The sea breeze wafted onto the boardwalk, the scent of its brine almost able to be tasted to passerby. Gulls cawed as they circled around the boats and the markets, greedily looking for any opportunity where they could swipe a fish from the ships or from the vendors selling them on the docks. Palmacosta was a thriving, beautiful place; the largest city and hope in the dying world that was Sylvarant. Over this area the motley group of adventurers made their way…they didn't quite seem to be the type, but they were in fact the group of the Chosen of Regeneration-
Who had just tripped and almost knocked an old man into the water.
"Oh-! I- I'm sorry!" she said immediately, getting to her feet as she apologized to the elderly man.
"It's all right, young lady," he smiled weakly, trying to calm down after being startled, "I didn't mean to be in your way- I should stop doing this I guess…"
"Stop doing what?" Lloyd asked, blinking at the man.
"Well…" the man sighed, looking off into the ocean, "…You see, my son went on a fishing trip a couple of years ago and…he never came back."
Though they didn't quite notice, the eldest member of their group flinched somewhat, his wine eyes briefly darting over to the brunette boy who was paying no attention to him as he listened to the old man's story.
"Everyone tells me to give up on him, but I still wait here…" he sighed, looking out into the water, "I don't care, I won't give up on my child…"
Kratos abruptly turned and walked away, causing confusion in the group as the mercenary simply left them. Colette hurriedly wished the man the best before they followed after Kratos, leaving the old man to sigh and go back to his sea-watching.
"Um…Mr. Kratos? Are you all right?" Colette asked, looking up at the mercenary.
"I am fine, Chosen," he stated simply, though there was a tone of sadness in his breath.
"But-" Lloyd started.
"I'm fine," he snapped coldly.
And that was the end of that.
Lloyd frowned to himself as he watched the elder male looking out the window of the inn room they shared out to the sea, his usual silence even more uncomfortable than usual. The teen always became so exasperated with him- though lately less and less because of his intimidation, and more and more because of…concern. As much as he hated to admit it, Kratos was starting to become less of an obstacle and more of a role model. He had been training him for a while now, after all, and he was beginning to develop a bond with the man. Still…why was he always so distant with him? True, he was distant with everyone, but at times it felt as if Kratos was just trying to ignore him, whereas any other time Kratos looked at him like…like… Well, he wasn't sure. His eyes were…soft, reassuring, almost- almost-
Lloyd shook his head with a light groan. Agh, what was it?! What was it about Kratos that felt so…so…?
"What is it?" Kratos' voice cut through his thoughts, finally answering his question.
"H- Huh-? Oh! Yeah, sorry…" Lloyd smiled weakly, rubbing the back of his neck, "I was just wondering if you were okay, I mean, you kind of seem- you've been acting upset since this morning."
Kratos said nothing, responding only by turning his head from the window and looking at Lloyd sadly. The hairs on the back of his neck stood on end; why was he looking at him like that? What kind of look WAS that, anyway? Kratos' cold eyes were so…sad, but not. It was like he was looking at something precious but something that was- maybe like…maybe like something precious that he couldn't have?
"No, I'm fine," he stated again.
Lloyd sighed loudly as the man turned back to look out the window.
Well, what else could he do? If Kratos didn't want to talk, he wasn't going to, simple as that. With a defeated sigh the teenager plopped down onto his bed and began to take off his boots and jacket, fully ready to just go to sleep, why not? He…
"Kratos," he said again.
The man looked over his shoulder at him, silently acknowledging him.
"I…um…" he trailed, biting his lip, "Kratos I-…nevermind."
Then he rolled over and went to sleep. He was only that way for a few minutes when Kratos slowly drifted away from the window, his hand hesitantly hovering above Lloyd's head. His fingers almost reached the brown hair before he jerked back, turning from the boy.
"…Sleep well, Lloyd…" he whispered, walking back to the window.
The teen opened one eye, wondering what it was the man said a moment before closing his lids and drifting off again. Kratos was so strange…so alien, yet-
The Seraph looked up at him as he walked toward him from across the yard, the light from Dirk's house not even making it to the gravestone. Kratos merely looked at him silently, Lloyd feeling his throat tighten up as he saw the flame glow in his father's reddened eyes. He tried to say something, really he did, but he couldn't think of the right words. It was only recently he'd discovered who this man really was, why it was he was so familiar, but still it didn't seem to make anything any better.
"What is it?" he asked in his usual, emotionless voice.
"Can… Can I talk to you a moment?" he stammered, feeling his cheeks blush.
Kratos tilted his head to the side briefly before nodding, opening his eyes again simply.
"We're…going to fight Mithos tomorrow," he said simply, "in the morning, as soon as the ring's made…"
The man merely nodded again.
"…We could die," he said lamely, as if expecting something.
"I suppose so," Kratos said simply.
That wasn't what he wanted to hear.
"I- Is that it?!" he blurted, his heart instantly beginning to pound in his chest.
Kratos looked taken-aback, flinching slightly at the teen's outburst.
"Is that all you have to say?! Is that IT?!" Lloyd shouted, a snarl beginning to work its way into his mouth as he clenched his fists tightly to his sides. "You 'suppose so'?! We could all fucking DIE- I could die tomorrow and that's all you have to say?!"
"Lloyd, what did you want me to say?" Kratos frowned, hesitant in his question.
"Well what do you think?!" Lloyd shouted in the man's face.
It wasn't fair. It wasn't fair at all, didn't Kratos get it?! He'd just barely learned he was his father, and just barely managed to sigh in relief when said father didn't die at the Origin seal. All of this, and what had the man said to him?! Absolutely NOTHING!
"You could- you could say-" he stammered, his anger fading away into crushing sorrow, "you could- you could say SOMETHING! Something you should say! Like- Like something-"
He took a deep breath.
"Like something I want to hear, duh!" he shouted at the man. "Like- like what that man said!"
"Remember?! In Palmacosta?! That old man…he said that- he said he was going to wait for his son, remember?! He said he was going to wait for him, that he wasn't going to give up on him, no matter what-"
"Lloyd, I would never give up on you-"
"You're missing the point!!" he shouted again, tears brimming in his eyes. "He- He said something like a FATHER! He-?! Can't you-!? Why can't you do the same thing?! I- I know it's not like you, really, but I- but I-"
Lloyd gave out a frustrated growl and stomped his foot on the ground.
"What have you done that's been like that-!? I mean, what have you said that's like that?! You gave me your locket, you told me about Mom- I know you love me, so why is it so hard for you to SAY IT?!" he finished at the peak of his shouting.
"…" Kratos stared at his son, watching the boy pant.
"Why…" he whispered, a tear slipping loose, "why can't you just-? Just…"
Kratos took a few steps forward, going to put his hand on Lloyd's shoulder- which only made him mad. Sure, NOW he was trying to do something affectionate?! And that was it?! A freaking hand on the shoulder!?
"NO dammit!" Lloyd shouted, smacking his hand away. "That's not it! That's not IT!"
"Lloyd…" Kratos whispered, his eyes misted, "What is it you want me to say?"
The teen gave an angry huff that quickly broke down into sobs, falling forward and crying softly into the angel's chest, his fists still clenched.
"Tell me that you love me you bastard!" he shouted, giving him a light pound on the chest with his fist. "Tell me that-! Tell me that I mean something to you! I'm sick of- I'm sick of all this vague crap you give me and expect it to be enough!"
He knew he looked pathetic, and he felt pathetic, but he couldn't quite break out of it. Was it so wrong? Was it so wrong that he was frustrated that his own dad didn't care enough to…?
"Why…why can't you just tell me-? I could- one of us could die tomorrow, and you know it, so why can you STILL not tell me that I mean something to you-? Shouldn't…shouldn't a father say that? Shouldn't a parent tell their kid that they mean everything to them, especially if- if it might be the last chance?"
Kratos said nothing but began to lightly rub Lloyd's back, feathering through his hair with his other hand as he let the boy continue on.
"Can't you just tell me that you love me?" he whimpered, closing his eyes. "I know you do; I know you do…but I- I just want to hear it, K- Dad! I just want to hear it, please! Please just tell me…"
He didn't know why it was so important that he heard it, but it was. For some reason it felt like if he didn't ever hear it, it wouldn't ever really be true. It felt like it could be taken away from him, that if it was put into words then all of the other things he did would just…fade away. That all the other signs that he loved him would just disappear. He knew it was stupid, he knew that, but…but…
"Lloyd," Kratos whispered softly, his words mingling with Lloyd's stifled sobs, "I…"
"Is- Is it because I didn't say it?" Lloyd stammered, clinging to his father closer. "Is that why? Because I didn't call you Dad? I'm sorry…I'm so sorry I didn't do it earlier. I just…I just…"
"No, Lloyd, it's not that," Kratos shook his head, "you're absolutely right. I…I have not been a very good father. I should be able to say things like that, yet…"
There were a few moments where all Lloyd knew was darkness, the wetness on his face, his heaving chest and the pounding of Kratos' heart beside his head.
"Lloyd," he stated, "…I love you. I love you more than…more than I can ever hope to explain."
His breathing eased somewhat, finding himself hooked on his father's words.
"…You…you are the only good thing I've ever done for this world, Lloyd," he whispered softly, "When you were a child, you were the thing that sparked hope in me, and ever since I found you again…you were the only thing that made me even dare to hope."
Lloyd sniffled a bit, his breathing almost completely back to normal at this point.
"If I ever lost you again, Lloyd…I…" he trailed off at this point, hesitating before he found his voice again, "I couldn't even stand to breathe."
The teen was quiet for a moment, running his father's words through his head again and again, trying to engrave them permanently into his memory. Yet still…it wasn't quite…
"Dad?" Lloyd whispered.
"…Yes?" Kratos said simply.
"Am I…can you tell me I'm precious?" he barely said, his voice almost inaudible.
Kratos enveloped him in a full hug, his child almost instantly clinging to him in response.
"You're precious, Lloyd," he said in a hush, "more than anything else. More than anything."
Lloyd felt a smile spread on his face as the tears renewed, this time with a different emotion driving them. He shouldn't have needed this, he told himself, but…but it hadn't felt real. It hadn't felt like this man truly was his father, like he hadn't really loved him. He knew it was a stupid, childish, selfish impulse that drove him to make his father do this, but…but he needed it.
"I love you," the man whispered.
He wanted to know he had a father.
This mainly taken from my feelings toward my own father. Of course, since my father isn't a stoic bastard like Kratos, I have heard 'you're the pride and joy of my life', but not 'I love you'… 'Love ya' sure, but not a serious 'I love you'…
That aside, I hope it wasn't too cheesey. n.n'