Title: The Pretty Lady
Author: Lady FoxFire
Summary: StarGate SG-1/Harry Potter - Sometime in life you have to do the one thing you absolutely dread to get the one thing you absolutely need or want, so you can do the one thing you have to do. And sometime people get sucked in to it. Post Hogwarts, Slash
Disclaimer: Im too tired to think up something cute so here it is I dont own the Harry Potter or StarGate SG-1 series and I make no money from this fic.
Bad Author Notes: Happy Halloween. Happy Samhain which mean summer end which mean Happy Celtic New Years
Harry walked into the sitting room connected to master bedroom to find Jack sitting on the couch reading a book on male pregnancy. With a sigh Harry sat down on the far end of the couch.
"Hi," Harry said.
"Hey," Jack said as he closed the book on the bookmark.
"What are you reading," Harry asked as his hand unconsciously played with the hem of his shirt.
"It's a book, Rick gave me," Jack replied gently tossing the book onto the cushion between them. "It's all about male pregnancy and what I should expect."
"Oh," Harry said glumly as his eyes took in the title of the book and the picture of a pregnant man on the cover. "I'm real sorry, Jack. I honestly"
"I know. I know, Harry," Jack waved his hand as if to dismiss the subject. "You're not the first kid to end up a dad due to the lack of sex ed in schools. I just hadn't expected to wake up this morning to learn that I've caught the world's #1 STD."
"What?" Harry sputtered with wide eyes. "What are you talking about? Rick didn't say anything about you being sick!"
"Babies are the world's #1 STD," Jack explained upon seeing Harry's reaction. "Saw it on a t-shirt once."
Harry let out a snort, which soon transformed itself in a chuckle. "We'll I never thought of babies that way before but it does make sense."
"And then when they're born they become little vampires which suck the life out of you while being so cute that you can't help yourself but to love them," Jack said with a fond smile. "Of course by the time they hit their teens, the cute effect has worn off and you're wondering why you decided to have kids in the first place."
"That must be why most wizard families send their children to boarding school for most of the year," Harry observed. "Im surprised it's not year long given some of kids I went to school with."
"With what I've learn about that Dumble character, he probably wants them to go back and spread the word about how great he is and how everyone should worship him," Jack said.
"The scary thing is you're probably right," Harry agreed with a sad sigh.
"So how did you keep from being one of his worshippers?" Jack asked.
"The public library," Harry answered. "Growing up with the Dursley, my life was pretty much limited to the house, school and the library since Dudley was afraid of reading. If I went to the parks I would have had to deal with Dudley and his gangs or some adults who believed the Dursley's lies."
"So I take it you read a lot of books," Jack put in.
Harry nodded his head. "I couldn't take any out since Dudley would probably destroy them. Besides the Dursleys would never let me have a library card. But I would sneak in there and read until I was expected home to cook dinner. I remember one book, can't remember the time but it was about a soldier in a POW camp during World War 2. You do what you have to in order to stay alive, stay healthy but you never forget who the enemy is. You gather information that might be useful and whenever possible give your enemies the respect they deserve."
"A knife in the back," Jack added in.
"A bomb in the loo," Harry commented
"Their plans for world domination up in flames," Jack said.
"And the good guy gets the girl" Harry trailed of as he glanced over at Jack, "well maybe not in this case."
Jack snorted. "So I would be smart in assuming that the Dursleys got what they deserved?"
"You would be," Harry replied smugly.
Jack waited a minute for Harry to continue but when he didn't, Jack let out a snort as asked, "So what did you do to them?"
"Well I didn't do anything personally," Harry said.
"Ya, sure, you betcha," Jack said in tone that said while my words say I agree, I know better.
"I may have reported some unusual things to Inland Revenue," Harry said.
"Inland Revenue?" Jack said in confusion.
"Tax collectors," Harry explained in the simplest fashion.
Jack eyes grew slightly wider. "Oh the British version of the IRS. If they're as evil as the American version then I could almost pity them. Almost."
Harry snorted. "It gets worse from there. Before I could contact the Inland Revenue, Dudley, my cousin, decided to enlist in the Army."
"I take it your Aunt and Uncle were less than pleased," Jack commented.
"They disowned him," Harry answered. "After an incident where he nearly had his soul sucked out by a Dementor, Dudley grew up a lot and realized he didn't want to grow up to be like his parents. So when he was old enough he enlisted."
"And they disowned him," Jack said.
Harry shrugged his shoulder. "They disowned him more for enlisting as someone I don't know the military term but they won't become an officer."
"Non-com. Non-commissioned officer," Jack supplied.
"Right, so they disowned him for enlisting as a non-com," Harry continued on with his story. "From what I heard while in training the person responsible for the training told his group that if they knew of someone who had committed a crime or was a danger to the Crown then they had to report them or they would be viewed as accessory to the crime."
"So he turned them for tax evasion," Jack said.
Harry shook his head. "For me not attending school," he answered. "He told how at the beginning of the school year my uncle would take me into London and how I won't reappear until the end of year. He told them how I went to either to Hogwarts or St. Brutus' Secure Centre for Incurably Criminal Boys."
"And of course they couldn't find a reference to either place," Jack added in with a 'cat that had the cream' grin
"Exactly. That combined with the fact that no one could find me and Inland Revenue had records of Petunia receiving funds for my upkeep while I was not living there and hiding half of those funds from Vernon and Vernon not declaring any of that money on their taxes," Harry explained.
"Ouch," Jack said with an evil chuckle. "I take it they're in jail?"
Harry nodded his head. "Penniless too. They lost everything."
"And your cousin?" Jack asked.
"Still in the service," Harry answered. "I check up on him from time to time to see if he has fathered a child and how he would treat the child if it's magical. But as of yet, Dudley hasn't."
"Sometimes something good will grow out of a barrel filled with rotten apples. It just needs to see the light of day for it to happen," Jack commented.
"Yeah but I just wish I hadn't been stuck in that barrel too," Harry said softly before standing up. "It's late. We better go to bed since we have a lot to do tomorrow."
"Add exactly what do we have to do tomorrow?" Jack asked.
"We need to see if we can get you a wand or maybe a staff. You'll need a way to magically defend yourself if Dumbledore or Voldemort finds out about you," Harry explained. "And then after that I thought I would see if the goblins had a list of what is in my vault for Daniel. I would take him myself but right now it isn't safe for a Muggle to be anywhere near Diagon Alley."
"Daniel's going to pout all day," Jack stood up. "So how are we doing the sleeping arrangements?"
"Sleeping arrangements?" Harry replied.
"The bed," Jack nodded towards the bedroom.
Harry stared at the bedroom door in confusion until suddenly his eyes grew wider and his face grew red. "Ahh umm I'm not really sure. What do you want to do about our sleeping arrangements?"
Jack sighed in frustration. "Will us sleeping apart effect the bond in anyway?" Jack asked.
"I won't know," Harry admitted, as all his self-confidence seems to vanish. "Sirius or Remus might know but they're probably asleep right now. I could wake them up and ask."
Jack grabbed Harry's arm as he started for the door. "Harry, don't worry about it," he said as Harry turned back to him. "It can wait until morning. Besides it's not the first time I've shared a bed. And let me tell you Daniel has cold feet and he hogs the blankets."
"Are you sure? I mean I'm sure Dobby could find another bed or I could sleep on the couch," Harry suggested.
"Yeah, I'm sure," Jack admitted. "Besides we in this until death do we part so we might as well start getting used to it."
Harry simply nodded his head accepting Jacks words.
Jack laid his hand on Harrys shoulder and gave it a reassuring squeeze. "Trust me, Harry, this is the easy part."
"The easy part!" Harry stared at Jack with wide eyes.
Jack nodded his head. "The hard part comes at 4 in the morning when the baby is crying and you're dead tired. When all you want to do is sleep but your little one just wants to be held. When they're sick and the doctor's office doesn't open until 8 in the morning. That when this gets tough."
Harry nodded squaring his shoulders preparing to face what was to come.
"And don't get me started on diapers," Jack pulled Harry towards the bedroom door. "I swear there were times I should have been wearing a Hazmat suit."
"Welcome to Diagon Alley," the young woman on Jack's arm said as they walked through the entrance way into the magical street.
"It's very Victorian," Jack looked around the crowded streets.
"I know," the woman said as she brushed her long brown hair away from her face. "Whenever I visit here I'm reminded of just how nice the modern world is even with all its ignorance."
"Delivery pizza and hockey," Jack suggested.
"Electricity and movies," the woman suggested. "Oh and jeans and t-shirts," she added in as they passed a woman dressed in very eccentric outfit.
Jack nodded his head as he spied the same woman. "Yeah, jeans and t-shirts are good. So where are we going, exactly?"
"To Strider," the woman reply. "We need to see if we can get you a wand or some other magical object."
"So we're going over there?" Jack pointed at narrow and shabby little shop, which wore the sign that said Ollivander Makers of Fine Wands since 382 B.C.
The woman on Jack's arm shook her head. "No. That's Ollivander," she said disgust. "He sold his soul to the Devil a long time ago so we don't do business with him."
"Sold his soul to the Devil?" Jack said.
"The Ministry," the woman clarified. "Sometime in the past Ollivander or one of his ancestors made an agreement with the Ministry to put a monitor spell on the wands they sold in return Ollivander's became the official wand maker of all of Britain. The problem is that the monitor spell corrupts the wand. Where before the wand would have been a perfect fit, it becomes an almost perfect fit. And because of that, it allows others to use your wand if they're a close fit to you. If the wand had been a perfect fit, no one else would be able to use your wand if they were able to get a hold of it."
"If that's the case then why does anyone go there? I would figure that people would want the best wand for themselves, not the second best," Jack asked.
"They would if they knew about it. When the agreement between Ollivander and the Ministry went into effect the Ministry made it illegal for anyone to own a wand that did not come from the official wand maker. They also made it illegal to own any text about how to make wands. From what I understand there was a great purge as the Ministry made sure no one could go behind their backs and make their own wands."
"I'm willing to bet they covered it up so that the average person didn't know about it either," Jack commented.
"They did," the woman replied. "I was lucky that one of my ancestors wrote down about what was happening."
"So we're off to see an illegal wand maker," Jack said softly so only the woman could hear.
"Nope," the woman replied cheerfully. "One of the lawmakers snuck in a time limit to the law. The law was only valid for 250 years. Unfortunately by that time the damage was done."
"So anyone can make a wand now," Jack said.
The woman nodded her head as the stop before store that specialized in leather. "But wands sold to children still are require to have monitor spell places on them," she explained, "And only Ollivander is authorized to do that."
"So why don't they get new wands when they're no longer needed," Jack asked as he opened the door for the woman.
"Because they're used to the way their wand feels. Even with the monitor spell removed the wand is still corrupt but it's what they're used to," she explained. "It would be like learning to drive then and the moving to America where you drive on the wrong side of the road."
"No, we drive on the right side," Jack replied. "It's you Brits who drive on the left."
The woman snorted. "Strider," the woman called out to the empty shop, "I've brought you a customer."
"Yeah and why do you think I want him is as a customer?" a gruff voice replied from the back of the shop.
"Because we don't want to visit Ollivander," The woman replied.
A snort came from the back room and a moment later a rugged looking man in his late 30s walked into the front of the shop. He looked directly at Jack and the woman before turning around and walking back to the back of the shop as he said, "Follow me."
The back of the store was a nice size workshop in which various pieces of leather were being worked on including one on a dressmaker's dummy.
"Spin around girl," the man, Strider ordered.
Jack's companion slowly turned around until she was once again facing Strider and then she dropped down into a curtsey.
"How?" Strider said in a brisk voice.
"Muggle make-up," the woman replied.
"Muggle make-up can change a boy into a girl?" Strider said in disbelief.
"With the correct make-up a Muggle special effects artist can make an old man with the darkest skin color you have even seen look like a young Irish woman with flaming red hair," the man dressed as a woman replied.
Jack snorted. "They could make a human look like a goblin. A good artist can made someone look like the most horrible monster from your worst nightmares or make you look like you were in some horrible accident."
Strider looked over to Jack and then to the man in disguise. "But how did you get the" Strider held his cupped hands in front of chest.
"Prosthetics. They're fake," the man replied.
"Damn shame," Strider said with a shake of his head as he stared down at them. "They're the best looking breasts I've seen in a long time."
"Well if you ever got out of your workshop and out of the wizard community you can see some more," the man suggested.
"I would head down to the French Riviera or Miami if you want to see beautiful women," Jack suggested. "There some lovely ladies in Miami would like to roller blade in their bikinis."
"Harry," Strider said, as he looked direct at the man disguised as a woman, "What's a bikini? And what are roller blades."
"Strider, my friend, watching a beautiful woman in a bikini roller skating is as close to Nirvana as a man can get without being allowed to touch," Harry replied.
"French Riviera?" Strider said as he glanced over at Jack.
"I prefer Miami but that's me," Jack replied with a shrug of his shoulder.
Strider nodded his head. "Right. So what can I do for you?"
"Jack needs a wand," Harry said simply.
Strider looks at Harry then at Jack and then back at Harry once again. "This is something I need to forget about after you leave my store, right?"
Harry nodded his head in agreement. "We also need to buy some armor for Jack and his friends too."
"We do?" Jack said in confusion.
"We do," Harry stated firmly as he fished a piece of paper from his brassiere. "I have this friends measurements right here."
"Damn shame," Strider said softly as he took the paper from Harry's hand. "Standard armor?"
"Dragon for Jack, standard for the rest," Harry replied.
"Someone not like you, Jack?" Strider asked as he looked over at Jack.
Jack shrugged his shoulders. "I know a lot of people who don't like me. And is there a chance we could get dragon for Daniel?"
"A lot of people don't like him either?" Strider asked.
"He seems to have been born with a target on his back and a honest trusting face," Jack replied.
"The boy isn't a politician, is he?" Strider growled.
"Archaeologist," Jack replied
Strider turned to Harry who translated, "Tomb raider."
"Right. Which one your wand arm, son," Strider said as the turned to Jack.
Jack looked over at Harry for a translation.
"Jack's a bit of a late bloomer, Strider," Harry explained. "Never had a wand before."
Strider looked over at Harry then back at Jack with a thoughtful look on his face. "What do you do for a living, Jack?"
"I serve in the U.S. military, Jack replied.
"Get shot at a lot? Need both hands free?" Strider asked.
"Occasionally. And yes," Jack answered.
Strider nodded his head. "Know how to fight and not just with guns but man against man."
"And with different types of weapons," Jack agreed.
"So you won't be wanting a wand, rod or staff. Need your hands more," Strider said more to himself than to Harry and Jack. "Can you use both hands?"
"If you mean in a fight then yes. If you mean ambidextrous, than no," Jack answered.
Strider snorted. "You'll find most wizards cant find their own ass with both hands, let alone fight with them."
"I think you'll find that description fits a lot of people and not just wizards," Jack offered.
Strider chuckled. "I take it earrings are out, along with a pendent since it could be ripped off in a fight."
Jack nodded his head.
"So that leaves rings and bracers," Strider declared. "So that means we're fitting you for a set of bracers."
"Why not a ring?" Jack asked as Strider started to sort through some pieces of leather.
"Because I'm a leathersmith, not a goldsmith, so you're going to get a set of bracers," Strider stated. "That is unless you know a goldsmith who can craft you a ring that can be used like a wand."
Jack looked over at Harry, who shook his head no. "The only human goldsmith I know well ummm, lets just say I would rather not do business with him in any shape or form. And one crafted by a goblin won't work with human's magic."
Strider suddenly dropped a pile of different pieces of leather onto a table next to Jack. "Pick one," he said as he waved a hand at them.
"Pick one?" Jack echoes back
"Go through the leathers and find the one that feels right," Harry explained.
"Feels right?" Jack said in disbelief
"When you find the right piece it will feel like your favorite shirt or blanket you put on after a bad day," Harry explained. "When you find that then Strider can make that piece into your bracer."
Jack rolled his eyes before starting to sort through the pile of leather.
"Where's your family from, Jack," Strider asked.
"Minnesota," Jack answered.
Strider growled softly. "I meant you ancestors. Britain, Ireland, Scotland or someplace in Europe."
Jack looked over at Strider. "I'm an American that means I'm a mutt, a mix of different lands but 100% American. But if it matters any my last name is O'Neill."
"So you're of Celtic decent," Strider said.
"I guess," Jack said as he paused for a moment. "What does it matter?"
"Everything matters," Strider answered. "It would be worthless to carve Russian or Greek designs for someone not connect to that area."
Jack turned and looked over at Strider. "What about Egyptian?"
"Your mother side was Egyptian?" Strider asked.
"No. No she was a McMichael but I have some connection to Ancient Egypt," Jack explained.
Strider snorted. "Work related, huh? No, the design on your bracers will be Celtic. Beside the Celtic line is descended from a people much more ancient than those of Ancient Egypt."
Jack stared at Strider in surprise.
"Have you found it yet?" Strider demanded as he noticed that Jack had stopped his search.
"Ahhh no," Jack admitted as he started to look through the pieces of leather again. "I'm curious. Harry was explaining to me about how wands having monitoring spells on them. Is that true for the rest of the world or if I decided to get a wand, can I get one in America?"
"Not unless you have it specially made since most other countries that had been under British rule follow the Ministry lead," Strider explained.
"You know I'm actual not surprised to hear that. It just proves that people really are sheeple," Jack commented.
"Hey! Hey, I think I found it," Jack said excitedly as his hand rested on a piece of black leather.
"Hungarian Horntail," Strider says as he looked at the piece that Jack indicated was a match.
"Not the one from Triwizard Tournament?" Harry asked.
"Not as far as I know," Strider replied as he pulled he piece out of the pile. "And now we have to find the focus item."
"Focus items?" Jack said
"Think crystal for a laser," Harry suggested.
Jack sighed. "Right. And I have to touch every one of them until I find the one that feels like home."
"Yeap," Harry replied. "And this is a lot easier than trying to find a pre-made wand. I went through hundreds of wands until found my current one."
"So why do you use that one instead of wand that isn't corrupted?" Jack asks as he watched Strider pull a big box from underneath of a table.
"Because we can't find him a focus that will work with him," Strider said before Harry could reply. "Seems nearly dying a number of times made his magic lean to a phoenix style focus than anything else. And you need to be a wand maker or a potion maker to own something from a phoenix."
Harry shrugged his shoulder at Strider's answer. "The phoenix at Hogwarts kind of likes me considering it's his tail feather in my wand."
"There you go. Have at it," Strider said as he waved his hand a series of boxes and jars he had laid out.
Jack looked over the items for a moment before reaching out and pulled a small stone with alternating bands of light and dark green. "Here," Jack said as he held out the stone to Strider before reaching out for another stone blackish grey metallic looking stone.
"Malachite," Strider said as he examined the first the stone. Taking the second stone, Strider said, "Hematite. A warrior stone."
Strider looked at Jack thoughtfully. "You sure about these two? You didn't spend much time looking."
"I am," Jack said with a firm nod of his head.
"Harry, look and see if there is anything he missed," Strider ordered.
"But it's his bracers, Strider. Shouldn't they be what he picked?" Harry asked.
"Just humor me, Harry," Strider replied.
"I remember what happened last time I humored you," Harry said as he came over and looked over the boxes and jars. After a moment or two Harry picked out black stone that seemed to have an inner glow.
"Now give it to Jack," Strider ordered.
Harry dropped the stone into Jack's hand, which closed around the small stone. Jack nodded his head as if accepting something before turning to Strider questioningly, holding out the stone to the man.
"Jet. Wards off evil and offers protection from thunderstorms," Strider said as he took the stone.
"Why didn't I pick it earlier?" Jack demanded. "It didn't call to me like the other two did but now it does."
"Malachite is for the man you were born. Hematite is for the warrior you became. And Jet is from the owner of your heart," Strider pronounced. "Even I can tell when a friend is more than a friend," he said as he saw Jack's and Harry's surprised look.
Turning his back towards them Strider said, "Come back in 4 days. I'll have everything done by then."
Chief Master Sergeant Walter Harriman was manning the Stargate operations room when he heard a faint pop behind him. He stiffed as he felt the presence of someone behind him. Slowly he swiveled his chair around only to find 5 beings behind him, watching him. These beings ranged in height from about 3 and half feet to 4 feet. They were dark skinned and had pointed noses. While they wore body armor that was similar to what was used on the base, their helmets looked like something out of a Middle Ages fantasy movie or video game.
Harriman blinked a couple of time before spinning his chair back around, his hand slamming down on the alarm button. Intruder alert! Security to operations! Intruder alert! Security to operations!
A snort of disgust came from one of the beings.
Hes human, Stonefist, one of the being said as Harriman turned around to face the being as the sound of security running towards the operations room grew louder.
If he was one of my goblins he would be reassigned to guarding dragon eggs, the tallest of the beings growled.
I doubt his position requires him to be on alert all the time, Stonefist. His position is probably like that of Lady Luna; know everything and arrange it so it blows up in the enemies face. Beside while his reaction time is beyond pitiful at least he did not soil himself like the last one, the goblin said in Harrimans defense.
Security appeared in the doorway. Halt! one of the security officers said as they pointed their weapons at the goblins.
Adequate timing for humans, the goblin answering to the name Stonefist commented.
True. They have a much better response time than the humans Im used to dealing with. Some of the Aurors Ive had to deal with wait until the danger has passed before appearing, the goblin stated. And speaking of guards, why do you need someone to guard dragon eggs?
I find dodging the flames from a fire breathing dragon improves the reflexes of my men or creates a new opening on my staff, Stonefist replied.
Umm excuse me, Harriman said, drawing the goblins attention back to him. Who are you and why are you here?
My pardon, the goblin that spoke in Harrimans defense said. I am Warrior Bloodblade of the British branch of Gringotts and my companion is Warrior Stonefist of the American branch. We were asked to speak to General Hammond about placing wards around your base by Colonel ONeill.
Harriman sighed wearily. Of course SG-1 would be involved.