Author's Note: This is an answer to Cuito-san's Tomato Kisses Challenge #6. (To those who aren't aware, Tomato Kisses is an LJ community where the moderator, Cuito-san, posts a pic every week and the members write a story or poem revolving around the picture.)

This fic is inspired by my twin's fic, Bastard. It's sort of sequel-ish. (Meh, after all, she helped write it.) You probably heard of her. Tenshi no Hana-chan. She's pretty popular from what I've seen from the reviews she receives. (No, I am not jealous of her. Oh-kay, maybe I am.)

It was also inspired by the song sweetchii from LJ sent me – "Ima Sugu Hoshii" it's called. It's very provocative and sexy actually. It's by Koda Kumi. I swear, when I read the lyrics in Wikipedia… - faints -.

Warning: Rated for the language. A little naughty and crackish. Also very short and a bit fluffy. OMG, I'm writing fluff?

Hentai

By: Yummei-sama no Hayashi

A gift! From Sasuke-kun no less!

No girl could be happier than Sakura when she caught sight of the small brown box (apparently he "forgot" to wrap it, but it was the thought that counted, right?), tied with a single dark blue strip of ribbon.

What is it what is it what is it?

Out of all her birthday presents, it was the one she had saved for last, when all had gone home from her little get-together except her and Sasuke. This was to create a moment between them; as usual, she would throw her arms around him and kiss him to no end, like she always did when he gave her a gift.

She had no doubt in mind this would top what Naruto called "the best gift of the evening" – which happened to be giving her the title of ANBU head medic, thanks to his authority as Rokudaime. Being close friends with the Hokage had its benefits. But just because the gift was from Sasuke, no doubt the last would be the best.

What is it what is it what is it?

She almost didn't want to open it the anticipation she felt bubbling in her stomach was a good feeling. But Sasuke was looking at her impatiently – and was that… hungrily? She shrugged it off. Her gift from him was her focus for the moment.

She shook the box close to her ear, and she was surprised to hear it go flomp flomp flomp inside. "Ooh!" she exclaimed. "What is it?" Sasuke rolled his eyes.

"Oh, gee, I don't know, Sakura. May if you opened it, you'd now."

Sakura stuck her tongue out at her boyfriend, but he only smirked. Three years into the relationship and her beloved was still a prick. Dear heart, you truly are a bastard.

She glanced at him and grinned. "I'm going to open it now!" She sincerely hoped it was that quilt she had pointed out to him the week before, when they had gone shopping after a mission. It certainly sounded like cloth as she shook it again. But why was Sasuke looking at her funny?

Slowly, almost methodically, she pulled the blue ribbon free of its knot. Her eyes were wide with anticipation, but they didn't fail to catch that blush on Sasuke's face. Aww, how sweet. He must have worked hard to get this for me. She resisted the sudden crazy urge to pinch his cheek.

What is it what is it what is it?

She lifted the lid.

Sasuke's eyes widened with anticipation.

"What's… this…?"

She lifted the thing into her line of view, and it unfolded. Her green orbs traveled from the spaghetti straps, down to the black lace that arched around the breasts' support, to the red satin material that covered the part where the chest and stomach should be. Her eyes went down, down, to the lacy black panty sewn onto the red satin's hemline.

…

My eyes.

She stared.

She gaped.

And he looked at her.

"What do you think?" Sasuke asked, his voice lowered to a sexy baritone. She looked at him with shocked eyes and found him smirking.

He got me… lingerie?

Her first impulse was to punch him. But that would be inappropriate. Instead, she lowered her eyelids seductively and drawled…

"Uchiha…"

BANG! BOOM! KAPOW!

"You HENTAI!"

Yes. Distract him, then punch him. It was a tried and tested formula.

Hentai.

Hentai.

HENTAI.

HENTAI!

"Sakura-"

"Go away!"

"Saku-"

"URUSAI WA YO, HENTAI YAROU!"

"Sa-"

"DO YOU WANT ME TO KILL YOU, UCHIHA?"

Pervert, pervert, pervert!

Inner Sakura squealed her approval. Sou yo, sou yo! That Uchiha is just so insensitive!

I have half a mind to punch him to oblivion!

I do too! Half and half equals one whole mind, so let's do it!

Sakura sat on the bathroom floor and leaned against the door, the lacy number still within her clenched fists. Her cheeks were red with anger, her teeth gritted together, and her body shaking. But she was not boiling, seething mad.

She was also baking, steaming, frying furious.

And secretly turned on.

Forget about that! I am NOT turned on!

"Sakura, I said I'm sorry!" Sasuke yelled from the other side, banging on the door. "I didn't think-"

"You didn't think!" Sakura screeched. "That's your mistake! Sorry isn't going to work, you perverted, perverted – argh!"

"Sa-ku-ra…"

"Don't "Sa-ku-ra" me! Do you know what exactly your gift, if you can call it that, says to me? Yeah, Uchiha, it says, "Sakura, be my sex toy" in big, FAT, RED, LETTERS!"

"I didn't-"

"You could have given me jewelry! You could have given me flowers! You could have given me food! Heck, you could have given me a kiss and I would've gladly raped you to bits, dammit! But no, you just had to give me friggin' LINGERIE! Do you know what you're doing? You're giving a gift to YOURSELF, that's what you're doing!"

"But Saku-"

"I thought you would give the best gift yet, but you all you did was outdo yourself in your – your bastardly, bastardful – um – BASTARDNESS!"

"Sakura-"

"Just fucking disappear, Uchiha Sasuke! I hate you!"

There was silence after that, Sakura breathing heavily. Then there was a sigh from the other side of the door. Then, "I said I'm sorry. I only thought, since, you know, it's your special day, we could do something together – spend the night having a bit of fun."

HA! Since when did you know how to have fun, Uchiha Sasuke?

"Anyway," Sasuke continued, his voice subdued, "I'd heard lingerie-" (he sounded as though he struggled with this word) "-made women feel sexy, and I thought that was good." Another sigh. "Guess I was wrong."

Sasuke looked up and pressed his ear against the bathroom door.

Silence.

As the crickets chirped from outside, there was a battle raging in Sasuke's head.

You ruined Sakura's birthday.

Shaddup.

You know she's mad when she calls you by your full name.

Argh, shaddup.

Insensitive freak.

I SAID, shaddup.

I suppose being a closet pervert doesn't help things either.

Blush.

SHADDUP!

In the end, however, Sasuke's "conscience" won. Another sigh.

"I'm really sorry, Sakura."

The bathroom was still silent. Sasuke rolled his eyes at himself and mentally headdesked.

Then-

"Lingerie only makes women feel sexy if they themselves bought it, Sasuke-kun."

Sasuke lifted his head. She was actually talking calmly. And she just called him Sasuke-kun.

"I… didn't think of it that way."

"Next time, you know what to think."

"Yeah… you're right…"

The bathroom door creaked open, and wide green eyes glared reproachfully at Sasuke. "Stop being so nice," she mumbled. "It makes me feel guilty."

"Does it?" he asked, smirking a little.

"It does," she replied, pouting.

He pushed the door open, and she crawled next to him. He moved to accommodate her within his arms. For minutes, there was total silence.

Then in a small voice, she said, "I don't hate you."

"I know."

"I… um… I still love you," she continued shyly.

He kissed her forehead. "I know."

She looked up at him with those soulful lime green orbs.

"I'm sorry."

Who could say anything bad to anyone with that kind of eyes?

"I am, too."

Then, she glared at him, and he gave her a startled look. "But I'm still mad at you for being such a hentai."

He kissed her nose. "Yeah? Then if I'm such a hentai, I should've given you my other, much better, birthday gift."

"And tha – mmph!"

He kissed her open-mouthed, without giving her time to protest. She was moaning pleasurably as Sasuke worked his magic to her body. Skillfully, he maneuvered both of them up to her bed. She didn't notice that he had kicked away the box that had contained her gift under her bed. The red lingerie was left forgotten in the bathroom.

His hot breath on her neck, he whispered, "Happy birthday."

He was greatly thankful she didn't notice the "toys" he had stuffed in the box along with the lingerie. He made mental note to burn them all with a Katon before she woke up the next day.

But with their current sex drive, they didn't need it, now did they?

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:.: I want it right now :.:

Author's note: Hmmm… I'm not satisfied with this… it's a little hurried, after all. Well, this is a lot better than before Tenshi-chan read over the draft. When she just finished reading it (and editing it), she said, and I quote,

"You suck."

Yes. My sister is lovely and wonderful for telling me I suck. And for editing my work for me.

Reviews, please.