"ARGH, INFERNAL BIRD."
Xenmas seethed. He had no knowledge of how to stuff, or clean, or really do anything to make a turkey. So, he stood there with his shirt-sleeves rolled up and a bloodstained apron on. He could hear Axel choking back giggles behind him, and the leader of the Organization quickly felt slender hands wrap around his waist from behind.
"Need help, boss?" Axel whispered, into the man's ear. Xenmas flicked the red head on the nose, and Axel blinked and pulled away. "Aw, c'mon. Shoving your hand up a turkey's ass isn't so bad. It's just kind of cold and slimy! Kind of like Larxene!"
"Shut your fucking face!" yelled Larxene, and Axel immediately dodged the aerosol can of whipped cream that was thrown at him. With Larxene left to handle dessert, and most other jobs already filled, Axel had nothing to do but wander around and annoy people. Oh, JOY!
"But why couldn't we just have a ham for Easter, like normal people?" whined Roxas, from where him and Demyx were tediously making a shitload of stuffing. Demyx was just humming to himself, cutting celery and airily ignoring his surroundings.
"Because I hate ham," said Vexen, scowling as he peeled yet another potato. "Large fowl, such as a turkey, are quite superior to mere hogs." He tossed the peeled vegetable into the large pot, and set to work on yet another one.
"Peel da sweet-patata!" sang Lexaeus, instead smashing the sweet potato with his fist. Zexion gave him a dry look, letting his face fall into his hands, wondering what deity hated him. "Put da sweet-patata in da bowl!"
It was then that Roxas whined again. "Why aren't Xigbar and Xaldin working?" Axel was wondering, as well, though no near to the degree that the boy was. Xenmas cast the boy a dry look.
"Would you really want Ape-Man and Captain Sarcasm in the kitchen?" said the Superior. He still stared at the evil turkey bird, wondering what in hell to do. He still had to pull the neck out of the bird's ass, because he didn't exactly want to cook a bird while its insides were still… inside. It was then that Axel pushed the superior aside, and promptly shoved his hand inside of the bird's ass.
"Ugh, that is disgusting!" shouted Marluxia, from where he was chopping broccoli. Axel just giggled psychotically, tearing his hand back and coming back with something that looked rather… ugly.
"Hey, it's neck kind of looks like a penis!" shouted Demyx, who had suddenly snapped out of his singing stupor. Axel blinked at the neck, which hung limply between his hand.
"Hey, it kind of does," agreed Axel. Marluxia giggled girlishly, preening his hair and squealing when he broke a nail. Xenmas gave Axel a dry look, taking the neck out of Axel's hand. "Oh, god, I feel violated! Xenmas touched my penis!"
"You are such a moron."
Food was ready, and Roxas and Zexion had to sit at the kiddy table, along with Lexaeus who just made a huge mess. He managed to smear mashed potatoes across Roxas's face, and he easily got a mashed mess of broccoli into Zexion's eyes.
"I'm blind!" screamed Zexion, before slumping over on the table, crying.
Axel didn't eat, because he was secretly anorexic. Marluxia was watching his weight. And thus, Xigbar and Xaldin (who did no work, whatsoever) ate like pigs! Larxene was lucky to even get a scrap of food, and Luxord just sort of pushed his peas around on his plate. Vexen spouted off random scientific things about how eating quickly was bad for your spleen, and Demyx sung David Bowie tunes in his head. Xenmas devoured most of the potatoes, because he loved potatoes.
"I'd fancy going on an Easter Egg hunt, I do say, chaps!" shouted Luxord, suddenly. He wanted to count Easter Eggs! Luxord loved counting! Everyone looked at him, Xaldin with a piece of chicken and Larxene's spoon hanging out of his mouth, and Marluxia, who was in the middle of getting jacked off under the table by Axel.
"Oh, I'll go hide eggs!" shouted Lexaeus, running off. Unfortunately, his leash held him back and he fell to the floor with a rather large bang. Actually, the chandelier fell down and quickly ended Zexion's miserable, emo life.
Luckily, Vexen had some high-potions, and he managed to revive Zexion, who collapsed crying and screaming 'Why me?' Axel, Xigbar and Marluxia took Lexaeus to hide eggs, while the rest of the Organization stared at the one pie that Larxene had made, wondering who would get to eat it.
Unfortunately for everyone else, it was Larxene, because she made it.
Eventually, Axel, Xigbar, Marluxia and Lexaeus came back. "Okay, we hid the eggs! They're hidden really hard!" said Xigbar, crossing his arms. Of course, they weren't, because Lexaeus cried every time they tried to put one in a high place.
A pie-faced Larxene yelled happily, taking Roxas by the arm and dragging him off. They all went off in their own little groups, and the search went on for a few hours.
Finally, Xaldin opened the biggest door, to find…
Saix in a bunny suit. What the fuck.
Xaldin screamed like a little girl as Saix enveloped him in a hug. "HAPPY EASTER!" screamed the blue-haired man, nuzzling Xaldin's chest. All of the other members of the Organization gathered around, Demyx grinning like a moron.
"So, that's where he's been all day," said the musician, feeling Axel's ass as he said so. He had to bat Roxas's hand away from the cheek he was protecting, and he was damned if he wasn't going to protect his territory.
"Hmm…" said Axel, thoughtfully. "What should we do now?"
Fortunately, it was Lexaeus who spoke.
And that, is precisely what Organization XIII did.