secrets too profound
dangers behind every shadow
wanting my being for their own wishes
like a toy,
like a nothing
whispers in my ears
i will not be saved,
i will not be helped
no one will come,
no one cares for me
pondered and played with
all dignity ripped away
torn, like my clothing on the floor
he likes it when i scream
for a savior, a hero, my mother
but nights go on
i'm locked away,
when not in use
his filthy poison within my being
why must i suffer so?
my blood he licks from my mouth, my neck
my stomach, my...
i want to leave
i will even shed tears to be free again
anyone, please, free me from my enslavement
hands go, where i wish them not
tongues go, where i wish them not
completely exposed as the plaything i am
may my torturous life be no one else's
i will live with my pain,
tell no one
protect everyone, protect myself
protect my brother
he, of all people, must NEVER know of this
from my mouth, or another like my wrong doer
my salty tears, horrid screams, crimson blood, shaking being, broken pride.
my freedom in two forms, a knight in iron, a sword so swift or my heartbeat still and cold, my mind adrift.
Inuyasha stares blankly at his brother's journal he happen to come across. Sesshomaru lays still a few feet away, his breathing even and calm in sleep. He looks around the dimly lit campsite. Shippo and Rin twitch in their dreams of something pleasurable that Inuyasha can see. The rest of his friends lay sleeping too. Inuyasha returned his sights to his brother, he resembled a child, now that he thought about it. The question arose in his mind after a while of watching his brother's rest, why was Sesshomaru such a cold hearted bastard? The urge became to strong and Inuyasha reached his hand over and removed the silky hair from his brother's pallid face. Causing him to stur and then awaken. "What are you doing?" his hushed voice questioned, noticing the unusual look apon his face, Sesshomaru glanced down to the leather-bound book by Inuyasha feet. A glare arose on his face, as he sat up straighter.
"Do you always seek around in others' belongings when they lay unconscious, little brother?" He glanced at the group, not wanting them to hear.
With a battle against Naraku underway, the brothers had, as usual, fought amongst themselves as to who would be Naraku's undoing. Their uproar had opened doors for the shrewd demon to unleash an attack on the both of them. But, at the last minute,
Sesshomaru had called Inuyasha a nuisance and shoved him out of the danger's path,
receiving the branch like arm through his chest, dangerously close th his heart. He fell to the blood stained ground, and did not proceed to arise. Inuyasha, now feeling that his brother was out of the way continued on Naraku's pursuit. The Windscar attack, once again , had forced Naraku to retreat for safety. Upon complaining how his foe ran like a coward, Inuyasha's companions continued to notice how Sesshomaru still refused to awaken. The horrid screams of the little girl, the annoying begs from the imph for their master to wake, along with the nagging from the teenager, coerced Inuyasha to throw his half dead brother over his shoulder and provide medical help for him outside the old castle's walls. They stopped in a clearing where Kagome tended to the wounds and later that night they all slept, all save Inuyasha who glared intensely at the defenseless being in front of him. His observing aloud him to notice the journal, not known at the time,
underneath that of Sesshomaru's armor.
"Did you write this?" Inuyasha responded, opening to the one and only page he had read. Sesshomaru did not remove gaze from Inuyasha'a eyes.
"This book belongs to me, all of its contents are that of my own," He finally looks down to his tattered and blood soaked kimono, as well as the bandideges that hugged his chest.
"I did not need your assistance, I would have recovered myself," Sesshomaru attempted to stand, but whinced in pain and sat back down.
"That's some way to be grateful," Inuyasha was close to a shout, Kagome stirred, turned to her side then fell back asleep. Sesshomaru and Inuyasha watching her the whole time,
not wanting her awake at the moment. When she had settle, Inuyasha leaned back and placed his hands in his kimono sleeves, Sesshomaru also leaned back against a tree, he took a deep breath, struggling with the pain it caused. Both sat there quietly.
"I don't understand it," Inuyasha eventually spoke, a hint of annoyance in his voice. Sesshomaru simply glanced over to him then returned his gaze forward and replying.
"You don't understand what?"
"And I don't like it, either," he spat even more aroused and slammed his palm to the ground in front of him. Tempered by not being answered, Sesshomaru sent a cold glare at the half demon. "The poem, or whatever it was you wrote, I don't understand it and I don't like it when I can't understand something,"
Sesshomaru's eyes widen a second with surprise as to which of his pieces Inuyasha was referring to. He smirked at Inuyasha's childish remark then faced forward with a sad gaze to the forest floor.
"Huh?" Inuyasha cocked his ears, tilted his head and stared wide eyed and questionably at Sesshomaru, who's hand gripped tightly to his pant leg.
"Read it to me," Was at last his calm response.
"Ah, sure," Inuyasha held the book in both hands and resited it, shortly pausing every line,
speaking softly so as not to disturb his exhausted comrades.
"What is there not to understand, Inuyasha?"
"If you wrote it does that mean you were tortured?"
Sesshomaru was quiet for a second, "It was worse than torture," His exprssion was one of surreal anguish, and as if tears would erupt from his golden eyes.
"Wait, how can something be worse than torture? That doesn't make sence. What did he do that was so terrible?" Sesshomaru glared intencly at Inuyasha.
"You are too juvenile for words," Sesshomaru turned away, not wanting to even look at the idiot he knew to be his younger brother. Inuyasha clenched his fist and shock it furiously, 'who's he calling juvenile?' he fumed until becoming aware that Sesshomaru whinced his eyes closed and had wrapped his arms around his torso. His being was shaking to such a degree that Inuyasha became concerned. He slid closer to Sesshomaru,
hovering his hands over his brother.
"Hey, stop that," He command, nervously, not knowing what was happening.
"You really don't understand?" he opened his eyes slitly, pain still read in them.
"Who's 'he' and what he do?" Inuyasha sat back waiting for the answer, which surprisingly to him, did come.
"His name was Kyado, he had claimed to be my friend when I was a child. After knowing him for five years, he shackled me and I was kept in a cold, dark dungeon, when not in use,"
"Use?" Inuyasha tilted his head in annoyance. Sesshomaru sighed.
"He used me," Sesshomaru paused and looked soully at his brother, "Forced himself on me, in another word, raped me,"
Inuyasha threw himself backwards and scooted away, shock and horror easily read in his expression. Sesshomaru retreeved his journal and held it lightly in his hands.
"I wished never to tell you, 'protect my brother, he, of all people, must NEVER know of this, from my mouth.' And I PRAY that such a fate will never come to you, 'or another like my wrong doer,'" he read the lines aloud, then closed the book and looked at Inuyasha, who glared at the ground to his right. Sesshomaru turned away and stared at the book in his lap.
"I'm sorry," He heard Inuyasha say and looked back up. Inuyasha seemed as though he was going to cry. His eyes were hidden by his bangs as he stood up and walked up next to his injuried brother. Inuyasha kneeled down and rested his chin softly atop of Sesshomaru's head, who became starled as to what his brother was doing, but did nothing to stop it. Inuyasha continued his action by pulling Sesshomaru's being closer to his own until Sesshomaru's head rested warmly against his chest. Inuyasha's small and loss embrace could have easily been fought off by even the weakest of victims at this time, but only if they wanted to. Sesshomaru closed his eyes and leaned in to the warm, protective figure of his younger brother, who wrapped his one arm around Sesshomaru's shoulder and his other held softly acrossed his ear and neck. Sesshomaru fell asleep as Inuyasha layed him down onto his lap and stroked his hair out of Sesshomaru's face once agian.