Disclaimer: I own nothing.

AN: I'm going to number the movies and tell you which one it is at the bottom so you can guess.

Warnings: possible movie spoilers and excessive use of the word 'suddenly'


Koji and Sideburn are seen running from a hoard of dead people.

"Do they ever stop!" Sideburn yelled.

Suddenly a whole wave of the undead rose up and covered Sideburn. Koji was rescued by a woman with a lot of firepower, very little clothing, and a really cool motorcycle.

"Damnit" Sideburn yelled from beneath the hoard wishing he could see the lady.


Sideburn suddenly finds himself to be three feet tall and wielding an ax against an army of orcs. "Wait a second. Where's Koji?"

Elsewhere, Koji is now six foot tall with long blond hair. He is shooting an endless supply of arrows killing thousands of orcs and a really freaky looking elephant.

When he finally reaches where Sideburn is he finds the 'Bot facing off against a field mouse. The field mouse trips Sideburn and then escapes.


All that is seen is a set of elegant wooden doors. Suddenly they slam open and Koji is thrown out, sliding across the hardwood floor. When he comes to a stop you notice that his hair and clothes have icicles hanging off them.

"Are you ok?" Sideburn asks, standing over him.

"Yeah, but that's the last time I agree to free a magical land from a century of tyranny" Koji grunts.


Koji watches as Sideburn goes by on water-skis. "I wonder if I should have told him which movie this was before he got in the water".

"Oh well" Koji said walking by a huge sign that said "Sea World"


Koji and Sideburn are canoeing. "This seems strangely safe" Koji commented.

"We had to get lucky some time" Sideburn said happily paddling. "Oooh, look! Rednecks with banjos!" Sideburn pointed to two men on the shore.

Koji looks over getting a strange feeling of dread. "Uhh… Sideburn?"


"What's the name of this river?"

"It's called the Cahulawassee River" Sideburn told him.

"Oh hell no" Koji yelled paddling faster.


Sideburn is seen swimming in what appears to be an indoor pool. Koji and a bunch of people in wetsuits stare at him with wide eyes.

"Is he actually swimming in the shark tank?" a woman with a crappy accent asked.

"No. He's not swimming in the tank. Also, that damn shark did not eat my bird" the guy in a chef suit said. "Speaking of which, I need to go blow the bastard to kingdom come" the chef says walking out.


Koji and Sideburn are now on a desert planet with three suns. Suddenly a half destroyed ship streaks by overhead.

"Uhh… Sideburn. We might want to build a campfire," Koji suggested, realizing which movie they were in.

"It's steaming out here! We don't need more heat and light," Sideburn complained.

"Fine, but once it gets dark you don't get to be anywhere near the fire"

"Fine with me" Sideburn huffed.

Five Hours Later…

"But Kojiii" Sideburn whined.'

"I said no" Koji said sitting next to the roaring fire.

"But it's scratching my paint job" Sideburn complained pointing at the flying hammerhead like creature that was pecking him.


Two Hours Later…

A dirty, disheveled man ran into Koji's camp. "You!" he yelled pointing at Koji. "Are you a girl in disguise?"

Koji stared at the man like he lost his mind.

"If you are then I can sacrifice you to the monsters in exchange for my life! HEHEHHAHAHAHAHHA" the man broke down into hysterical laughter.



"You can come into the light if you kill him"



"Die you insolent little heretic!" a man with a lot of armor yelled punching Koji. Koji took the punch and threw on back before grabbing a spear.

"Shouldn't Riddick be doing this?" a very pale girl in a gothic looking cloak asked.

"Do you really want to see this army at the will of a lone outlaw?" an old woman dressed completely the opposite of the girl (she's dressed head to toe in white), asked.

"What's wrong with me having an army at my command?" a bald guy with goggles asked.

"What's not wrong with it?" the girl asked.

"You know that if anybody else said that they'd be bleeding on the ground, right?" the bald man asked.

"Is that what happened to Johns?" the girl asked.

Sideburn, who was standing behind them, laughed nervously. "Johns, hehe. Didn't he get eaten by the monsters?"

"No he wander into somebody's camp but we never heard from him again though" the bald man said.

"THE LORD MARSHALL IS DEAD!" some weird guy cries out.

"YOU KEEP WHAT YOU KILL!" everyone shouts.

"Huh?" Koji asked, putting down his now bloody spear.

"You are now their King" the lady in white said.



An army of robots is now destroying humanity.

"Well this is interesting" Sideburn says overlooking the death and destruction.

"I know. For some reason I'm tempted to say 'Somehow I told ya so just don't cut it'" Koji said.



Koji's being attacked by a clown/spider monster named Pennywise.

Sideburn is watching a puppet show.


"Promise me you'll never let go" Sideburn begged the red Model T (despite the fact that the Model T only came in black)

"Sideburn. That thing's old enough to be your grand-creator" Koji said while huddling with two other people on a slab of wooden paneling that was floating in the ocean.

"It doesn't matter! True love can even cross the barriers of time" Sideburn said dramatically.

"I think the cold has done something to your friend's mind" the young man that was holding on to a red haired young woman said.

"No he's always been this way" Koji sighed.

"You have my deepest sympathies then" the red head said through chattering teeth.


"Ack!" Koji covers his eyes as hundreds of Scotsman moon the enemy army. "Sideburn get us the hell home before I'm scarred for life!" he ordered.

"Fine" Sideburn sighed pressing the button that would take them home.

List of movies

1) Resident Evil: Apocalypse

2) Lord of the Rings: Return of the King

3) Narnia

4) Jaws 3

5) Deliverance

6)Deep Blue Sea

7)Pitch Black

8) Chronicles of Riddick

9) I robot

10) IT

11) Titanic

12) Brave Heart