Something in Your Eyes (Feels Like Home)
Summary: Lily and James have known each other since day one of Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, but have never been on even remotely friendly terms. Now in their seventh year, they've finally broken the barrier between them, and become two close friends. In a desperate attempt, James decides to give his hope of loving Lily a final chance... Now it's simply up to her.
Extremely fluffy, extremely cliche, if you don't like that sort of stuff please keep it to yourself.
Rated M : sexual/mature content
NEW NOTE ((PLEASE READ)) -- I'd like to take a brief moment to point something out about my one-shot fanfics. These are all moments taken out of context of a bigger story which I try to hint at within the work (in this case also in the summary). I don't write one-shots just to have an excuse to write a sex/kissing scene. To me, the purpose of a true one-shot story is to take a very specific moment in time that holds significance to very specific characters.
With that said, this piece is to be taken as if from a bigger story in which Lily and James have been struggling with how their friendship, and ultimately romantic relationship, has been developing. This is the moment that everything fully comes together.
"And now to open the ball, I would like to invite the Head Boy and Head Girl to please proceed to the dance floor for the first dance," Dumbledore announced, stepping aside from the dance floor.
James' hand instinctively went to his hair as he caught Lily's gaze from across the room. He could feel his nerves kick in and had to catch his breath as he watched her walk onto the dance floor.
She was an angel. Her dress of deep emerald green was elegantly flowing behind her, and she wore a single white lily in her pulled up hair; small tendrils hung down framing her face, making her even more stunning.
They had come so far since their first year. James had always been somewhat infatuated by her, but she had never seemed to take interest. In fact, she mostly acted as if she hated everything about him...
Something had changed in this final year, however. They were friends. And though James would have loved to say that was enough for him, he was desperately finding that he needed something more from her.
He felt someone nudge his arm and turned to find Sirius looking at him funnily.
"Well, get out there," Sirius said pushing James out onto the dance floor with a knowing grin.
James then realized that Lily had long ago reached the center and was now patiently waiting for him to join her. He made his way toward her, letting his eyes linger on hers for a moment before taking a small bow. Lily curtsied.
He reached his hand out for her to take just before wrapping his free arm around her small waist, pulling her body close to his. James' breathing quickened as he felt the warmth of her next to him. She felt perfect in his arms. They both waited, staring at one another. James gave her a small, but meaningful, smile.
And finally the music started.
Lily couldn't brush off the emotions flowing throughout her body as James's strong, toned arms remained wrapped around her. She let out a long shaky breath as they began to dance. Closing her eyes she took another deep breath, intoxicating herself with his wonderful scent.
Her eyes flew open to find a pair of soft hazel ones staring back at her. James had whispered her name so softly, so lovingly, she wanted nothing more than to pull him toward her and kiss him right there in front of everybody.
"Yes?" She replied softly as they continued to sway to the music.
"You alright?" James asked.
How could she answer that? And least of all to James Potter! She didn't even know if she really was alright. She couldn't see how wanting to stay like this with James forever was alright.
"…fine," she ended rather lamely, feeling James' eyes still upon her.
James nodded his head mutely before rotating their bodies so they had now switched positions. It was only then that he noticed the other couples now scattered about the dance floor.
His grip tightened on Lily, and he pulled her closer to him. He could hear her breathing become uneven and felt his own do the same. He let out a soft sigh as Lily leaned her head on his shoulder. Her breath against his neck caused chills to race down his spine. He leaned his head slightly against hers, taking their entwined hands and placing hers around his neck before moving his now free hand to her waist.
"Lily?" James asked as before.
Lily didn't move her head from him and waited for him to continue.
"Will you go out with me?" James whispered softly into her ear.
Lily came to a stop and took time to lean back from James letting her hands move away from his neck and rest lightly on his chest.
James waited, his breath held fast, hoping that she'd realize how much he needed to be with her. That he had grown out of his school-boy crush and had unknowingly succumbed to something much more than that. He needed to be with her. To love her. To share his feelings with her and have them returned.
Lily remained silent. Maybe she hadn't noticed…
"I mean… you don't have to. I just.."
"James," Lily attempted to cut him off, but he held his hand up to stop her.
"No- No Lily. Let me get this out…" His eyes were set firmly on hers and he desperately fought to keep his intense gaze upon her. "You mean so much to me. And for the past six years I've had to go through life knowing that you didn't want anything to do with me." He reached up pulling her hands from him but not letting them go as Lily had thought he would. "But I can't go on like this anymore Lils. I've changed. For you. I'm not just a silly fourth year boy chasing after a beautiful girl."
Lily's cheeks turned a slight shade of pink, and James couldn't help but smile at her innocence. She looked gorgeous.
"It's true. You mean so much to me, and by finally becoming friends this year… it's just become too much. I can't deal with being around you if I can't have all of you." James hesitated watching for a reaction from Lily who had remained silent all the while. "I just need you to know that," He said moving backward causing her hands to slip from his grasp. He instantly felt alone as the warmth left him. "That's all…" He added softly, turning away.
Lily stood shocked as James walked away from her. What was she doing? She knew that James was showing his true self. The James she had always loved and cared for. The James that she would give anything to be with. And she was allowing him to simply walk out of her life?
"James!" She called suddenly rushing forward and grabbing him by the arm. "Wait."
James turned toward her. She saw the hurt in his eyes; he wasn't even attempting to cover it up. He had come too far to care if she saw. What Lily realized was that she had caused all that pain. She was responsible for the messiness of the person's life standing in front of her, but she could fix it. She would fix it. For James and for herself. She'd give it all up to be with the person she couldn't stand to be without.
"Yes," She said. James looked at her confused.
"What do you mean 'yes'?" He asked stepping toward her. She hit him lightly on the arm, and he smiled at her.
"I mean... yes I will go out with you," She elaborated watching as his expression broke into a wide grin.
"I was hoping you'd say that," James replied moving even closer to Lily.
He reached his hand out to her as he had done earlier, and she took it happily as she pulled him toward her. Neither of them noticed the song had just ended and a faster one had begun. James pulled her flush against him and leaned his head down slightly so his face was next to hers.
Lily smiled as he kissed the base of her neck softly before resting his head against her again. Her whole body was on fire as she was pressed tightly against James. And she loved every bit of it. She loved being with him like this. She loved everything about him.
James pulled away from her slightly and smiled.
"What?" she asked returning the gesture.
"Nothing," He replied nonchalantly, "I'm just happy."
"Me too," Lily replied as they swayed together, wrapped in one another's arms. "You probably won't believe me, but I've wanted this for a long time." Lily could feel the heat in her cheeks rise, and she knew she was blushing. James loved when she blushed. It showed that there was a side of her she thought he wouldn't figure out. He smiled at her softly and pressed gently on her lower back, his knees bumping hers, as they seemed to slow in their movements.
"How long exactly?" He asked, his face lingering close to hers.
"Since I first met you," Lily whispered feeling short of breath from their closeness.
James laughed softly, "I believe you."
Lily felt the words on his lips as he pressed his lightly to hers. She inhaled sharply at the new feeling. It was a new feeling. She took charge and deepened the kiss quickly, letting her tongue nudge his lips apart and enter his mouth as she emitted a soft moan.
James moved his hands up her back pushing her closer to him, savoring the feeling of kissing her. Lily's arms were wrapped tightly around his neck, and she gently reached her hand up to his hair, running her fingers through it's softness. James moaned into her mouth making her knees go weak.
He pulled away quickly staring deep into her eyes. Lily stared back, vaguely noticing the darkened color of his eyes. They were full of desire. Lust. In the past this simple look would have sent her over the edge, and she would have exploded like a human time bomb about how he should 'stop staring at her as if she were a piece of meat'. But there was no way in the world Lily Evans could deny she wasn't feeling the same things he was. She wanted James. She needed James.
"Let's go somewhere," James whispered into her ear as his hands ran down her arms, and he entwined his fingers in hers. Lily let out a raggedy breath as she nodded her head, unable and unwilling to speak.
James pulled her by the hand out of the Great hall and through a number of corridors. At first, Lily had thought they were heading for the Gryffindor common room, but James suddenly turned the opposite direction down the fifth floor corridor.
"Where are we going James?" She asked breathily as she hurried to keep up with him.
"You'll see. Just follow me," He said just as out of breath as she. Lily could feel her nerves kicking in as James slowed. She was anxious for what was to come. Her entire body was tingling from the sensation of being alone with James somewhere, and she couldn't wait.
"Here." James stopped in front of a tapestry depicting the Hogwart's shield on it.
"Where exactly is here?" Lily asked.
"It's the Head Common Room," James explained.
"Oh," she said surprised. "I completely forgot we had one."
"So did I until just now," James said leaning closer to her, kissing her quickly on the lips before turning back to the tapestry. "Wobbledobbs."
The tapestry draped itself to the side, and an open door appeared behind it. James reached for Lily's hand and pulled her inside after him.
Lily gasped when she walked through the door. "I didn't know this place was so nice!"
It was almost a replica of the Gryffindor Common Room only scaled down some. The curtains over the windows were made of scarlet silk, and the armchairs looked more comfy than the ones in the main Common Room. Lily walked over to one and took a seat, closing her eyes as she felt her body relax into its softness.
James walked over to where she was, kneeling down in front of her and taking her hands in his.
"Are you happy?" He asked softly, his eyes giving away his hopefulness.
"Very much," Lily replied leaning in toward him. His lips met hers halfway, and he moaned as Lily pulled him closer. He rested his hands on the arms of the chair as Lily's hands ran up to his hair, running through it gently. Lily nudged her tongue against his lips, and he immediately responded, moving one of his hands from the chair and letting it run up Lily's arm. It came to a stop on her shoulder, and he stroked her gently causing something deep inside of Lily to stir in anticipation.
"Let's go to the bedroom, James," She said breathily pulling away from him momentarily before bringing them back together.
James began to stand up pulling Lily with him, making sure to not break their kiss. He backed them up until he felt the doorknob to the bedroom behind him. He fumbled for a couple seconds, (his brain didn't seem to be functioning very well), and finally got the door open.
He pulled away from Lily and clasped her hand in his leading her over to the bed.
"Lay down," he said softly, his eyes full of desire. Lily did as she was told and looked up at him. She was vaguely surprised that she wasn't nervous at all. She knew that she wanted this with James. She wanted everything with James.
James sat on the edge of the bed, and Lily turned up on her side, leaning on her elbow. She reached for his hand and began to play with his fingers gently. "What's wrong?"
James looked at her for a moment before turning away. "I don't want you to think this is the only thing I'm looking for from you," he said quietly.
Lily sat up and shifted so she was sitting next to him.
"I don't think that at all, James," She said softly, leaning her forehead against his, taking both of his hands in hers. "I never would."
"This is so surreal," James said reaching up and cupping her face in his hands. "You have no idea how wonderful it feels to finally be with you." He laughed softly, and Lily smiled at him.
"I do because it's the same thing I feel being with you," she said kissing him gently.
"Are you sure this is what you want to do?" Lily asked looking into James' dark eyes.
James actually laughed. "I'm supposed to ask you if you're sure about this," he replied kissing her softly. "And then whisper loving words into your ears and reassure you it's for real." He smiled broadly at her. "And then any form of doubt that you have is supposed to leave your mind."
"I already know what I want," Lily stated, "and I'm asking you," -she leaned closer to him- "if that's what you want."
"More than anything," James replied. He closed the small gap between them, immediately consuming them both in a deep kiss. James gently pushed Lily back onto the bed, his lips moving slowly against hers.
They broke apart minutes later, both breathing heavily. James rested his forehead against Lily's. He brought her hand up to his lips, kissing it softly.
"Make love to me, James," Lily whispered, her eyes still closed. James watched her closely, his hair falling lightly into his eyes.
Lily opened her eyes, locking their gazes. James nodded his head, not taking his eyes off of her when he leaned down to her, kissing her soundly.
Lily reached for the buttons on his dress robes and began to unbutton them slowly. James shrugged out of the robes as he kept as much contact as possible with Lily.
Lily lifted herself slightly from the bed as James reached behind her untying the backside of her dress. He slowly began to bring her dress up, finally pulling it over her head with Lily's help. He only glanced at her momentarily before bringing his mouth back to hers in a heated kiss.
Lily fumbled with the buttons on James's pants, and quickly pushed them down over his hips. He kicked them off, pulling his boxers off with them.
Lily ran her hands up his bare chest, finally wrapping them around his neck as she pulled him back to her. It wasn't long before James had discarded Lily's undergarments, his hands roaming her body freely.
Lily suddenly felt her nerves hit. She had never gone this far with anyone, and even though she wanted it, she couldn't avoid the feeling of uneasiness.
James seemed to sense her anxiety and stopped everything he was doing. He rested his cheek next to hers.
"It's ok," he whispered into her ear. "I'm nervous too." Lily nodded her head, her hands grasping his hair.
He kissed her ear softly, then her cheek, her forehead, her nose, then finally her lips. He positioned himself above her, and he gave her a final look which Lily equally returned letting him now she was ready.
"Oh, and Lily?" James was so close she could feel his lips move against hers as he spoke.
James entered her slowly, and Lily clasped onto his shoulder as she felt pain surge through her body. He dropped his head onto her shoulder, not moving; waiting for her to be ready.
After the pain began to subside, Lily began to slowly move her hips, signaling to James to keep going. He began to move against her, and Lily groaned deeply. She raised her head slightly, bringing her mouth to James' in a hot, and passionate kiss.
James moved faster against her, his mind seeming to draw blank at the pure bliss of being inside Lily.
"Fuck," Lily groaned loudly, breathing in short and gasping breaths. "James."
James continued to increase his pace, Lily moving perfectly with him, meeting him with every thrust.
"Lily," James moaned kissing her heatedly, knowing he wouldn't be able to hold on much longer.
Lily could feel him tense within her, bringing her to the edge only moments later. They stopped moving.
James rested his head against Lily's shoulder as he tried to catch his breath.
"Merlin," James breathed against her, kissing her shoulder.
"Yeah," Lily breathed out heavily. Her chest rose and fell rapidly for the next few moments before dying down.
James finally pulled away, lying down beside her. He took her hand in his and turned onto his side, his free hand resting on Lily's stomach.
"That was amazing, Lily," he said softly, smiling broadly..
Lily nodded her head in agreement returning the gesture.
"Have you ever been with anyone else?" She asked timidly.
"No," he replied. "Have you?"
"Good." James flipped onto his back, closing his eyes, a smirk on his face.
Lily giggled softly, "What are you smiling about?"
"I'm trying to imagine what that would be like in the shower," he replied smiling wider.
Lily threw a pillow at him. His eyes flew open and he quickly moved toward her, pulling her against him as she attempted to scramble away.
Lily cursed his Quidditch reflexes; he was too fast for her.
"I can only imagine what it would be like to rub you down with soap," he said wrapping his arms around her from behind and pulling her back toward him.
Lily relaxed in his arms and shifted so she was facing James and could rest her head on his chest. His fingers automatically went to her long vibrant red hair and began to run through it.
They fell into a comfortable silence, listening to the other breath. James kept running his fingers through her hair, letting the soft strands run in-between them. Lily closed her eyes, wrapping her arms around James tightly. They stayed the way they were for a long time, both enjoying the quietness and presence of the other.
James's strokes slowed down before he rested his hand on the very upper part of her arm. Lily sensed him thinking and opened her eyes. They were still silent.
Then James spoke so softly Lily almost didn't hear him.
"I love you Lily."
She remained quiet and closed her eyes again as James began to run his fingers through her hair once again.
"I love you too James," She whispered snuggling closer to him. He kissed the top of her head, and they once again fell into the ease of silence that only they could have with each other…