Title: This Happens Far Too Often
Genre: Humor, Action/Adventure
Disclaimer: Lord of the Rings is the unequivocal property of J.R.R. Tolkien
Summary: Just a few things that happen far too often to a certain elf and ranger. Sequel to and based on Does This Happen Often?
Dedication: To everyone who encouraged me to write about "the list".
Author's Note: I know...I only posted A Rather Long Sequel this morning but...I was depressed, okay? I needed something else that was funny, so I wrote this. Anyway, this is based on the list in Does This Happen Often? Check for a coordinating forum under my username later this week (I'll explain in the forum).
Some ideas in later chapters were suggested by Kelsey Estel. You can check out her additions to the list in her review of Does This Happen Often?
"It's only a little one!"
"It's not that deep!"
"But your father—"
"It's not a cave!"
Aragorn chuckled. "You're being stubborn again," he said in a warning tone.
Legolas shook his head. "I am content to sleep outside, Estel. You are the stubborn one."
"Legolas, it's raining!"
The elf pulled his head lower across his face. "I like the rain."
"It's just a cave!"
"'Just' a cave?" Legolas asked, accidentally flipping his hood back and letting a long stream of water down the back of his cloak. "And I suppose a warg is 'just' a wolf."
"But you live in your father's palace," Aragorn said. "And while you say that isn't a cave, it is still deep within a mountain."
"That is different."
Legolas huffed, trying to maintain some dignity while wet blond hair clung to his face. Luckily, Aragorn wasn't faring much better. "It is my home, and it is not a cave."
Aragorn shook his head. "You're still being stubborn...it will be safer in the cave than out here."
The elf sighed in frustration. "Then you can sleep in the cave. I will sleep in a tree."
With most inconvenient timing, lightning struck a tree not too far away, the cracking thunder that accompanied it almost enough to deafen Legolas and Aragorn.
"That's it, we're going into the cave," Aragorn said, grabbing Legolas by the arm and pulling him into the cave.
For once, the elf didn't protest, ears still ringing from the lightning strike.
"See? It isn't so bad in here," Aragorn said calmly, digging in his pack for his flint. He found a few dry branches and struck a blaze, lighting up the cave so that they could see.
Legolas had to concede that it was so. The cave was fairly shallow, more of an overhang under the mountain than anything. He pulled off his cloak and wrung it out while he stood near the entrance, watching the rain fall.
"I don't see why you hate caves," Aragorn commented, sitting by the small fire. "There is nothing here that could harm you."
Legolas rolled his eyes, coming to sit beside Aragorn. "No, nothing," he replied sarcastically. "Other than orcs."
"There are no orcs in this cave."
The elf speared the ranger with a pointed look. "This cave," he muttered.
Aragorn winced visibly as another peal of thunder shook the small cave. "It's better than being out there," he retorted, pointing outside. "You'd catch your death of cold."
Legolas opened his mouth to protest that, as an elf, he could not, but before he could speak the thunder seemed to echo around their small cave with almost deafening noise. He winced, fighting the urge to cover his ears. It was so loud that the walls themselves were vibrating.
It seemed rather long for a peal of thunder. He glanced at Aragorn in concern, eyes widening as realization dawned.
"Avalanche!" Aragorn yelled, grabbing Legolas by the wrist and pulling him farther into the cave, pressing both of them against the rock wall at the back.
Legolas closed his eyes as the side of the mountain crumbled. Every moment he expected their cave to collapse inward, crushing both of them. Small rocks pinged against their backs, followed by a few larger stones.
Finally, the roar of the rockslide seemed to cease. Elf and ranger hesitated, slowly turning around.
It was dark in the cave, though there seemed to be a tiny crack near the top that let in a speck of light and a little air. Aragorn could see nothing, but Legolas could barely see around the cave.
"Aragorn," he said calmly, crossing his arms and glaring at the man, knowing his friend could probably feel the venom in the elf's gaze. "When you heard the avalanche, what possessed you to run deeper into the cave?"
In the darkness he saw Aragorn's eyes widen, and the man swallowed. He did not answer for a moment, as though searching for some comeback to the elf's accusation. "Perhaps you are right, Legolas," the ranger said after a few moments, his voice quaking in either mirth or fear. "Perhaps we should just avoid caves from now on."
"Indeed," the elf replied with a hint of sarcasm. He shook his head, turning back to survey the rock pile. It would take several hours to dig their way out of the cave, and then they would still have to fight the rain to continue their journey. "I believe this happens far too often," he muttered.
Aragorn caught his words, and chuckled slightly. "I believe it does."
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