Hi I'm BlackShadowedAssassin and this is my third fic. Hope you'll enjoy.

Disclaimer- I don't own Dynasty Warriors.

Genre: Action/ Humor


I am Zhao Yun, detective of Chinatown and a bad ass in ancient times. You may know me as karate chopping, heart piercing warrior that likes his tuna fish cold, but things have changed now. My whole status is all about justice, nerves of steel, and kicking nasty ass from the streets. Don't get me wrong, I still like my tuna fish cold. I have worked for Yuan Shou in his mall as security. I can say that the job was alright, but I had to put up with these dumbass, bickering kids; I had to be a janitor once a week with those damned messes. Besides, Yuan Shou didn't care about the dreams I had. I thought that the job would lead me to becoming an agent, but it wasn't any good. When I was little, I've always wanted to be a cop like Liu Bei, he was like a legend to me, an inspiration. But now I have better dreams; my dreams are to become top a agent, settle down and marry a woman, not only a woman but a bitch with big breast. Well, that's not my full fantasy. I
do like this reporter, Sun Shang Xiang, she's beautiful, funny, strong, attractive, and everything I want in a woman, but only if she was a size bigger, she's perfect! Anyway, days and days gone by, my life is boring, and all I can do is sit at home and eat--

"What the hell! This shit is NASTY," Zhao Yun said allowed, noticing that his tuna fish was warm. Zhuge Liang just entered the office and saw Yun furious. He walked slowly over at the pouting detective.

"Zhao Yun, what seems to be the problem," Zhuge Liang asked.

"You didn't put my tuna in the refrigerator, that's what! This shit is disgusting, didn't I tell your ass that I like my tuna fish cold," Zhao Yun exploded, threw the bundled tuna in Liang's hand.

"Zhao Yun, calm down."

"I will calm down once my tuna fish is cold."

"Alright, take it easy, geesh," Zhuge Liang put the tuna in the fridge and walked out.

"But that is nasty! Is this thing on? OK, back to where I was," Zhao Yun crossed his feet on his desk, continuing the narration.

Anyway, yeah, my life's boring, but the good thing about it is tuna. Oh, right I didn't tell how I really became a detective such as now...two years ago, in 2004. I've put my old foe, Xiahou Dun behind bars, as you know it wasn't my best success in my records,. Xiahou Dun and I were foes since elementary, but let's cut to the chase. One night I found him along with two college students, Jiang Wei and Lu Xun...


Prologue...

Jiang Wei and Lu Xun were locked up at the Target, near the electronics. They've checked every door, and it was locked with surronded tangled chains. "Dammit! We're locked inside," Jiang Wei grunted in frustation. "Guess we'll have to hide out til morning," Lu Xun suggested.

"I like your ideas," Jiang Wei chuckled in complementing Lu Xun.

"Thank you," Lu Xun squeaked in a girly-voice. Wei and Xun were about to walk around, til they recognized a man taking the money out of the cash register. Xiahou Dun shoots the cash register and takes all the money. Jaing Wei and Lu Xun immersed near the displaying statue, scared because he has a 357 magnum. "Oh my GOD! What should we do," Jiang Wei whimpered, guns scare them, and he's sensitive about harsh things.

"Uhh, let's kick his ass," Lu Xun trying to be sarcastic in the situation.

"Are you crazy! We can't fight," he nearly yelled out loud for Xiahou Dun to hear as he slapped Lu Xun in the face for being stupid. He held his cheeks, mouth wide like a circle, not believing that he was just slapped.

"You can't fight!," Lu Xun said as he smacked Jiang Wei, making him cry.

"I can't help it if I'm sensitive," Jiang Wei cried looking at Xun with watery eyes, and it was almost loud enough for Dun to hear.

"Shh! He'll hear us," Lu Xun whispered as he covered Jiang's mouth and they hid behind the statue with a long feathered scarf wrapped around it's neck, hanging alongside Lu Xun's nose, squinched his nose, inhaled deeply and "Aa-choo," he sneezed scared the hell out of Jiang Wei.

"Watch it," he shouted. Xiahou Dun turns around, wondering what that noise was, he thought that he was alone, out of sight.

"Who goes there," he exclaimed. They looked at each other and gasped. As he was coming closer, they were petrified.

"What now," he quivered. Wei bit his lip and began snapping his fingers so he could be come up with a quick solution.

"Uh...uh...let's pose," Wei quickly suggested, unbuckling his pants.

"You crazy, we don't have time for that," Lu Xun whispered.

"Assume in position," Jiang Wei said before he frozed to a ass showing statue as Xun rushly posed with his hands on his hips, both still like the time stopped. Before Dun was going to walk pass, the so called 'statues' caught his eye.

"Hmmm...," he thought, amazed by the so called material, especially the ass showing statue. "I don't recall seeing this before, hmm..., this ass portrait looks awfully real. I gotta take this shit," Xiahou Dun said leaning forward, coming closer to look at Jiang Wei's apple bottoms. Jiang Wei tried his best not to shake or scream, so as he was near his rear, he farted in his face. Lu Xun wanted to laugh so hard and piss in his pants, so he just smirked and held it in.

"My, my, my, it smells real too. I'll take this too," he said as he covered his nose with one hand and took Jiang Wei by the waist with the other hand, which was near his crouch.

"HELP! HELP! MOLESTER," Wei yelled.

"What the hell," he said as he dropped Jiang Wei and Lu Xun jumped on his back graabing his neck and choking him.

"I got him Jiang Wei, I GOT HIM," he yelled still choking Duntil Dun yanked him off and made Liu Xun fall on his back.

"So you were spying on me, eh," Xiahou Dun said in his creepy voice.

"Uh...uh...no bitch. I mean gay bob. I mean no sir," he nearly stuttered.

"Bullshit," he grabbed both of their colars, making the gulp.

"Do you know who I am! I am XIAHOU DUN," he spits.

"Jesus,you don't have to spit on me," Lu Xun said as he wipes the squirt of spit from his face.

"Yeah, show some respect...geez," Jiang Wei said.

"Silence! I will lock you up and no one will save you," he grabbed their colars tighter making them scared.

"That's where you're wrong", a voice appeared. It was Zhao Yun the mall security guard.

"Who are you," Dun trying to block the flashlight from view

"Xiahou Dun," Zhao Yun surprised and recognized him.

"Zhao Yun," Xiahou Dun said quietly.

"Xiahou Dun," Zhao Yun said.

"Zhao Yun," Xiahou Dun said.

"Xiahou Dun, still up to no good huh," Zhao Yun asked.

"Well, still one of those wanna-be heroic people eh," Xiahou Dun taunt.

"That doesn't matter anymore...you're under arrested," Zhao Yun said, Jiang Wei and Lu Xun looking confuse.

"NEVER," Xiahou Dun runs off, Zhao Yun runs after him. Xiahou Dun stops and hears nothing and he runs again, Zhao Yun places a stick on the middle of the floor.

Xiahou Dun was still running wasn't looking where he was giong, "Oh SHIT!...my balls," Dun grunts as he trips over a stick. He tried to get up but Zhao Yun stepped on his buttocks, pointed the 357 magnum to his head.

"Freeze duchebag, you're busted," He tied him up very tightly and left him laid knocked out on the floor. A few moments later he finds Jiang Wei and Lu Xun hiding in the corner. "Excuse me--," he unawarely scared Jiang Wei and Lu Xun.

"Aaah," They screamed.

"Goodness GRACIOUS," Zhao Yun he held his chest from the almost heart attack.

"Don't...ever scare us like that," Lu Xun panted catching his breathe.

"What's your names"

"Yeah...you could of gave me a heart attack! I'm Jiang Wei and this is Lu Xun," Jiang Wei said.

"Hi...Call the cops...," Zhao Yun hollered.

"Are we safe," the retarded Jiang Wei asked

"Call the damn cops," the irritated Zhao Yun yelled. Is this boy stupid or something.

"You heard him jackass," Lu Xun smacked Jiang Wei in the back of the head.

"Ow! Fine...," he said rubbing his painful head.

As he called the cops, they busted in, pointed at the grunting Xiahou. "Break yourself, Xiahou Dun, we've been waiting for you to mess up again," Ma Chao said. Grabbed him and placed him in the car. Xiahou Dun looked outside the window creepingly at Jiang Wei and Lu Xun. Sirens were all around the place Yuan Shou drove up to see what was going on, he got out of the car, mouth wide and gasped. He looked at thecars around the mall andcrime scene tape was all over, incase of triads trying to send terrorist to the mall.He walked over to Zhao Yun "What happend to my beautiful mall, intolerable," he said.

"I caught my old foe harrassing these young fellows," Zhao Yun explained. Liu Bei over heared and walked over.

"I couldnt help overhearing but you bought him in.," Liu Bei said in great interest. Zhao Yun was about to faint as soon as he saw his legend, he was so nervous, he didn't know what to say to him. "Yeah...I mean, yes sir," he said properly. He didn't want Liu Bei to think that he had any self-discipline.

"What's your name," Liu Bei asked.

"Zhao Yun. My name's Zhao Yun," Zhao Yun said yet again properly, he wanted him to remember his name.

"You know, we have records that you captured a total of approximately one hundred and thirteen criminals. Let me ask you something, you want to be a cop," Liu Bei said.

"Well, I'm good at tracking people down. Aw, what the hell, yes I want to be a detective," he said, he was so happy that he wanted to kiss his shoe and call him lord, but that would seem rude.

"Not so fast, you still work for me...," Yuan Shou said, Zhao Yun thought that his dream went back down to the drain til Liu Bei had his say.

"Well that's not execptable, I'm the chief of the Chinatown Precinct and if I say he join me then he joins me," assualted him by coming closer and pointing his finger at Yuan making him gulp. Zhao Yun, meanwhile was amazed at the legendary god.

"Alright fine...," Yuan Shou retreated as he saw Zhao Yun and Liu Bei walking away. He wouldn't want the police to tear the place up."Might as well get Zhang He," he sighed. He then sight Zhang He flirting with someone. "ZHANG HE," he called out.

"Yes boss," Zhang He walked over quickly like something was stuck in his ass.

"You're my new security guard!"

"But I work at the shoe department...and how will I scare them away..."

"You're Gayness can..." Yuan Shou insulted.

"I am not gay...I'm feminine...," Zhang He said flaughting his hair.

"Here's your uniform," Yuan Shou gave him the pale blueuniform that waas folded up neatly, Zhang He frowned up at the color.

"Can I dye it to purple," Zhang He asked.

"Yeah..."

"With some rhyme stones?"

"Whatever.."

"With a pinned flower?"

"This isn't a prom!"

"Please," Zhang He pleaded with dog eyes.

"Whatever you want," Yuan Shou sighed.

"Splending with some nail polish," Zhang He said cheerfully, Yuan Shou getting irritated by his presents.

"Whatever just shut up," he exploded, made He shut up as they walked away.

Meanwhile...they went to the precinct for witnessing

"OK whose the criminal...," Yue Ying said.

#1-Dian Wei

#2-Xiahou Dun

#3-Meng Hou

#4-Xiahou Yuan

#5-Cao Ren

"Are you sure you to squeal," Jiang Wei tilted his head whispering to Lu Xun.

"Hell yeah, he spitted in my face"

"He'll know it was us that tattletaled on him"

"Don't worry, he'd probably think that it was that sercurity guard guy," Lu Xun making things alittle easier for Jiang.

"Whatever you say," Jiang Wei was sweating too badly, making his nerve system worst. He didn't want the thief to eliminate him or his best friend. He was scared of him.

"Come on, choose wisely I don't have all day," Yue Ying tapping her shoes, hands on her hips, waiting. Jiang Wei saw the sweat from his face drop down and splatted on the ground loudly into his mind, he could also hear his own heart beat. He didn't know whether to tell, scream and pass out or just tell a lie. He looked at Lu Xun who was also looking at him worriedly, they nodded at eachother then confessed.

"It was number three," both said.

"Are you sure," Yue Ying trying to get the positive answer.

"He tried to molest me," he whined.

"Yeah, he spitted in my face," Lu Xun added.

"Alright #3"

Zhuge Liang tries pushing him out, but he was too heavy. "I didn't do anything! Get off of me you skinny twig," Meng Hou trying to pull himself away.

"If you can't do the time, don't do the crime, now keep walking so I can save my energy," Zhuge Liang placed his fat arms around his head, Meng growled, which had no affect on him.

"No," Jiang Wei didn't want them to mistakingly point out the wrong guy, or afterwards he'll go after them.

"What is it," they were starting to annoy her.

"It was that Xiahou gagging talking guy," Jiang Wei said.

"Xiahou Yuan, #4," Yue Ying asked confused.

"No the one with the eye patch," Lu Xun pointed at the right person.

"I thought you said #3."

"We thought that the choices were random"

"So we chose #3," Lu Xun said.

"If there's five choices, #3 is always in the middle," She yelled alittle as they took a few steps back with horrified looks on their faces.

"My mistake #2," she spoken on the intercom.

"Ah geesh...," Zhuge Liang didn't want to carry him back to the end.

"Get off of me! I can walk myself back," Meng Hou snatched himself from Liang.

"Alright come on #2," Zhuge Liang sighed and grabbed Xiahou Dun.

"Get your hands off of me," he spits in Zhuge Liag's face

"Stop spitting," Zhuge Liang moved his face on the other side.

"Do you hear me Jiang Wei and Lu Xun, I'm Xiahou Dun," he growled as Zhuge Liang pulls him away and throws him in the jail cell. They just watched him get thrown behind bars, making sure he won't stab Zhuge Liang, and do his dirty work from there.

"Phew, that's a relief," Jiang Wei said as he wipes the sweat from his face and walked out with Lu Xun.

"What would you do if he came after us," he worried himself.

"I don't know and besides, I don't think that's gonna happen," he said now relieved.

"Hey, since this incident passed by, how about we go to Burger King," he asks.

"Are you crazy, my mother's fixing gumbo and I can't miss that," Jiang Wei saids.

"Gumbo has too much spicyness," he frowned. Lu Xun don't want to have the gas in his stomach, he was lactosein tolerance

"She has left over sweet potatoe pie," Jiang Wei said in a low tone, Lu Xun loves pie, more likely from his mother.

"OK, I'll spend a night over your house," Lu Xun said as he grabbed his hand and rushed Jiang out of the building. Zhao Yun was in the Liu Bei's office ready for his training and he saw them exit.

"I'm glad those two are safe," he said worried about the two of them.

"Don't worry they aren't going anywhere," Liu Bei said, happy that someone caught their wanted person. Zhao gave a small chuckle and straightened himself up."So how long is there for me to train," he asked about the first beginnings of his dream.

"For ordinary beginniners, it takes about...ten months, but for you I say about two," Liu Bei answered. He knew that he would finish quickly with the training. Zhao Yun took as few moments to think, did he just say two months? Two months isn't that bad at least he'd be ready. "What makes you say that," he anxiously asked, he wanted to know what he Liu Bei thinks of him.

"Look, I've looked up records of you and for a security guard to catch criminals such as you did, I was thinking 'Should he be at a low rank at where he works?' So since you caught the criminal tonight, I just fiured, he should join us, and as you said you wanted to become a cop, I was thinking 'His dream shall come true, and maybe I should make it happen'. In my eyes I see a man with pride, honor, victorious, and those who stand in the way of virtue, shall fail," as Liu Bei stated his say, Zhao felt bereft, from the praise and from his goddess master.

"Thank you, and may I say that this is the best day of my life. To me, you're like a legend, and a man such as you, I shall remain here to clean out the streets of negativity! I, Zhao Yun at you command," Zhao Yun said.

"OK, Zhao Yun. You start tomorrow" Liu Bei commanded.


...and then I went to the Police Academy. I won't tell you how, it was long as hell, and it was too much complications.Oh, how I knew that Xiahou Dun was robbing the mall? Well, I was in my office, eating my cold tuna, relaxing, and forgotton that I was leftt here. So I was going to leave, til my eye caught the surveillance camera, so I snuck out there and you know the rest. Anywho, I joined Liu Bei, I thought that arresting Dun was a legend first. Now I would eat my tuna, sit back and relax.

Liu Bei busted through the door, bolded as always, another intrusion to Yun's narration. "Zhao Yun," Liu Bei said.

"Liu Bei, what a surprise. What do you need," Zhao Yun said as he got his feet back on the floor, so he won't let Liu Bei see him fooling around, or else he'll earn a suspension.

"Come out and see what's on the news," Liu Bei pleaded. Zhao Yun walked out of the office and saw everyone surrounded by the television.

"What's going on," he asked Ma Chao.

"I don't know but they're about to tell us," he answered. On the television the reporter was Sun Saing Xiang.

"Look there's your dreamgirl Zhao Yun," Pang Tong teases Yun.

"Shut up," he said blushing, then turned his attention back on the television.

News Report

Hello, I'm Sun Shang Xiang,and this is an emergency, Cao Cao's in the hospital due to the injuries that has occured. That's not all, Xiahou Dun, the cousin of Cao Cao, broke out of the San Diego Prencinct.In case you don't know Cao Cao, he's the biggest drug dealer in Los Angeles, he killed innocent citizens, and he's the leader of the Triad Mafia; he's held many drug operations in places that you can least expect. Xiahou Dun's been working for Cao Cao, not with the drug thing, but with the assistance of hosility and the ruler in the north part of Los Angeles. He's up to no good. It appears that Xiahou Dun was going to visit him, we don't know, is that his reason? Will someone please find out? Back to you father.

"DAMN IT, DAMN IT ALL TO HELL," he yelled before stomping off to his office slamming the door. Zhao Yun was so angry that he didn't know else to do. Then someone was knocking on his door.

"Come in," Zhao Yun said, it was Liu Bei.

"Zhao Yun are you okay?"

"No, my chief, it's all my fault"

"No it isn't, if you have anyone to blame, it's me"

"Don't put this on yourself, just tell me one thing, do you know his cause," Zhao Yun asked.

"Well, I don't know. I can't understand criminals," Liu Bei shook his head in shame. Zhao Yun then thought of what Xiahou Dun was trying to do to Lu Xun and Jiang Wei. To come to mind, he'd probably obliberate them, well tried to, if he get to them. He stood there for a few moments and believed what he thought.

"He's probably going after the two fellows, Jiang Wei and Lu Xun. I must warn them," Zhao Yun said headed out the office.

"Wait." Zhao Yun turned to see what Liu Bei was going to say before he left. "Be careful," he said death toned, worriedly.

"Don't worry, Cheif. I won't let you down," he gave a small smile before walking out, Liu Bei gave a chuckle and said to himself,

"Zhao Yun, you're really something..."

At Xiahou Dun's house...

"I have to complete my task to serve under my cousin Cao Cao, and nevertheless go after Jiang Wei and Lu Xun," Xiahou Dun said in a creepy voice, sharpening his pocket knife and putting bullets to his gun and left out of his house unidentified.

To be continued...

Hope you like this story...please review! What do you think's gonna happen next...will Zhao Yun warn Lu and Jiang? Will Dun get to them? I'll update soon. Thanks for reading.

BSA