A/N: Hello and welcome to my third Inuyasha fanfic! I'd like to state straight off that I'm probably not going to be able to update this story that often, and to any readers of "Kagome's New Neighbor": I'm not planning on updating it any time soon. Sorry! Just think of it as on hiatus for an unknown amount of time.
Anyway, back to this story: Between college, work, and laziness I don't know how often I'll be able to update, but when I do, I promise to make them nice long chapters (like this one – 10 pages 1.5-spaced). Um… and before I start to go off on a tangent and ramble on aimlessly, here it is! Please enjoy and review!
Disclaimer: I don't own any of the characters from the Inuyasha series, or the plotline from Shrek.
True Love's First Kiss
Once upon a time there was a lovely priestess, but she had an enchantment upon her of a fearful sort, which could only be broken by love's first kiss. She was locked away in a castle guarded by a terrible fire-breathing dragon. Many brave knights had attempted to free her from this dreadful prison, but none prevailed. She waited in the dragon's keep, in the highest room of the tallest tower, for her true love, and her true love's first kiss.
"Please! What kind of crap is this? You actually think you're gonna sell these!" Inuyasha looked at the old woman skeptically, "God, granny! You've really lost it if you think people are gonna pay money for this shit!"
"Please address me as mam or by my name, Kaede, not 'granny.' And that very well may be, but I shall still try. This Rumiko Takahashi has something worth hearing, so no matter how many times I'm turned away, I'll still try to sell her work."
"Keh, believe what you want, old woman!"
"Good day to you, sir."
"That's right, leave! AND STOP CALLING ME SIR!" Inuyasha turned back into his house and slammed the door behind him, "Stupid woman."
"That's right, 'three million yen for greater youkai such as wolves, dogs, and weather workers.' That's what the sign says."
"So that dirty hanyou is finally worth something, eh? But are you sure they'll fork over the full three million for only a hanyou?"
"We can pass him off as a full youkai, I mean, look at him!"
"Quite right. Well, I'm in, who else is with us?"
"You have me and my pitchfork."
"Aye, anything to finally rid us of that pesky hanyou!"
"Let's go then."
And with that, the village men took off, torches and pitchforks in hand, all headed to Inuyasha's forest. "Be he there?"
"Aye. Shhh, very sensitive ears, that one's got. We mustn't let him hear us."
"Aye," all the village men agreed in whispers.
"Aye, VERY sensitive ears, he's got, then," a voice said behind the villagers, "wouldn't want that Inuyasha to hear you, would you?" As the men turned, their faces were met with that of a grinning hanyou, "Boo."
"YAHHHHH! It's Inuyasha!"
"Run! It's Inuyasha!"
"Keh, stupid humans." Inuyasha looked down at the poster the men had dropped as they fled, "What's this?"
FAIRY TALE CREATURES
"What! God, what'll they think of next?" And with that, the mighty hanyou turned back to his tree house. Two visits in one day were just way too much.
The next morning, the royal guard could be seen collecting every fairy tale creature too weak or noble to resist their capture, and their happy captors walking off with tidy sums.
"Next!" shouted Goshinki, captain of Lord Naraku's royal guard.
"Here, how much for this?" A man with long white hair accompanied by a young girl shoved a small toad-looking think forward.
"Lord Sesshomaru! Please reconsider!" the toad pleaded with the man.
"Filth!" Sesshomaru kicked the toad further toward Goshinki.
"Heehee! Silly Lord Jaken!" the young girl laughed with glee at the pathetic toad's predicament.
"An imp? That'll get you a hundred-thousand yen," Goshinki replied.
"Fair enough, let's go, Rin." Sesshomaru turned to go.
"Bye-bye, Lord Jaken!" Rin smiled and ran off to catch up with Sesshomaru.
Next in line was a man with a long black braid and playfully dangerous red eyes. "Here," he said as he shoved a small boy onto the bartering table, "How much for the fox-child?"
"Hmm…" Captain Goshinki eyed the small kitsune, "Not very powerful, is he? I'd say twenty-thousand, no more."
"Very well," but as the man reached for the money there was a sudden burst of blue fire, and when it had dissipated, the boy was nowhere to be seen.
"What! What sort of con is this! No kitsune, no yen!"
"He MUST be around here somewhere! Look for objects possessing tails!"
Sure enough, not far away was a rock with a fluffy sand-brown tail coming out of it.
"Seize that rock!" roared Captain Goshinki.
At once all the guards lunged for the strange rock only to be thwarted by its disappearance in a burst of blue fire. "Where did it go? Quickly, find it! Search the woods!"
Shippo was in a predicament. He was on his own in the world for the first time in his short life and being hunted down by Lord Naraku's royal guard. Things did not look good. If only my pa were here; he'd know what to do…
SNAP! Now, Shippo most certainly wasn't the brightest crayon in the box, which didn't do much for his run-and-hide skills. So, naturally, after giving away his position by stepping on a rather large twig, he ran out of his hiding place into plain view of Captain Goshinki and all his men.
"There he is! Quickly, seize him!" the said captain commanded.
"WAAAAHHH! SAVE ME!" Anyone who has watched the Inuyasha dub should be familiar with this line of Shippo's. One could even go as far to call it his battle cry. (Not that he went into battle afterwards, but he always seems to say it when he finds himself in the midst of a battle…) Since Shippo wasn't a complete coward, he was able to gather up the courage to run away. (Yes, it takes courage to run away. I know it may sound odd, but picture it like this: a true coward would be so afraid he couldn't even move. See what I mean, now?)
Now, back to Shippo and his running: somehow or another, Shippo managed to stay several feet in front of the guards and the longest their weapons could reach, but things were still not looking up. However, hope was not all lost. Fortunately, (or should we say unfortunately?) Shippo ran head first into a certain white-haired half-demon we all know and, uh, love. Now in any other circumstance, Shippo would have given Inuyasha some crap for being only half a demon, but things being as they were, the little kitsune's first reaction was to hide behind this much-taller-than-he potential savior.
Since the guards weren't very far behind Shippo in the first place, about ten seconds after Shippo disappeared behind Inuyasha's leg, they caught up. "Halt! Who goes!"
"Halt?" Inuyasha had just been interrupted from a very important nap, therefore wasn't in the best of moods, "How am I supposed to halt when I'm not even moving in the first place, you moron!"
"I am Goshinki, captain of Lord Naraku's royal guard, and you, hanyou, are under arrest by decree of Lord Naraku's 'Fairy Tale Creature Relocation Act'. I must ask that you and the kitsune come quietly."
Inuyasha just smiled that wonderful mischievous smile he has for occasions such as this. "You think I'm going to go quietly, scum?" He cracked his knuckles, "I gotta tell you, I have a real problem with listening to authority. So I guess you're just gonna have to make me."
"Guards! Attack!" Captain Goshinki raised his sword and waited for his men to come rushing from behind him and dispatch what he thought of as the unsightly hanyou, "…"
Captain Goshinki peered over his shoulder only to see abandoned swords and shields surrounded by a flood of footprints pointed in the opposite direction. "Ah…"
"Die, demon scum!" and in one fluid motion, Inuyasha unsheathed his sword and sliced the captain in two. "Feh, he wasn't much. Now," Inuyasha picked up Shippo by the tail as he was trying to run away, "Who are you, raccoon, and what are you doing here?"
"I'm a fox, heathen!"
"Fox, raccoon, who cares? What the hell are you doing here?"
"I'm making a strategic escape from those guards. I didn't need your help; I was about to finish them off when you showed up!"
"Let's get this straight, brat: you ran into me, and you were the one who cowered behind my leg in fear. The least you could do is show some gratitude."
"Why should I? You're only a half-demon; I can smell the human in you." WHAP! "OWIE! Whadjya do that for!"
"Feh, I shouldn't have wasted my time saving an ungrateful brat like you." With that, Inuyasha started back towards his tree house.
TWO MINUTES LATER
"What're you doing following me, brat?"
"I, uh…" Shippo twiddled his thumbs and drifted off into speechlessness.
"No, wait!" The little fox lunged forward and latched onto the hanyou's leg. "Don't leave me! If I go back home that thunder brother will get me and try to sell me to the guards again!"
"So ask your parents to protect you!"
"They… my…" sniff "Those th-thunder brothers killed my pa! UWAHAHAH!"
"What, so you're an orphan?" Inuyasha's face softened a little, "Well-" Insert loud wailing sobs from Shippo here "WOULD YOU SHUT UP!"
Sniff "O-" hic "okay…"
"Look, you can stay with me, okay? But only for one night! After that you're on your own, brat!"
"Th-" sniff "thanks… Wh-what's your name?"
"Yeah, yeah, blah, blah, blah. Enough with the formalities; come on, Shippo."
Later on that evening as Inuyasha and Shippo were settling who got how many grilled fish in the most civilized manner they could muster ("No! It's mine!" "Ha, try and get it, runt!" "WAAHH! That was MINE, Inuyasha!"), they heard something outside in the front yard.
"Now, now, I'm sure it couldn't be all that bad," A strange voice came from the yard.
"But" SOB "it was, it really, really was! Oh, Lord Sesshomaru, how could you do this to your most loyal servant!" An even stranger voice was also heard from the same direction.
"What the-" Inuyasha slapped the side of his neck, "Myoga!"
"Why, Lord Inuyasha, it's been so long! I've been searching for you for years now! It was hard to find you without a forwarding address!" The small flea Inuyasha found smashed in the palm of his hand spoke.
"Oh, save it, Myoga. What are you really doing here?"
While Inuyasha and Myoga conversed, Shippo decided to check out the yard, "Uh, Inuyasha… You might wanna take a look at this…"
Inuyasha strode over to the door and looked out, not expecting to see several dozen camping tents set up with even more small demons surrounding them. "WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING IN MY YARD!"
Everyone froze. "Lord Inuyasha, I see you cannot be deterred from the truth," Myoga spoke up, "It was Lord Naraku's royal guard who exiled us here."
"None of us want to be here, you stupid half-breed!" It was the same even stranger voice from a few minutes ago. "Oh, Lord Sesshomaru, why do you do this to your faithful servant!" Insert Jaken's ('cuz that's who it is if you haven't figured it out yet) endless sobs here
"I suppose the only way to have everyone sent somewhere else would be to ask Lord Naraku for a reprieve and relocation," Stated the first strange voice from before (or Hachiemon).
"Ok, fine, whatever. Anything to get you pests outta here!" Inuyasha tossed Myoga out into the crowd. "Now who here can tell me where the hell this Naraku bastard lives?"
Everyone went silent and stared at the base of Inuyasha's front door; exactly where Shippo was attempting to hide. "Eeep!"
"Oh for the love of-" Inuyasha grabbed Shippo by the tail (again) and started toward the direction of the nearby village. "Come on, Shippo."
"Farewell, Master Inuyasha! May your journey be-"
"Just can it, will you, Myoga?"
Well, I hope you enjoyed what I've written so far (hopefully it's not totally crappy, what shame for a creative writing major!), and I always appreciate reviews and constructive criticism. Thanks!