Title, Summary, Disclaimer, Warning: Check first Chapter
A/N: Hey guys! Sorry it took me so long to update but as you can see it is a long chapter. This is the final chapter and I hope it isn't too bad. I have never been good at finishing stories but I hope you enjoy it.
Dean Winchester awoke out of a deep nightmare filled sleep with a start. He had had the dream about his mother again. One he had thought he wouldn't have to deal with again as he had repressed it so deeply he had almost forgot it. Almost. He had been having that dream every time he fell asleep. Which wasn't saying much because he had been trying like hell not to fall asleep ever since they had let him out of the hospital a few days ago.
Cursing under his breath he raised himself into a sitting position. God do you hate my ribs or something? He looked around the small hotel room him and Sam were currently staying in and sighed. To his right Sam was asleep peacefully on the other bed. This pleased Dean and he smiled.
Sam had been annoyingly watching Dean when he thought he wasn't looking since he woke in the hospital. It was like Nebraska all over again. Sammy don't worry about me. I'm not dying this time. Dean unconsciously ran his fingers over the bandage around his wrist, tracing the movement he had made with the piece of broken mirror. The cut had taken to itching when he awoke from his nightmares.
A quick look at the clock on the bedside table informed Dean that it was 4.16am. He ran his hands threw his hair wishing that he hadn't fallen asleep. It was bad enough that every time he closed his eyes he saw the image of Sam dead in his arms, but then when he actually did manage some sleep all he could see was his Mom pulling him onto the roof, burning him.
Moving quietly as to not awake his little brother, Dean got out of bed, grabbed his bad and headed into the tiny bathroom. He looked through his bag and pulled out a half empty bottle of Caffeine pills. He swallowed a small handful (a lot more than the recommended dosage) and put the bottle back safely at the bottom of his bag. He didn't want Sam finding them. Dean was pretty sure Sam didn't know that he was drugging himself to stay awake, and he didn't want him to.
In all truth Dean was just too afraid to go to sleep. Not that he would ever admit it in a hundred years. He was worried that if he fell asleep, somehow all the nightmares about Sam would start again and he might find himself in the similar circumstances he had been in before. He knew however that Lucy wouldn't be behind it. John had called while he was still in the hospital with news that the problem had been fixed, and that 'the bitch' wouldn't be bothering anyone ever again.
Dean sat himself down on the floor, leaning his back against the wall. He would wait fifteen minutes for the pills to kick in then he would get to work. They were currently in Hicksville, on their way to another job and Dean had taken to researching while Sam was asleep. It kept him awake and it saved his brother from having to do it. Win win situation. At least that's how he figured it. Sam on the other hand had noticed that his older brother hadn't been sleeping too much. He had no idea to the actual extent though.
The younger Winchester figured his brother was at least getting three to four hours a night. In actual fact, Dean was lucky if he got two. He pretended to sleep while Sam was awake to keep his little brother's worries at bay.
Dean felt the buzz start as he fidgeted with his hands and tapped his feet as fast as he could on the cold bathroom tiles. It was a strange feeling being so hopped up on caffeine pills. He knew he was tired and should be dead on his feet but it was like he were a puppet and the strings he was attached to kept him upright and alert. He could feel the tiredness under the alertness and it made his stomach churn if he thought about it to much.
The sudden need to do something, to be active came up and slapped him in the face. Dean sprung to his feet. He couldn't exactly do much because it would wake Sam, and lord only knows the boy needed the sleep. His constant checking on Dean when he thought his older brother wasn't looking must have been tiring.
The young hunter paced around the small bathroom like a caged lion. Only slightly aware of the soreness of his ribs and ankle. The cut on his wrist was itching like a bitch now and he was tempted to itch it but knew the cut would open and bleed again. The last thing he needed was Sam thinking he was suicidal. Although the thought did cross his mind every now and then. Especially when he woke from one of his nightmares, covered in sweat and shaking, his stomach in tight knots. He couldn't however do anything more than pass up the idea the instant it sprung into his mind. Sam was there with him, he was alive and because of that Dean Winchester had a reason to go on living. The main reason he had always gone on living. To be there for his little brother. To do his up most to protect him from anything and everything. To just be what he had always been, a big brother.
Dean entertained the thought of going out to try and buy some breakfast but he knew there was no point because a) there probably wasn't any place around that was open, b) Sammy wasn't awake and there was no point of eating without him and c) the thought of food mixed with his buzz from the pills make him want to gouge his eyes out.
A small smile spread across his face. He could always go out and detail the Impala, but he had done that yesterday. He didn't want to over do anything with his precious baby. He was extremely grateful that when he had gone a 'little crazy' that night and destroyed pretty much everything, that he hadn't gone outside and hurt his baby. Because if he had he would have been kicking himself up the ass now.
Knowing that Sammy wouldn't be awake for at least another hour Dean decided to go for a drive. Stretch his wheels so to speak. What he needed was a long stretch of straight road to just fly down at warped speed. It always made him feel better and was the closest thing he felt to not having to care about anything, was when he was driving his baby at extreme speeds.
Dean sifted through his bag and pulled out his Metallica t-shirt. It now looked like a train track with the stitching that had been required to fix it. Ginger, the hot little nurse who had a crush on him at the hospital had fixed it for him. When he had got it back it had had her phone number attached to it. To say the least he had called her and they had well, had a good time. He had especially enjoyed it since it seemed to be a return to normalcy, and Sam had left Dean alone for a little while as well which was a bonus.
He pulled on the t-shirt as quickly as his ribs would allow and slipped out of the small bathroom. Sam was right where he had left him, except now he was snoring softly. Dean smiled and pulled the sheets that had fallen off his little brother back over him before grabbing his keys off the bedside table, and quietly exiting the hotel room.
Dean was met with the cool and crisp morning air once he was outside. He breathed in as deeply as he could and made for the car. His baby was glimmering in the car park and put every other car there to shame. He unlocked the door and slid into the driver's seat. He turned it on and listened with pride at the throaty growl his precious made. Dean threw the car into reverse and took off.
Once he found a perfect stretch of highway to put his baby to the limit he pushed the pedal to the floor. The Impala replied perfectly throwing herself forward. Dean smiled and sighed with relief. God it felt good to be driving out in the open road. Right now behind the wheel there was nothing else. It was just him and his baby, the road in front and the noise of the wind flying past the windows, being distorted however by the loud music he was now cranking which was fueling to his speed. In Dean Winchester's mind, fast music means driver fast.
The buzz from the pills made him push the car to her limit before the straightness of the road ended in a soft turn. He pushed on the breaks to slow down enough to make the corner and then continued on, all sense of time lost.
The older Winchester noticed the sky around him starting to get lighter and decided he had better get back to the hotel room. If he wasn't there when Sam woke up, chances are his little brother would have a heart attack from worry. He regretfully did a u-turn and drove back.
The freedom and adrenaline he had felt on the open road ended when he snuck back into the stuffy hotel room. God how can anyone breathe in here? He looked over at Sam who was still sleeping.
Dean dropped his keys back onto the bedside table, grabbed his bag and went back into the bathroom. A nice hot shower would hopefully calm him down enough so that he could sit in one place for more than a second without having to get up and move around.
Turning on the hot water Dean began pacing around the bathroom again. How many pills had he swallowed this time? He was going to be jittery for the next few hours at least. Sleep called to him but he pushed it away. Sleep when you die.
Dean stood in front of the small mirror waiting for the water to turn hot. A pale version of him looked back at him. Was that really what he looked like? He knew he had been more pale since he had almost bled to death but jeez. There were dark circles under his eyes as a testimony to the last few nights he had spent with barely four hours sleep in total. Stupid nightmares, why cant you just leave me alone?
The memory of his smashing the mirror and using one of its jagged pieces to end it all came floating across his mind. He looked down at his hands and the small cuts and bruises that covered them. They would scare, just like the cut on his wrist would scare. They would scare and leave him a constant reminder of what could always happen the next time they were out on a job. A constant reminder of what could happen to his Sammy, even if he was there. A constant reminder of how he had failed.
Sure what he had originally believed to happen hadn't happened, but in all truthfulness the events of that night could have played out exactly like that. He would never again look at his brother the same way. He had had the experience of what it would be like if he lost Sam and he hadn't liked it one bit.
Dean came back into himself as the air around him became hard to breath due to the steam now pouring out of the small shower. How long had he been standing here stuck in his own thoughts?
Shaking out his tense muscles Dean let out a sigh. He took off his clothes and stepped into the shower, turning on the cold water as he did so. He hissed as the almost boiling water stung his skin and bit at his bruises. Reaching out he put his hand against the wall to steady himself at the sudden wave of vertigo. He wouldn't tell Sam but he hadn't been feeling as well as he said he was. Still what was new about that?
There were times that if it weren't from the help of his little round friends he would have passed out from exhaustion. He was physically, and even worse, mentally exhausted. He just wanted to crawl into bed and sleep forever. Then maybe when he woke up his Dad would be there and Sammy would be there and they could all be a happy family again. Dream on Dean. But Dean couldn't go to sleep, because every time he did he was met with the nightmare of his mother. Why the hell had it started up again after all these years? Was it trying to warn him or tell him something? Or was it just the world being cruel as he so often found it was. Probably the latter.
He had been doing a lot of thinking these last few days. Most of it revolved around Sam like usual. It killed him to even think it let alone say it but Dean was starting to think that maybe it would be better if Sam went back to Stanford. He had been happy there. Happy and safe. He had had a life of his own, friends, a beautiful girlfriend and everything he had ever wanted. Normal. Maybe it would just be better if he dropped him there on the way to the next job. At least then Sam would be out of harms way. Well as far as being out of harms way goes for a Winchester. He was going to have to ask Sam what he wants.
Dean stayed in the shower until the hot water ran out before he got out. He had a quick shave and swallowed a few of the heavy pain killers the doctor had given when he had gotten out of hospital because of his sudden headache. Dean then got dressed back into the clothes he had been wearing yesterday and walked back into the small room to find Sam awake, propped up in bed and looking through their Dad's journal.
"Hey." Dean nodded in greeting to Sam.
"Morning." came the reply, "How long you been up?"
"Half an hour." The older Winchester lied.
Sam gave him a look that said 'you're-lying-and-you-know-I-know-you're-lying-so-don't'. Dean just returned his best look of innocence and his version of Sam's puppy eyes.
"Dean how much sleep did you get last night. And don't lie, please."
In true Dean Winchester fashion he couldn't deny his little brother anything, "Okay I got a few hours." He said. A few hours, yeah right maybe in your dreams. So maybe he had lied again but it was better to lie to Sammy than have him worry over his stupid sleeping habits. Dean moved over and flopped onto the bed then grimaced as it didn't help his headache or his ribs.
Cursing under his breath Dean hoped he wouldn't go back to sleep because of the pain killers he had just downed. It had seemed like a good idea at the time but now he was starting to feel their affects and it was making him drowsy. Stupid pain killers, stupid caffeine pills, stupid nightmares, stupid everything!
Sam nodded his head slightly and turned back to John's journal. He knew something was up with his brother but he just didn't know how to approach the subject without triggering Dean's self defenses. He looked back up at his older brother. He looked like crap. He was pale as hell which only made the dark rings under his eyes stand out more. Stupid Dean why can't you just tell me what's going on in that thick skull of yours!
"So did you have a nice drive?" Sam asked casually.
Dean looked up in surprise but quickly covered the look, "Umm, yeah good." He paused and then, "I just needed some fresh air you know." He added as an after thought.
"Dean are you okay man? You look kinda green." Sam asked after a moment and got off his bed to come over to Dean. He crouched in front of his older brother and looked up at Dean's drooped head. One of his brother's eyes was half open, the other fully closed, "Dean?" Sam asked giving Dean a little shake.
The older hunter looked up after a sharp intake of breath like he was waking up, even though he had been awake already. Well kinda, he was sort of floating in between here and there. Dean made to stand, he could feel the contents of his stomach trying to make a guest appearance, but dizziness quickly made him fall back.
Sam laid a steadying hand on Dean's elbow and made sure he stayed seated on the bed. Noticing Dean's hiccupping motions Sam leapt to action, grabbed the hotel room's trashcan and pushed it under Dean's chin just in time to catch the small contents of his brother's stomach.
"That's the last time I don't count how many pills I take." Dean mumbled under his breath and then wiped his mouth on the back of his hand.
The younger Winchester looked at Dean in surprise and contemplation, "What pills Dean?"
"Oh a little from column A, and a little from column B." he sighed. Oh shit did I just say that out load? Sammy's going to have my blood when he finds out what I've been doing. Stupid Dean! Feeling that his stomach wasn't finished yet he pulled the trashcan towards him and retched again.
Sam waited patiently until his brother was finished and then looked him straight in the eyes, "What pills Dean?" he repeated, his voice taking on the tone of an order.
"Shit Sammy does it matter?" he sighed hoping against all hope that his little brother would drop it. Even though he knew now the floodgates were open, that wasn't going to happen.
Sam got to his feet and went into the small bathroom. He picked up the bottle of prescription pills that Dean had left on the side of the sink and looked inside. There was roughly how many there should be there if Dean had been taking them as recommended. But Sam knew his brother. Dean had a high tolerance to most pain killers and taking a few of them wouldn't have knocked his brother on his ass like that. Which left the question of what else had his brother ingested?
"Have you taken anything other than these Dean?" he asked waving the small bottle of pills in front of his brother's face.
Dean looked up. Sammy was going to find out if he helped him or not, and it would end better if he helped him because the youngest Winchester had a temper that the longer you leave it the more hot it will get. Dean pointed at his bag which still lay on the bathroom floor.
Getting the gist Sam returned back into the bathroom and started to look though Dean's bag. When he reached the bottom his hands clasped around a small plastic bottle and he produced the caffeine pills. Taking a quick look inside told Sam that it was more than half empty. It took a few strides of his long legs and he was crouching back in front of Dean again, the small bottle clasped tightly in his hand.
"Dean how many of these did you take?"
Dean just shrugged. It's not like he counted them when he downed them. He had done that only on the first time. After that he had no clue.
Sam sighed, he was getting angrier and at the same time more concerned about Dean's current state. The stupid git had only been out of hospital a few days and he was already threatening himself with going back in, "Dean did you take enough of these that I should get you to a hospital?" he asked.
"No, just a few. I'll be right in a second Sammy. They're just not sitting well with the pain killers I downed. Stupid headache." Dean rubbed his hands in circular motions over his temples as if to illustrate his point.
"How long have you been taking these pills?"
"Oh a few here and a few there. Listen Sammy I'm really tired. I think I might just go to sleep now if that's okay with you." Dean got out and then made to lie back, but Sam's long arms stopped him before he could make it all the way down. He didn't really want to sleep but at the moment his head was killing him and maybe if went to sleep he could wake up and Sam would have forgotten this whole little thing. Next time count how maybe you swallow you moron! And keep your damn mouth shut about it!
"No I don't think sleeping is a good idea right now. Why don't we go into the bathroom and you can have another shower huh? It'll keep you awake."
"Mmm, awakeness is a good thing." Dean nodded, he made to get to his feet again and actually managed it this time, with help from brother dearest. The room spun for a few seconds but eventually righted itself.
The two brothers made it slowly to the bathroom. Sam sat Dean on the floor and turned on the hot water. He tapped his foot impatiently waiting for the water to get hot.
"Little problem there Sammy. I used up all the hot water." he paused to smirk slightly then, "Get me a glass of water would you bro? I'll be right. It's just a little headache."
Sam did as he was asked and watched his brother intently. Isn't even out of the hospital for a week and then this! "When did you buy those pills?"
"The afternoon I checked out of the hospital. Seemed like a good idea at the time. Still does."
"Because I didn't really feel like sleeping." was the blunt and truthful reply.
"Why didn't you feel like sleeping Dean?"
Bloody Sammy and his 20 questions. He couldn't just turn that part of his brain off for awhile could he?, "Because Sammy. I kind of slept enough in the hospital. Didn't see the point in doing it for awhile okay." He said patiently like he was talking to a five year old.
Sam looked at Dean with a quizzical look which then turned to understanding, "You've been having nightmares?" it was a statement and a question at the same time. That would make sense. When Sam had been having the nightmares about Jess he hadn't wanted to fall asleep either. It was a dangerous thing having insomnia or just not sleeping with the job that they did. Make one mistake and you could be gone.
Dean looked up but kept his face unreadable. He was feeling better thanks to the water and most likely the throwing up as well. Must have been a temporary thing. Looking away from Sam, the older hunter leaned forward and made to get up but a steady hand on his shoulder prevented him from doing so.
"What the hell Sam? Let me up."
"Dean we have to talk about this, you can't just drug yourself to stay awake bro. It's too dangerous." Sam said with a tone that Dean knew meant that his little brother wasn't going to let up on this. But to hell if he was in the mood for a chick flick moment.
The older Winchester shrugged off the younger hand. Strangely he was feeling pretty hungry now and the thought of a huge plate of eggs and bacon was making his mouth water.
"Dean?" Sam asked quietly, urging his older brother to tell him what was bugging him.
"Sam I'm fine. Let me up, I want some breakfast." Dean stated making to stand again. But yet again Sam stopped him.
"Dean you're not fine. Drugging yourself to stay awake is not fine!" said Sam in an exasperated tone.
"Oh stop being such a drama queen Sammy. You hungry? I could really use some food right about now."
Sam's jaw dropped. How the hell could his brother think about food at a time like this? Then again Dean was always thinking about food, or girls, or the Impala. But still that was a lame attempt to change the subject and Sam was not going to let it slide, "Dean we can get some breakfast later. You wanna tell me what the nightmares were about?" Sam pressed gently. If he pressed to hard Dean was bound to bring up the walls higher and thicker and lock the door.
"Hmm let me think, no." Dean said with a straight face.
"I can't help you if I don't know what I'm up against. This is exactly what happened with that bitch. If we had have told each other what was happening maybe it wouldn't have turned out like it did. Please Dean." Sam tried giving Dean his puppy eyes.
Dean bit his bottom lip then looked Sam right in the eyes, "Fine. But can we take this out of the bathroom. My butts gone numb."
Sam stopped the urge to laugh and pulled his older brother gently to his feet. They moved it out into the bedroom and sat on their beds facing each other.
The older Winchester really wasn't up for this conversation. He knew it was only going to make Sam worry. But then the younger hunter was going to worry if he didn't tell him and he did have a point. This was how it had all started, by not telling each other what was going on. He would have never had to have done this with his Dad. John would have told him to suck it up and get his head back on the job. But he defiantly wasn't dealing with his father.
Sam waited patiently for Dean to begin but after a few minutes he lost his patients, "Dean?"
"Yeah yeah. I've been having these nightmares since I woke up in the hospital, no biggie." He said offhandedly.
"No biggie? Dean this is a biggie." He paused and then, "What were the nightmares about?"
Dean bit his tongue. He had never told anyone what he was about to tell his little brother but part of him wanted to get it off his chest. His mother had told him when he was little, that if he told her what he had had a nightmare about it would make it go away. Dean had actually believed her and most times it had worked, until he lost his mother.
"I've been having this dream I used to have about Mom."
Sam swallowed, he knew now exactly what Dean had been dealing with every time he fell asleep. He hadn't told Dean that Lucy had shown him his dream, he thought he could spare his brother from the embarrassment and hurt with knowing that his little brother had seen something that he obviously hadn't wanted anyone to see. He was wrong.
"Oh. Umm Dean," the young hunter paused looking into his brother's eyes before continuing, "Lucy she, when you were unconscious she kind of made me watch one of your dreams. Said it would help me understand what you were going through, and she um, she showed me the dream you had of Mom on the ceiling. I'm sorry, I really didn't want to see it but, but she made me." He finished, his voice very small.
Dean sat there in quiet horror. That bitch! How fucking dare she show anyone that! Especially Sam. Fuck, fuck her god damn it! He breathed out slowly to try and calm the anger that was building inside him, "You saw my dream about Mom?"
"Yeah, I'm really sorry." Sam knew it wasn't his fault and that in all actual fact he shouldn't be apologizing, but that didn't stop him. He felt like he had wronged his brother and he knew by the look that Dean was trying to keep off his face, he had.
"Oh. Okay then. It's a screamer aint it?" he tried to joke to cover his anger, but the humor wasn't present.
"Yeah it is. Why do you think it's come back?" Sam asked trying to get off the subject of his seeing Dean's dream.
"I don't know. Maybe because I remembered it." he said with a bitter tone, "You were never supposed to know about it Sammy."
"I know. But think of it this way, at least now you don't have to deal with it alone. And Dean," he waved the caffeine pills in front of his brother, "these are not the answer."
"Says who? The back says they 'keep you awake and alert for six hours' sounds like an answer to me."
"Yeah and the back also says 'not to be used as a substitute for sleep' Dean. I don't want you taking these anymore."
"Well hate to break it to ya Sammy but it's not up too you. I have a problem, I found something that helps make it better so I'm sticking with it." Dean said matter-of-factly trying to grab the little bottle of pills from his brother. But Sam pulled them away.
"Dean there are other ways to get around this. We'll work it out."
"Yeah because you obviously know the answer don't you." Dean spat out before he could stop himself.
Sam was hurt by the harsh comment but he didn't let it show. He knew that it was just the anger about him having seen his brother's personal dream that had caused the nasty words. Still what hurt Sam more was that his brother was right, he didn't have the answers on how to stop the nightmares or yes he obviously would have done something about it.
Annoyed at Sam's silence Dean threw his hands up and got off the bed, "I'm going for a drive. You want anything?" effectively ending the convocation.
The younger hunter stood up and also grabbed his jacket, "I'm coming with you." His tone held no space for arguments. He had made up his mind, and when Sam Winchester made up his mind it was made up for good.
Dean just shrugged and walked out to the Impala. He was considering getting into it and driving off without Sam, maybe he could hit that stretch of road again. The thought however was a fleeting one as Sam was by his side and reaching for the keys in an instant.
"Dude I'm fine!" Dean said, annoyance lacing his words, as he kept the keys out of reach from his pesky little brother.
"Okay okay. Just try and stick to the speed limits this time. The last thing we need is another speeding fine." Sam said with an innocent smirk.
"Bah! I'd like to see them try and catch me." Dean chuckled as he slid into the driver's seat and started the ignition.
"Yeah I'll have the breakfast special and he'll have the same. Thanks." Sam said giving the menus back to the waitress. She nodded and walked away giving Sam a second glance.
"Dude what's up with that?"
"She was checking you out and not me."
"That's because I'm the better looking brother."
Dean snorted, "Yeah you wish lil bro."
Sam and Dean sat quiet for a little while, lost in their own thoughts until the food came. Dean looked down at his plate. It was full of greasy eggs and bacon, sausage and toast. It was his kind of breakfast. Picking up his knife and fork he dived into the greasy food.
The younger Winchester looked over at the older as he was buttering his toast, "Jeez Dean would you like some more toast with your butter?" he laughed.
"Nah I'm good." Dean replied with a smirk.
The general atmosphere as they ate their breakfast was one between happy and open and nervous about the convocation that had happened back in the hotel room. Sam was thinking how best to reenter the subject of Dean's drugging himself to stay awake while Dean was thinking of the best way to broach the subject of if Sam wanted to go back to Stanford.
Dean belched loudly as he finished his food and smiled at the disgusted look in his little brother's face.
"It's called manners dude."
"It's called shut up I'm older which means I don't have to use my manners." Dean retorted childishly.
They sat in silence for a little while before Dean decided to just spit out what had been on his mind lately, "Sammy?"
"Do you want me to drop you off at Stanford? It's on the way to where I'm heading next." he said quietly.
Sam sat in shock. This was completely unexpected. Where the hell had Dean pulled this idea from? Sure he had decided that after they killed the Demon, he was going to go back to Stanford. Finish his course, go to law school and become a lawyer. It was what he had always wanted. But he knew that Dean didn't like to be alone and that it was going to hurt him when he eventually had to let Sam go. So why was he acting like this all of a sudden? Maybe it was a delayed effect of the pills he had swallowed earlier that morning, or maybe the lack of sleep. But still he had said I'm not we're like he had already made the decision.
Please don't make me explain it to you Sammy. Use that college brain of yours geek boy! Don't make me tell you how weak I am that I'm afraid I'm going to get you killed. That I'm going to lose you! Dean closed his eyes for a few seconds and wished that he could wake up and everything would be okay. He knew that was just dreaming though. When he opened his eyes again Sam was still looking at him with a quizzical expression on his face and Dean could swear that Sam was five again asking why the thunder was so loud.
"I don't know. I thought it would maybe be good for you. Have a break from hunting, you could use a good break." He said nonchalantly and started to play with his napkin.
"Dean where is this coming from?" were the only words that found their way out of the youngest Winchester's mouth.
Dean just shrugged. He wished Sam would just say yes and he could be on his merry way knowing his brother was as safe as he could be.
"No. No I want to stay with you. I want to find Dad and I want us to all kill the Demon."
The older hunter stopped his fiddling and looked up at his little brother. How could he make him see that he wasn't safe with him, "Sam. I think it would be better if you went back to Stanford. I'll call you when I find Dad and you two can kill the Demon. Until then I think you should just try and live your life bro."
"Live my life? Dean you are my life! Why the hell do you think I'm with you? Here now. What's this really about? Is this about what Lucy did and the nightmares?" he asked trying to find where this was coming from.
"No. Just," he paused trying to figure out how to word it, "I think it would be safer for you there. I can't always protect you Sammy. As much as it kills me I won't always be able to stop you from getting hurt. Lucy and the nightmares, that's just proof of that."
Sam felt like he had been sucker punched. The pieces suddenly all clicked together. Dean thinks his a danger to me. How the hell could that jerk think that! Just as Sam was about to open his mouth and yell at his brother for being a stupid jerk they were interrupted by the waitress.
"Can I get you fellas anything else? I hope the food was okay." She asked taking they empty plates. Well mostly empty. Sam hadn't been able to bring himself to eat the sausages as the mystery of what was in them hadn't really helped his appetite.
"Food was great. Thanks." Sam said trying not to be pushy but she had interrupted them at a really bad moment and he just wanted to get rid of her.
She nodded, hovered for a few seconds and then left giving Sam another second glance.
"Maybe we should stay here for awhile, that chick is defiantly into you. You could get some action, and by the looks of her it'd last you for the next few months, then you can find another Stanford chick." Dean said and winked at Sam.
Sam still couldn't believe Dean was pushing this idea on him. He knew for a fact that it wasn't what his brother wanted, that blasted shape shifter had told Sam things about his brother that he was never supposed to know, "Dean I said no. I'm staying with you."
"No, you're not. You're going back to Stanford and you're going to get your law degree and live your apple pie life." It was an order, one that Dean never wanted to give.
"Yes you are Sam."
The younger hunter stopped. Damn, no Sammy. He must be serious. Well like hell I'm going down without a fight, "Okay Dean, I'll consider it if you tell me why. And don't sugar coat it or anything, I want the truth."
"I told the truth Sam. I can't always protect you. It would be safer for you at Stanford."
"Dean I never asked you to protect me all the time. And don't you think that I would be safer with you rather at Stanford?"
"No I don't. Sammy please, you're not safe around me." Dean said looking at his hands as he couldn't bare to meet his brother's gaze.
"You're afraid I'm going to get hurt because of you aren't you? Fuck that Lucy bitch to hell! What did she do to you man?"
"She showed me how easy I could lose you Sam!" Dean said raising his voice and his gaze to his brother. Tears burned behind his eyes but he wouldn't let them drop, not here and not now. Not in front of Sammy. He had to convince Sam this was what he really wanted or he would have no chance.
Not for the first time Sam cursed Sebastian and Lucy. He looked deep into Dean's gaze only to be met with the truth, his brother wasn't lying, he actually believed what he was saying. Sam felt tears wanting to make a guest appearance, how the hell did he let this happen? He should have done something when he noticed Dean not sleeping. He should have fought harder in that room, he should have got to his brother sooner and maybe they would both be fine.
Sam opened his mouth and sighed, "Dean I wish I could take everything that happened to you away," he paused as he watched Dean rub his bandaged wrist. The older hunter didn't even know he was doing it which unnerved Sam, "but I cant. What I can do is promise you that I'm never going to leave you again. Not anytime soon anyway." He said with a small smile.
Dean felt his heart swell. His relief was palpable, Sam wasn't leaving, he was going to stay with Sam. How long had he wanted to hear those words? They almost made his tears come to the surface but he wiped his eyes hoping Sam wouldn't notice. He sniffled then to break the thick tension he laughed, "Well if you're sure college boy but you're going to have to put up with Metallica for the next 400 miles. I'm in a Metallica sort of mood." He said. He had accepted Sam's 'no' for an answer. Jeez won over easily Dean or what! But who was he to deny what he wanted. Bedsides maybe Sam had a point, he probably would be safer with Dean by his side than alone in college.
Sam just laughed and shook his head, "Like I don't put up with your crap music anyway."
The older hunter looked at his brother, "Oh I did not just hear you bag Metallica!" he said seriously and waved to the waitress for the bill.
"Sorry bro but driver picks the music and shotgun shuts his cakehole, and if I'm not mistaken I think it's my turn to drive. Don't worry, I picked up a Kelly Clarkson tape at the last service station we stopped at."
The look on Dean's face was comical as his eyes widened and his mouth dropped, "Nup. No way in hell are you playing that shit in my car."
Sam snickered as the waitress came over and gave them their bill, and to Sam's shock and Dean's amusement her phone number as well.
The Winchester brothers made their way out to the old black 67 Chevy Impala. Sam the younger brother content that he would always do his best to be there for Dean and that Dean would do the same. That everything was going to work out okay. How he didn't know but it was just a feeling he had. And the older brother Dean content that his little brother would be hanging around for awhile to come and that he wouldn't be alone, at least not for a long time.
Well that's it. I want to thank everyone who has read my story and a big thank you to everyone who reviewed as well. I am about to start another story, but I need to do some research for it first. Keep an eye out for it ;) Until then leave a review and let me know what you think ;)