Title: How Orcs Were Invented

Author: Yuggster

Rating: K

Genre: Poetry/Humor

Disclaimer: The Silmarillion and The Lord of the Rings are the property of Tolkien Enterprise, and "The Elf and the Doormouse" is the intellectual property of Oliver Herford.

Summary: A parody of Oliver Herford's "The Elf and the Dormouse", telling how orcs were invented. Loosely based on Saruman's little speech in Fellowship. Think of it as a bedtime story for young orcs.


Melkor, that day, was quite pleased with himself,
He'd managed to capture a poor little elf!

The poor elf was crumbled all up in a heap,
Tortured and maimed, he could not make a peep.

But to Melkor's ears no pleas would be met,
For he was not done with the poor elf yet!

He hated the elves, so he planned all the while,
To turn them into something nasty and vile

And this elf he tortured and hurt through and through
'Til Melkor at last saw his creation new.

He sniggered and chortled and cackled with glee.
"Now you're my servant! Forever you'll be!"

"Oh no! I'm a monster!" the poor elf lamented
—and that's how the orcs first were invented.


Reviews? Flames? Tar and Feathers?

Author's Note: All right...I've received some comments that this is a bit morbid. I will not protest that it is, though it wasn't meant to be. Look up "The Elf and the Dormouse" in an online search engine (or a book of children's poetry) and check out the original poem. The very last line is what comes into my head every time I watch Fellowship and hear Saruman ask "Do you know how the orcs first came into being?".

A certain content error has been corrected thanks to a review from memyselfandi (and thank goodness Sauron and Melkor have the same number of syllables!). The designation of this story has been moved from Lord of the Rings to The Silmarillion for said correction.