I'm at Veronica's house, which is weird and I'm not sure what I'm doing here, but I brought movies and I hope she answers the door.
"Dick? What are you doing here?"
"Umm, I brought movies," I say, because I did and holy fuck—her dad could totally be home. I didn't even think of that.
"Oh, okay. Do you want to come in?"
"Nah, I'm good. I mean, yeah." God, I am such a retarded fuck.
"Hey, can we pause it for a second?"
"What? Dick, my favorite part is coming up?"
"Right, I know."
I'm nervous and I never get fucking nervous. Like, umm, ever.
After pausing the movie, Veronica throws the remote and looks to me.
"What's on your mind?"
"So, you probably know what I'm going to say," I say. Yeah, I'm really trying to take the easy way out. Maybe Veronica already knows and she'll just say so, and then I can forget the awkward stage of, 'hey, I like you, can we fuck?' Not that I'd ever say that, and, with Veronica, it's not all about fucking. I mean, sure I've thought about it, but whatever.
"No, not really," Veronica lets out a laugh.
"Well, umm, I like, I think I have feelings for you," I spit out.
"Okay," Veronica says. "What kind of feelings?"
Is she trying to kill me? What kind of feelings? Seriously, is she that stupid?
"Umm, like, uh — more than a friend."
"Oh." Veronica leans back and stares at the ceiling. "Like super serious feelings, or just 'hey, she's cute?'"
"Umm," I start. What kind of question is that? "In between, I guess. Like, ya know, whatever." God, I have totally lost my game.
"When did it start?" Okay, it's official. She is trying to torture me.
"Well, what? Um, dude, like, I dunno, like a few weeks ago."
"You look good tonight," Veronica said.
I look good tonight? Like in a 'you look good, I want to fuck you' way, or a 'I'm saying you look good because you just told me you liked me and I don't want you to feel completely retarded' way?
"Uh, yeah, I just — I just needed to know what you thought, or ya know, whatever," I stutter out. God, I wonder if they have, like classes to cure the Veronica Mars obsession. Maybe I should call up Troy, or whatever, because, like, I haven't seen him around Veronica for like, a year, so, apparently, he's totally cured.
"Well, I don't know, really," She says, and yeah, I was kind of expecting that. "What are you looking for me to say?"
What am I looking for her to say? 'Dick, I wanna be with you?' Not, not really. I don't even fucking know. It's just like, somehow, I just started thinking about her, and now I can't fucking stop, and it's kind of driving me insane.
Like even if she said she wanted to be with me, or whatever, is that even what I want? I mean, I'm not trying to be all emo, but like, what would people at school say? Because dude - Dick Casablancas and Veronica Mars? Does it even sound good? I mean, what about Veronica Casa —
Holy Shit. I did not just think that. No fucking way.
"I should probably go," I say, because thoughts like that, they're banned.
"Uh, sure. I had fun," She says and I smile.
It's been a week since I've talked to Veronica Mars. I fucking hate it. I never thought that like, I was an obsessive, or, ya know, an addictive person, but the more I think about it, the more I think I am.
Just because, dude! Veronica is Veronica. She fucks guys up, right? And yet, I feel like I'm fucking withdrawing or something. Which is weird, and I just, I don't like it.
And Logan, I haven't fucking talked to him yet. I'm not sure if he remembers I was at his party with Veronica, but if he doesn't, I'm sure he's heard about it. 'Cause it's everywhere.
Madison came up to me yesterday and asked for a quickie in the bathroom. Weird shit is, I turned her down. I don't know, like I think she's really jealous of Veronica and shit.
I get home and throw my bag on the table and head upstairs. I see Beav—and Ghost World is finally gone. I figure now's probably the best time to talk to him.
"Hey, Beav, I need to talk to you."
Looking up from his computer, he sighs. "What Dick? Mac is gone, so you can't make fun of her again." God, like I even do that a lot. Whatever.
"Nah, look. I need to like, ask you something. But like, you can't say anything, or whatever."
"All right, whatever."
"All right, look. I kinda told Veronica I liked her." I mean like, me and Beav — we're close. Closer than most people at school see. I mean, we tell each other things, or whatever
It got his attention. "You did what? Dick, you know Logan is going to kick your ass, not to mention what Veronica will do. What the fuck did she say?"
"Umm, she said I looked nice, and then she asked how long I've liked her, and blah blah. And it was a bunch of shit, and we haven't talked for a week."
"A week? Damn. Have you tried talking to her?"
"No, dude, that's why I'm coming to you. Besides her, you're the only one who knows about this, and I need some fucking advice."
This isn't the first time I've gone to Beav for advice, but it's the first time in awhile, and like, it's cool because I haven't just chilled with my brother since Ghost World started coming around.
"Well, you could try talking to her," he says sarcastically.
"Dude, I just, I don't know."
"Look, get her something. I heard she was sick. Mac said she just went to the doctors and she has something. So get her soup or, ya know, a teddy beer. I don't fucking know. Veronica is different than Mac," he reasons.
"Obviously," I say, because duh! Veronica is hotter. "So? Soup?"
"Sure," he says. "Now go, before Logan beats your ass to it."
"What-the-fuck-ever, I could totally take Logan," I say, because, like, I think I could…maybe.
"I just need soup, dude." God, this guy is retarded.
"What kind of soup?" he asks.
"Dude, whatever kind. Just get me some fucking soup. And hurry," I yell as he ventures into the back.
I knock on the door and wait. One second, two seconds. I'm going to like, jump off a building if she doesn't hurry. Dude, what if she's inside, like fucking Logan, and they're laughing at me?
"Dick?" She asks when she opens the door.
"Hey, umm, I heard you were sick or whatever, so I brought you some soup." God, I am lame. Emo. Lame. Fuck.
"Where'd you heard that?"
"That I was sick."
"Oh, umm, Mac told Beav, and Beav told me."
"Uh, okay. Thanks," She says as she takes the soup from my hands. "Was there anything else?" She says as she starts to shut the door.
'It's now or never, Dick,' I tell myself.
I reach down and touch her cheek. I could tell it kind of threw her off, so I took the opportunity to bend my head and capture her lips. I brush my lips across hers and, surprisingly, she doesn't pull away.
"I hope you get better," I say as I start to walk away.