This is just a prologue and slight teaser for Snapshot. Check my
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Sasuke's POV (Journal Entry)
12th of April, 19:06pm (07:06)
It was raining that time, the day you told me the words I never dreamed or ever wanted to hear. The day where my friendship with you dispersed, the day where I started becoming cold again, the very day where I first yelled at you, the event that will forever be embedded in my head, that was the day you broke up with me, that was when you said those words… "I… don't love you anymore…"
You have no idea how much those words were such a painful blow to my heart, how I would have preferred to die, or be tortured to death, instead of hearing those words escape your lips, recalling your voice. You were killing me inside, while I was still alive and breathing.
I don't know why or what I did wrong, how you came to the conclusion of ending our two year-relationship. You told me, after I confessed to you, that it was one of your dreams to end up with me, one of your goals to have me, and when I gave you my heart, you crushed it. Because of you, I was never the same, ever again.
But screw it; I'm not that deep into sorrow and on the brink of loosing my sanity. It took me months to get over it, especially when the day came that you were going away, and won't be coming back for a long time, if not forever. I admit, I wanted to cry, I wanted to yell, I wanted to chase you and still say I love you, but pride got the best of me, and not to mention, I know very well that your father will not be pleased.
Sak, if only he knew the truth, if only you know the truth. I'm not who he thinks I am, hell, I'm betting he'd be more than happy to have me as his son-in-law if he knew about me more. I can't say if I'll be glad when you come back, and I can't even tell if I'll still smile at you the same way I did back in our high school years.
Honestly, I ignore anyone who calls me "Suke", I only respond when it comes from you. I still can't figure out why you broke up with me. It was stupid of me when I just ran away though, but I needed to, or I would've regret what I could have done if I stayed there longer.
I can still remember it clearly, it was raining hard, yet we both love rain, and it didn't bother us much when we were under it, supposedly just talking and walking. Until, that is, you stopped and had a sad look on your face. I asked you what was wrong, and you looked up at me, telling me that… you were sorry, and then you said it…
"I… don't love you anymore Suke, I'm sorry, it's over."
Was my reply when I lowered my head and shut my eyes tight, the rain mixing with my tears. You called me again by the nickname you gave me, but I just snapped, and yelled at you:
"Don't call me that! If it's over, then fine! We're through!"
And being the idiot that I was, I just ran, ran away from you, and you called out my name, the nickname, or pet name as others call it. I know very well that you fell onto your knees, crying, whispering my name. Although I didn't see you, nor did I hear you, I felt it. We have a bond Sak, and it'll never fade, no matter how hard I try to forget you, my heart just battles with my mind, and eventually, my mind gives in. The truth… can be altered when one thinks, but it cannot be hidden when it comes from the heart, especially if one can no longer hold back the emotions raging inside.
When I yelled at you, it was what I felt, though not entirely. I wasn't thinking straight, and I just burst it out, but still, deep inside, I just wanted to say that, to assure you that I'll be fine. My brother tells me to get a grip; my father says I shouldn't be wasting my time on you, after what you did. My mom just narrated to me my selfless and unconditional love to you, for thinking of how you may feel guilty if I forced you to take back what you told me.
Sad to say, it can't be undone. I guess… we're never meant to be together… maybe… you belong to someone else, and I belong to someone, somewhere out there. It hurts though, especially when I see your smile in my dreams, when I replay the times we've spent together every night, just before I close my eyes.
God knows how much I love you, and up until now, after ten years, I still do. But even if you have someone else, as long as you're happy, I can be happy, for you.
I remember so well the day I confessed to you, right after the basketball championships, when our team won. I was, once again, awarded MVP, and then the coach, along with Neji, the current team captain, called the whole team and announced, that for the next senior year, I was to take Hyuuga's place.
You had the loudest cheer, as far as I can remember. That's when you ran to me and hugged me, congratulating me, praising me, until I could no longer hold back and just ended up confessing, yelling that I love you, catching everyone's attention as the whole gymnasium turned to us, silence echoing among the walls. You were red, so was I, but I continued, saying that I love you, ever since, that I only had my eyes set on you.
My heart fluttered when you smiled and said you felt the same way, and when you answered yes when I asked you to become my girlfriend. Too bad it didn't last.
Just a month before our graduation, you broke up with me. Just a week before you were to depart to the States, you said those words to me. Just a day before that, I was planning to go steady with you, and did I mention that… the next day would've marked as our three years of being together? Yeah, the next day was the day I confessed to you, the day we became together, and before that day ever came, you ended our relationship.
Eyes begin to water.
Were you aware Sak? Maybe not, I know you, you're not that heartless. I know you would've waited for that day to come, and maybe ended our relationship when you were about to leave. That way, despite us no longer seeing each other, we could've at least spent a few days more before you left.
We could have celebrated our three years together…
I don't get it Sak, was I not good enough? Even Neji or Shikamaru, the two geniuses in our group, didn't understand what caused you to break up with me. Even Naruto, as dense as he is, knows how much you mean to me and I to you, and he knows that I've given up almost all my time for you, to live up to your father's expectations. I know he doesn't approve of me just because he thinks I am what he assumes, but your mom does, and she even defended me when your parents wanted to meet me in person.
You defended me as well Sak, you even kissed me in front of your dad. You were ready to fight for the two of us, and that was among the two things I ever wanted from you. The other one was for you to love me until I die or you do, if not everlasting.
Tears flow down.
My mind wanders often, and mostly questions I want to ask you drift and cloud my thoughts. Do you still keep pictures of us together? Do you still recall every memory we shared? Do you still have the gifts I gave and won for you? Do you still wear the same necklace I have around my neck, the one we bought together, as a symbol that we are and will always be together?
Clutches the necklace.
It was simple Sak, that's what I said, and you even smiled and told me it was perfect and right for us, since we liked to keep things simple. Nothing significant, just a single silver tag, its width was just one fourth of the ordinary dog tag. The length was the size of an average adult's pinky, and it had a black lace. Simple and you wanted it, so I wanted it as well. I planned to buy it for us, but you said you'd spend for mine, and I'd spend for yours.
Do you still remember that?
One more thing I'll never forget, that was when I told you what I wanted to do when I graduate; that was to be a photographer, or anything to do with music or media. You said it was cute, so typical me, and that you'd love to be of assistance and always stay by my side. I asked you what you planned on doing and all you was smile and say: "Anything as long as I can be by your side, always and forever."
You have no idea how much you've made me smile a lot, how much I felt alive and human, unlike when I was a kid and all I did was study and be the best, no time for fun or any hobby despite my talents in playing the guitar or even composing songs and journal entries. When I needed someone to encourage me and support me with the things I want to do, you were there, God sent you for me that was what I believe. My mom is a Catholic, and my dad eventually accepted that and became one too. Itachi and I, we were raised to be Christians as well. It was really great news when you told me you were one too, and so was your family. It was rare to find Catholics in Japan.
I remember, when I teased you to become a model, and you'll be my personal model as you pose for me and I take pictures of you, then I joked, saying I'll have my father's close friend submit it to a few magazines. You were blushing, annoyed yet happy. We were so alike and so different, I was everything you're mostly not, and you had everything that I lack. We're like soul mates, according to Hinata who reads a lot of books. She said you were my counterpart and I was yours. We were perfect when combined, rarely having fights, always understood each other, trusted each other.
Sighs and wipes away the tears.
Sak, I'm a pro now, I take candid shots if not formal or traditional ones. I've met a lot of people, famous or infamous. I've had fans even if I wasn't a well-known guy, with just my looks, Shikamaru said, I could have any girl I see or who see me, practically fawn over me. Still though, Ino had nagged at me to stop sulking and to move on and get a new girl. Shikamaru didn't bother, saying it was my life and that he'd be there whatever my decision was. Naruto was definitely strict. He lectured me about being faithful to you, which only resulted to Neji saying things about you not being loyal to me.
Thus, a brawl between me and the Hyuuga started.
My best friend slash rival dead last was right, despite us being through, I still love you. The gang set me up for blind dates, which I was forced and blackmailed to go to. It ended up with the girls just not satisfied with me telling them that I would only be friends with them, nothing more. Each date I went, it only gave me memories of ours.
Do you remember our first date?
My dad was worried that I may grow up and live on my own, all alone. My mom even wondered if she'll have grandchildren and was sad at the thought of me forever being single. My brother, he was different, he said he'll be there, whenever I need him, and that if I do grow old alone, he'll be up in the cloud, watching over me.
Hmm… I just smiled at his statement. But still Sak, I don't know if I'll ever get over you, I don't think I can. I've seen a lot of girls, who according to some of the gang, are prettier than you. Ino even commented on one who was more beautiful than her, which was a first muttered Shikamaru, only resulting him to get a bonk on the head.
Laughs slightly at the memory.
Everyday Sak, every single damn, fucking day, I think of you, wondering if you think of me too. If our paths were to cross once more, would you be willing to take me back? Would you be willing to save me from this despair like what you did years ago?
you still be willing to love me?
He had posted the journal, making sure it was part of the private section, where only his friends whom he knows in real life are allowed to read or view it. Sasuke sighed and stared at his computer screen, his eyes looking at the six blinking taskbars, indicating that he had about six messages sent by his friends. He moved the cursor at the first one, clicking it as a window popped up.
Dobe Naruto: Hey teme! How are you feeling? Just read your journal, damn, you're really so sucked into it. Dude, it's been ten years!
He closed the window, not wanting to reply. He even wondered what possessed him to log on his messenger when he wouldn't even bother to chat. He read the next one.
Hinata: I hope you'll eventually feel better Sasuke…
Sighing, he replied a "thanks" and got a smiley in return. His brother once asked him why his friends' chat names were what he'd normally call them (e.g. Dobe Naruto). He only said that it was in the nicknames settings of the chat window and Itachi just shrugged and left. He read the other messages coming from smartass Shikamaru, big-headed Ino, which was courtesy of Sakura since Ino did brag at times. White-eyed freak, a.k.a. Neji, and addicted2weapons Ten-Ten. He just didn't bother with a nickname for Hinata, since she was probably the only one who he was perfectly okay with. The others, he often had a little spat.
Preparing to log off, his eyes wandered to one single name that hasn't been online for years: Saku-chan. He stared at it, his eyelids half-closed as he remembered that she added her ID on his messenger when she came to see him, typing "Saku-chan" as her nickname and first name, and the last name as… "Uchiha…" he whispered. They used to tease each other about it. Sakura pretending to actually be married to him, always changing her last name in the internet to "Uchiha", and her status as "Married" or "Taken".
She even showed him the name she typed for him in her account: "Sasu-chan" and it only resulted him into tickling her until she gave in and changed it, but, she still had her fun by typing –kun instead of -chan. Although he wasn't at all too happy, he was fine with it, and then, she changed it again, and it only made him smile.
A/N: Just a little peek at the story. Hope you understood the journal entry of Sasuke. I also hope I got his feelings and emotions right. Feel free to ask me anything about this. If you have suggestions or requests for this fiction, go ahead and I'll see if I can insert them or not.